My first ever OP fanfic as well as my not-so-triumphant return to FanFiction. No pairings in this, just good ol' fashioned Sanji-torture. Rated M for violence and other shenanigans in later chapters.

I do not own One Piece.

On the Grand Line, between the metropolis of Water 7 and the haunted waters of the Florian Triangle lies an island that by all accounts is uninhabited. Nameless, the small land mass is treacherous to any human and nearly impossible to find. Located on the edge of the Calm Belt, it is so far from any other island that a normal Log Pose would not even register its existence. Rather, those foolish enough to seek it out must first be in possession of an Eternal Pose, a rare thing for an island that offers no saleable product, resource, or treasure. Should an Eternal Pose be found, the doomed adventurers have to brave stormy seas riddled with water spouts and unpredictable currents. After passing through the wild weather, travelers receive their first taste of what the little island has to offer in the form of oppressive heat and humidity that labors breathing and distracts from the entanglement of coral reefs. From the edge of the reef, one can see the wide beach of black quartz sand that rings the island. Darker than the night sky, the sand absorbs the heat from the sun, burning the feet of any intruder and creating mirages that ripple across their expanse. Beyond the hellish beach lies a thick tangled jungle, all but impenetrable, but for the bravest soul. Unlike a typical jungle, which bursts with the growls, chattering, and chirping of countless beasts, this one is marked by its silence. Too far from any other island for terrestrial animals to swim and for winged ones to fly, the miserable forest lies quiet and dormant but for the occasional buzz of an insect.

A pirate captain cracked an evil smile from beneath his plumed hat as he watched his crew digging in the black sand. He was an imposing man, taller than average with broad well-muscled shoulders and powerful arms. It was his hands, however, that he took pride in. Each one was easily the size of a dinner plate, and the scarred knuckles indicated their knack for dishing out ruthless beatings. But those hands had other talents as well; and their victims often found that they could be as painfully gentle as they could be rough. One giant hand reached up to lift the hat, revealing wiry, knotted black hair that held its shape even in gale force winds. The other hand swiped sweat from a heavy brow that overhung deep set eyes. The captain hated the heat, but could stand it for love of this land. The Nameless Island had been his headquarters for the last year while he had terrorized the surrounding area, and he couldn't have asked for a better locale. He fingered the island's only existing Eternal Pose in his pocket as his men labored in the intense, rippling heat. This was the perfect place. Damn near impossible to find and completely worthless by most standards, his little patch of Hell on Earth was beyond the reach of even the World Government. Here he could take his victims and play to his heart's content. He had even managed to build a small compound in the center of the thick jungle, where he could keep any hostage long enough for his crew to have some fun as well.

"This one wasn't even worth the effort it took to get her here," complained his first mate as he walked up behind him. His subordinate nodded his clean-shaven head toward the broken body of a young girl as the crew unceremoniously threw her into the freshly dug grave. "Three days, that's all we got out of her before she croaked. These merchant girls have no endurance, whatsoever. What we need is another pirate girl. Those got more life in them."

The captain nodded in affirmation. This girl had cried and begged from the start, broken from the moment she stepped foot on his massive ship that now lay anchored in the only sandbar by the island. He wanted the fun of breaking his prey, craved the sheer nirvana of watching a strong will crumble beneath his touch. But his most recent victims had all been weak, some lasting only hours. He set his jaw as he looked at his crew, who had gathered eagerly around him after finishing their grim task. They were hungry as well.

"So where're we headed, Cap'n?" asked one of his men, panting in the heat as he brushed black sand from his clothes.

The formidable man looked each of his crew in the eye before finally bearing his teeth in a cruel grin. "To sea," he said. "We're going pirate hunting."

The men raised a loud cheer as they followed their captain to the ship. This was going to be fun.

