Mind the Gap

Nymphadora Tonks let herself into the library of number 12. Remus Lupin was sitting on a loveseat in the corner. He gave her the barest glance. Ignoring her as usual. As he had done since she'd cornered him in the hallway two weeks previous.

She allowed herself to relive it for at least the hundredth time.

She'd been trying to get him alone for weeks now. She just wanted to talk to him, really talk to him. But Molly or Kingsley or SOMEONE always seemed to be around.

He'd been on the stairs, walking down with his nose buried in a book, a talent that made the clumsy Auror incredibly jealous. She would have fallen down two flights of stairs by that time.

But she took the opportunity. She met him on the stairs. When he tried to step aside to let her pass she stepped with him. Ever the gentleman he moved again, and she stepped with him again.

When he looked up she gave him a playful smile. "Hello Mr. Lupin," she said.

"Tonks," he replied with a nod and moved to step past her, but she caught his arm.

"I need to talk to you."

Slipping his finger into the book to mark his place he turned his full attention to her. "How can I help?"

Nymphadora Tonks may be many things, but subtlety was not one of her gifts. She could do it, certainly, if she had to. She could trade coded talk with the worst criminals and best minds in the Ministry, but in her personal life she preferred the blunt, in your face approach.

She'd tried to play it easy. She'd traded glances with him across tables and rooms. Caught his eyes following her the moment she entered a room and as she left. Even caught him staring at her bum once or twice, although she was sure he would deny it.

She stepped up onto the same step he occupied. To give her a decent amount of space he had to back up to the wall. She took a step and a half forward and stood on the toes of her boots to put an arm around his neck and press her lips to his.

He didn't move an eyelash. He didn't breath, didn't blink. Didn't kiss her back, didn't withdraw.

When she began to feel ridiculous she pulled back and looked at him expectantly. He regarded her as if she had just threatened him with Nangini and he was trying to figure out how to talk her out of it without provoking her to strike.

"Well?" she asked with a smile.

"I'm…complimented of course, Tonks but…"

She rolled her eyes and folded her arms. "Here we go."

"I'm a lot older than you."

"Not much."

"Old enough to be your father."

"If my mum had me when she was 11. You know many first years having babies?"

"Best mates with your cousin."

"If he were here he would say it would be good for you to get your tallow waxed once in a while."

Remus looked away and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "And a dangerous monster with no money."

"I have plenty of money. Do I look like I'm hunting for someone to make me a kept woman? I'm an Auror. We risk our behinds every day, and we get paid well for it. Which means I know how to handle monsters. Especially when I have four weeks' notice to prepare."

"Tonks…"

"Look, I'm mad about you. Don't pretend you aren't about me."

"You're a beautiful woman. Anyone would have to be completely blind not to. But…"

"You mean it?" she asked.

"What?"

"You think I'm beautiful?"

"Never seen anyone more beautiful. You can't say no one's ever told you…"

"My boyfriends have always wanted me to change something. Hair longer, skinnier, bigger…"

He cleared his throat. "Well if you want me to punch any of them in the nose I'd be glad to be of service, but as for the rest, no."

"Why not?"

"I told you already."

"And I had an answer for all of it."

"Not answers that satisfied me I'm afraid. Excuse me please." He stepped around her to continue down the stairs.

"Oi!" she called after him. He stopped and turned to look at her apologetically. "You're a clever man who taught at my school, who my cousin approved of enough to be best mates with, you're polite and sweet and you think I'm beautiful with my real face on. Why shouldn't I want all that?"

"Because one evening in 28 I'm none of those things. On that night I would do far worse than kill you."

"I. Don't. Care."

"Fortunately for you, I do," he answered with a nod and strode away. She was about to clomp down the stairs to follow him when she heard him say, "Good evening Molly. Come to feed the hopeless bachelor?"

And now she had him trapped in the library. After the day she'd had she had no pasients for his excuses. She needed something desperately, and while she could get it elsewhere she wanted it from him.

