AN: I wrote this purely for my own enjoyment after the season 5 finale cliff-hanger. It's basically a very unlikely AU of season 6, with bits of lore and stuff from the books thrown in there. It was written for a bit of angsty fun in between some star trek fic I was writing. Please don't take it too seriously.

(Also since I wrote this about a year ago - it doesn't match up with season 6 at all, eg. there's no Willa.)

warnings: smut, graphic violence, implausibly BAMF!Eric, Bill bashing, bad puns, unbeta'ed.

I was beside myself. I'd just watched Bill disintegrate into a pool of blood then reform with something else looking out from behind his eyes. Not the complicated, conflicted, but ultimately decent man I knew Bill Compton to be - something dark and twisted. Something old and evil.

Eric was afraid. Honest to god afraid. His eyes were wide and he was taking deep unnecessary breaths. And I could feel it. Ever since he'd been cursed, since we'd shared blood - 'been one' as he'd put it, I'd been able to sense his moods. I think he was taking as much comfort from my proximity as I was from his. His fear scared me more than anything - Eric wasn't supposed to be afraid of anything. It let me know the true seriousness of our situation

'Run!' he yelled at me.

I was already sprinting down the hall, but clearly not fast enough for him. He grabbed me and bolted at vamp speed away from the room. I could hear Bill screeching. He didn't appear to be in a hurry to catch up to us, but it was pretty clear he was going to give chase. Eric put me down on my feet. We were in the blood stained foyer of the Authority. I pressed the button for the lift frantically. It beeped at me angrily. Nothing happened. It was locked or something.

Eric pushed past me and shoved his fingers in between the closed doors, forcing them open. He shot me a look as he stood there holding them open, one blonde eyebrow rising. I didn't need further encouragement, I ducked under his arms and into the lift. There was screaming from somewhere and a horrible screeching. Bill had obviously found someone to play with. Eric stepped in beside me and let the doors close once more as he pressed the ground level button. It felt like hours before the lift moved. I let out an irrational sigh of relief and pressed myself against Eric's big, strong, comforting form. He wrapped his arms around me as we rose up towards the surface. The fear I'd felt from him earlier had faded. Now I just felt shock.

A new alarm started blaring. The lift jerked to a halt, then dropped with a sickening lurch. I felt weightless as the lift fell around me, my feet lifting off the floor.

I screamed and tried to grab onto Eric, but he shot away from me and over to the controls. I kept screaming while he ripped off a small panel set into the side of the lift and tugged at a red lever. The lift came to a sudden grinding halt.

I ended up on my ass.

The whole ordeal had lasted only a few seconds, though it had felt like muchlonger. I looked up and met Eric's eyes in silent query. What next? I opened my mouth to ask the same but he raised a hand to indicate silence. There was a noise from what felt like just beneath my feet. Metal being torn apart. The lift moved slightly. Something was under the lift. I could feel the movement through the floor.

'Bill?' I asked Eric as I got to my feet and sorta cowered near him.

He nodded but didn't bother replying. Once more he forced the doors open. We were between floors. Cement greeted us. I felt my heart drop. We were trapped. Eric didn't seem concerned however. He stepped back, jumped and swung himself off the light fitting in the ceiling. His boots dislodged a sizeable chunk of cement and set the entire lift rocking. He dropped to the floor again and began kicking at the cracked concrete. In a few seconds he'd made a decent hole save for the rods of steel reinforcing that were sandwiched inside the wall. He ripped at them with his hands, effortlessly bending them to clear the hole. The cement powdered like plaster in his fingers.

The lift juddered and shook. I could feel rough movement beneath us and hear disturbing noises. Bill had almost torn through. Eric grabbed me and shoved me towards the hole. I gripped the edges of the hole in preparation to haul myself through. I'd only just be able to fit my shoulders through.

'Go. Take the stairs, run.' Eric's voice was eerily calm.

I paused, shoving back against his pushing hands. 'Wait, you aren't coming?' I had to crane my neck over my shoulder awkwardly to meet his gaze. He didn't respond. The lift swung violently to one side, hitting with jarring strength against the wall. I almost fell. Eric's hands pushed at me. 'Go Sookie!'