A curly eyebrow twitched in annoyance as the scene before Sanji registered in his tired mind. It was just before dawn, and per the usual routine when at sea, the chef had risen before the rest of the crew to make breakfast. Making his way out of the boys' dorm, he crossed the deck of the Thousand Sunny with an impending sense of excitement. The Straw Hat pirates had only been on the new ship for a week, and he was thoroughly enjoying getting to know the new kitchen. With each meal he prepared, Sanji found a new gadget or appliance that would enable him to explore his art further and eased the daunting task of preparing meals for such a lively crew. Franky had truly left no stone unturned in his design. The cook waved a friendly "good morning" to the blue-haired cyborg—who had taken second watch overnight, right after Luffy—before opening the door to the galley and stepping inside. It wasn't until he had started the coffee brewing for Robin and went to the massive new refrigerator for eggs that he saw it. The broken lock. The lock that he had requested to keep a certain rubberman away from the food stored there. There it lay…on the floor…definitely broken. Sanji took a deep breath through his nose and exhaled through the mouth, trying to think calm thoughts. Then he opened the refrigerator door…

"Empty," he muttered, placing a fresh cigarette between his lips and lighting it. He took a drag and blew the smoke into the chilled space, completely barren except for half a stick of butter (which had clearly been gnawed on) and a solitary egg. He massaged his temples. It was too early for this shit. "Calm," said the cook to himself, "stay calm. No big deal." We're just going to starve.

Closing the door to the empty appliance, Sanji turned on his heal and with slow, measured steps, made his way back to the boys' dorm where he found his captain snoring in his hammock. He took another drag off his cigarette, trying to calm down. No use.

"DAMMIT LUFFY! YOU MORON!" he yelled, delivering a swift kick to the bottom of his captain's hammock, sending Luffy flying into the air. As the boy's body fell, Sanji whirled on his planted foot, catching him with his other foot and sending him flying out the door and across the grass covered deck. Luffy landed on his face and skidded to a stop with his butt sticking up in the air. Rolling over onto his back, the captain of the Straw Hat pirates sat up, rubbing sleep from his eyes as if someone had gently woken him. His bleary vision registered to oncoming attack just as the angry cook's heal connected with the top of his head.

"Youch!" he cried, rubbing the lump growing amidst his mop of black hair. "What gives, Sanji?"

The chef glowered down at his captain. Behind him, he could hear the rest of the crew reacting to the early morning commotion. Usopp and Chopper trudged out onto the deck, mumbling things like "Wus goin' on?" and "R'We under attack?"

"Decided to have a little midnight snack, did we?" asked Sanji, putting his hands in his pockets as he watched his captain carefully.

Luffy gulped. The look in his cook's eyes at that moment could have frozen Hell over.

"You realize you didn't leave any food for the rest of us!" yelled the blonde, aiming another fierce kick at his friend's head. Luffy leaned back, dodging just in time, but felt the air woosh past his nose.

"But I was so hungry," whined Luffy, sitting back up and rubbing his belly.

Sanji heaved an exasperated sigh. "So you ate everything in the damn kitchen?!"

"He did WHAT?!" They all whirled around and faced Nami, who had just spoken from the entrance to the girls' room. Sanji suppressed a swoon. She was even cute with her hair sticking out to one side and pillow creases running down one cheek. The redhead's fists were balled up in early morning righteous anger. "Luffy! Do you have any idea how much all that food costs?!"

"It was free, wasn't it?" grinned the captain, scratching the back of his head.

Nami opened her mouth in protest, but found she had none. Luffy was right. After the incident at Water 7 and Enies Lobby, Iceberg had donated a month's worth of food to the small pirate crew.

"That's true," she said, walking up to him with her fists still clenched. Sanji took a step back as the navigator passed him. Despite her cuteness, Nami was scary.

"So it's all okay," Luffy reassured her, firmly planting his hands on the ankles of his crossed legs. "There's nothing to worry abo-"

He was cut short by Nami's right hook, which sent him flying into the mast. From the look on his face as he tumbled to the ground, it was evident that Luffy preferred Sanji's kicks to his navigator's punches.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH IT'LL COST TO REPLACE ALL THAT FOOD?!" she bellowed as she jumped on him, ready to punish him some more.

