Disclaimer:

I do not own the characters of Harry Potter, these belong to that wonderful author JK Rowling and the various publishing companies used to publish her works. I am however borrowing them, no not to make money but for fun and fun only. :)

Summary:

So thanks to a few twisted people out there who I admire so much, I am doing wrong pairings here. None are to be taken seriously!

All the pairings will be over age and no professor x student or same sex. No sex scenes and very little violence or language, this is good clean humor you can share with your grandmother! I even include pot jokes for their enjoyment. (Runs very fast from horde of angry aging baby boomers).

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Severus Snape and Margery Dursley: In which Severus survives the snake bite, Sirius was in a coma and did not go through the veil and Harry ends up with some disturbing news;

Harry sighed and sat down heavily at the scrubbed table in the burrow's kitchen. He could not believe the letter, was this a joke? Was this how one Severus Snape repaid him for saving his life? Going and getting hitched to her of all people? Maybe he should have seen if Snape had suffered brain damage from what happened, that could be the only way to explain why he was with aunt Marge of all people! He looked up as a sea of flaming red hair came into the room, his family was here, Molly, Arthur, the insane Weasley twins, easy to tell apart as Fred, well he was dead but still here as a ghost. He could not leave George alone, that would be cruel. Ginny, Charlie Bill and Percy were all here, Arthur was at work still.

"He is mad." Harry said, "he married aunt Marge, the drunk vicious lout of an not-aunt I could ever have."

"Maybe she changed?" Fred said.

"Yea or she is exactly what he deserves." George added.

"We really should go see them." Ginny said.

"Take pictures of their kids, see how they turned out. Could not get any uglier." Bill said and at a glare from Molly, "well Snape was no looker and from how Harry described his aunt neither is she!"

"Guess I better go then." Harry said gloomily.

A week later found one Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley outside a charming country home. Harry was clad in an expensive black suit with green and gold tie. Ginny was in a long green gown of velvet that made her red hair stand out even more. Harry rang the bell and a small house elf answered, a house elf dressed in a shrunk Beatles tee shirt and faded jeans with a pageboy cap on. They entered and walked into the living room where Snape and Marge were at. Harry blinked, Severus was a bean pole with greasy curtains of black hair, a large hooked nose, thin lips and black eyes in a sallow skinned face. He was clad all in black, black tee shirt with ACDC in red lettering on the front, black thermal shirt and black jeans.

Marge was laying on the couch fatter than ever, she was clad in a pretty purple gown though that did not really help her look pretty but did look nice nonetheless. She had shaved and she looked well carried for and actually smiled at seeing Harry. Harry wanted to run but did not, the large shaggy black dog at her feet looked familiar to him, too familiar in fact. Crawling around said dog were two babies, each with an adorable mop of black hair and blue eyes. They did not look much like their parents at all and Harry wondered if this was a joke and someone would jump out and say "fooled you" to him. Harry had lots to say, so much so but all that came out was the following:

"Padfoot you traitor!" Harry said.

"Come now, I treat him good, he is much nicer than any dog I ever had!" Marge said. "You still a scrawny runt."

"Maybe that is because that is the way I am." Harry said, "Vernon made sure I ate, said that you can't run a car with no gas. I can eat what I want and not gain."

"Too true, and he is a good man, and we are getting married." Ginny said.

"Good, keep him in line, that is what men need, a good strong hand. Can't let them do what they want." Marge said, "that not right Sev?"

"Very much so, you keep me grounded and that is why I love you my Maggie."

"Why did you want to see me?" Harry asked.

"Oh, well it is a bit late but with the death eaters rounded up and all we were wondering, would you be godfather to our children?" Snape asked.

Harry wondered what dimension he had fallen into, this was not real, this was wrong on all levels. But all he could do was nod and agree, if he was crazy he might as well take the whole crazy train down with him. Snape and Marge beamed at him and Harry was sure somewhere someone was laughing their head off at his expense. How right he was, how very right he was.

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Harry backed from his computer and rubbed his eyes. Ginny came up and saw the look on his face, amusement and worry all at once.

"What is wrong?" She asked.

"Someone by the name of Rebecca Roy, she is nutters, she paired Snape and Marge!" Harry laughed.

"Ah about that…" Ginny said.

A scream of terror could be heard halfway across the world and one author smiled a rather cold and cruel smile and went back to creating havoc across the uni- the web. Now I got Beatles songs stuck in my head (goes to put a record on, remembers to close dust cover so cats don't take a ride, sounds of silence waft through the house, wait that is Simon and Garfunkel, oh well just as good)….