Figures that the night before the first day of grade 11 I couldn't fall asleep.

So really, can you blame me for being kind of irritable and high strung in the morning? I had a total of 1 hour of rest in the last 2 days, so yeah, I'm gonna be kind of an asshole.

Granted, most of that time was spent celebrating the last few days of summer freedom at house parties, but that's beside the point.

Anyways, lil' sister Tracy decided to 'look good' for her first day of high school, so she's been hogging the bathroom for hours. So I bang on the door and tell her to hurry up. Which I'm pretty sure just prompts her to slow down the pace. So I kick the door and tell her to get the fuck out of the fucking bathroom.

And my mom hears me downstairs.

Damn she has good hearing.

Probably didn't help that I was yelling at the top of my lungs.

Anyways I spend my first school day morning in 2 months getting berated for using inappropriate language in the house, to my poor innocent little sunshine of a sister no less, and get grounded for that night. Great.

Eventually Tracy relents the bathroom, coming out looking like a cheap model straight outta Fourside (I keep that comment to myself, mom's still beside me). Seriously, I don't think she could've found more Barbie like clothing. Chic everything. Trendy as fuck style. Whatever happened to the sweet innocent Tracy of my youth?

Well to be fair, the shallow standard of high school is either dress for popularity, or be trampled on for the next 4 years.

So I approve.

Mom doesn't, of course, which leads to a shouting match that composes mostly of 'why do you hate me?!' and 'Watch your mouth young lady!'. From what I can hear from inside the bathroom, apparently mom thought Trace is dressing to impress boys.

…funny thing about that is… well… let's just say Tracy isn't interested in impressing any boys.

I put on my favourite baseball cap, very fitting for my legendary ball skills, swing my bag over my shoulder, send a quick text to Paula (hottie), book it past the two still arguing blondies, and head downstairs.

I wave goodbye to my dad, who's sitting motionless on the bureau as usual.

That's sort of an inside joke in my family. Since dad's always away at work, the only way we talk to him is over the phone. So we've taken to making our home phone the surrogate man of the family. We'd wave hi and bye to it, and occasionally move it to the dinner table and put a mini plate of steak in front of it.

But it's only a joke. My read dad's not a phone. Duh.

I open the door and squint against the early September sun. Paula (hottie) is waiting in front of my car. Ever since she moved to one block down from my house, life has been fucking terrific. Gives me an excuse to be away from the house every time my other neighbour decides to come visit.

I hold her and we're about to land a kiss on each other's lips, but then I fall limp in her arms and nearly pass out on her shoulder.

Oh, right, yeah. One hour of sleep.

Apparently that was all the convincing she needs to take over driving to school for me. And there is no convincing her otherwise when she is dead set on doing something her way.

I feel a heartbreaking pain inside my soul. I am about to let someone else drive my precious baby. The guys are gonna rip on me for this so badly. Fuel's never gonna let me off easy.

We're about to set off when I hear a high pitched scream.

Shit, Tracy. She's going to our high school now too. I tell Paula to stop and we let Tracy in the backseat.

"Sorry 'bout that, sis." I say.

"Shut up, you dim witted jock faggot." She retorts through her lipstick painted lips.

Like I said, whatever happened to the sweet innocent Tracy of my youth?

Paula leans over and smiles at Tracy. Oh yeah, they haven't met in person yet.

"Hey, you must be Ness's little sister. I'm Paula, nice to meet you."

Tracy gets this rather stunned expression on her makeup-trampled face. Her mouth is slightly agape and I can practically see the fucking drool fall out of the corners. She's staring at my girlfriend like my friends would chicks at the club.

…yeah.

Heh, the best part is that Trace thinks she's being inconspicuous. That she's keeping it a well hidden secret. I had my suspicions starting a few months back, but kept them to myself.

Because let's face it, how do you approach this subject with your baby sister?

Well, personally I ain't crossing that bridge until I have no other choice other than swim across with no arms and legs.

Paula turns back to me and whispers, "Hon, your sister-."

"Yeah. Okay. Shh."

Not crossing it, I swear.

Right, the other thing about letting chicks, particularly your girlfriend, drive your car, is that they drive abysmally slow. I had originally planned to book it out of the block before my other neighbour could see me, but was offered no such luxury. So I settle for slinking as low as I can in my seat and praying that he wouldn't be looking out the window like he normally does.

No such luck.

"...ess, Ness! NESS!"

I put my face in my hands. I can hear the fat prick yelling my name before he even leaves his house.

Paula, being the gorgeous clueless Samaritan she is, stops.

"Drive." I say, not in the mood to deal with him with a sleep lacking brain.

"But what about your little friend?"

Little friend? Two words too generous to be using to describe him.

"NESS! LEMME RIDE TO SCHOOL WITH YA!"

"Baby, just drive please." I plead.

"Ness, don't be such a prude, let your friend ride."

Suddenly, there are loud banging noises coming from my passenger side door as fat fists rap against my poor car. Tracy yelps and scoots over to the other side.

I go from annoyed and lethargic to full on freaked out in a beat.

"NESS! LEMME INNNNN!" His nasally voice is too close for comfort.

"HIT THE GAS!" I yell, and this time Paula needs no more prompting, as she squeals out of the neighbourhood faster than I've ever seen her drive.

Which still isn't very fast, by the way. She even takes care to stop at the stop sign. Like the Onett Police would ever be competent enough to catch her if she didn't.

I sigh as the last of Pokey Minch's pleading yells fade. I lean my head against the window and decide to sleep the rest of the way to Onett High.

That's enough bullshit for one morning.