'You can't stay and fight him! We don't know what that blood did to him but he's clearly mental and super strong!'

For a second Eric's hands relented against me and I almost stumbled at the sudden lack of pressure. He stared at me for maybe two heartbeats. His eyes weren't wide with fear anymore. He didn't feel shocked or scared. I was suddenly much more afraid than I'd been a few minutes before. He curled a big cold hand around my face, his eyes skipping over my face as if he was memorising me. My heart clenched almost painfully in my chest. I knew what he was feeling. I shook my head, my voice pleading. 'No. Eric.'

His thumb rubbed across my cheek and I felt moisture as it spread a tear across my skin.

'Sookie.' His voice said a lot more than just my name. I could feel what he didn't say. I twisted a hand in his shirt and pulled myself towards him. I tried to voice what it was I was feeling, but I couldn't. Eric abruptly pulled me against him, wrapping an arm around me and burying his face against my neck. I was feeling all sorts of things. I wasn't sure if they were my own emotions or his. I felt him inhaling deeply against my skin, then his breath against my ear as he spoke. 'Sváss…'

I didn't understand. It was Swedish I guessed.

He spoke again, real softly, and in English this time, 'Sookie. My Sookie.' For once his high-handedness didn't make me angry.

And then he shoved me through the hole in the wall while I was too shocked to fight back.

I yelled out indignantly as I scrambled to my feet, dusty and a bit bruised from his rough handling. He was staring at me through the hole, his eyes boring into mine. 'Eric!'

He didn't respond, just gave me that cocky smirk of his and winked at me. His hand jerked on the emergency brake lever and then the lift fell with a deafening screeching noise and he was gone. I stared at the black hole in the wall dumbly for a few moments. There was a deep booming crash as the lift hit bottom. I could tell Eric wasn't dead, but there wasn't anything else to do, so I turned and looked for the stairwell.

I ran up five flights of stairs as fast as I could. I grabbed at the door only to find it locked. I banged on it and called out. There was a crunch and then the door was ripped off its hinges. Pam stood in the doorway. She looked behind me. 'Where's Eric?'

'Bill! He drank the blood! He's crazy! Eric's gone to fight him.' I had to bend over and pause, I was pretty badly winded. 'We have to go back!'

'Bill's fighting Eric?' Jessica asked in confusion.

Pam frowned. 'Compton is no threat to Eric. It's nearly dawn.' She looked to Tara. 'We will go to ground.'

'But he's not Bill anymore! He turned into a pile of goo then like, reformed into a crazy Lillith-Bill!' Pam raised an eyebrow sceptically at my outburst. 'Eric was scaredPam!'

'My maker fears nothing.' she proclaimed icily as if I'd just insulted him.

Jason appeared from around a corner, scanning and covering the area with two drawn pistols. He looked relieved to see me. 'Sook! Let's roll!'

'But Eric's down still down there!'

Jason frowned. 'That vamper can look after hisself Sook.'

'Indeed.' Pam agreed. 'He is not calling me. He does not require our aid.' She shot forward and grabbed me around the bicep. 'He will be displeased if you march back down there and get in the way.'

'Hey!' I struggled but I was no match for Pam. I looked at Jessica for help, but she looked scared and seemed as eager as my brother to leave.

She ignored me and looked to Jason. 'You have a car Stackhouse?'

My brother nodded.

I couldn't feel anything from Eric at all. Nothing.

I passed out a few hours after Jason dropped me off home. The TV stations were full of reports of vampire attacks on humans and human attacks on vampires. Louisiana was a war zone. Eventually I muted the screen and just lay blankly watching. I wondered if Pam and Tara were safe at Fangtasia. If Jessica was safe. If Eric had made it to ground safely. I was exhausted and basically worried myself to sleep.

I awoke mid-morning screaming. I'd never felt such agony. I was burning alive. My hands tore at my clothes, expecting to find them aflame, but my skin was smooth and unblemished. I thought maybe I'd been hit with some sort of gas or something chemical that might have burnt me, but it was pretty clear that my skin was fine. The pain faded a little. I could think a bit clearer.

