so time has come for me to write a new story. mainly because i really don't wanna do my homework. seriously, don't ask me where i keep getting inspiration for these things... though this one in particular probably stems from my facination with clowns and lights and carnivals... if at any point in this story, i write a sex scene featuring some sort of clown, inform me immediately.

doesn't anyone else find clowns sexy though?! I CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE!

all the usual stuff, warnings about yaoi, DLDR... um yeah... not much to say about this one...

DISCLAIMER: *sighs* seriously i don't own.

Trapped in a cage of my own design.

Deidara frowned at the wall, wondering when he had written such a thing.

There were two factors in his life that made such a statement untrue; the first being that, he didn't view being in the Akatsuki as any sort cage or trap, and the second being that there was no cage on earth, not of his or anyone else's design, that could possibly keep him trapped in.

Now this wasn't just smug, wrong belief on his part. No Deidara was a professional escape artist and had in fact, already escaped far worse than a simple cage. In fact, not two nights ago, he had narrowly avoided being sawed in half as part of his act.

He bet the guy holding the chain-saw was just praying for him to slip up. But Deidara didn't do that. He had never had a problem like that and never failed to perform at his best.

Hidan was just a prick anyway, having actually volunteered to be the one to take his life, should it come to it.

On the insistence of a few other members though, Deidara wouldn't be performing that particular trick again. Apparently it was dangerous, or something stupid like that. Not that he particularly cared. Life was transient and about the freedom of being able to do stupid, dangerous things without worrying about the consequences.

Life was about right now. Not about later and worrying if you'd still be alive to enjoy it.

That's the way he had always viewed it anyway.

He grabbed a randomly coloured marker from his collection – yes, he collected markers among other things – and scribbled a brand new line beneath the old, out-dated one.

Life is a gift, let's take it for granted.

Before he threw the marker back into the pile and smiled briefly at the wall. It was only upon stepping back, that he realised he had just covered the last free spot on the empty side of his room. he'd decided to work mostly on that side, writing small entries day by day to fill up the space, in case he got a roommate sometime soon and wasn't able to finish.

He didn't like the thought of leaving something unfinished.

And he couldn't wait to blow this caravan the fuck up. As long as Itachi didn't tell on him, it was going to be fucking awesome! And then he would likely be murdered by leader, but that didn't necessarily matter.

Today was the last day they would be in this particular part of town. The circus was moving on again – yeah, circus – and they'd be gone before sunrise tomorrow. But they still had another show to put on tonight for the good people of…

Wait, where the hell were they?

Ah well, it didn't matter. It wasn't like he'd be speaking to the people directly, unless his act called for it which it probably wouldn't. And even if it did, he'd probably be too bound up to say a word and someone else would have to step in for him.

As it was, they'd be doing most of the cleaning up during the day so they'd be in the next town in time for tomorrow's show. They didn't always have to move so quickly, but the circus and the Akatsuki in particular were going through a sudden bout of popularity. Apparently, people loved to gather round and watch people do freaky shit.

Deidara gave little thought to the fact that he was still in his pj's and walked outside. His part of the camp was a collection of six caravans; five for living in and one was Pein's – or leader, as they called him sometimes – office/storage room.

Most of their practising was done in other parts of the camp – though most of Deidra's could be done in his caravan – as well as most of the other things they did. For example; eating. And he was starving.

He stepped outside, embracing the morning light. He might not know where he was but he knew it was sweltering out here and the ground was purely grains of sand. As he walked across, bare footed, it was a struggle to keep his feet flat as it was so hot but he forgot about that when a shadow distorted his vision of the ground. He looked up to see Itachi.

"What do you want un?" Deidara asked. It was early in the morning, so nobody could expect him to be polite.

Itachi didn't look fazed though and said, "Pein wants to see you in his office."

"But… Breakfast!" he made a vague gesture towards the general direction of the main tent from where the smell of breakfast was filling the entire camp. Even the mouths on his hands were drooling! He bet they were having something delicious too.

"Now, Deidara," was all Itachi said before he turned to walk away.

"You told on me, didn't you un?!" Deidara yelled after him but it had no effect and just as he expected, the Uchiha said nothing.

Deidara scowled and stomped over towards leaders caravan. It wasn't fair! He'd done nothing wrong and only contemplated blowing things up but it's not like he'd been serious! And now he was going to miss breakfast! He swore, if leader didn't kill him for this, he'd give killing Itachi his best damn shot! Unless Konan warned him first. Which she probably would.

