A/N: Short one this time. You can tell how much I love Old Haven. /sarcasm I've got a bit of writer's block for the next chapter, so it might be a bit longer. In the meantime I'm working on other, angstier things, because that's my mood at the moment.

What's in store for this chapter? Things turn into goo, Vault Hunters are tired, and Lilith is bossy, as usual.

Mordecai shook his head as he approached the other three vault hunters. After scouting ahead and finding a vantage point from which to survey Old Haven, he had news.

"It looks bad. Lance are everywhere, and they've got a couple of turrets. I can put those outta commission pretty fast, but that's not gonna stop those goons from comin' after us."

"Let's just get in there and punch 'em!"

"Shut up, Brick." The other three said automatically.

"Did you see the Claptrap?" Roland asked.

"Yeah. It's past a shitload of Lance in a cage at the far end of town."

"Right. Okay. Mordy, you go with Brick and provide cover fire while you get those smoke signals dealt with. Lil, you come with me to get the robot. I'm counting on your phase blast to keep us out of clusterfucks. Everybody got it?"

Brick cracked his knuckles while Mordecai and Lilith nodded.

"Give 'em some sick, chica."

"Can't wait." She pulled the caustic revolver and looked at it lovingly.

"Come on, boys. Let's go kick some ass."

.

Mordecai crouched on a roof, watching over Brick. The berserker was in full frenzy, smashing helmets into skulls and ripping through everything- buildings and Lance both- with the rocket launcher he wielded like a shotgun. Every once in a while Mordecai would have to kill a soldier stupid enough to get close to Brick, but on the whole the sniper simply kept moving and took out strategically placed foes.

He was trying not to think about Lilith. Hours earlier he'd heard her whooping ecstatically and yelling, "FEEL IT!", but there was too much commotion now. He hadn't been exaggerating to the others; the Lance were everywhere. It was impossible to tell where they were coming from, but they still kept coming in a seemingly endless stream.

"I wonder how that gun's treatin' her." He thought while scrambling up onto yet another roof.

Down below, Brick had shut down the penultimate smoke signal and was heading for the last, which was closer to Lilith and Roland's goal. Mordecai went back to the ground and pulled a pistol, joining Brick.

"Having fun, Beefcake?"

"Hell yeah! Didja see what I did to that one guy's head? That was awesome."

"Uh huh." Mordecai replied while pegging a couple of approaching Lance. They didn't even have the time to deploy their turrets.

Disturbingly gooey corpses littered the ground where they now fought, no doubt products of Lilith's new toy. Trying to aim while avoiding the now-liquid Lancemen was becoming a serious pain in the ass and he called out to Brick while pounding up a flight of metal stairs.

"Goin' back up top, Beefcake!"

"See ya!" Brick yelled back, knuckle deep in a medic's face.

"Got the Claptrap," Lilith's voice came over the ECHO.

"Good," he thought.

Now in position, he watched Brick punching his way into the junkyard. At least a dozen Lance were inside, waiting. Several shots later and there were significantly less of them, but most of them had turrets deployed and Brick was running into a trap.

"Shit. Shit, shit, shit." He muttered, aiming at the lead turret.

"Brick, watch it!" he yelled into the ECHO. "They're waitin' for you!"

Brick paused long enough to reload his rocket launcher and barged on. Mordecai growled in frustration and took his shot at the turret Brick would run into first. It exploded into shards and he laughed maniacally.

"Go on in, Blood. Save his dumb ass."

Bloodwing took off with a screech, coming down at an angle that the soldiers had no reason to expect trouble from. He swooped down on five unprepared men, killing three and maiming the others. Their turrets dropped just as Brick reached them and he abandoned his rocket launcher in favor of beating the few remaining Lance to death.

"What the fuck, Mordy. Nobody's here." He spoke peevishly into the ECHO.

"I know. You're welcome."

"Stealing kills again?" Lilith's voice came from behind him, accompanied by a burst of acid.

"God DAMN it, Lilith!" the sniper startled, still watching Brick through his scope. "I fucking hate it when you do that."

"It's really fun, though."

"Shouldn't you be, oh, I dunno, doin' your damn job?"

"Already did it." She said smugly.

"Then get back down there and do some more, for fuck's sake."