I lay there trying to sort out my addled wits for a few minutes. It took a while but eventually I realised that it was Eric that was burning. As I'd felt his feelings, now I was feeling his pain. He was in the sun somewhere. Guilt tore at me. I tried to get up, to get to my car… do something… help. But I couldn't. I fell. It took me half an hour to make it upstairs to where I'd left my car keys in my bedroom. I kept fainting, falling over. I couldn't focus, my hands knocked my makeup and jewellery boxes off my dresser as I tried to pick my keys up. I tripped. Woke up in the middle of the floor hours later my thoughts foggy and strange. Pain. So much pain. I cried.

It went on for three days and two nights.

I'd ended up in the bathtub at some point that first day. Like a dying animal drags itself off to into a dark corner to die, I'd turned to the cool water of my tub for comfort. I couldn't eat or drink, I vomited anything I swallowed. I felt like I'd been poisoned or drugged, my body quaking with fever, my every movement slow and weak. There was a terrible burning all over my skin and then sporadic bursts of much greater pain, like my flesh was being pulled off my bones. I felt like I was going crazy. Finally and for real this time.

I sobbed and cried and lost all sense of time and reality. One moment I was looking out the bathroom window at a blue sky, the next darkness and stars. I lost hours. Worse than the pain was the helplessness. There was nothing I could do to help him. Eric was being tortured and not only was I was utterly powerless, I was weakened to such an extent that I couldn't even look after myself.

At first I'd tried to shield myself from the pain like I shield myself from people's minds. I'd blocked that little bit of my mind that was Eric shaped and tried to think of a plan to help him. But I could feel him reaching, almost like he was calling to me and it hurt too much to deny him, for me to keep blocking him. Instead I'd reached back to him, embraced him, tried to offer what comfort I could. He was in such terrible pain, but he was thinking of me. What I felt from him was humbling. The last words he'd spoken to me rattled around in my brain torturing me. 'Sookie. My Sookie.'

Eric Northman loved me. I was certain of it.

It was almost worse than the pain, knowing that all this time he really had loved me and I'd stubbornly pushed him away for fear of my tender heart. I tried to let him feel it now though. My love for him. I felt the comfort it gave him. I shared his pain and he seemed at peace. Hours turned into days. I didn't sleep, I drifted with Eric in a haze of agony, like a terrible shared fever, a nightmare.

It wasn't until I awoke on what must have been Tuesday afternoon, the sun just setting, that I realised what had happened. My head throbbed, my stomach felt like a tight shrunken a ball and my limbs ached, but the deeper pain had ceased. For a moment I felt relief and then I reached for Eric within my mind.

Nothing.

I reached again.

Cold. Empty.

'Sookie. My Sookie.'

I couldn't breathe.

Eric was gone. I felt a void, a shape that should have been filled with Eric and was now a vacuum pulling at me.

He was dead. I'd fallen asleep and he'd died alone. For me. He'd stayed to face Bill, or the monster that wore Bill's face, for me and he'd died alone and in agony because of it.

I didn't have any tears left. I screamed instead. I was so angry, my head was black with it. I was angry at myself, at Bill, at Eric and everything. My hands glowed white hot. I threw my light at the wall, scorching the wallpaper and setting a towel to smouldering. I cried. I yelled and swore. I laughed. I was pretty much hysterical. I splashed around fully dressed in a bathtub of cold water ranting and raving.

It was full dark before my mind had settled. I felt as if I should die, as if I'd just lie there in my tub, close my eyes and die like something in a story, but I did not. Life wasn't a story. No matter my grief, my resilient human mind was trying to sort and regroup, make plans. It's human nature.

I thought about running. Living alone somewhere where no one knew me. I thought about opening my wrists and never leaving my bathtub. I thought about hiding out with someone. Alcide might hide me. Jason would take me in. Sam?

But Bill had taken my blood. A heap of it. Even now he probably knew exactly where I was. He'd come for me and drain me or torture me or turn me. Probably all three and more. Anyone who was with me would be killed or suffer the same. Eric had been the only thing standing between me and every other vampire in Louisiana really, and now he was dead. If Bill didn't want me, someone else would come after me for my blood. I had no protection.

I was already dead, it was just a matter of time.