She walked over and pulled the book out of his hand and slammed it down next to him on the end table. "I'm not going to be ignored tonight," she informed him.

He sighed. "What then? You're going to throw a tantrum about what a mature woman you are?"

"No." She slipped into his lap, one creamy leg on either side of him, her plaid skirt riding up her thighs. "No tantrums. No talking at all."

"Tonks, I'm not going to let you-"

She leaned forward and put a finger on his lips. "I've had a lot of bad days since Voldemort returned but this…three families last night. Three. With kids, all of them. I need…something. I need to get my mind off of it. And I could go round to the pub and drink myself into oblivion and stumble home with some stranger or," she rolled her hips forward, "you could help me out."

When he paused she knew she had him. His hands on her hips had been ready to push her over onto the couch and stride away but she had just given him the excuse he needed to do what he'd wanted all along.

His hands flexed on her hips. "You wouldn't."

"Want me to bring him back here so I can introduce you?" She leaned forward. "Or you can kiss me."

This time he responded with a heat she hadn't expected. Then if he had been as repressed as she had…

Then her brain stopped working. His hand found the back of her neck and his tongue demanded entry, which she gave him without hesitation. He dove into her, deep and demanding and passionate. She felt like a fire had started in her stomach, radiating out to her limbs, boiling inside her with excited bubbles.

She pulled away, closing her lips, intending to tease him, but to her surprise he growled and pulled her back down to him, holding her in place while he ravaged her. No part of her mouth was unexplored; it was if he was starving for every taste a new nook or cranny might bring. She felt light headed from the strength of it.

When he pulled away from her she was gasping for breath, her hands on his shoulders, nails digging through his thin sweater, embedded in flesh. His chest rose and fell with exertion as well and when she looked into his eyes she nearly moaned at the passion she saw reflected there.

Suddenly he moved, twisting and laying her down on the loveseat. His hand cradled her head, taking the jarring blow as her head landed just short of the arm rest and lodged itself there. The move had been made so quickly and gracefully she'd barely even registered it, but suddenly she was pinned to the couch with his weight firmly on top of her. She reveled in the heat radiating out of him as he kissed her again.

Now that he had her firmly in place his hands could roam. He growled again as she met his tongue, meeting and withdrawing, thrilling as he sought her. His hand slipped under her shirt, tracing up her ribs and diving into her bra to wrap his hand around her and run his thumb over her nipple. She sighed and flexed into the touch, begging for more.

He withdrew from her mouth again, meeting her eyes once more and then drove into her neck, kissing and licking it as thoroughly as he'd explored her mouth while his hand continued to massage her breast and she made small mewling noises between gasps of air.

She barely registered his hand disappearing from her breast as he attacked her ear lobe, sucking it into his mouth and laving it with his tongue in a way that had to be illegal in most of England.

When his mouth moved up the shell of her ear she felt his hand on her leg. With a thrill of excitement she flexed it more firmly into his hip.

His hand moved slowly, fingers splayed over her as he moved it around to her inner thigh. She opened her legs wider, inviting him in. He took the invitation, moving achingly slowly toward her center as he pulled back to look into her eyes again.

"What do you want?" he whispered to her.

She opened her mouth, not sure what to say, and had to swallow several times before any sound would come out. "You," was all she managed.

"My hand," he supplied. She nodded eagerly. "What do you want my hand to do Nymphadora?"

For the first time in her whole life she LOVED the sound of her name. It didn't sound regal or elegant or any of the Black family traits it had always called to mind for her. It suddenly sounded exotic and indecent.

"Touch me. Please."

"Touch you?" he repeated with a slow smile. "Here?"

It was the barest brush of his fingers over her satin panties but it sent a shock through her that made her hips press up into him. It was so much more erotic than any other touch she'd ever felt.