Dammit!

He knocked twice before entering without permission, preparing for the worst. Pein had never taken kindly to unnecessary violence or danger. Which made it weird to think he'd taken in the people he had. They were like, the most dangerous of them all! But wait, Pein was looking at him now, expecting something…

"Un, whatever Itachi told you I swear it's not true!" he immediately exclaimed, "well okay un, maybe it's a little true but that hardly makes it alright for him to run over here and tell on me un!"

Stupid Uchiha. He was never going to entrust his evil plans with him, ever again!

As he rambled, Deidara was unaware of a fresh set of eyes watching him.

Pein waited patiently for him to finish, resisting to childish urge to roll his eyes before he said, "you're not in trouble Deidara, at least not yet. And don't you think that if anyone was informing on you, it'd be Konan?"

Of course! And he'd just wasted so much of his energy on plotting Itachi's impromptu murder.

"What un? What did she say?!"

"She sees darkness in your future."

"Tch what else is new un? Kakuzu says she's a quack."

Pein raised a brow, apparently amused by this new revelation, but before he could speak another word, the redhead sitting before him cleared his throat, calling for all available attention.

"Oh right," Pein said, forgetting himself for a moment, "Deidara, this is the Akatsuki's new recruit."

"Un, didn't Konan tell you not to take in random strangers anymore?"

"This kid is an exception," Pein said then muttered under his breath, "I asked her permission first."

Oh, he must be just like us then.

"he'll be taking the spare bed in your room. you are to show him around the camp, introduce him to everyone – not just the Akatsuki – and show him how things work around here. I wouldn't want him getting in trouble on his first day."

"But I need to practise new trick for my act!" Deidara argued.

"Alright then, he can help."

Damn, that had been his only solid argument.

He didn't want to show the new guy around!

He could remember when he was new and being shown around by Itachi. Everyone had seemed… weird. But that was alright because he had his own weird qualities but this guy…

He looked normal!

Hell, the only strange quality about him was his hair because honestly, who had hair that colour?!

He glared back at Deidara with angry brown eyes, a scowl marring his face. Despite himself, Deidara found him kinda attractive. Okay, so maybe sharing a room with this kid wouldn't be so bad… as long as he didn't use the F work in front of Hidan or do anything to upset anyone.

"Alright un come-on. I've got like five seconds before they stop serving breakfast.

The new kid sighed and stood up leisurely, following behind Deidara at a snail's pace.

"So un, this is where you'll be sleeping."

Deidara had given Sasori – seeing as how that was the kids name – a tour of the grounds, steering clear of most of the Akatsuki members for now since he got a certain leave-me-the-fuck-alone-I'm-normal vibe from Sasori which the others wouldn't like.

Deidara had forgotten somewhere along the way that his room was lined with chains and cages and other things most commonly used to restrain people. Besides the colourful walls, it was all Sasori could see.

Deidara took the opportunity to get dressed while his new roommate recovered from shock. Being a performer of sorts, it took him less than a minute to get into a fresh set of clothes.

"Sorry about all this un. Pein makes me store it myself. He says it creeps him out un."

"So you're like what a…"

Deidara almost squealed. This was the first time Sasori had spoken all day. He'd only managed to find out his name because Konan could never be avoided.

"Escape artist un,"

He smiled slightly as a look of understanding overtook those cold, porcelain features.

"So then I could tie you up as tight as is physically possible and you'd be able to escape?" he smirked over at the blonde as if preparing to take his answer as a personal challenge.

Maybe it was something about being away from everyone else that made Sasori more open?

"Why don't you try it un?" Deidara had been just about to say this when the door slammed open and a very bloody Hidan stomped in.

"where'd you put the damn chainsaw?" he asked, rather breathlessly.

"what un, why?!"

"Need it." Hidan's pink eyes then strayed over to the redhead and he offered a smile that turned out more predatory then anything. "you're the new kid right? I'm Hidan," he held out a blood soaked hand but was refused and so redirected his attention to the blonde as well as the gaping wound in his stomach.

"What the hell is his problem?"

Deidara rolled his eyes. "He's new here, you can't just barge in here covered in blood and expect him to be your best friend. Un and you're bleeding all over the damn carpet!"

"Fine, fine, just tell me where you hid the chainsaw and I'll…"

"Hidan! Get out here and clean up this mess!"