Sanji smiled to himself and pushed his hands deeper into his pockets as he watched Usopp, Chopper, and Franky try to pries the flailing Nami off of the now swollen Luffy. Breakfast won't cook itself, he thought, heading back toward the kitchen. There must be something left in storage.

He was right. Within an hour, the delectable smells of cooking food brought the brawling crew into the galley.

"Waff's fo breffast?" asked Luffy through swollen lips. Robin, who had snuck into the kitchen during the commotion for a much needed cup of coffee, greeted them with a small smile.

"Cook-san has found some oatmeal and dried fruits," she replied good-naturedly. The archeologist lifted a hand from her steaming mug and rested her chin on it. "It smells lovely. I can't wait to try it."

"Your words are to too kind, Robin-chwan!" cried Sanji, dramatically placing expertly garnished bowls of the hot cereal before her and the now seated (albeit, still grumpy) Nami. The rest were served with decidedly less flair and thus breakfast commenced.

The meal was well under way, with the crew warily eyeing their captain's stretching (er, thieving) hands, when Zoro staggered tiredly into the galley. The first mate blinked at his friends, their half empty bowls, and the pot on the table, nearly scraped clean.

"There's no food," he mumbled, helping himself to what remained of Usopp's share when the sharpshooter's back was turned.

"As always, your grasp of the obvious astounds, Marimo," smirked Sanji, as he began to clear away the used dishes. He had to sidestep Usopp who was trying desperately, and failing miserably, to reclaim his unfinished breakfast.

"You know, Eyebrow, if you spent more time in the kitchen and less time coming up with good comebacks, we wouldn't be in this mess," growled Zoro, ready for a fight with the cook at any time of day. Sanji scowled at the swordsman and advanced on him, dirty dishes still in his hands. Before another brawl could break out, Nami slammed a fist down on the table, making all of them jump.

"As much as I hate to spend any money this soon, we have to find somewhere to buy supplies," she stated matter-of-factly. The navigator spread a map she had bought at Water 7 out on the table, casting a serious look around the room. "Now where should we go?"

Sanji blew smoke rings as he strolled lazily down the center of a wide street. Partly through Nami's skill as a navigator and mostly through sheer dumb luck (though Sanji preferred to reverse the order), the Straw Hats had managed to find a small island within the day. Now the cook was wandering through the small coastal town, bags of groceries in his hands. The rest of the crew was still on the ship. With the recent release of their wanted posters by the World Government and the sighting of a navy ship at one of the piers, they had decided that it would be safest for only Sanji to go into town, seeing as his poster looked absolutely nothing like him and he was the least likely to cause any trouble (or get lost like a certain stupid Moss Head, for that matter). After a good half hour, they had finally convinced Luffy ("I smell adventure!") that this was a good idea. Of course, Franky enticing him with a demonstration of a new weapons system played a large part.

The cook took one last drag from his cigarette before putting it out beneath the toe of his shoe and stepping into a butcher shop. The store was small, scaled to fit both the town and the island, and seemed to double as both butchery and a deli. At the front of the shop were several small round tables adorned simply with square white table cloths. Only a couple of them were occupied, one in the corner with a middle-aged couple speaking softly over sandwiches and the other by three rough looking men who were pouring over a messy stack of papers, occasionally laughing uproariously. Sanji ignored them and crossed the room to the counter at the back to inspect the product on display.

The chicken looks good, he thought to himself. He bent over to get a closer look at the poultry under the glass, placing his already purchased groceries on the floor so he could put his hands in his pockets. There was a dish he had been concocting in his mind, and these would do nicely. He waved a nervous-looking salesman over (the man flinched every time the three customers by the door laughed) and after a very short time haggling, procured the meat for a price that would have made Nami proud. It was as he was turning to leave that Sanji saw what all of the laughing had been about.

