Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece.

A/N: This is for acidiceffect and picmurasaki. I really wanted to write each of you a story, but I couldn't come up with another plot bunny. I'm sorry... But, I hope you two will like it!

Zoro had a crush on Sanji. He didn't know what to do with it though, and he felt quite helpless. For one thing, there was less than a slim of a chance that the cook had a thing for men. Zoro saw how Sanji engaged around the women versus the men; it was very different.

Sanji treated every single women in the world as if they had royal blood. All of the women, although they didn't say this out loud, they enjoyed the sweet (sometimes overly sweet) attention they got from him.

On the other hand, the cook treated the men like scum. That was it: scum. Something that could be wiped off and forever forgotten. That was Zoro: a man.

So, even though Sanji called him a muscle only, brain lacking moron, he was smart enough to know to keep his mouth shut.

But, Zoro did dream.

He dreamed of Sanji treating him like a princess-but not literally. He wanted Sanji to acknowledge that he was something more than a muscle only, brain lacking scum. He thought of days when the cook brought him a snack and even stopped to chat. He dreamed of days when Sanji asked if there was something wrong when Zoro was gloomy. He dreamed of days when Sanji smiled at him, or even laughed.

Sometimes, Zoro dreamed of himself as a woman. Would love been easier if he was a female? Sanji would definitely be looking at his direction if his abs were large and jiggling. He watched how Nami and Robin acted, and he visualized it as himself.

That was what he was thinking of one night. He wasn't on watch duty, but he couldn't find the men's bedroom. So, he stayed in the weight room. Outside, the sky and the sea was covered in a white haze. He stared out the poor view anyways, while his mind drifted off.

If I was a woman, Zoro thought as he drifted off to sleep, will Cook love me?

-.-.-

The following morning was dark because the haze was thick as mud. There was no color in the sky, and not a drop of sunlight penetrated the haze.

Zoro woke up rather early because the sudden chill. He sat up and sneezed, and then noticed something odd. His chest felt heavy. And it jiggled. The swordsman's sneeze halted on the third one, and he peered down.

His lower regions were blocked by two large balls on his chest. It was larger than apples, but smaller than mini watermelons. He hoped it was a prank, but they jiggled and were stuck on his skin.

"Oh god."

Strange to say, the first instinct that flew to Zoro's mind was his manhood. His hands dove to his pant zipper, zipped them down, and he yanked the hems to look inside.

It was there.

Wait, that meant that Zoro was still a man, but with breasts. This was not what Zoro wished for; it felt worse. (Then again, he didn't know women anatomy) Surely, this would get the Cook's attention, but he would be a laughing target for the rest of the crew members.

He definitely didn't want to be a laughing target, so he quickly buttoned up his dark green coat. He stepped down the ladder, wondering where the infirmary was.

Why was he heading for the infirmary? He recalled a memory when Kuina wrapped a bandage tightly around her chest as a substitute for bras. His were awkwardly bigger than hers, bless her soul. But, if he tighten the bandages, it might make him look normal.

Before he headed to the infirmary, however, he bumped into Brook. Hastily, Zoro covered his chest to prevent it from shaking.

"Oh, I-I'm sorry to whoever I bumped into. I can't see for the moment..."

Zoro looked up to see why Brook couldn't see, and it startled him so much he almost choked. On the musician's face there was a cute orange undergarment. The swordsman was afraid to assume, but it was probably Nami's.

"B-Brook, why do you have underwear on your face?"

Brook let out a hoot of laughter. A portion of his face that wasn't hidden behind the panties was turning red.

"So it is panties..." Brook chuckled, "A peculiar thing happened Zoro-san. Last night, I was just thinking of seeing Nami-san's panties."

"-and today you have a panty on your face."

"Exactly."

"I still don't get why it's on your face."

"It appears that I can't take it off."

"No way." But Brook was telling the truth. Zoro tried pulling the undergarment, but it was glued on his face.

"Well, at least I can see her panties." Brook summed up the slightly unfortunate event with something positive. "Where are you heading off to Zoro-san?"

"The infirmary."

"Oh, are you feeling ill?"

"Er, no, not really. Just wanted to talk to Chopper."

"Oh, but we locked Chopper-san up in the storage."

"Why?" Zoro shouted in surprise.

