A/N: This is something random I came up with after staring at Xerneas and Yveltal's Bulbapedia entries for a bit too long. It can be considered a throwback to my old Legendary-focused writings; haven't done those in too long. Really should stop plotting/conceptualizing and start actually writing...

Disclaimer: If you wish to speak to the owner of the Pokemon franchise, you've got the wrong place. Not me.

Honestly, it's sometimes a pain working with you, Xerneas.

I've got my own problems to handle; the last thing I need is being constantly badgered with questions that are essentially different versions of 'do you think this course of action is acceptable'. I don't need constant status reports from you; put some trust in your own abilities. I know you're fully capable of doing your job - we've been doing this for decades now. You deem it necessary to intervene in someone's life? Be my guest. You wanna make a difference in someone's life? Fine - that's your choice. You're the Legendary of Life - that's your job, and how you do it is up to you. Your life, your rules.

You probably think I got it easy. The Legendary of Destruction - an oh-so-dramatic title for an oh-so-dramatic job. Just gotta 'fly around the world and fire off the occasional Hyper Beam onto unsuspecting mortals below', as you've so eloquently put it. You're probably wondering why it's even needed in the first place; at least the Legendary of Life has an obvious purpose. Circle of life, gotta maintain the balance; got to preserve lives, make sure things don't go extinct, make sure everyone's got a fair chance at life. Destruction shouldn't even need a regulator - things are destroyed all the time, things get destroyed all the time. Humans, Pokemon, every living thing - there's no exception.

I actually don't mind listening to your constant complaining and ranting about all this wanton destruction. It does get irritating at times, though, but like it or hate it, destruction is here to stay. We all gotta go at some point in time; gender, age, species, whatever - death and destruction don't discriminate. My job, however, isn't just random killings - it's replacement. Out with the old, in with the new. If not for the threat of destruction, of the possibility of dying at any time, people and Pokemon wouldn't be living their lives to the fullest, will they?

Can't you see that? Destruction isn't that different from life; in fact, it's a part of life. So stop saying that I'm not like you at all; stop wishing I was more like you. We're more similar than you think; you'd notice that if you'd just stopped looking at me through X-shaped tinted glasses and just look at me for who I am. I'm not you. I don't want to be you.

Now let me get this straight - I don't hate you. I actually like you - at least much more than some other Legendaries who do nothing but sleep, play pranks on others and make special guest appearances on Jubilife TV. We're not the best of friends - if we can even be considered friends - but we're not mortal enemies. We don't need a giant green snake intervening in our arguments; we know how to sort it out in a civilized fashion, without collateral damage, even if it means not speaking with one another for a few months. We have our differences, but at the end of the day, we can put them aside to finish our duties.

Still, if there's one thing I absolutely hate, it's the fact that the humans and Pokemon all prefer to kiss your ass.

You're the Legendary of Life - you watch over all life and all. Guardian of Life, come down to deal with this forest fire; oh mighty deer, preserve our souls, yadda yadda. Sure, it's a tough job, a stressful job - one that requires constant interaction with the masses, but at least you get recognition. People appreciate you for what you do. Hey, did you hear - Xerneas saved a group of hikers! Praise Xerneas, they've returned home unharmed!

And what does the Legendary of Destruction get? Nothing.

I become the scapegoat for everyone's frustrations and fears. I'm the villain in bedtime stories; the evil dragon in fairytales, the final monster to be overcome in video games. Be good, little children, or scary Yveltal will come and eat you up! Even the Pokemon get in on the act - in their eyes, I'm an omen of great evil; wherever I go, destruction is sure to follow. They scramble to hide in their caves and dens whenever I fly by, huddling close to one another and praying I don't decide to send a Hyper Beam in their direction.

I've grown used to that. Unlike you, I can't please everyone; there's bound to be people and Pokemon out there that hate me. So be it. I won't be winning over hearts and minds anytime soon, so I'm not even going to bother. I can tolerate the insults and whispers from the humans, and the Pokemon too. All part of the job.

My job is a thankless one. I don't get to decide who goes when; I simply execute. Some of them just know that their time is up - they calmly look up as I approach, look me in the eyes and acknowledge that they'll soon be dead. Those stories you hear about seeing a 'dark angel' on your deathbed? There's more truth in them than you might think.

It's not always old or sick ones that go, though; sometimes its people or Pokemon in their prime, taken seemingly before their time. Then there are those that were taken before their time, either by accident or by device - being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or making a wrong decision, perhaps. When those happen, I get the blame once again, but there's nothing I can do about it. The dead aren't coming back to life.

But here's what really gets to me. I can shrug off the words of the humans, and of other Pokemon. But when you join in, Xerneas, my blood just boils. You always take the moral high ground, make all the high-and-mighty comments like 'they were innocent' or 'they didn't deserve that'. Each time without fail you ask me to if I can look myself in the eye and sleep peacefully, or how can I even sleep at night with all those lives lost weighing on my shoulders. Well, guess what - they don't. I'm not a cold-blooded killer; I've just accepted that death is part of life.

There's a saying I like. A saying you should know. Life's unfair. No one really knows when their life will end until it happens - and even then, some might not even realize it until it's too late. Some deaths are pointless - that, I agree with you. Were they truly innocent? I don't know. Did they deserve that? Maybe not.

But as the humans say, shit happens.

You can't save everyone you want to save; likewise, I can't prevent all unnecessary deaths from occurring. The executor doesn't deserve to shoulder all the blame for pointless deaths; if anything, you're also to blame, Legendary of Unfair Life. But then the double standards the humans and Pokemon are so fond of kick in again - when you fail, it's all 'it was fated' and 'it was his time', but when I fail, it's always shouts of 'Yveltal you fucking bastard!' being shoved in my face.

You think your job is hard, Xerneas? Try mine.