Hidan's eyes widened comically as Konan's voice resounded throughout the camp.

"Oh fuck! Can I hide in –"

"No un!" Deidara pushed him out the already open door and called out, "Konan I found him!" before heading back inside and slamming the door.

He smiled tentatively at Sasori, hoping this incident hadn't affected his ability to speak and sure enough…

"What a freak."

Sasori's reception of the rest of the Akatsuki unfortunately wasn't any better.

He found Itachi a little stuck up and standoffish – yeah, he could really talk – and Kisame, well he was really a sight to behold. Sasori had to bail before they could even speak, mumbling something about a weak stomach.

That was one of those upsetting things Deidara really wished he wouldn't do.

He vaguely wondered how the other would react to his hand mouths, or even to being forced to watch the show later. Now that was truly where things started getting freaky.

Sasori refused to go near Hidan again which was probably for the best because he and Kakuzu would be busy practising his act – which basically involved a lot of blood and violence, no children under the age of 12 allowed.

Last but not least, were Tobi and Zetsu, both of whom were rather… interesting people and garnered a negative response from Sasori who claimed the two were dysfunctional, co-dependant weirdoes.

"You're a real charmer, you know that un?" Deidara asked, frowning at the redhead who'd managed to upset Tobi. Right before a show too, that was never good.

"Whatever," was Sasori's simple, arrogant response.

"So what are you here for anyway?" Deidara tried, his eyes were preoccupied looking for the right set of something heavy and metal though he knew he could escape any man-made hold on this earth, he wished Pein would let him do something cool and fire related. He gave up eventually, guessing he'd go with routine instead of being adventurous tonight; he sat on his bed, across from Sasori.

"What do you mean?"

"You know, why are you here? What's your trick, why'd leader choose you?"

The redhead shrugged and lay back, staring at the coloured ceiling – how the hell had he coloured the ceiling? His eyes picked out a phrase in black.

Finding yourself in the world of loss.

What did that even mean? In fact, there were a lot of things written on these walls and roof that made absolutely no sense.

"I don't know," the words left his mouth easily. But he did know. He just hated to think about it.

"What do you mean? Konan wouldn't have let him take you in for no reason, un! There must be something really special about you!"

Sasori ignored the way bright azure eyes stared at him, trying to read some deep hidden truth engraved in his skin. He simply shrugged again, "like I said brat, I don't know."

Deidara brushed the name off and said, "Well un, I guess we'll find out soon enough right? After all, it won't be long before you're standing on that stage, terrifying the normal people."

Normal people.

Deidara tried to think back to a time when he was one of them. But he couldn't ever remember fitting in with them. Nobody in the Akatsuki had ever been normal. That's why they fit so well together but Sasori, well Deidara couldn't help but worry for him.

They'd only just met so it was reasonable for him to be a little frightened but he'd gone beyond that and almost completely shut down.

Deidara wondered if he had a life away from here, if he was happy where he used to be, if he regretted whatever strange turn of events had led him here. And through these thoughts, he felt sorry for the redhead.

But then there was a knock at his door and he forgot all about that. A voice flooded through the room, "hey, the Akatsuki's about to go up. Get out here and get ready for your act!"

Deidara hadn't even realised it was dark and he hadn't heard the sounds of the circus starting up or of people crowding the grounds but suddenly he felt that wonderful rush of adrenaline that generally followed lighting a fire or came before he did something reckless. After all, it was always reckless to chain yourself up under dangerous circumstances.

"Come-on un, show time," he said to Sasori who sat up slowly.

This was it, he thought. His last chance to go back, his last chance to be relatively normal. He could run right now, run back to that cold, dark place he used to live, and be alone, or he could try things here and who knows, he might end up happy?

Sasori looked up to see his new blonde roommate with an exhilarated smile on his face, blue eyes full of pure adrenaline and despite himself, he couldn't help thinking how adorable the brat looked.

He decided, if his world was dark right now, he'd let that smile be the light to lead him somewhere new.

"Alright, but this show better be amazing."

As for the rest of the Akatsuki… if he had to deal with them, it'd be at a later date, minimum contact both verbal and physical. He would never, no matter how bad things got, associate himself with freaks.

like it? yeah i thought so... it would be reeeeeeaaally helpful, if anyone has any suggestions at all, about the different acts. i have Deidara, Hidan, Sasori and Konan covered. any further ideas would be immensly helpful ^^