A/N: I've wanted to write a story that was in some way connected to Derek's favorite book, The Sun Also Rises. It's one of my favorites, and this idea just kind of came to me. It's set after the Season 9 finale. I guess I should warn you, I never watched the Season 9 finale. I haven't been feeling Grey's for a while now (which is probably blasphemy to admit on this board), and pretty much all of the characters I liked either aren't on the show anymore or have lackluster storylines, love interests, etc. I know the gist of what happened, but some of the intricacies and more technical stuff might be a bit off. Anyway, I hope you like this story, and as always, thanks so much for reading!
Isn't it Pretty to Think So?
"Oh, Jake," Brett said, "We could have had such a damn good time together."
Ahead was a mounted policeman in khaki directing traffic. He raised his baton.
The car slowed, suddenly pressing Brett against me.
"Yes," I said. "Isn't it pretty to think so?"
-Ernest Hemmingway, The Sun Also Rises
She had a weird way of always coming back into his life. Usually, it was because of a baby that only she could save. This time, though, he had called her back. His son had been born with a heart murmur, and even though Arizona had reassured him and Meredith that he'd grow out of it, he wanted confirmation from the best. And that meant calling up his ex-wife.
Meredith was okay with the decision because she wanted the best for her son. And because enough time had passed and there was too much water under the thing, or whatever for Addison to be a real threat to her anymore.
The sound of high heels clacking against the linoleum floors alerted him to her arrival. And as the clacking sound grew louder, he caught the faint scent of Addison's Chanel No. 5 perfume, and for just a moment, reveled in the familiarity of it all.
But the moment he turned around to greet his ex-wife, the familiarity that he had found himself getting lost in vanished.
"Addison, you're…you're engaged?" he stuttered, forgetting about formalities, his eyes immediately drawn to the giant emerald-cut diamond sitting on Addison's ring finger.
"Married," she corrected.
"And, you're…" he trailed off, eyes flitting towards the slight bump of her stomach. "You're pregnant?"
She nodded. And he did his best to push aside the surge of jealousy that washed over him – the jealously that he simultaneously felt entitled to feel and felt no right to feel at all.
"I, uh, congratulations," he recovered.
"Thank you," she smiled amicably. "Congratulations to you too on, uh-"
"Bailey," he filled in. "Bailey."
"Bailey," she repeated, doing her best not to grimace. Sure, the name was a nice homage; she'd give Derek that. But Addison had also been Mrs. Derek Shepherd for enough years to have made up her mind that the initials B.S. weren't initials that she'd ever burden any child of hers with. "So," she began, meeting her ex-husband's eyes. "Should we go check on Bailey?"
"Uh, yeah," Derek nodded. "I, uh, everyone's saying it's nothing. But I-"
"You just want to be sure," Addison filled in, placing a reassuring hand on Derek's shoulder. "I get that."
"Yeah?" Derek breathed, meeting her eyes, and instantly finding comfort in them.
Addison nodded. "You're being a good father, Derek," she said, not breaking eye contact. "I wouldn't expect anything less from you."
xxxxx
In the end, Addison confirmed that Bailey was going to be absolutely fine.
"Thanks again for flying out here," Derek said quietly, as he joined Addison by Bailey's bassinet in the hospital nursery. "I, uh, Meredith and I…I really appreciate it."
"I'm glad he's okay," Addison nodded, keeping her eyes fixed on Bailey.
"So, how long are you in town?" Derek asked.
"Another two days," Addison answered, looking up and meeting Derek's questioning gaze. "I want Jake to meet Callie, Miranda, and Richard," she explained.
"Jake?" Derek asked in confusion.
"My husband."
"Oh. So, Jake's here with you in Seattle?"
Addison nodded. "Yeah. He's back at our hotel with Henry."
"Henry?"
"Our son," Addison explained.
"I, you, you have a son?" Derek stammered.
Addison nodded, a smile gracing her features as she thought about her little boy. "He'll be one next month."
Derek raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Wow, you and Jake have certainly been busy. Not that that's any of my business anymore," he inserted quickly, recognizing the inappropriateness of his comment.
"You're right," Addison nodded. "It's not your business anymore."
But that was the funny thing about her and Derek; things that weren't supposed to be their business somehow became their business.
"I adopted Henry," she explained after a moment.
"I had no idea you adopted," Derek admitted, smiling as he thought about his own daughter and the oddly similar trajectories that his and Addison's lives had taken.
Addison nodded. "And this one," she smiled, hand falling to her stomach. "She was a surprise."
A not so small part of Derek wanted to press the issue further and ask her if she'd struggled with fertility issues. He had a sneaking suspicion that she had. Maybe it was because he'd experienced it with Meredith. But, more than that, it was a feeling he couldn't quite explain. A feeling that he could only chalk up to as knowing Addison…spending over a decade with her.
But he couldn't ask her that. "So, she?" he asked with a smile.
Addison nodded.
"What are you naming her?"
"What?"
"Come on, Addie, you and I both know you have a name picked out."
He was right, of course. She did have a name picked out – a name that she and Jake had agreed upon almost immediately. "Scarlett," she smiled.
"I like it," Derek approved. In all honestly, it sounded a little pretentious to him; but it was a name that he could have imagined himself agreeing to once upon a time. "Meredith and I…we didn't come up with something until after Bailey was born."