"Well, it appears that Chopper gained some kind of hallucination. He believes he is a superhero, and calls himself Chopperman. He attacked Usopp yelling about Dr. Usodabada kidnapping Namifa." Brook's jaw shook, "and then he started attacking Sanji and calling him Ero Lizard! It was quite a sight-although I don't have eyes and I can't see with a panty on my face yohoho.

"But are you still going to the infirmary?" Brook asked.

"Yeah, but to get something."

"Ah, alright." Brook's voice was muffled by the panty, "the infirmary is located after the first fish tank door."

"Thanks," Zoro answered and walked past Brook. He heard the musician bump into a wall, and then tumble down the staircase. Zoro didn't want to look because he felt sorry for him.

When he got to Chopper's workplace, he found a cabinet full of bandages. He took a roll and quickly unbuttoned his coat. He grimaced when the breasts collided together when he brought his arms to his chest. Since he was topless, he got a good look at them. Its size didn't beat Nami or Robin, but they were big...and heavy.

He pulled a good amount of bandages and dressed his chest. He tugged it tightly as he could until it looked like the chest he was used to. Zoro took a look at himself before buttoning up his coat again.

Until Chopper was cured from his hallucination, he was not going to take off the bandages. He was not going to take a bath, and he was not going to change. It sounded easy, but it probably wouldn't for this was the Straw Hat Pirate Crew.

A bloodcurdling scream broke the silence. It was Nami's scream. Zoro held his chest and was relieved that it didn't shake anymore. He ran to the source, but before he reached her, she screamed again-this time louder. When he got to her, Nami was on the floor with her mouth foaming. Everyone except Chopper was there. The weirdest part was that there was a panty-faced Brook and Luffy without any pants.

Zoro scanned the rest of the crew, and noticed bits of strange things. Franky had four bottles of cola and drinking them nonstop, although he looked like he wanted to say something. The shipwright also wore black slacks, which looked nice but very unnatural. Usopp had a large ice pack on his cheek, and had minor scratches. Robin looked normal. Sanji had this taut, sizzling mood floating around his body. If the cook looked pissed, it was best to leave him alone.

"What is going around here?"

"N-Nami-san! Luffy, you bastard! What did you do to her?"

"I didn't do anything! I just wanted to show her something funny-"

"-so you took off your pants?"

"Yeah!" Luffy laughed, "Remember in the bath festival, I can stretch really really far? Well, I wanted to show that to Nami-"

"You tainted her!" Sanji screamed and pounced at the captain to tear him to bits. Robin sprouted her arms to split them since Chopper wasn't there and Franky was too busy drinking cola.

"Let's take Nami-chan into her bedroom. We can't leave her here."

"You're right."

"I'll carry her-" Sanji offered, but Usopp already placed her on his back. The cook dropped his shoulders and glared at the swordsman. The blond tend to get rid of his anger on Zoro.

"What are you looking at?"

"Nothing much."

There was something else that bothered the cook, so Zoro asked, "What's wrong? You don't look great."

"Luffy."

"I know."

"No," Sanji cut him off. He pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and put it into his lips. Zoro hated the smell, but Sanji glowed when he smoked, "Do you see this weather?"

Zoro didn't need to look around. He felt it on his skin. The sky had darkened to a gloomy gray, and the temperature dropped. It was also impossible to look farther than a mile in the dense fog.

"Yeah, what about it?"

-.-.-

Everyone was in the women's bedroom, crowding around Nami. They were also kept their eyes and ears on Robin.

"So, this weather has something to do with what's going on around here?"

"Yes," Robin answered. Upon hearing that, everyone leaned in closer. The only sound was Franky who was still drinking a bottle of cola.

"I read about this weather, but Nami-chan was more knowledgeable. She told me that the last thought one had before going to bed, the following morning it will come true."

Suddenly, the room burst into excitement. There were several acknowledgements too. Zoro felt his blood coil into his gut. Because he thought of himself as a woman, he got breasts, but only breasts. Did women have manhoods too? But, he never saw a woman aim at anything while-

"Ah, that makes perfect sense!" Brook exclaimed, "I wished to see Nami-san's panties before going to bed."

"But there is one problem," Robin continued and the room fell silent again, "The wish comes true, but it is not exactly how one wished to be."

