Title: I'll be your friend (I'll help you carry on)
Series: If I Were a Better Man
Sequel to: I want you close, I want you (I won't treat you like you're typical)
Category: Arrow
Genre: Humor/Angst/Friendship
Ship: Felicity & Tommy, Felicity & Thea, Oliver/Felicity
Rating: Teen
Notes: This is an in-between to a story based on an AU idea where Felicity and Oliver met before he was stranded on the island and his return to civilization; it's pretty important that you read that too or you'll be confused. This happens during the five years that Oliver is missing, cementing the friendship between Tommy and Felicity as they grieve.
Word Count: 7,104
Summary: Friendship grows from the seeds of loss as Felicity and Tommy lean on each other to get through Oliver's disappearance at sea. [If I Were a Better Man series]

I'll be your friend (I'll help you carry on)
-Novel-

II.

"Don't make dinner plans."

Sitting at her kitchen table, her legs folded under her, Felicity looked up from her cereal bowl to find Tommy strolling in through her front door. "I'm barely through breakfast, I don't think dinner's really on my mind yet…"

He crossed the room quickly, almost sat down, but then decided to grab himself a bowl and a spoon before he joined her at the table. As he poured himself a bowl of Captain Crunch (which she maintained, as a fully grown adult, was a perfectly good meal choice), he told her, "I need you to come with me tonight."

"Okay," she agreed as she chewed. "As long as it's after six so I have time to stop at home and shower." She raised a brow. "Why? What's up? You need to make an appearance at some new restaurant?"

In the last three months, Felicity had become all too familiar with Tommy making last minute plans that he demanded she be a part of. Usually these plans involved her having to dress up and join him at some event or another. She wasn't exactly complaining, because she got free food and he bought her new shoes every time she went along. But she wasn't a huge fan of the paparazzi or, okay, she really didn't like dressing up. She much preferred a weekend at home in her pajamas. But Tommy was on a mission to act like he was totally fine and coping and that meant preserving his usual image. So Felicity went along, because she was a good friend, who happened to really like designer shoes. It wasn't something she really knew about herself before (because since when could she even afford to look at designer shoes?), but in a weird way, it worked for them. He needed to focus on something to stay sane. And seriously, she was just happy he was showering regularly.

He'd been getting gradually better since his fight with the nameless creep at the club. Whether it was because he was finally able to express some of that pent up emotion, albeit violently, or something else, she wasn't sure. But he wasn't currently being charged with assault and he was trying to get out more instead of moping in her apartment, playing her video games all day long, or passing out on her floor after a long night of drinking his sorrows away. So if he needed her to put on a good show for the elite of Starling City, she would. She just hoped the champagne was extra bubbly.

"Not exactly," he dug a spoonful of cereal out and held it up to his mouth. "Thea called, begged me to come over, so I told her I'd try and make dinner."

Watching him as she chewed, Felicity was slack-jawed. "Thea? As in Thea Queen? Oliver's sister?"

He nodded. "Last I checked."

"You want me to go out to Queen Manor with you…?" She stared at him searchingly. "Have dinner with his mother, who is basically my boss, and her daughter, who I've never met but I'm sure, like any 12-year-old who's currently grieving for their brother doesn't want to make small talk with some random girl he almost dated once."

Panic swelled up inside her, making her stomach tie in knots so tight that her digesting cereal felt like making an encore appearance.

"Okay, it's a little weird if you look at it that way…" he admitted, his eyes turned up thoughtfully. With a shrug, he dismissively told her, "But I'm sure Thea has no idea about your history with Oliver. And she's a good kid. You'll like her."

Felicity shook her head, pushing her hair back behind her ears. "Look, Tommy, you know I'm usually up for just about anything… Like last week, when you thought it'd be fun to visit the zoo after hours… And I, for reasons I will never understand, actually helped you do it."

He grinned rather proudly. "And avoid the security cameras…"

"Yeah, well, at this point, I'm not sure if you're a terrible influence or if I need to be a better one…" she muttered.