I thought seriously about taking my razor to my wrists. I didn't want to die, but I couldn't bear the thought of being at the mercy of Bill or bringing more death and pain to my remaining friends and family. At least if I took matters into my own hands he wouldn't get the chance to turn me. I was certain he would try. I couldn't be glamoured, but as my maker he'd be able to compel me to do anything he wanted. I remembered Tara. She'd been dead, her brain spread across my kitchen floor, but Pam had still managed to turn her. If I killed myself Bill would feel me die. He'd know and there was a good chance he'd be able to stop me or turn me after the fact. Even suicide didn't guarantee me my freedom.

That was when I made a decision. It wasn't a good one, it wasn't something I'd ever have considered under different circumstances, but it was the surest bet to save myself from Bill Compton.

I pulled myself out of the tub and had a scalding hot shower. I was weak and achy from three days of not really eating or drinking. I took a handful of advil and stumbled downstairs. I forced myself to drink can of soda for the sugar buzz and a fruit bar out of the cupboard. I felt a little more steady on my feet. I drove into Shreveport. There were lots of cars on the road.

It was 2am when I stopped in front of Fangtasia. There was no line up, no crowd. The doors were locked. I banged on them a few times before heading around the back. I actually had to break a window to get in.

Inside the lights and air conditioning were on. I couldn't feel any human minds, just two vamps upstairs.

Tara appeared in front of me before I'd taken two steps. She bared her fangs at me and hissed. 'Get outta here!'

She didn't scare me. I couldn't care less. 'Eric's dead Tara.' Saying it out loud made me start crying again.

She pouted. 'I know.' She froze and her head tilted to one side as if she was listening to something. Then her hand was clamped around my bicep and she carried me at vamp speed upstairs to Eric's office.

Pam was a mess.

Her hair wasn't curled and she wore no makeup. There were bloody tissues in a mound around her and fresh red smears on her cheeks.

'Sookie.' She glared at me. It wasn't the first time she'd looked at me like that, but it was by far the coldest, angriest glare I'd ever gotten from her. 'Fucking Sookie! This is yourfault! Eric would never have gotten messed up in this… fucking shit if not for you!'

She was right there. I'd tried to get her to go help Eric, but it was my fault he'd been down there in the first place. I felt utterly worthless. I sobbed. 'I know Pam.'

She sniffed and dabbed at her cheeks, obviously trying to compose herself. When she spoke again her voice was as icy and cold as ever. 'Why are you here?' I got the sense the only reason she hadn't killed me was out of respect for Eric. Poor dead Eric.

There was no reason to dither about, so I got right to the point. 'I want you to turn me.'

Tara's hand clenched tightly around my arm. She was most definitely gonna leave a bruise.

Pam shot across the room and was in my face, fangs out, in a split second.

'How dare you!' I'd never seen her so angry. 'My master would have given you anything, everything and only now that he has met the true death you ask for this?'

Tara was growling softly in my ear.

'The only reason I don't kill you myself is because he would not want me to.'

I understood her anger, I didn't feel any indignation in return. 'I've thought about it Pam.' I took a deep breath. 'I don't want to be a vampire. I've never wanted it, and I think it's only thanks to Eric that no one ever drained me or turned me. He made vampires around here leave me alone. But Eric's dead. And Bill's had my blood. He'll come for me. And he'll drain me and torture me and turn me and then I'll be his for ever and I can't bear the thought of that!'

I was sobbing again, Tara was more or less holding me up. 'The only way I can protect myself from that is to give myself to another vampire. You're the only one I trust Pam.'

Pam was utterly still. 'If you are so scared of Bill turning you, kill yourself. I don't want to be shackled with a sobbing faerie wreck for all eternity.'

'If you won't help me then I will!' I was getting angry now. 'The only reason haven't is cause he would know, he could still maybe turn me like you did Tara and I don't wanna give Bill the satisfaction!' I was getting out of breath. I felt weak and dizzy again. 'I felt it. What Bill did to Eric. Burning. And pain… and it went on and on and on... I'm almost glad he's dead cause he was in such agony!' I had to stop talking cause I was crying again.

'You feltit?' Pam leant closer and inhaled my scent along my neck. 'Yes. I smell his blood in you.' She narrowed her eyes. 'You had a blood bond with my maker?'

