Chapter One

Bella

They say love conquers all but in my experience the opposite is true, or Edward Cullen would never have left me. The accident at my Birthday Party was no ones fault and they should have been able to see that. It was a simple accident made infinitely worse by Edwards overreaction. Jasper lunged yes, but I don't think he would have followed through and if he had it wouldn't have been his fault. They all knew he was an empath, he was feeling the thirst and desire of every vampire in the room including Edward, and to him my blood called the most strongly. I felt really bad about Jasper, knowing he would blame himself but hoping the others would tell him I didn't hold him responsible. I don't know if they did or not because I never saw any of them again after that fateful night, except Edward. His reaction when he dropped me off and refused to stay alerted me to trouble but I never expected what came next, not in my wildest nightmare. School the next day was torture, my arm ached and the stitches burned but I could have coped with all that if only I could have seen the Cullens and spoken to them. Edward wasn't in class and their table in the cafeteria was empty at lunch time despite the rain and heavy cloud cover. I thought Edward might be waiting by my truck at the end of the school day but no, no sign of him. I drove home with a heavy heart, a feeling of dread building inside me.

When I pulled up outside the house I could have cried with relief to see the silver Volvo parked outside, Edward leaning against it. Then I saw his face and knew the worst was still to come.

"Walk with me"

If I'd known what those three words would lead to I would have turned the truck around and driven as fast as possible away from Forks. The words that followed these three destroyed my heart and changed my life for ever. I finally knew how worthless I really was, not worthy of his love, not good enough for him. The promise he asked me to make went unanswered, all I heard was the one he gave in return,

"It will be as if I never existed"

He lied, my whole life changed that day, my personality, my relationships, me. How could it be as if he never existed? How do you obliterate memories without alcohol or drugs? I couldn't find a way and those two would have been even more destructive to me.

The fact the rest of the Cullens disappeared too just underlined my worthlessness and taught me not to believe anyone ever again. If they couldn't be trusted after all they'd said and done then no one could. It was a bitter lesson but one I would never forget. I admit I fell apart in the aftermath, Charlie, Renee, and Phil all tried but there was nothing to be said that would make a difference to the pain in my chest where the Cullens, Edward, had reached in and ripped my still beating heart out, leaving a ragged bleeding wound that would never heal. The old Bella leaked out too, leaving only bitterness and distrust in its place. I'd refused to see Jake or my school friends until Charlie threatened to send me home to my Mother. That's when I pulled together what was left of me and returned to school. I sat alone in class and in the cafeteria unless forced to do otherwise and after a while all my old friends gave up trying to include me. Angela and Mike were the last to abandon me when my attitude showed them I wasn't going to change. I snubbed conversation, ignored invitations, missed outings, anything where I would have to interact. I wasn't interested in their thoughts, feelings, or their help, I was in a deep dark lonely pit and I intended to stay there where no one could reach or hurt me again. I learned to erect the strongest barriers between myself and my own feelings, as well as others.

I still ignored Jake, not replying to his texts, ignoring his calls, and diving into the shower or pleading homework commitments if he called round. One day he caught me on the hop and Charlie refused to let me run and hide so I took a deep breath and agreed to go for a drive in his newly rebuilt Volkswagen. He drove out of Forks and parked up in a picnic area just off the highway to Port Angeles.

"So what do you think of the car?"

"Its fine"

"That's it? Its fine? "

"What do you want Jake?"

"Bella we're all, worried about you"

"Don't be I'm fine"

"No. You aren't Bella any more"

"Yes I am. Just the grown up version. That's all"

"Don't let the Cullens ruin your life Bella"

"Too late Jake"

"No it's not. You just have to forget them, him, and live your life."

I laughed bitterly at his words,

"Why does everyone think that I can turn my memories on and off just like that? Jake please just take me home, I have an essay to finish."

"Bella don't push me away"

"Why Jake? What exactly is it you want from me?"

"Bella you know how I feel about you. Why won't you give me a chance? I could be so good for you."

"You make yourself sound like a medicine. Take Jacob Black three times a day and feel better in two weeks. It won't work Jake. There's nothing left for you, it's all gone, destroyed. I don't love you Jake, I feel nothing for you or anyone else."

"Then let me make you feel again Bella. Let me wake you up again."

"With a kiss Jake? I don't think so, I don't want to feel again. I just want to be left alone. Can't you understand that?"

"No Bells it's not right."

"Don't you dare presume to tell me what's right and wrong for me Jake. Just leave me alone, my feelings aren't going to change and as soon as school is out I'm getting out of Forks. As far away as I can."

He looked hurt and confused but I didn't say any more, I just sat, arms crossed, staring out of the windscreen. He shocked me by his next action, pulling me into a one-sided embrace and pressing his hot lips against my unyielding ones. When he eventually pulled back I glared at him,

"Happy now Jake or do you want more? Shall I undress for you? Would you like to have sex with me too?"

He growled and started the car, slamming it into gear and with a screeching of tyres sped back to Charlies. I didn't speak when he pulled up, just got out slamming the door shut and walked to the front door. Charlie opened it but the smile on his face died as he took in my expression.

"Can I go to my room or is there something else you wanted me to do?"

He shook his head and I continued into the house and up the stairs leaving Jake to talk to him. I heard them talking and I wondered how much Jake would tell my Dad about our conversation. It was early but I was tired, tired of talking, of thinking, even of feeling angry, so I showered and went to bed not even bothering with dinner. I often skipped meals rather than sit with Charlies questioning looks or inane chatter about the town. I would say I hated Forks but I didn't feel anything for the place or the people in it. I just didn't care at all.