"See, compared to that, this should be a cakewalk! It's one dinner… She's just been feeling lonely. Her mother barely leaves the room, she only gets out to go to school; she just needs some company…"

Felicity frowned down at her cereal, rapidly getting soggy, and considered his words. She could understand how hard it would be, being cooped up as Thea was, and stepping outside meant being swamped by the media. Oliver had loved his sister. He always spoke of her fondly, how she'd chase after him everywhere he went, idolizing him.

"Okay," she gave in, her shoulders slumping. "I'll go."

He grinned happily. "Thank you."

She pushed her glasses up the slope of her nose and raised an eyebrow. "We don't mention anything about me and Oliver, though? Okay? I'm serious, Tommy. It's got nothing to do with me and Oliver. This is about Thea, making her feel better. She doesn't need to know anything except that I was Oliver's friend."

"I don't want to rain on your 'keep it quiet' parade, but Oliver didn't really have female friends… He had friends and then he had women he slept with."

"Well, then I'm an exception." She waved her spoon around in a mocking display of 'hooray.'

He grinned. "You are that."

Rolling her eyes, she stood from her chair, taking her soggy cereal with her. "I need to get to work. And you need to find something to occupy your time with…"

"I've got some things to do today."

She frowned at him skeptically.

"Totally legal, completely necessary things to do," he promised, holding his hands up.

"Mm-hmm…" She walked off to her bedroom, her fuzzy panda-head slippers shuffling over the floor. "What time's dinner?"

"Six-thirty. I'll pick you up," he called, his mouth once-more filled with cereal.

"You, or your driver will?"

"My driver will drive me to pick you up," he corrected.

She smiled to herself before closing her bedroom door behind her. She grabbed up her robe before making her way into her bathroom, all the while wondering what was customary to wear for dinner at a billionaire's house. And no, Tommy didn't count. He spent enough time around her apartment in sweatpants that she didn't think what she wore with him counted as acceptable for the Queens.

Sighing, she hopped into the shower, and willed herself not to worry about it for the rest of the day.

She wasn't so fortunate.

Felicity had gone through three different outfits already and Tommy was going to be there any minute. She didn't know why she was trying so hard. It wasn't as if her looking presentable was going to do anything to help them in their grief. But here she was, trying on another dress, this one a robin egg blue. It wasn't flashy or too dressed up; it was simple and comfortable. She took one look at herself in the mirror and immediately started to second guess herself. But then her front door was opening and she found herself regretting the fact that, now having a key, Tommy seemed to think knocking wasn't necessary and he was invited inside anytime he pleased.

Accepting that this would just have to be what she wore and there was no changing it now, she slipped on a pair of white flats, grabbed up her purse, and left her bedroom. Her hair was down, which always felt a little weird after having it tied back in a ponytail all day. It was cooperating though, and that was a blessing all on its own. She half-smiled at Tommy as he stood waiting for her.

"Ready?" He clapped his hands before turning on his heel and starting toward the door. He swung it open and waited for her to walk out first before joining her, locking the door behind him.

As they made their way to the elevator, she wondered, "So what's Thea like? What does she do for fun? I feel like there's going to be a lot of really awkward small talk and I don't want to be the one asking dumb questions."

He shrugged. "I don't know. You probably know better than me what a twelve year old girl likes…"

Felicity rolled her eyes. "Great. This won't be weird at all."

"Will you please stop freaking out?"

She glared up at him as they stepped onto the elevator. "What do you think?"

"That it's going to be a long drive to the manor…" he muttered, jabbing the button for the main floor.

Felicity would never forget the first time she set eyes on Queen Manor. The pale stone walls that surrounded it and the iron gates that opened to allow them in were oddly not the least bit daunting. The sprawling landscape, a lush green that was well kept, was inviting and attractive, with bright flowers and richly thriving trees. A circular driveway brought them to the manor, which might as well have been called a castle, made completely of grey stones, standing tall and elegant.

Tommy's car came to a stop and Felicity felt her heart race as Carter, the driver, came around to open her door for her. Her hand always twitched, wanting to reach for the handle, but he'd repeatedly told her that it was his job and he would be "offended" if she didn't let him do it. As it opened for her, she smiled at him and stepped out of the car, smoothing out the sides of her dress.

"You look lovely, Miss Smoak," he assured.