"Oh," Addison nodded, not sure how else to respond.
Derek shot Addison a knowing smile. "You don't like my son's name, do you?"
"What?" Addison asked in surprise. "I…I never said that. I think it's a nice tribute to Dr. Bailey. A very nice tribute."
"But…" Derek trailed off knowingly.
Addison chuckled. "I may have used it as a middle name," she admitted. "But it's not my call to make. And Bailey Shepherd has a nice ring to it."
But he wasn't listening anymore. Because suddenly he knew why she wouldn't have went with the name Bailey.
"I just got off the phone with Lizzie," Addison told her husband with a smile. "Apparently, she and Tom are thinking about naming their son Brett."
"Really?" Derek asked, his interest piqued. "Addison, you need to talk her out of it."
"Why?" Addison asked in surprise. "I like the name Brett."
"I do too," Derek said. "I, uh, I thought maybe we could use it one day."
"I…" Addison trailed off hesitantly.
"Come on, Addie," Derek insisted. "It's perfect. It works for a boy or a girl. And it's one of the main characters' names in The Sun Also Rises. You know how much I like that book."
"I'm not sure, Derek," Addison countered. "Brett's character…she kind of gets around, doesn't she?" She'd phrased it as a question, but she really didn't need to. It was her husband's favorite book, so she knew the plot and the characters just as well as he did.
"So, she's a little promiscuous," Derek shrugged. "She's still a great character."
Addison shook her head. "It won't work. Initials, Derek. No child should have to go through life with the initials B.S."
"B.S. like bullshit," Derek chuckled. "I hadn't thought of that."
Addison laughed before kissing her husband softly. "That's why you have me."
"Shit," Derek muttered.
"Bullshit," Addison corrected, nudging her ex-husband good-naturedly. "Honestly, Derek, it's no big deal."
"I can't believe I forgot that," Derek said, shaking his head.
"Why didn't you name him after your father?" Addison asked. "I always thought that was the plan."
"That was our plan," Derek corrected. "Meredith doesn't know about my dad the way you do. She's not connected to my past the way you were."
"That's a good thing, Derek," Addison reminded him gently, when she noticed her ex-husband's eyes beginning to cloud over. "You needed a fresh start. We both did."
"Right," Derek nodded; his best attempts to sound convincing betrayed by the somber tone of his voice.
"I, uh, he has your hair," Addison said, gesturing down towards the baby in front of them, and offering her ex-husband a comforting smile, as she did her best to redirect the conversation. "He got lucky there."
"Yeah," Derek nodded, looking down at his son.
"And it looks like he has your eyes too," Addison continued. "Hopefully they stay that color. Not that there's anything wrong with Meredith's eyes," she backpedaled quickly. "I just…I like yours better."
"Thanks," Derek chuckled. "I hope she gets your hair," he smiled, gesturing towards her stomach. "And your eyes."
"I hope he has your smile."
"And I hope she gets your legs," he said, mentally scolding himself for the hint of flirtation that laced his voice. "And your sense of humor."
"I hope he gets your brains. That way he can go to Columbia Med. School."
"And I hope she gets your brains, so that she's right there with him."
Addison chuckled at this.
"Hey, maybe they'll have a class together," Derek mused, his eyes softening. "Maybe they'll be friends. Or maybe…maybe-"
"Their eyes will meet over a cadaver," Addison finished quietly. "And maybe they'll do what their parents couldn't."
Derek sighed heavily, realizing the obvious…the painfully obvious. That in imagining their children's futures, he and Addison had re-imagined their own past…their own story.
"I, uh, I should probably go," Addison stammered awkwardly.
"No, wait," Derek called out as she turned to leave. "Stay. Have a drink with me. A-a cup of coffee," he floundered, realizing his mistake. "Decaf."
Addison gave him a soft smile. "I probably shouldn't. Jake's waiting."
"Right," Derek nodded, watching her turn to leave. "Hey, Addie, does Jake…does he…"
"Yes," Addison nodded, turning and meeting Derek's eyes. "He does."
"That's good," Derek said quietly. "You deserve it."
She nodded mutely, and moved to walk away, but quickly thought better of it. "Hey, is Meredith…is she…"
"Yeah," Derek nodded. "She is."
"Good," Addison smiled. "I'm glad."
It was an exchange that omitted more than it communicated. But neither of them had trouble keeping up.
And maybe that's why he'd never be able to completely shut the door on the Addison chapter of his life. Because even though he'd moved on and she'd moved on, there was still a shared history…a shared sense of understanding. Maybe there was less water under the thing, or whatever than he had realized. Because when he imagined his son one day meeting the love of his life, he didn't imagine it happening in a bar, the way it had happened with him and Meredith. He imagined it happening in med. school. In gross anatomy class. Over a cadaver.
Derek's life was good. And from the looks of it, Addison's was too. They were both very happy with the present. But there's always that tendency to romanticize the past…what had been…what could have been.
"Hey, Addie," Derek said, when he noticed that Addison had once again turned to leave.
She turned to look at him, her pale blue-green eyes connecting with his piercing blue ones. And it was like the first time. Over the cadaver.
"We could have had such a damn good time together," he whispered.
She offered him a soft smile, and he knew she got the reference. "Yes," she said softly. "Isn't it pretty to think so?"