"Ah, it makes sense why I have Nami-san's panty stuck on my face."

"I wished to eat tons of meat!" Luffy shouted.

"-and now the kitchen is only filled with meat," Sanji frowned, "even the places where I stored water-"

"Even booze!?" Zoro had to ask.

"Even booze." Sanji asserted.

Only Luffy was pleased with the news.

Usopp raised a hand, "Er, I might be the cause of Chopper's hallucinations..." He swallowed when he saw a few heads turn to his direction, "Last night, Chopper couldn't sleep, so I told him a bedtime story. It was about him becoming a hero. Um, maybe he wished to become one before going to bed?"

"Possibly. I don't want to believe that he messed up on his experiment and got permanent brain injury."

"Robin, don't say that...that's scary..."

Zoro glanced at Franky who was still drinking a bottle of cola, "So, is this the fog's fault too?"

"I guess..."

"He did say he wanted to drink cola last night, but I don't understand why he's wearing pants."

"I was wondering about that too."

Robin smiled, "That might be my wish. I wanted him to be a little bit more mature."

"And the fog only brought out pants?"

"It's what everybody does."

Sanji frowned and muttered under his breath, "Not fair...My wish didn't come true..." Only Zoro heard it, and the swordsman pondered on what it meant.

"What did Nami wish for?" Luffy asked.

Suddenly, Robin put a hand on her face and giggled, "She was the first to realize it was a wishing fog, so she strongly wished to get her hands on the most expensive jewel in the world."

Everyone took a moment to think, Robin resumed on giggling. Slowly, one lightbulb after another flicked on and everyone joined the giggles.

"Ppth, Luffy does have the highest bounty in our crew-"

"Getting her hands on the most expensive family jewels; I think it's quite an honor."

"Wait, you made her hold your-" Sanji couldn't finish his sentence because he was sputtering like a boiling kettle. It was Luffy's cue to run and hide behind Zoro.

"Help Zoro!"

"Alright Captain." Zoro uncrossed his arms to get ready to start a verbal argument with the cook. If only Luffy didn't raise his hands to his chest. Zoro turned ghostly pale as the captains's hands shaped and cupped his hidden breasts.

"Hmm?" Luffy wasn't dumb; he knew what breasts were from abs. He was also smart to not utter it out loud. He felt Zoro's body temperature drop and grow immensely hot. Instead, Luffy snickered.

"So, what did you wish for Usopp?"

Usopp coughed in his fist, "Before I go to bed, I always wish that nothing dangerous happens."

"That's kind of true."

"What about you Sanji?"

"...I don't really want to say it."

Everyone got their turn, and now the eyes were on Zoro.

"What did you think of before going to bed?"

"I, uh-" Zoro elbowed Luffy when his captain snickered again, and the hands were squeezing his breasts made the swordsman feel quite uncomfortable. Actually, it felt good-which was really bad.

"I-I don't remember..."

Sanji raised a peculiar eyebrow, "I've been wondering...why is your top buttoned up? You usually never button it..."

"It was cold." Zoro quickly answered.

The curly eyebrow rose, "...strange...Robin-chan."

He didn't need to ask her. A dozen of hands sprouted and held Zoro's arms. The swordsman struggled, but Robin knew the exact amount of arms to stop the swordsman's movements.

"Cook!" Zoro shouted, "If you come any closer I'll bite your hand off!"

"Try it."

"Uh," Luffy started, "I don't think Sanji should look..."

The captain's tip was ignored, and the cook approached the swordsman. Zoro could feel the heat rising on his face when the cook's hands grabbed his coat buttons. Quickly, to Zoro's chagrin, the buttons were undone. Oddly, there was a strange gleam in the cook's eye.

When the white bandage came into view, Sanji froze.

"...this can't be-!"

The rest of the crew wanted to see what it was, so they pushed and shoved each other to get through. This caused a few arms and bodies to bump into Robin. She faltered, and her ability weakened.

Zoro saw that chance, and he outstretched his arms out as strongly as he could. Robin let out a small gasp when her arms snapped and disappeared. While the pink petals were fluttering, Zoro closed his top and made his way out of the door.

"Wait!" Only one saw what was happening and chased after him. The rest stayed in the room, tilting their heads as to why Zoro ran away. Luffy grinned while rubbing his hands together.