The three men clearly didn't belong to the sleepy town, so much was apparent just by looking at them. All three of them were dirty and rugged. Two of them appeared to be brothers. Both had a similar, wiry build and mop of shoulder length brown hair. The only noticeable difference between them was the placement of some rather distinctive scars on their faces; one bore a jagged scar across his forehead, while the other's slashed across his chin. The third man was a blonde, or he would have been blonde if his hair was clean. Dirt clung to it and his skin in clumps, nearly obscuring a nose that had clearly been broken multiple times. Spread out over the table between them was a jumble of wanted posters. Amongst them, Sanji could see his own poster, along with those of the other Straw Hats. Bounty hunters? he pondered, frowning slightly.

"This one would do nicely," sneered one of the brothers, the one with the scarred forehead. He lifted up the poster bearing Robin's image. "I saw their ship going around the southern side of the island earlier today."

Shit. Sanji stopped dead in his tracks in the center of the shop.

"Naw," said Chin Scar. He wagged his finger at his brother. "I heard she's near thirty, way too old. The boss prefers riper fruit. Besides, I heard she's a Devil Fruit user. No way we'd be able to keep her under control."

"This is the one we want," stated the Nose, raising a small cloud of dust as he moved. He toyed with Nami's wanted poster with one hand while snaking the other down the front of his pants.

Sanji had heard enough. Before the threesome knew what hit them, they were flying out into the street amongst a shower of broken glass. The butcher's eyes bulged in horror as he watched Sanji's fierce kicks propel the other men through the large display window of his shop.

"My apologies for the window," muttered Sanji, tightening his grip around the handles of the grocery bags (which he hadn't bothered to put down during the one-sided fight).

"I-i-it's fine," stuttered the shopkeeper. Who is this guy?

A couple of doors down, seated at an outdoor table of a small café, a pirate captain with large hands looked up from his own stack of wanted posters. He stood when he saw his men lying in the dirt, easily beaten by the blonde man that had just stepped through the broken shop window.

"Just who do you think you are, talking about Nami-san and Robin-chan like that?" growled the stranger, landing another kick in the stomach of Forehead Scar that sent him flying. Forehead Scar landed at the captain's feet with a dull thud, blood trickling from his nose and a myriad of small cuts.

"C-captain," whimpered the pirate, nearly sobbing at his superior's feet.

Hearing the crying wretch, Sanji turned to face the large man. His eyes burned with rage as he hooked a foot under the Nose and easily lifted him off of the ground. "Does this belong to you?" he asked, his voice dangerous.

A grin spread across the captain's face. He liked this guy. There was a fire behind those blue eyes; one that would only be too fun to extinguish. "What of it?"

With a casual flick of his leg, Sanji launched the half conscious man into the air. The Nose bounced once when he hit the ground and then rolled to a stop not far from his crew mate. "If you or your men go anywhere near Nami-san or Robin-chan," he said, his voice shaking, "if any of you so much as look at them funny…I will personally hunt you down and fillet you!" His voice rose at the end of the sentence, so that everyone on the street could hear his threat.

"Point taken," replied the captain, his voice quiet.

"Good." Sanji turned on his heel and walked away. As much as he would have loved to stick around and teach these shitty bastards a lesson that they sorely deserved, he had dinner to prepare.

The captain's grin widened as he watched the blonde disappear into the crowd. There was arrogance there too. He bent down and picked up one of the posters that had been scattered at his feet, grasping the page in his oversized hand. He smiled down at the crudely drawn image of a face that barely matched its owner.

"Black Leg Sanji of the Straw Hat Pirates, 77 million berry bounty," he said to himself. Impressive for a first bounty…he's strong.

"What's going on?" asked his bald first mate, coming up behind him and looking at the wanted poster over his shoulder.

"We're going to try something new," answered the captain with a chuckle. He crumbled up the poster and pocketed it. "We have a new target."

How was it? Not my best work, but, alas, I'm a little rusty. It's been at least 5 or 6 years since I've last written fanfiction.

Things will start to get interesting from here on out.

Also, the dog just farted in my bed.