He'd withdrawn his hand quickly so her hips only made contact with his, but she could feel the proof that he was enjoying himself as well through the four layers of clothing between them. The smile he gave her was positively PREDITORY.

His hand was higher on her hip now, toying with the strap of her underwear. "Maybe we should get rid of these then." She swallowed and nodded.

He moved down to kiss her neck and whispered a word just quietly enough she couldn't hear. She felt the strap under his hand snap away. He braced himself with his arm, keeping his weight thoughtfully off of her as he tugged her underwear down the leg they were still attached to and out of the way, leaving them hanging by her knee. She felt his hand again, creeping closer to her center, long clever fingers lazily tracing her legs until he got THERE.

She gasped and bucked into him again as he separated her with two fingers and ran one straight down the middle in tiny circles until he reached her entrance, dipped just the tip in, and traced the wetness back up while she writhed.

"Nymphadora Tonks, you're so wet. How did that happen?"

"I wonder," she said before she gasped and went ramrod straight and groaned when he did it again. "Why don't you…do something about it?" she gasped.

He kissed her again while his hand continued to move until she was absolutely breathless and gasping before he sat back on his heels.

She met his eyes as he leaned back and watched her as he opened his pants in a blatant display of showmanship she wouldn't have believed him capable of until she saw him push his pants down and pause, daring her to look.

There was nothing she could do. After months of fantasizing and stolen glances she HAD to look.

When her eyes left his he paused for a moment, let her get her fill, then swooped down onto her. He caught her lips again and she felt him kick his pants away, or at least out of the way, before he pressed against her. His hand pulled her leg up, caressing the inside of her knee and pushing himself closer. She closed her eyes and tensed, ready for him, but he paused and whispered into her ear, "Do you want me Tonks?"

"Yesss," she hissed back, rocking her hips forward.

"Like this?" She couldn't understand why he waited. "Quick and dirty on a red velvet loveseat in Sirius' library?"

She looked into his eyes. "Anywhere," she breathed. "Any time. I've waited so long, Remus. Please. I want you."

He suddenly rushed forward, entering her so hard and fast she actually cried out, but she couldn't look away from the eyes burning into hers. She reached up and pushed the too-long hair back behind his ears so she could look into the scarred face without obstruction while he held perfectly still inside her, giving her time to adjust to the feel.

When she shifted her hips it was as if the spell broke. With a growl he dove back into her neck and pulled away from her before rushing back in. She felt him nibble at her neck. In the back of her mind she realized she would probably have marks she'd have to hide, but she couldn't care less. She closed her eyes because at that moment all her sight did was distract her from the amazing feeling of him withdrawing only to rush back into her. It was rough and hurried but it was so RIGHT. That was where he belonged. Beside her, inside of her, on top of her, melded to her.

Her brain spiraled completely out of control when she felt his finger tips brush her. She screamed, she wasn't sure what, as the pressure overtook her in an unexpected orgasm that clenched her thighs around him and bowed her back.

His arm went behind her, pulling her to him as he rocked his hips, his breathing unsteady as he rode out the clenched muscles.

When she came back down to earth she felt him pick the rhythm he'd established back up. "Nymphadora, you completely undo me," he whispered into her neck, his fingers playing over her as he pressed further into her and again as she shifted her hips to allow him deeper.

She could hear the loveseat creek ominously as he sped up, pressing harder into her. She reached behind her and gripped the arm of the couch as if she could hold it together through this frenzied session.

His fingers circled, working magic on her, and she felt the molten pool in her stomach move lower. Her head snapped back this time, her lips drawn back over her teeth as every muscle in her body clenched.

His fingers stopped circling to grab her hip, guiding her to move with him as he drove into her. His thrusts were getting more harried, deeper if it was possible, pausing buried in her as if he couldn't bear to pull away. Finally he buried his face in her clothed shoulder and screamed as she felt warmth spread through her and collapsed on top of her.