She breathed a short sigh of relief. "Thank you. I can't tell if I feel overdressed or underdressed."

Tommy slid out behind her and stepped from the car, his hand on her back to maneuver her to the side. "I think the tornado that blew through your bedroom and left every outfit you own behind as wreckage is proof of that."

She rolled her eyes up at him. "This is your fault, so zip it."

"Hey, you're always saying we should eat home-cooked meals more," he reminded.

"Yeah, well, that's a mixture of fear for our mutual health since we eat out so much and irritation that you won't let me pay for anything."

Tommy directed her away from the car and toward the front doors of the manor. "In my defense, I have a lot of money."

"That's not a defense, that's a fact."

"Fine, I have a lot of money and there are only so many things I can spend it on… If I want to make any kind of dent in it, I have to pay for what I can… Which is everything."

Felicity snorted. "That is the lamest excuse I've ever heard. You don't think there's more worthwhile things to spend money on than last night's take-out?"

"I'm sure there are, but that wouldn't have solved how hungry I was at the time."

"Tommy—"

The door swung open then, however, and Felicity let the argument go as she watched a short brunette, who was all arms, legs, and hair, rush through the door to attack Tommy in a hug. Helpless to it, Felicity smiled, watching as the girl, who was undoubtedly Thea, finally let go, only to drop back to her feet and sock Tommy hard in the arm, switching from excited to angry in a quick second.

"Ow!" he cried, obviously being more dramatic than necessary as he clutched his arm and bent as if to fall to his knees from the agony. "If this is how you treat all your dinner guests, I have to say, I'm not surprised you had to beg me to come…"

Rolling her eyes, Thea put a hand to her hip. "I did not beg! I strongly suggested…"

Felicity grinned, biting her lip to hide her amusement.

"'Tommy please, please come to dinner… It's so boring in this big, old house and I haven't seen anybody in weeks…'" he mimicked her.

She scoffed, narrowing her eyes. "First, I don't sound like that. And second, maybe if you'd take my calls or visit more often, I wouldn't be so lonely."

Sobering from his teasing, he stood upright and stared down at her apologetically. "You're right… I've been incommunicado and you don't deserve that." He reached for her, his hand falling to her shoulder and squeezing gently. "But I won't be anymore, all right? It'll be 24/7 Tommy Merlyn until you're so sick of me you have to hire extra security to keep me out."

She pursed her lips to hide her amusement as she stared up at him, still trying desperately to look irritated. Finally, she nodded, deciding to take him at his word. Her eyes cut to the left then and an eyebrow raised. "Who's the chick? Raisa said somebody else was coming, but I didn't think you'd bring a date."

Tommy shook his head. "This is no ordinary chick." He held a hand out toward her and introduced, "This is my good friend, Felicity Smoak! She and Oliver were…" At Felicity's cutting look, he amended, "Close. They were close friends before…"

Thea's expression tightened, her eyes moving between him and Felicity. "Close? Really? What do you take me for? Ten?"

Felicity bit down hard on her lip and suddenly thought of how snarky and rebellious she was in her pre-teens, wanting so desperately to be taken seriously while still looking gawky and awkward. Thea was much prettier than Felicity had been at her age, but she was still skinny, her arms and legs a little too long for her slight frame yet. But she had a confident bearing about her that made her seem almost older than her years, if it wasn't for the attitude she gave anybody who looked at her.

"Wasn't there a promise of dinner?" Tommy wondered, quickly changing the subject.

"It was probably strongly suggested," Felicity quipped, reaching up to adjust her glasses as she half-smiled at Thea in what she hoped was a friendly, and not terribly awkward, way.

Thea's lips twitched before she turned on her heel and stepped inside the house. "Yeah, come on… Raisa made dinner tonight." She looked back at him over her shoulder and smirked. "Now her I begged… Mom might like that chef guy's food, but if I can't pronounce it, I don't wanna eat it."