"Mordecai, I know you're wound a little bit tight right now, but I want you to do me a favor."

"Go away, Lil. Kinda busy."

"Does Brick look like he's in trouble?"

"Thanks to me and Blood, no."

"Uh huh. Now take a look around."

"You're gonna tell me they're all dead, and I've been babysittin' that maniac for no reason, aren't you?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"It's easy to get zoned in doin' that," he started.

"Mmhmm. I know. Now can we leave before they send reinforcements?"

"We've only been at this for a few hours, I'm still good."

"I'm glad for you, but the rest of us are tired, oh manliest of men."

"If you say so, I guess I can back down. For the rest of you."

"Of course."

Mordecai brought the rifle from his eye and stashed it in his storage deck holster, a trick which never failed to amuse him. Lilith caught his slight smile.

"I know, it's like a bag of holding, isn't it?"

"What?"

"Nevermind, Scruffy. Come on."

.

The four vault hunters trudged into Pierce's office in the late afternoon, exhausted. She gave them some speech about Steele that Mordecai wasn't really listening to and a pile of cash that was only marginally more interesting.

"Hotel?" Lilith looked at Mordecai hopefully when they emerged from the office.

"Yeah." He replied.

"Good idea," Roland nodded.

"Beds are good."

"Yeah." Lilith stretched.

It took only minutes to register the rooms, though Lilith raised her eyebrow at the other three when the dusty, wizened owner bitterly told them to pick whichever of the continually empty fifteen rooms they wanted. Settling for the same room they'd stayed in on Towel Night, as Lilith called it, the pair made their way up the dingy stairs, through the door, and onto the bed where they lay unmoving. Bloodwing made for the lamp just before his master hit the mattress.

"Fucking Lance." Lilith said, finally breaking the silence.

"Fucking Lance." Mordecai agreed.

"Why were there so many?"

"No idea. It's like they were regenerating or somethin'."

"That makes no sense, Scruffy."

"Still, though."

"Yeah."

They lay for a while longer, both staring dully at the ceiling. Lilith groaned theatrically.

"And tomorrow the Salt Flats. It sounds…"

"Salty?"

"Exactly."

"I've gotta go feed Blood." Mordecai said, making no move to do so. He rummaged around his person, looking for the pouch of dried meat.

"C'mere, Blood," he tried to entice the bird by shaking the bag. "It's delicious. Just c'mere."

Lilith raised her head to peek at Bloodwing.

"He's not even looking at you. Actually, I think he's making a point of not looking at you."

Mordecai sighed. "It was worth a try."

He dragged himself off of the bed and sat on the dresser next to Bloodwing's perch. It squeaked in protest but he ignored it, holding a piece of jerky out for the bird. Bloodwing stared at it for a moment before taking it.

"I know it's not fresh, amigo, but I'm not gonna go back out and kill somethin', are you?"

"By the way, are we going to eat?" Lilith asked from the bed.

"I don't care."

"How do you not starve?"

"I eat."

"Sort of."

He shrugged, still feeding Bloodwing.

"Think if we put something on the bounty board someone would get us food?"

"Does anyone look at that other than us?"

"I saw some other vault hunters here the other day, maybe one of them'll do it. We always get the real bounties, I bet they'd love the work."

"Do whatever you want, chica."

"Ugh. I don't even know how. I just know how to, you know, do what we do."

Mordecai shrugged again, slumped against the wall. Everything hurt. Climbing all over those rooftops had been fine when the adrenaline was going, but now he was paying the price. He wouldn't be surprised if he'd pulled his stitches.

"I could ECHO someone," she mused, still staring at the ceiling.

"Woman, you're obsessed."

"Shut up and lemme think. Who's in town?"

"Pierce, Marcus, Zed, Scooter, that guy who told us never to contact him again, um…I dunno, Lil. People."

She activated her ECHO.

"Hey, uh, Scooter?...Yeah, it's me, the pretty one."

Mordecai snorted.

"Look, I don't know how to work the bounty board and…" she paused, listening.

"No, I know how to pick up bounties, Scooter, but thanks…No, what I want to…is there anybody in town that can…no, damn it! I'm just tired! And hungry!...are you serious?...that would be incredible, yes…no, I don't know what they're doing, just me and Mordecai…yeah, the one who needs a friggin' sandwich…Scooter, you are a prince among men…yes, that's a good thing…yeah, we are…okay…yeah, see you soon. Thanks again."

