[AN] This will be my second series of Fan fiction. This is going to deal with how the loss of Sarah plunged Joel into darkness, and how Ellie became Joel's light. At times, this is going to be extremely depressing and sad. Enjoy (for lack of a better term). This does take place in the same Universe as "Look for the Light", but you don't have to read one to appreciate the other (but you still should). This will mostly be from Joel's 3rd person POV.

It should go without saying that this contains spoilers.

"Courage is not having the strength to go on; it is going on when you don't have the strength" - Theodore Roosevelt

[Early morning, September 27th, 2013]

Joel woke up in tears. He had gotten next to no sleep.

He heard someone move next to him. "Sarah, is that you baby girl?" He cried out, begging for everything that happened last night to have been some godawful nightmare, that Sarah would be right next to him, waking him up and asking him to make breakfast for her.

He saw Tommy next to him. "Joel." He said, "We have to get moving. It's not safe here."

That's when Joel realized everything that happened last night was real. He was in an abandoned building, and he had been asleep on the floor.

He had carried Sarah to her death. She died in his arms.

He felt dizzy. There was an agonizing pain in his chest.

She was gone. Forever.

"No no no. Please God. Give her back. I'll do anything, don't take her from me. Please!" He was sobbing uncontrollably.

"She's all I have. Please." He said, still weeping, but not as violently now.

He noticed the revolver lying on the floor.

Tommy saw him reach for the revolver, and grabbed his arm. Joel already had the gun in his hand, but he couldn't move it any closer to himself.

"I know what you're thinking Joel. Stop, now."

"Let go of me" Joel was still in tears.

Joel pushed his brother off him. He brought the gun up to his head.

"I'm sorry baby girl." He said to himself.

"What would Sarah want you to do Joel?. Would she want you to do this?"

Joel was furious, "Shut up! You have no idea what she wanted, what she meant to me!" He was pointing the gun at Tommy now.

Tommy backed away, in fear for his life.

Joel pointed the gun back at his head. He had his eyes open, but he couldn't see anything with all the tears in his eyes. "I'm going to be with you soon baby girl. I'm coming." He willed himself to pull the trigger.

He couldn't make himself do it. He tried for five minutes to end his miserable, empty, dark life.

"I'm so sorry Sarah. I'm sorry," he said as he passed out from exhaustion.

"Joel!" He heard his brother call out as everything went black.

He was at home making breakfast for Sarah. Everything was normal. He called out, "Breakfast's ready Sarah!" and heard his baby girl come rushing down the steps to eat with her father.

"Thanks for making breakfast dad." She smiled at him.

"No problem kiddo." Joel replied.

They sat down and started eating. After a couple of minutes, Sarah told Joel, "You know you're dreaming right?"

Joel remembered everything that had happened in the past 24 hours. He got up, ran over to Sarah, and hugged her.

"Oh baby girl. You're safe now. I'll never leave you again, ever. I love you so much." He was weeping with joy over seeing his daughter alive.

"Dad. Nothing that happened to me is your fault. None of it."

Joel looked at her, unsure what to say. "None of that could have happened. I'm with you. Nobody will hurt you. I'll die if anyone takes you-"

"Stop dad." Sarah said. Joel didn't know what to say.

"I'm gone already. I'm safe now." She smiled sadly.

"Sarah. Please don't leave me. You're everything to me."

"I can't Dad. I know the pain you are going through right now, and I wish I could help." Joel looked at her, begging that what she was saying wasn't true.

"Dad. Promise me something, okay?"

"Anything baby girl. Anything." Joel looked at her, still hoping that there was some way to stop feeling the agony of loosing his daughter.

"You still have a purpose down there. Promise me that no matter what, you'll keep on living."

Joel didn't know what to say. "I miss you so much Sarah. Please come back, I'm begging you."

Joel saw tears in his daughter's eyes. "Promise me daddy. Please."

Joel heard the words come out of his mouth before he knew what he was saying, "I promise."

Sarah smiled. "I'll miss you daddy. Look out for uncle Tommy, ok?"

"Sarah, please!" Joel was on his knees, begging her.

"Goodbye dad. I love you."

Then Joel woke up.

[Mid- Morning, September 27th, 2013]

"Joel, wake up!" Tommy was shaking his brother, trying to wake him up.

Joel woke up, crying softly. He didn't remember the dream. He tried reaching for the revolver again when he heard Sarah's voice in his head saying, You promised me dad. You Promised.

Joel stopped. The dream came back to him. I have to live. For her. He thought. He pulled back his hand.

"I'm awake Tommy. I'm fine." Joel managed to get out through his tears.

"We have to get moving. Common." Tommy grabbed the revolver, and walked out the door.

I'm sorry Sarah. I'll never forget you. He looked down on the watch she gave him less than a day ago.

Forgive me.

He followed Tommy out the door.