Felicity followed them into the manor, her gaze wandering everywhere, taking in the elegant architecture and the open space that was dressed with simple but welcoming touches. She kept an ear open, but didn't comment as Tommy and Thea bantered back and forth and found herself thinking that they were quite alike in one way. It was obvious that Thea had been upset, she'd needed somebody there that could help support her through what was happening, but instead of expressing it openly, she tried to put on a brave front. It was hard to get Tommy to talk too. It usually took the aid of alcohol, otherwise he waited until it just sort of overflowed and he couldn't keep it in any longer. He'd been getting a little better, trying to talk to her before it started to weigh on him, but Felicity knew he was still trying to hide behind a smile that only became more and more forced.

Still, maybe it could be good for them. They were familiar, at least. So they had a lot more history they could use to help each other through. And that was all she wanted. Even if she spent most of the night just sort of smiling and nodding along to old stories. As long as Tommy felt better and stopped carrying so much guilt, she'd be happy.

"So I know mom usually has like, drinks in the parlour or whatever, but I'm starving," Thea announced. "If you two are ready to eat, I say we hit the dining room."

"Sounds good to me," Tommy agreed. "Besides, I'm pretty sure having drinks isn't nearly as cool when one of the hosts can only have ginger ale."

"Shut up," Thea muttered, elbowing him.

Chuckling, Tommy wrapped an arm around her head and pulled her in.

"You better not mess up my hair, Merlyn!"

Felicity watched fondly, a smile playing at her lips.

As they stepped into the dining room, her eyes widened slightly. Like the rest of the house, the dining room was elegant and stately. Dark wood paneling made up the walls and antique furnishings were all around, from paintings to vases to cherry wood bureaus polished to shine. The table was long, dressed with flower arrangements in the center. Three chairs circled one end, with Thea sitting at the head of the table and Felicity and Tommy set up for either side of her. It became quite clear then that Mrs. Queen wouldn't be joining them, and Felicity found herself both relieved and disappointed. It wasn't that she was eager to meet her boss, especially one whose son was missing, presumed dead, a son whom she'd had a… briefly romantic connection to. But now that she was aware of how isolated Thea and Mrs. Queen were, she couldn't help but worry. This was Oliver's family and he'd be devastated to know how broken up they were.

Turning her attention to the table as she sat down, Felicity looked over the cutlery and breathed a sigh of relief that she'd spent so much time out with Tommy at high class restaurants. She'd learned the different uses of each piece of cutlery early on and so it wasn't a daunting picture that met her as she stared down at the various sizes before her.

A salad was served first and she was happy for something to focus on instead of having to make small talk. But apparently Thea wasn't quite as enthusiastic to leave her out of the conversation…

"You look kind of familiar."

Felicity glanced at her and then down at her place, lettuce and dressing skewered on her fork. "Uh, well, I work at Queen Consolidated, so you might've seen me there before."

She raised a curious brow. "You worked for my dad?"

"In the IT Department."

"She's got a fancy office and a nameplate and everything," Tommy praised.

Felicity rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't call my office. It's just barely a step up from cubicle. Honestly, I'm just happy I have a window… So there's something to jump out of when the monotony finally does me in."

He choked on a laugh. "What happened to enjoying your job?"

"If you had to show as many people as I do how to work their email, trust me, you'd consider a nosedive in your future too."

"Well, we all have to have goals, I guess," he mused with a grin, not the least bit concerned.

And fine, he was right, she would never throw herself out of the window of her office. Although sometimes, she had to admit, her job could be boring. There were only so many times she could tell one of the execs not to delete their important emails. But there was a light at the end of the tunnel, she was sure. One of the reasons she'd taken a job with QC was because it had promised that, if she scaled the ladder, eventually she would make it into their experimental computer program section, and that was all she really wanted. It was why she tried so hard at her job. Because eventually she wanted to be the one making the programs, not fixing them for someone else.

"So you and my brother then," Thea piped up, drawing attention back to her. "You two were… close?" Her eyes flashed as she tipped her head. "What's that mean anyway?" Before Felicity could even open her mouth to respond, Thea rolled her eyes and added, "And don't give me the canned, after-school special response, either, all right?"

Felicity glanced briefly at Tommy, who was giving her an 'I told you so' face that he was so going to regret later.

"I don't… really know how to, uh… explain that…" she admitted, sitting back in her chair. "We were friends."