"What just happened?"

"He's bringing us food, says he owes us one. Also I think he likes my tits."

"Can't blame him, really."

"They have their advantages."

Bloodwing was done eating, and Mordecai slumped back to the bed while attempting a lascivious look.

"I like them too."

"But you aren't bringing me food, so I don't care."

"That should probably hurt, but the rest of me hurts too much to notice."

"You hurt?" she rolled over and looked at him with concern.

"You don't?"

"I spent a lot of time phasing, it's…I dunno. Weird. I'm just tired."

"I spent all day on the normal, everyday plane of existence, climbin' on fuckin' rooftops."

"Poor Mordy. Is there anything I can…do?" she leaned over him with a meaningful look.

Mordecai was spared the need to respond with a crackle from his ECHO.

"Hi there," an exaggeratedly sexy female voice said over the line, "am I speaking to the lean, mean Vault Hunter with the bird who's been tearin' up my Circles?"

"Who the hell are you?" he demanded, irritated.

"Oh my, aren't you a forceful one!" she giggled. "The name's Moxxi, and I'm the owner of those miniature slaughter circles you've been getting it on with."

"And?"

"I operate a little place called The Underdome that I think you could really turn up the heat in. That is, if you think you can handle it a little harder. The challenge, that is."

"That's nice lady, but this isn't really a good time."

"Oh no, of course." She laughed flirtatiously, making Mordecai want to grit his teeth, "You're looking for the Vault. Of course. But if you want some real excitement, come and see me. I'm always…open."

She disconnected, and Mordecai snarled.

"Sometimes I really hate this thing."

"What, the ECHO? I'm just assuming here that you weren't talking to yourself. We haven't even seen Tannis lately, I don't think you could have caught it from her."

"You're a laugh a minute, Lilith."

"Yep. So what's got your panties in a bunch?"

"Some woman called Moxxi, says she owns the circles and some place called the Underdome. Wants me to go there and fight, I guess. Or fuck me. I couldn't tell. She sounds like a real piece of work."

"Are you gonna do it?"

"Fight, or fuck her?"

"I think I want you to answer that."

"Fight, maybe. After the vault. Fuck her, no. I'm more of a one woman at a time man."

"That's almost romantic."

"That, and she sounds kinda insane."

"I'm glad you have such a strict vetting process."

"Kiddin', chica. Not about the insane part, because I'm pretty sure she is, but the other. Who could want anyone else when they've got you?"

"That really was romantic."

"Pretend I'm kissin' the hell out of you, okay? I can't move."

"I can do better than that," Lilith said, and leaned over him.

There was a knock at the door.

"Damn it," Lilith stopped inches from Mordecai's face.

"Hey there, vault hun'ners! I got'cher food here. Catch some gruuuuuuuuub!"

Bloodwing screeched.

"This is your doing. You get the door."

She grimaced and bounced off of the bed, flinging open the door with a purposely dazzling smile.

"Hi, Scooter! Thank you so much for doing this for us!" she took him by the shoulder and eased the paper bag of food out of his dazed hands.

"I hope this is enough to cover it, and I can't wait to do the next job you have for us. You're the best!" she air kissed both of his cheeks and slapped some money into his hand.

Skillfully, she turned him around with the arm that was still around his shoulder and continued talking without a break.

"This has been such a super tiring day and you bringing this food was just the kindest thing you could have done and we both appreciate it so much. Have a wonderful night!"

She released him and closed the door, collapsing in the chair by the rickety table, head in her hands.

"I'll, uh, catch you later!" Scooter called through the door, sounding bewildered.

Over on the bed Mordecai was shaking with silent laughter.

"Lil," he gasped, sitting up painfully, "what the hell was that?"

"I got rid of him, didn't I?" she retorted with a shudder. "I feel so dirty."

"Hope for your sake it was worth it."

Lilith peeked into the bag and her eyes went wide. She reached in and pulled out two comically oversized sandwiches wrapped in newspaper, four bottles of rakk ale, and a clear box of leafy greens. She held the box close to her face and sniffed it with a look of pure joy.