-.-.-

Zoro heard someone call out to him, but he didn't stop. The bandage was loosening, so every step he took it jiggled. Why were they so uncomfortable? He now had a new respect for women and felt sorry for them.

He leapt over a railing and dove into the closest door he could find. Zoro wasn't quick enough because the other followed him inside. The other closed and locked the door.

Zoro panicked because he was being chased by the one person he did not want to be chased. He staggered back, glaring at the approaching shadow in the dark room.

"Stay away from me, Cook."

"Zoro, I won't do anything, but let me see what's under those bandages-"

"-Like I would!"

Sanji took a deep breath and bent his body over. Silence hung between them for a moment. Zoro debated whether he should shove Sanji out of the way and make a break for it.

"I know they're boobs."

Zoro's face turned scarlet, and his arms flew to his chest, "You don't need to point that out loud!"

"S-So they are boobs-"

"Stop saying boobs!"

"...do you want to know what I wished for before going to bed?"

Zoro crossed his arms, and his breasts rose. It felt like he was holding two round kittens. Knowing the cook, it was going to be something with women, so Zoro didn't want to know. But he was curious.

"...what?"

Sanji hesitated, and he blushed, "...I want to touch a boob."

"You are the sickest pervert I've ever met."

"I didn't know it was going to come true..." his voice lowered, "-and I didn't know that you'll be getting boobs..."

"Could you stop saying boobs?"

Sanji took a step forward, so Zoro stepped back.

"Zoro...this is the first and last time I'll ask anything from you...but can I see them?"

"My tits!?"

Sanji gave a slow nod. Zoro slapped a hand on his face to cover his sheer embarrassment. The breasts wiggled, and Sanji's vision pierced them. The situation was getting very awkward. But, this was rare: Sanji talked in a quiet voice, he asked kindly, and Zoro was getting his attention.

The swordsman sighed and pulled off his top. Sanji let put a sound that sounded like a startled rabbit when the swordsman roughly removed the bandages. The rolls of the white cloth slithered off his chest and fell onto the floor. His chest was completely bare now, so the two large naked breasts were saying hello to Sanji.

Zoro thought the cook was going to nosebleed since he still wasn't used to women yet. But the cook stood remotely still, his one eye darting from one breast to the other.

"They're big."

Zoro snorted, "Not as big as Robin."

Sanji finally took his eyes off Zoro's chest and asked timidly, "C-Can I touch them?"

The swordsman turned away to not let Sanji know he was blushing, "I guess it wouldn't hurt..."

The cook broke into a grin and he stepped closer. Zoro's foot bumped into a seat, so he took the opportunity to sit down. Sanji was now standing within a centimeter away, swallowing several times.

A very tentative, shaking finger pressed against one of the breasts. The digit slowly sank into the squishy skin.

"It's soft..." Sanji observed, his bright and handsome smile never fading.

Zoro bit his lip and didn't answer.

"Can I hold them and squeeze them-?"

"Don't give me the details! Just do it! I don't mind!" Of course, Zoro did mind. The nerves in his breast were different from the abs. Every gentle touch sent shivers down his spine. He didn't want to admit to the cook that the groping felt good.

A finger became five to ten fingers as they took hold of the breasts. Sanji squeezed them and gave a little whimper when his hands were not large enough to grab every mass of Zoro's breasts. Zoro tried his best to not utter a sound, but it was very hard. Why was breast squeezing feel so pleasant?

When Sanji began massaging them, Zoro grabbed the chair and held onto them like a death grip. The naughty fingers pinched the perky nipples, and Zoro almost lost it. The sensation was unbearable and he wanted Sanji to stop, but how could he when the said cook was beaming like a child?

Eventually, Sanji went for it and dove his face into the deep crevice. The cook nuzzled his nose against them, earning a groan from Zoro. Eventually, Sanji didn't move and fell very silent.

"Are you alive Cook?" Zoro asked, although he could feel Sanji's breath panting into the crevice.

"Nnhnm," Sanji answered.

Zoro frowned, "Do you like it?"

Every time Sanji answered, his voice vibrated, "This is absolutely the best thing in the world."

"R-Really?" Zoro couldn't believe he was panting too, "I don't get it."