Tommy made a negative humming noise as he picked up his glass of wine and raised his eyebrows at her.

"We were friends," she repeated, tempted to glare at him. "But…" She sighed, shrugging slightly. "There were also slightly non-platonic feelings… occasionally…" She winced. "Not that anything happened. Because, like I said, we were friends."

Thea stared at her a long moment before turning her head to Tommy. "Okay, spill, what were they?"

Eagerly, Tommy placed his wine on the table and grinned. Clapping his hands together like it was some big production, he said, "Okay, so it starts out with your usual cat and mouse game, right? Oliver asks her out, puts on the charm, but Felicity wasn't having any of it, turns him down flat…" He wiggled his eyebrows, saying quite a bit in just that one expression. "So obviously he wasn't deterred in the least."

Thea snorted. "Obviously."

"Just picture it, five days a week he was in her office for lunch breaks, practically on his hands and knees for her to give him the time of day."

"It was not that dramatic," Felicity argued.

"And every day she'd tell him it wasn't happening." He shook his head, looking highly amused. "Before you know it, you've got a lovesick Oliver on your hands. All he talks about his Felicity. That he made laugh that day, that she smiled at him, that she called him Oliver instead of Mr. Queen." He grinned. "It was a thing of beauty… if not completely, embarrassingly pathetic."

Thea laughed, resting her chin on her upturned fist as she listened to him tell the story.

"Took him nine months to even get her to agree to a date," he crowed. "And even that was only after…" He paused, trailing off, his eyes turned away. Clearing his throat, his glee gone, he sat back in his chair and smoothed a hand down his chest. "It was only after he promised her he'd be on his best behavior on his trip to China… Their first date was going to be when he got back." With that, he downed the rest of his wine in one long gulp before reaching for the bottle left behind.

Felicity leaned forward, her hand stretching out to land atop his glass, keeping him from filling it while she searched and met Tommy's gaze.

He stared at her a long moment, his expression drawn, but he eventually put the wine bottle down and instead reached for his glass of ice water.

Feeling the weight of eyes on her, Felicity turned her head to see Thea staring at her speculatively.

"So how'd you meet?" she wondered.

"It's not…" She shook her head, her brow furrowed. Part of her wanted to deter the conversation. This wasn't about her. Her previous… whatever with Oliver had no bearing on the situation. She was more an outsider at this table than anything. These people knew Oliver, all of him. She was just a passing fancy. A mouse that got away from the cat that was used to always coming out the victor.

But Thea was looking at her and Tommy was subdued, so she lifted her chin and tried to be casual. "We met in the coffee room. He, uh… I don't know why he was there, he never told me." She shrugged, shaking her head faintly. "But he found me, arguing with a defective coffee machine, and... He said he had a jet and that he'd take me to Columbia… Brazil… anywhere… And I—I thought he was flirting and that it was a terrible line. I didn't even know who he was; I had no idea he actually had a jet… So I told him no and I went across the street for Starbucks…" She licked her lips as she thought back to it, to the way he smiled at her, at how he so casually offered to take her out of country over something as simple as coffee.

But that was Oliver; everything came so easily to him that he never gave it a second thought. What was a weekend away with a woman he barely knew? He'd spend it in bed, he figured, and the coffee would only be enjoyed in the morning, after a long night of no strings attached sex. As much as that arrogance should have been a complete turn off, and it certainly had its moments when it was, she still liked the man underneath it. The peek she got at somebody who could be real, who laid underneath the expensive clothes and cologne and billion dollar mugshot.

"What about after?"

Drawn out of her memories, Felicity blinked her eyes a few times and turned back to Thea, who was watching her carefully. "I'm sorry?"

"After you knew who he was, that he had money and a jet... What happened then?"

"I… I didn't know what to do at first. I didn't want to offend him because I was worried about my job, but I didn't want to encourage him either…"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why not encourage him?"

"Because…" Her brow furrowed. He'd been charming and funny and so, so persistent. That sometimes she forgot those early days and how reticent she'd been to give him even the time of day. "Because it wasn't real then."

Nobody said anything for a moment, as if waiting for her to explain, to gather her thoughts.

