A/N: Once again my sincerest apologies for how long its taken me to get back to this story. I will try my best to keep a steady pace and finish up this story soon. I might end up writing a sequel if I feel there is more to be explored however I think that this has gone on for far too long due to my long unintended hiatuses. Thank you to the people still reading, I will do my best to have another update within the next 7 days. Enjoy.

With each passing day, Dean felt himself becoming more and more confused. Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. He was lost. At times he would feel as if he was on top of the world and nothing could go wrong. Then other times he felt as if he was the smallest thing on the planet and that he was the scum of the earth. He was unsure how much more of it he could actually take. Although for the most part he knew he only had himself to blame, and he was the only person that could fix things he still felt helpless.

On the one hand he had Seth. Seth was his boyfriend. They had only grown closer over the months and they were even living together. Well not officially or anything but when they had some time off they would often go to Seth's place, and Dean had gotten used to leaving some of his belongings there. Luckily Seth understood that every now and again Dean needed some time to himself, so tried not to be too upset when Dean decided to spend the odd break at his own place.

What Seth didn't know however, was that these trips back home for Dean weren't spent alone. They were spent with Roman. Their sexual relationship was a secret to everyone but them, Dean was the most open and honest with Roman. Roman knew fine well that Dean was in a much less secretive relationship with their teammate Seth although it never stopped him taking Dean up on his offer to him him at home. Never.

Roman himself was quite lost and confused about his current circumstances. Most of the time he had off work would be spent at home with his daughter. Although this also meant his former love of his life, his daughter's mother would also be there. He didn't have any resentment or negative feelings toward her, however increasingly he would realise he often fantasized that Dean would take her place and be a third guest at the far too regular tea parties he was made guest of honour at.

Seth was oblivious. He was head over heels in love with Dean and had no reason to ever doubt his lover. On the occasions where Dean just had to have Roman he was always very convincing to a gullible Seth. Seth never questioned Dean and Roman being alone, it was a normal occurrence. This often made Dean feel that little more guilty about what he was doing. However knowing he could and was getting away with it made him realise there was no reason to stop. Until now.

It was becoming more and more difficult for Dean to get through each day and get a decent nights sleep afterward. He was starting to run on empty and his messy feelings were really starting to ruin him. He would often pro and con the situation, coming to a conclusion that would fix him but then never actually go through with it. Instead, he turned a blind eye and tried to just focus on something else. This worked sometimes but things were still difficult for Dean. Although as soon as he was alone with either Seth or Roman and they were intimate all his fears and worries disappeared for a while at least.

Dean was snapped out of one of his frustrating day dreams by Roman who was leaning most of his weight now on him as they lay in Roman's hotel bed. Seth had opted for an early morning run and had some things to sort out, so Dean took this opportunity to pay Roman a visit.

Dean looked up at the larger man on top of him and tried to let all his negativity escape him.

"I want more."

Dean was stunned at Roman's words. More? Dean had no more left to give. It was taking all of his might just to keep things running smoothly as they were.

Roman had been wondering for a while now when the best time to talk to Dean about their relationship would be. This might not have been it but he figured he would take his chances. Dean's non existent response spoke volumes to Roman. He knew fine and well the situation he was in and most of the time he was OK with it. He knew Dean was in love with Seth and even though he felt used at times, he couldn't deny how Dean made him feel. So he went with it. He let Dean use him and took what he could from the Ohioan. Roman couldn't deny that Dean made him feel alive. Made him feel he was actually capable of not being forever alone. The sexual release that Roman was granted from Dean was something that had been missing from his life for years. Although he had convinced himself recently that he needed more, in this moment he was becoming weak. He knew the way Dean pleased him could not be matched so he he swallowed his pride once more, and pushed all the doubt, all the pity and everything else negative out his mind and instead took in the mighty sight before him - Dean Ambrose.

They could spend minutes together or they could spend hours together, it didn't matter. They still had a lasting effect on each other. Even when they weren't being particularly intimate with one another their time was still special. This was always something in the air, an essence of pure joy perhaps. It was easy for them. They just got along. And well at that. Perhaps it was due to the fact that before things could ever get heated and escalate they would go their separate ways. Dean back to Seth and Roman back home. Although it took its toll individually on the men, when they were together it seemed as if it was the perfect set up. Although they had never addressed the problems head on and discussed them, both men knew somewhere deep inside them that things could only go so well for so long before something happened to ruin it. Until that moment though, neither men were going to miss an opportunity to feel the way they felt with in the presence of the other.

"Nevermind", Roman whispered in Dean's ear, slightly deflated.

Roman slid his hand over the remote and a movie started playing. He kept close to Dean but focussed his vision on the bright screen ahead of him.

Dean knew that he should say something, however he had no clue where to even begin. He knew he couldn't tell Roman anything right now or do anything that would make him feel any better. He took the hint of Roman wanting to get away from his previous comment, and so Dean gazed over to the TV as well, although he was not paying a single bit of attention to what was on screen as once again his mind drifted into a land of a thousand thoughts, which only made him sick to his stomach. He didn't want Roman to know this of course, so hoped that the movie would distract Roman enough that once it was over, things would be as normal as possible afterwards before they had to face the obvious elephant in the room and actually come up with a proper plan to make them feel normal again .To not make anyone feel used. This was not the time for that however and Dean knew all too well that time was unlikely to occur soon, however he did fear that it would all have to happen sooner rather than later.