"Look at this," she breathed. "A salad. A real salad. With things that aren't meat."

"The hell did he find a salad on Pandora?" Mordecai asked, reaching for a bottle.

"I have no idea. And you, stop that." She slapped his hand, "Sandwich first. Booze later."

"Have I told you lately that you're bossy as hell?"

"Have I given a shit lately?"

"I doubt it." He picked up one of the sandwiches and unwrapped it gingerly. It was full of unidentifiable meat, condiments, and what was hopefully some sort of cheese. He sniffed it.

"So?" Lilith prompted through a mouthful of green.

"Actually, it smells pretty decent."

"So eat the fucking thing."

He took a bite, and found it wasn't nearly as bad as it looked. Of course, go long enough without food and just about anything was delicious, and even for him the amount of food he'd eaten in the past two days was pretty low. Lilith munched contentedly on her salad, watching him eat.

"You're starting to give me the creeps, chica."

"I just realized that I hardly ever see you eat."

"Damn it, what is with you three? I eat! I'd be fuckin' dead by now if I didn't."

"Speaking of which, how are those stitches?"

"I dunno," he shrugged. "Think I mighta ripped 'em a little today."

"Ew. I'm not a doctor but I'm pretty sure that's bad."

"I'll take a look at 'em later." He snagged a bottle and opened it.

Lilith made a face. "At least you ate half. Salad?"

"Yeah, what the fuck. Vitamins."

She opened her own sandwich and began to devour it, mentioning aloud that none of them gave Scooter enough credit. Bloodwing dozed on his lamp perch and by the time Mordecai finished his second bottle of ale he had managed to eat the majority of his sandwich and the remaining salad while ignoring Lilith's teasing.

She finished eating and stood, reaching out her hands to pull Mordecai off of the bed.

"Time to get those clothes off of you, Scruffy. A nice shower will do you good."

"I'm only goin' if you're goin'."

"Water conservation," she nodded seriously. "very conscious of natural resources, I see."

She began to strip, and he did the same. They both divested themselves of their boots, then their various belts, holsters, and Mordecai's mask relatively quickly, but came together of one mind when the time came for clothes. Lilith tilted her head upward for a kiss, and the hunter readily complied. Their arms wrapped around each other for a few moments until Mordecai's hands slid up Lilith's torso to pull off her vest.

She kissed him harder, and he unzipped her sweater and removed it with a similar motion, running his hands up the sides of her ribcage and just barely grazing her breasts with his thumbs. Lilith pulled away for breath, and explored his face with her eyes.

"I don't get to see you enough."

"Keeps me interesting."

"Hmm, could be," she smiled and stroked his chest on the way down to the zipper of his vest.

Mordecai put his arm around her waist, fingers tracing lazy circles over the small of her back. Lilith peeled the now unzipped halves apart, and stopped dead. Mordecai looked quizzically at her, wondering at her sudden dismay. Before he could ask, she spoke.

"You know, I think you did rip those stitches, Killer. That's a lot of blood."

He looked down at his shirt. Dark splotches spread from the curving line of his wound, spreading several inches away. He sighed.

"That explains why it hurts, then."

"Exactly how bad was that? I was kidding when I said I thought you were gonna die…"

He shrugged slightly, trying not to show that it pained him. "Bad enough. You're not worried, are ya?"

"Of course I am, asshole. Did we not just have a cute little heart to heart less than twenty-four hours ago?"

She began to peel off his shirt, working gently over the bandage where the blood had soaked through and dried. At an expectant look from her, he raised his arms enough for her to work the shirt off. Now exposed, the sight was not pretty. The bandage had soaked up much of the blood before it reached his shirt and needed changing badly. She peeled enough of it away to peek at Zed's less-than-perfect stitches, and the fact that they had indeed ripped in several places. She handed the shirt back to Mordecai.

"Zed's. Now."

"I'm fine, chica."

"Don't make me shoot you."

"I'm not leaving Bloodwing."

Lilith rolled her eyes. "I'll stay with your sleeping bird so he doesn't get lonely or whatever, okay? Go."

"He might-"

"Go." She glared.

"I can make my own-"

"Go. Now." She held up her left hand, which had begun oozing acid.

"For the love of loot, woman."

"Have fun with the needles."