I nodded weakly. 'When he was cursed.' I needed to sit down.

Pam considered this. 'So you felt my master's pain.'

'Yes. I tried to… comfort him. He could sense me or something. I'm not sure how the bond worked.'

Pam seemed to soften slightly at this. 'He could feel you? You are certain?'

I nodded.

Two fresh red tear tracks made their way down the bloody mess of Pam's face. She was silent for a long time. Tara's grip on my arm didn't loosen any. Eventually she crossed her arms and stared me down.

'Very well.' Her voice had returned to its usual icy bitchy tone. 'If it is your wish to be turned, in honour of my maker's … fondness for you, I will turn you.'

I exhaled in relief.

She held up a hand in warning. 'But! I doubt this will stop Bill seeking you out.' She paused. 'And you will be more robust for whatever games he might have in mind for you.'

'I know. He'll find me eventually, unless someone kills him, but he won't get to drain me. He won't get to turn me and control me as my maker.'

Pam's head tilted. 'So you expect pain and death regardless and are just doing this to spite him?'

I shrugged. 'Yeah pretty much.'

She smiled a toothy smile, almost her old self again. 'Well good.'

Suddenly she was all business. 'When you die Bill's blood tie to you will be broken. When you awaken vampire he will have to look for you the old fashioned way. However he will feel your death. He could well try and spoil our fun.' She graciously indicated I should sit. Tara pushed me in the direction of the couch. She didn't seem real pleased. 'He probably knows you are here. He will assume you have come to me for protection.'

She was right of course. For all I knew Bill was on his way here right now.

'Tara. Finish our preparations as discussed. Inform me when we are ready to depart.'

'Yes Ma'am.' In a flash Tara was gone.

Pam sat beside me, fangs out. I took a depth breath and pulled my hair back from my neck. In a flash she was wrapped around me, inhaling my scent. It was weird to be in such a position with Pam, but I forced myself to relax. She licked my neck, which was really weird, and then she bit. There was a little pain, but she knew what she was doing. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine in was Eric taking my blood. It was pretty hard to maintain the illusion though since I could smell Pam's perfume, hear her little breathy moans and feel her decidedly un-Eric and very female figure pushed against me.

After a few minutes she pulled back. 'Why Sookie. I didn't think it possible, but you are even more deliciousthan I thought you'd be without maened poison in you.'

I could tell she was teasing me, but I wondered why she'd stopped. It had taken much longer for Bill to nearlydrain me in Dallas, and we weren't aiming for nearlythis time. Pam seemed to sense my confusion. 'If I take any more Bill will feel your weakness and he'll know what's happening. We don't want to attract his attention right now. With the amount I have taken I'll be able to finish the job very quickly later on.' She smirked. 'You may rest assured that you'll be dead before dawn.'

Maybe ten minutes later we were in a Mercedes sedan with a few suitcases full of money and other stuff Pam didn't want to leave at Fangtasia for Bill or whoever to find. I was real tired. Dizzy. Like I had crazy low blood sugar. Blood loss and lack of food I guess. Pam sat in the back with me as Tara drove us towards New Orleans. We'd been driving maybe half an hour when Pam sidled up to me and bared my neck again. She was much rougher this time. I could tell she was draining me as fast as she could.

It was a weird feeling, dying.

I met Tara's eyes in the rearview for a moment and for the first time since she woke up in the dirt in my yard she was looking at me like my oldest friend, like she used to look at me. My vision started to get sorta spotty and I couldn't sit up straight anymore. I felt cold and sick.

All of a sudden I felt Bill. We didn't have a bond like I'd had with Eric, so I couldn't feel his emotions, but I could take a stab at them. They weren't happy.

'Bill knows.' I said. My voice sounded weird, like I was listening from a long way away.

Pam's teeth sank deeper and I winced. Then she pulled back and her wrist was in my mouth, her blood cool on my lips. I was on the verge of unconsciousness but took a few swallows. The taste of it made me cry. She went back to my neck, finishing me off. My eyes were closed as I laboriously swallowed a mouthful of Pam's blood. My brain felt all fuzzy and my body was all tingly in a really unsettling unpleasant way. I opened my mouth and mumbled my last words.

'Pam. You taste… like… Eric.'