She rested her elbows on the table, despite a voice that sounded entirely too much like her mother telling her that it was impolite. "Do you ever remember being a kid and you've got some shiny new toy…? It's special because you've never played with it, it's practically right off the shelves, brand spanking new…" She smiled faintly. "And you're having so much fun that somebody else notices, so this kid comes over and they want to play too. But it's your toy and it's still so shiny, so you don't let them. You don't even know this kid, you don't know how he treats toys or if his hands are sticky or if he'll try to steal it and never give it back… Or worse, if he'll break it, and he won't even apologize…

"So you hold the toy close and you turn your back on the kid, hoping he'll go away, he'll get distracted with something else, something shinier… But he doesn't. And halfway through playtime you realize that the only reason he even wants it now is because you have it. He doesn't care what it is or what it does, he just wants the toy because you said no, because you wouldn't share…"

She shook her head, amending, "Or that's what you think anyway… Maybe he really likes the toy. Maybe after a while, the toy has grown on him too. But you're still pretty worried that something will happen to the toy, so you wait until the bell rings and you take it inside, you hide it in your backpack, and you never bring it to school again. He asks every day where it is and you tell him it's at home, for safekeeping. But he keeps asking. He sits with you at lunch and he asks you what kind of cool things it can do. It's his favorite subject, it's all he ever talks about. But you're still worried. Sometimes he's not very careful with other toys. You've seen it. He doesn't break them, he just doesn't put them away nicely. Sometimes he forgets them on the playground… And sometimes those toys don't care, but you know yours will…

"So you start thinking of ways to stop his fascination. Maybe you'll tell him it's broken, that it can't be fixed, and he'll just have to find a new toy to focus on. But you don't think that'll work and it doesn't matter, because you kind of like how he sits with you at lunch and passes you notes in class and walks you to the bus after school. You don't want to admit it, but you're afraid that if you bring your toy to school now, he'll realize it's not as cool as he thought, and he'll stop spending time with you… He'll get bored. And that scares you, because now you're attached. It doesn't matter that you're two very different people or that he still plays with other toys, because he's there, every day, and he makes you feel special…

"So you tell him on Friday that you'll bring the toy on Monday and he gets excited. So excited that you know all those fears were for nothing… Except then Monday is there and you've got your toy in your backpack. You're fidgeting all through class, because you can't wait to show him, you can't wait to finally share it with him. Only at recess, you see him playing with somebody else's toy, like he doesn't care or remember that you promised you'd bring yours. So you decide to wait until lunch, you give him the benefit of the doubt, you trust him…

"Only lunch never comes and he doesn't come back to class... And now you've got a toy sitting in your backpack and you're staring at his desk, waiting for him to be there, to turn around and see you and smile like he always does, in that way that makes your heart flip in your chest so hard you think it's going to jump right out. But the bell rings and the class keeps going and he's not there… He's never there. And you don't see him the next day or the next day and for the whole week… But the toy stays, it never leaves your bag, because you still think he'll show up one day and he'll want to play with it and you don't want to make him wait anymore… But he doesn't and all you can do is blame yourself for not bringing it out earlier, for making him wait for so long…"

Her chest constricted tightly and her throat burned. "For being the reason he went on that stupid trip because you told him your lives didn't fit and he thought he needed to be more responsible, to be worthy of you. So he asked his dad if he could go to stupid Japan when he should've been club hopping with Tommy and you wonder if he blamed you. You wonder if he even thought it was worth it and you hate it. You hate that it was you and your stupid toy's fault. You should've left it at home. You should've—" Her breath shuddered out from her and her voice cracked as she stopped. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just— I… need fresh air."

She pushed away from the table and rushed out of the room without looking at either of them. It wasn't until she was outside and the breeze was blowing past that she realized she was crying, the cool air on the tear streaks of her cheeks is both refreshing and chilly. Her knees were shaking and her stomach had curled up tight, a ball of lead emotion sinking inside it. She took a deep breath as she walked out into the circular driveway, bypassing where the car had been parked but was no longer, and instead moving out to where the sun beamed bright over the grass and the meticulously kept rose bushes.

