Act Four: The Punchline

Edgeworth frowned at his reflection in the mirror—the uniform was snug. He never wore anything that wasn't tailored specifically to him. This… This made him feel fat.

He put on the hat and turned to look at himself from the side—it would have to do. He was only going to make an appearance and then leave anyway.

Edgeworth hadn't felt obligated to do even that much, and he only the allowed the costume shopping to occur as a way to placate the Detective. Unfortunately, he was still holding that dammed boom box when Gumshoe returned him to the prosecutor's building and peeled off without a backward glance.

Edgeworth had made it all the way to his front door before the detective called to ask him to please bring it when he arrived. Now Edgeworth didn't have the option of blowing the whole thing off.

How did you get yourself into this? Well, he'd come out the hero when he arrived with that boom box—Gumshoe seemed to think it was very important. They would all be there. All of the people that knew him. His friends. Even if all he did was drop off the stupid boom box, he'd come out the hero.

'Stop trying to rationalize this idiotic situation, Miles Edgeworth,' his conscience screeched at him—reminding him an awful lot of Franziska. Thank God she'd gone off to Zheng Fa—she'd whip him to pieces if she knew about this.

He made sure to grab the boom box on his way out.

He managed to find the apartment complex without too much trouble—the apartment itself would be the bigger challenge, however. Gumshoe had drawn him a map on a greasy old napkin, sheepishly admitting that it was 'a little hard' to find.

Edgeworth studied the napkin for a good long while turning it in his hands. This was so gross. Eventually, he decided to get out of the car and figure it out on foot. He shoved the nasty map into his pocket and grabbed the boom box and the hat.

He felt stupid walking across the parking lot and into the complex dressed like a cop. What if someone stopped him to report a crime—well, he could manage that—but what if he had to arrest someone—oh wait, he had that authority, too—but what if—?

'Foolish fool…'

Gah! Why did he think that all of a sudden?

When he'd arrived at the block indicated by the crude map, Edgeworth pulled the napkin back out of his pocket and stared. Was that a 'B' or a 'D'? Gumshoe really needed to work on his penmanship. Edgeworth fumbled for his phone.

When the other end picked up he was met by a confused whir of noise and static. Gumshoe and his stupid cheap phone.

"Is it Bee or Dee?" Edgeworth asked.

"…fzzzsst… as in …fzzsst…"

"What?"

"What?"

"You're breaking up! Just come outside so I know which apartment is yours!"

"…fzzsst… urgh… fzzsst… you…"

Bloody hell.

"Gumshoe! Is it eleven Bee or eleven Dee?"

"…fzzsst… Eeh…"

"Eleven E?"

"…fzsst…"

"What?"

"…fsszzt… esss."

Edgeworth ended the call and slipped his phone back into his pocket. This better be worth it. He crossed the block and knocked on the door to apartment eleven 'E'.

The girl that answered the door was dressed like a witch and Edgeworth couldn't recognize her for all of her make-up. He held up the boom box.

Another woman further inside the apartment screamed. Edgeworth froze—what was going on—?

He was yanked into the apartment and the door slammed behind him. He looked around—everyone looked so weird in costume. Gumshoe was nowhere—wait, where were all the other guys?

Someone grabbed the boom box from him.

"It's empty," she said.

"Here," another woman said, "put this on."

"You're early," yet another woman appeared behind him and started shoving him further into the apartment.

"I'm what?"

Someone clicked on the music and turned it up so loud he couldn't hear his own voice. The women packed themselves into the room surrounding him. He was starting to sweat.

The music pulsed around him, pounding in his head.

"…when I walk on by… girls be looking like they be fly…"

What the hell was this?!

"…ah…girl look at that body… ah… girl look at that body…"

The women were screaming at him, but he couldn't understand what they were saying. Someone came up behind him and started grinding against him forcing him to move with her. And the horrid music.

"…I work out…"

The air in the place was starting to feel damp and suffocating. Something hanging from ceiling whacked him in the face as he tried to get away from the press of women. It was a plastic bat. Edgeworth let out a shout.

"...I'm sexy and I know it..."

The women were clapping along-some of them and making rude comments about his appearance and his costume. Edgeworth was defensive about it, and for a moment he planted his feet and raised his hand index finger extended to scold the lot of them for their vulgar actions.

"See here...!" He said. But no one could hear him.

They started tugging at his shirt where it was tucked into his belt. Edgeworth wanted to scream—he was screaming. No one could hear him.

No one could hear him.

A/N: Thanks for reading! We are all done with this story, feedback is much appreciated!

That was probably the scariest Halloween ever…

okay so maybe I exaggerated a bit about the horror part, and this story isn't as scary as you'd hoped. But I'm sure Edgeworth might beg to differ...

Please review and tell me what you thought.

"Sexy and I Know it" by LMFAO. Copyright Interscope Records.