Sanji peered up from the squishy breasts, "You're weird."

Zoro snorted, but he squirmed when Sanji pressed his face again and pushed the breasts together. There was a long, blissful sigh, the one Zoro heard Sanji when he took a first drag of a cigarette.

"I would like to sleep in these every night."

"You're really weird."

"Do you think there will be someone?"

"What?"

"-if there is a pretty girl who would let me touch her boobs, and let me sleep in them..."

Zoro leaned back against the seat, "I think there will be a few."

"Would they call me a pervert if I asked?"

"-they will, but they'll let you if..." Zoro lowered his voice, "-if she loves you a lot."

"Do you think so?"

Zoro nodded because-although he wasn't exactly a woman-he was an example.

Sanji remained buried in Zoro's breasts, so the swordsman could only sit and wait. Out of boredom, he took a small lock of Sanji's hair. The strands were delicate and very soft to the touch. He would rather touch these all night than a tit.

"Robin-chan said that once we're out of the fog, the wishes disappear..." Sanji sadly mumbled while fondling with a nipple, "-your boobs will disappear..."

"C-Can you stop doing that...!?"

Sanji looked up to see a flustered swordsman. A smile slowly grew bigger.

"If you let me do whatever I want, I'll grant you one wish." Sanji chuckled, "Everyone got the bad side of the bargain, but it seems that you got the worst."

Zoro wanted to retort because he was getting very anxious, but the following words grabbed his attention. Sanji would listen and grant him a wish. Tons of thoughts and wishes flooded his mind. All were wonderful and his wistful heart ached.

Zoro licked his dry lips, "A-Alright..."

"Well, are you going to tell me?"

"After you're done." Zoro whispered, "I'm still thinking."

The cook shrugged, "Okay." Sanji took the hardened nipple in his mouth and sucked. Zoro gasped and felt the cook's lips curl.

-.-.-

An agonizing hour had passed before Sanji finally let go of the breasts. Zoro was blushing all over and his lower regions hurt. He pulled the hems of his coat higher, so the wrinkles could hide his excited body.

"That was really dirty."

Sanji gave an embarrassed chuckle, "My bad." The cook stood up and grinned, "So, what do you want?"

Zoro opened his mouth, but he paused. The swordsman lowered his head because he needed the courage.

The swordsman peered up and realized he was very close to him.

"I..."

"Yeah?"

Zoro chewed his bottom lip. He couldn't do it. "...I want...booze."

Sanji eyebrow looked like it spun, "Are you sure? That's what you usually ask for."

"Uh, then something more expensive..."

Sanji crossed his arms and remained silent. The soundless atmosphere was dreadful. Did the swordsman say something odd?

"What a liar," Sanji frowned, "I know what you really want."

Zoro's eyes widened when the ocean blue eye gleamed. The cook grabbed Zoro and leaned into his face. The lips were pressed together, and Zoro's eyes widened in surprise. The taste of wine and cigarettes filled his tongue; it was just how he imagined.

When Sanji pulled back, he pulled back his tongue.

"See, all you needed was to ask...you wanted that right?"

Zoro stammered and placed his hands on his lips. But the swordsman didn't go into a rage, so the cook was relieved. Sanji looked back at the window and his face darkened.

"Ahh, the fog's clearing up..."

Sanji got up to leave when Zoro grabbed his wrist. He turned and his nostrils flared up because Zoro didn't put his coat up. The breasts jiggled as if they were waving at him.

"Cook, c-can we..." Zoro asked as he started to remove the rest of his coat. "I-If it's alright with you I mean...but nothing changed down there..."

Sanji stared at Zoro for a moment. The apathetic look slowly turned into a smile. He silently tugged the knot of his tie and kissed Zoro's lips.

"Alright..."

"...Cook..."

"Hmm?"

"My wish did come true."

"Oh, really?" Sanji gave a little chuckle, "What is it?"

Zoro whispered it into the cook's ear, and the blond gave several blinks. Then, an unexpected yet happy answer entered Zoro's ears. The swordsman couldn't help but smile as he was pushed down onto the ground.

As the night grew dark, everyone enjoyed the wishes they were granted. Minus Chopper who remained in the storage and Nami who, after waking up, washed her hands a hundred times and swore to never wear the orange panties that Brook wore.

The End