She walked closer, the crunch of gravel seeming loud under her shoes. She admired the bright red petals of each blooming flower, bending to take in a deep breath, their fragrance calming something inside her, something cracked and painful. She could already feel an embarrassed flush filling her cheeks, but tried to ignore it, tried to forget everything she'd said, how it had spilled out of her like a faucet she'd been too late to turn off. She hadn't meant to say that. Hadn't she told Tommy not to say anything? She wanted to help them, not lay her baggage out in front of them, adding to their already heavy burden.

Reaching out, she took a rose petal between her thumb and forefinger, momentarily distracted by how impossibly soft it was.

Oliver sent her flowers a number of times. Every kind she could imagine, always trying to figure out what her favorite was. He would show up at lunch, smirk at the bundle sitting prettily on her desk, and wait for her answer of, "They're nice, but they're not my favorite." He shrugged each time, seeming unaffected, but she knew it only made his resolve stronger. He would find out. If Oliver was anything, stubborn was a high-ranking attribute.

"So do you always ramble like that or was that just dinner talk?"

Felicity whirled around abruptly, surprised to find Thea Queen standing a few feet away, her arms crossed loosely over her chest.

"Oh, my rambling is definitely not contained just to dinner, or any meal time really… It's more of a 'whenever discomfort strikes' kind of disorder." She shrugged, pressing her hands together so she wouldn't play with her fingers nervously. "Listen, I… I didn't mean to ruin your dinner. I know you invited Tommy over to get away from all this depressing stuff."

"Well, it looks like this 'depressing stuff' is following him around too… Or at least that's what it looked like when you kept him from boozing it up in there…" She pointed a thumb behind her meaningfully.

Felicity winced. "He's not… He isn't an alcoholic or anything… At least, I don't think he is… He's just… He's not coping well and, you know Tommy, his way of dealing is to be funny… Sometimes that doesn't help."

Thea stared at her a long moment, her head tipped, the wisdom of someone much older than twelve dwelling deep in her gaze. Felicity wondered if it was there before her father and brother were lost at sea, or if it was what caused her to grow up so quickly.

"You really care about him…" she murmured.

"Who? Tommy?" Felicity smiled. "He's… It's weird, but I think he might actually be one of my best friends."

Thea half-smiled, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, he has that effect." She twisted her upper body side to side as she walked a few steps closer. "But I meant Oliver too… You really care about my brother."

Felicity met her probing gaze. "I meant what I said before… Oliver was my friend. Before anything else. Yes, there was a hint of something else, but his friendship is what I miss most… Just seeing him, hearing about his day, the sound of his laughter…" She shook her head as her eyes began to sting, the prickle of tears returning. "It must be so hard on you, and I'm out here crying, making it worse."

Thea's gaze dropped. "My mom doesn't cry… I think she ran out of tears. She just stays in her bed, she doesn't move, doesn't talk… Sometimes she can't even look at me…" Her lips twisted. "And I tell myself it's just because, you know, maybe I look too much like my dad, right? But…" Her breath left her on a cracked whoosh. "But I wonder sometimes… If maybe she wishes it was me instead of Oliver… If maybe she'd be better if she still had him, at least."

"Thea, no…" Felicity moved toward her. "I'm sure your mother loves both of you, she's just… She's grieving. And it can be hard to see what's right in front of you when your thoughts are miles away…" Reaching out, she put a hand on the young girl's shoulder. "You remember about what I said about Tommy? About how he tries to make things better by being funny?"

She nodded, reaching a hand up to wipe at her cheeks as she sniffled.

"Some people don't have coping skills like that. Tommy pretends he's not hurt, he tries to distract himself, but your mom, she just… She buries herself in her grief. I'm not saying either is better or worse, just that we all grieve differently."

Thea nodded, but frowned worriedly as she wondered, "What if she never stops though? What if she just… never leaves her room?"

"She will," Felicity promised. "It'll just take time."

She took a few minutes to mull that over. "What did you do when you found out?"

"I took the day off from work, curled up on my couch and cried myself to sleep repeatedly," she admitted.

Thea half-smiled. "Me too…" She shrugged. "Well, it was more like a month and I took off school."

"I didn't even get the whole day. Tommy showed up on my door step… And he hasn't really left since."

