Just something I wrote after getting no sleep. Based on real events, that's all I'm saying.

My mind isn't completely warped.

..

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters

"Sirius Black..will you marry me?"

"…"

"Nice man. But maybe lengthen the pause or something. You know how chicks get." Sirius replied, letting out a throaty chuckle.

Both him and James were lay on James' bed, discussing where the relationship with Lily was going. Slightly far-fetched, seeing as Lily had only just agreed to a first date with James not two months ago, but James was set on being optimistic.

"Pull your shirt up mate. We get it, you have a four pack!" James snorted.

Sirius scowled at him, pouting and childishly refusing.

"So. Condoms? Or bareback?" was his next question.

"Ahem."

A soft throat-clearing alerted them to Remus, who was hovering in the doorway, looking extremely uncomfortable.

"What are you guys, uh, doing?" he asked tentivately.

Sirius shrugged casually. Their conversation had come to a quick halt.

"James? Uh, I thought you liked Lily." Remus murmured uncomfortably.

Both James and Sirius stared at him with identical looks of blank confusion before realisation lit up Sirius' eyes.

"Padfoot? What the fuck?" asked James, looking confusedly from the reddening Remus to a laughing Sirius.

Sirius only shook his head, trying to control the laughter coming out of his lips.

After a minute, he slowly re-composed himself, shaking with the effort of holding his laughter in.

"Pretty sure our dearest Moony thinks we're sleeping together." Sirius managed, a grin still pulling at the corner of his mouth.

"Wait, what?" James asked, obviously still confused.

"Wait, you guys were talking about Lily?" Remus questioned, the relief evident in his voice.

"What? When?"

"I'm going to leave now. Get a drink..." Sirius told them, before gracefully rising and leaving the room.

"When you were talking about condoms just then. You two were referring to Lily?" Remus said, approaching the bed.

James gestured the spot on the other side of him, beckoning Remus to sit down whilst chuckling.

"Yeah Moony, you prat. You thought Sirius and I were shagging?" he snorted.

A few minutes later, he realised that Remus still looked serious.

"Moony?"

"Look James. I probably jumped to conclusions too early, but surely you can see where I was coming from. I mean, it's not hard to understand why Sirius has girls fawning over him day in and day out." Remus began uncomfortably, his eyes fixed to the ground.

"Yeah, Moony, but it's Sirius! He's my best mate, I don't fancy him, I'm straight! And I love Lily. So I really dunno where you're coming from." James chuckled in response, before realisation lit up his eyes.

"Wait. Do you fancy Sirius?!" he exclaimed.

"No." Remus said unconvincingly, his cheeks reddening slightly.

"Merlin, you do! You fancy Sirius!" he burst out, delighted.

"No I don't, shut up Prongs!" Remus moaned defensively.

"You do!"

"Prongs, he's coming back, please shut up!" Remus groaned.

Sirius came back into the room, grinning at his two friends.

"So how are my favourite little lovers?" he joked, leaping on the bed and worming in between James and Remus. Once he was in the middle, he dug both arms underneath their bodies until they were slung around them both, and closed his eyes, still smirking.

Remus' face went bright red.

James' lit up with glee at seeing this, and he leant over Sirius' head, mouthing 'you do!' at his furiously embarrassed friend.

Remus only closed his eyes in defeat, delighting James even more.

After a minute, Remus noticed how deep Sirius' breathing had gotten, desperately trying to avoid James' gaze.

"Merlin, he's asleep!" Remus softly exclaimed.

James shrugged nonchalantly.

"Yea, he falls asleep in weird places. Happens a lot."

Remus stared in shock as Sirius turned to James in his sleep, and began nuzzling his neck.

None of this seemed to even slightly faze James, but he turned to Remus with a mishchevious glint in his eyes.

Remus groaned.

"Hey Moony."

James waited for Remus to turn back to him, and gestured at Sirius' sleeping form.

"When Sirius is sleeping and he's like, with someone, well, he does this thing with his mouth."

James moved his neck up so Remus could see how Sirius was nuzzling James' neck, brushing his lips against the skin and occasionally nibbling at it.

Remus swallowed thickly, his breathing becoming irregular. James grinned devilishly.

"And the thing is... he doesn't just do that to me. He does it to anybody… on his right side."

Remus swallowed again.

"What are you, uh, suggesting, James?" His voice broke a little at the end.

"Swap places with me, Remus." James grinned.

"No?"

"Calm down, Moony. I know you have a crush on Padfoot.." James laughed, pretending to swoon.

"I do not…"

"Sure. Anyway, if you swap with me and see if Sirius'…thing, like, makes you feel anything…" he started.

"Urghh.." Remus interrupted, pulling a disgusted face.

"Then you'll know if you're, you know. If you have proper feelings for him." James finished, shooting Remus an amused look.

"Prongs I don't have a crush on Sirius!" Remus groaned

"Sure. Sure." James replied, shooting him a wink.

"And besides, what if he woke up?" Remus argued.

"Merlin's beard! Stop being such a girl and just swap with me, Moony!" James sighed.

"No." Remus said firmly.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"NO!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes."

"Fine!" moaned Remus in defeat.

James felt the lips that were pressed at the side of his neck curve up into a lopsided smile.

Remus sighed heavily, leaning forwards and climbing to the bottom of the bed. James rolled easily over Sirius' body, settling in at the left side whilst Remus crawled over Sirius' legs and pressed himself into Sirius' right side.

Through the disturbance the sleeping boy had turned to face upwards, but now they were all still again he turned instinctively to the right, finding much sought-after comfort in the crook of Remus' neck just above his collarbone.

Feeling Sirius' lips gently part as he buried his face into the skin made goosebumbs explode from Remus' neck all the way down his spine. His hands began to shake a little, and he exhaled shakily. Much to his embarrassment, he felt a familiar tightening in his lower abdomen and screwed his eyes shut, his face slowly reddening once again.

"So I'm guessing you liked it." James said awkwardly from the other side of the bed.

He was leant on one elbow, surveying the scene in front of him with an amused sparkle in his eyes, at the same moment Sirius threw his free arm across Remus' torso, burying his face in further and mumbling in satisfaction at the warmth.

Remus froze, barely even breathing.

"James!" he hissed.

"Yeah?" James answered conversationally.

"What's even happening right now?"

"It's just Padfoot, Remus. He has some serious boundary issues. Enjoy it while you can!"

Five minutes later, Sirius grumbled in his sleep, obviously growing tired of the unresponsive body he had latched to, and swung to the other side, embracing James.

"It's okay Padfoot. Don't let nasty Moony upset you just because he has a crush on you and won't love you. I'll love you!" James said in his most coddling voice, hugging Sirius tightly back.

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Don't take it personally, Moony. Padfoot just likes me better."