He stayed there, both of them drenched in sweat and gasping for breath. She ran her fingers through his hair and closed her eyes, trying to fix every detail of this moment in her memory. The raw scent of him, the way his mustache rubbed against her neck as he breathed in and out. She regretted suddenly that they both still had their shirts on, less skin on skin, but then she thought with a smile, maybe it was something to work on later when they were both less worked up and mindlessly needy.

As their breaths slowed and their bodies cooled he suddenly pulled away. He looked away, turning his back on her to retrieve his pants and clothe himself.

"Remus?" She sat up; pressing her skirt self consciously back into place. "What's wrong?"

He didn't say anything for a moment, but when he turned back to her he was buckling his belt with more vigor than was strictly necessary. "As if you don't know," he snarled at her.

Her stomach curdled and she bit the inside of her lip. She was NOT going to cry in front of him. "I don't though. What is it?"

He turned fully on her then and pointed an accusatory finger at her. "You used me."

"I…what?" she asked. "How?"

"You know the full moon is tomorrow."

She swallowed. She had known it was close but… "I didn't. What does it matter?"

He scoffed as he sat at a table across the room to pull on his shoes and socks. "I'm a werewolf."

"That I'm aware of. I don't see why it matters…"

"You must know we're more emotional toward the full moon. More animalistic. More easily prey to our baser instincts. How many books have been written about it?"

She looked down and closed her eyes. NOT CRYING. She remembered reading something. "I just thought it was bunk, like all the rest. There's more fiction than truth. I never gave it much-"

"Well you can go set the authors straight now, can't you? Honestly, Nymphadora, any other day."

She clenched her shaking hands into fists and the first tear fell across her cheek. She looked down and away, hoping he wouldn't notice as the hair swinging into view changing from a vivid pink to a mousy brown. If he would just storm off in a huff at least some of her dignity would be preserved.

"Tonks?" He was in front of her suddenly. Despite the fact that she turned away he knelt in front of her and turned her face to his as more moisture tracked across her cheeks.

"I love you." She couldn't help it slipping out. This wasn't how it was supposed to end. They were supposed to be cuddled up together in a post-coital glow, giggling and breathing in each other's breath and whispering the words to each other.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "That was harsh. My emotions are run away with me."

"I'm not," she snapped back at him as the tears continued to fall. "I'm not sorry. Be ashamed if you want but this is what I wanted. I wouldn't trade it for anything."

"Don't you understand, Tonks? You deserve better than this. You deserve wine and roses and butterflies. You deserve-" He swallowed convulsively. "You deserve to be made love to. Slowly and gently. You deserve to be loved."

"Then you do it." He opened his mouth and shook his head. "After the full moon if you like. When you're more controlled."

"Dora, do you realize what I could have done to you. I didn't…" Suddenly his hands were on her neck, turning her head this way and that. "I didn't bite you did I? Merlin, I don't even remember."

She swatted his hand away. "You're not going to turn me or something."

"No but I could hurt you. Infect you a little."

"Just stop!" she ordered, shoving him away so he had no choice but to sit back. "Call it a mistake if you like. Spit on the best experience of my life. I wouldn't call-" she paused to lower her voice, "-two orgasms a mistake." He blinked owlishly at her. "I enjoyed that. I LOVED it. And I would jump at the chance to do it again. And again and again, once per month for the rest of my life. I'd like to be loved too. Bullocks, I don't care. I want YOU. However I can get you." She grabbed his face and made him meet her eyes. "When are you going to get that through your shaggy head?"

He tried not to smile, although he ghost of one did cross his lips. "I'll make myself scarce around the full moon," he finally said.

"Remus Lupin, don't you dare-"

"That should keep us both from temptation."

"I'll hunt you down," she threatened.

"You'll find I can be very illusive when I want to be," he answered. He leaned forward to kiss her gently on the forehead. "I'm very sorry, for everything, but most of all for giving you false hope."

Without a further word he retrieved his book from the table and walked stoically out of the room.