Thea was still wiping at her damp cheeks, tucking her long, curly, brown hair behind her ears. "Is that how you coped?" At Felicity's raised eyebrow, she explained, "Taking care of Tommy."

"Oh…" She never thought about it like that, but… "Yeah, I suppose it is."

She nodded, ducking her head. "Do you think…" She stopped herself, biting her lip.

"What?" Felicity encouraged.

"I just thought… The summer's coming up and I'll be stuck in the house all the time then, and all my friends are acting really weird, and it was so hard to get Tommy to even pick up the phone… I mean, I know he's upset, and I think visiting us makes him feel more guilty, but…"

"But you're lonely too… You miss Oliver too."

Her eyes were bright with new tears as she raised her head to look at Felicity, sad but hopeful. "I was just thinking, if you wanted to visit sometimes, and you can bring Tommy… Maybe— Maybe we can grieve together, you know?" She shrugged. "Maybe you can help me get my mom out of her room, like you helped Tommy…?"

She half-smiled. "What makes you think I'm actually good at it?"

"Tommy has good taste in friends…" She chewed her lip and shrugged. "And my brother… The way you talked about him… Look, I- I don't know if Oliver will come back. I hope he does. I- I hope he's okay. But it's hard. It's really hard to be here and miss him and not know who to talk to or what to do. I feel guilty when I laugh and I feel ang—" Her breath hitched. "—angry all the time. I know it's not his fault, but I feel like he left me! And I'm mad at my mom because she won't come out of her room and I don't— I don't know what to do!"

The more she talked, the more emotional she got, and finally she was crying again, taking in deep, shaky breaths, trying to stem the flow of tears and failing. And suddenly she wasn't wiser than her years, she was just a 12-year-old girl who was lost and lonely and desperately missed her family.

Felicity reached for her, wrapping her arms around Thea in a hug, her hand soothingly rubbing circles over her back. "It's okay, it's okay," she repeated, though her words felt hollow and useless.

"I just want my dad and my brother," she breathed against Felicity's shoulder, gripping the back of her dress, her face buried against her. "I want them back so much."

"I know…" She held her tight, rocking her lightly, letting her cry herself out.

Over her shoulder, she could see Tommy standing, his hands tucked into his pants pockets, a solemn look on his face. He didn't interrupt, he just nodded at her, and she realized suddenly that he knew exactly what he was doing when he brought her to Queen Manor. He introduced her to Thea for a reason. He wanted her to help Thea like she had him.

For a moment, Felicity was angry, because half the time she didn't even feel like she was really helping Tommy. She was leaning on him just as much as he was her, wasn't she? It didn't matter that he spent most of his nights on her couch, that they shared every meal together, and that she was his sounding board for every thought that ever crossed his mind. That she held him when he cried and stopped him when he blamed himself and took the bottle away when he'd had enough. She was the hand he reached for and she always squeezed back.

But that was mutual. She might not drink too much, but she did bury herself in work to avoid life and the misery that had recently begun to consume it. He took her out when she was feeling down, made her smile, made her laugh. He played video games with her and watched movies and all her favorite nerdy TV shows without complaint. He was the shoulder she put her head on when she was sad and the lunch partner that filled the seat that had been distractingly empty since Oliver's disappearance. He was her best friend, possibly the only friend that understood her right now. And maybe that was why she wasn't angry. Because she realized that he was trying to bring a little bit of Oliver back into her life. He was giving her Thea. Oliver's beloved sister, the girl he talked about with only love. Who he called fondly called Speedy and had related some of his favorite memories of over their many lunches.

So she wasn't angry, she was maybe even a little bit grateful.

She and Thea still had to get to know each other better, but maybe it would be made easier by that shared connection of Oliver and Tommy.

Felicity didn't know how well she'd be able to help her, or if she'd be any great help in getting Mrs. Queen to leave her bedroom, but she knew as she stood there, holding Thea, that she had just signed on to do whatever she could to help, however tall the order. And as much as her life was already on the stressful side at the moment, she knew that it would be worth it. Oliver loved Thea, and Felicity only hoped that, wherever he was, he knew that she would be taken care of.

[Next: Part III.]