Sweetness replaced with fears

From the depth of my memory

I remembered my beloved in tears

The person...

The person...

I was looking for down inside my heart

That person is...

The morning of our departure came in the blink of eye. But for me, it just couldn't come fast enough.

Len had already gotten up, his usual calm disposition unable to contain that glowing smile. But the blond was still able to wait as patiently as he could for me at the doorstep of my house. "Are you ready to go?" He asked quietly, a small bag slung over his shoulder.

I stepped outside, squinting at the morning light. I turned around to my shabby cottage to get that one last look at the poor thing. It had suffered more than its share of abuse after my affair. Rumors have a habit of turning into something grotesque the more and more it gets passed down. Trying to fight against them would be as useless as swimming upstream against a waterfall. Needless to say, I wasn't leaving that much behind. I patted the worn brick with a contented sigh.

This..this is it.

The realization hit me like being drenched in cold water. I was finally going past the small boundaries of this town. Finally. After all these years. A mixture of nostalgia and apprehension held me back a moment. To leave behind all that I knew, everyone that I'd known. Knowing this would make anyone's stomach tight. But one look at Len was enough to make all my fears evaporate with the morning dew. I could finally shed these thick chains of guilt and regret, because he had been the key all along. There'd be so many things to do. Things to see. And I was to do them with the only person that would make them matter.

And yet…

"I think there's still one more thing I have to do." I answered, more assured of myself than before, "You still need to pick up a few supplies at the market anyways. I'll be at the church by the time you finish."

He gave me a look of slight confusion, but I smiled and we exchanged glances, looks that could communicate more than words ever could. He couldn't resist for long before a soft smile of his own tugged and his lips as he nodded in agreement. With one last peck on the cheek, he headed off on the stone path towards the marketplace on his own.

I wandered back into my house after Len had left. Yes, I still had one last thing to do before I could wave goodbye to this sleepy old town. My old bedroom was barren compared to its state before. I sold most of my possessions other than the essentials for money that would add on to Len's to help keep us afloat in the future. But of the lingering things I couldn't sell were a rusted bed frame, sun faded pictures in their frames, and lastly my clothing wardrobe that was too incontinently large to sell. A shame really. I admired the varnished red wood a moment before opening its ornate doors. The sole thing that hung in my almost bare closest was the beautiful black wedding dress from what felt like a past life. To be fair, I had tried to give it back to my ex-fiancée as some sort of weak, though compensation nonetheless. But he insisted on me keeping it. It felt wrong to sell it, and my original plan had been to leave it for whoever wandered into my cottage. But I guess it still had one more use after all.

And so I walked to the church, clothed in black once more.

Pushing open the heavy door with a sense of caution, you can imagine my relief to find that the place was empty. I closed the door behind me. Len wouldn't take long at the market, so I wouldn't have that luxury here either. That was okay though, maybe I didn't have the time I wanted, but I had what I needed. I walked down the aisle slowly, admiring the mystical quality of the brilliant hues and stories of each stain glass window. The early morning sun shone into the chapel, it was only company for the empty wooden pews, and it brought grateful warmth to my skin.

I was sure that the place had never looked so beautiful.

The end of the aisle came to the very heart of the church itself. A circular stone room, surrounded with high stain glass windows to convey the messages of God. I set myself down on the stone ground, letting the colored lights dance upon the black backdrop my dress provided them. I sighed contentedly. Was it possible to be this happy?

But I straightened up a little as I reminded myself that I had come for serious business. I never really did this often, but it was just something I needed to say. I clasped hands close to my chest, my right hand stroking the soft petals of my promise ring.

I paused for a moment, a little unsure of how to start.

"...I-I know it's a lot to ask for," I murmured quietly,

"...but if you could just forgive me…"

I looked up at the church's centerpiece window, "I've done many, many things wrong, but I know I'm on the right track now." All of my memories of grievances, of pain, they were slowly fading out to the bright future ahead of me. "So I just ask that...you show us the way. Sowe can start a new life. Happy. Safe. Under your protection..." My head bowed under the warm sunlight, "If not for me, then for my child."

I hadn't told him yet, but I was pregnant.

"This is the last time, I will ever wear black," I said earnestly. "I was lost. I didn't know myself, I didn't know why, or even that I was unhappy. So I just kept hiding behind it...but now.." I gazed at Len's ring with all the love my heart could contain. This ring felt entirely different from the wedding ring. All the fine jewels and materials in the world couldn't change the comparison. This one didn't weigh my hand down, it didn't fill me up with guilt, or shame. But rather it was my beacon of hope. The reason why I could look to the future now. My motivation to change. "But now," I started again, "I think I'm finally free." Tears of bliss wielded in my eyes, "So Thank You." I choked out, "Thank you for sending someone like Len down to save me. "

I heard soft footsteps behind me, followed by a quiet click that echoed off of the walls of the empty church.

I turned, expecting to see that Len had come to get me.

Only it wasn't.

"You plea for absolution, but in vain." A deep tenor answered.

I had only caught a glimpse of the man. Dark hair with eyes to match. Clothed in all white, his tall frame draped in a thick white overcoat. The sole contrast was the Christian Cross accented in black on the fringe of his coat. Long feathery wings spread from his back.

My eyes widened. I was in the midst of an angel.

But his face was distorted with anger. What could've been soft, gentle features were no longer what they once were. I was staring into the eyes of a man lost in hatred. Finally, he raised his strong arm, and pointed a thin white pistol at me.

I'd never forget what he said. The way his voice broke in his own anger.

"You will never be forgiven."

A resonant bang filled the church. And before I could realize what was happening, I felt myself get blown back onto the ground. It was only moments after, when I was lying there on my side, when the pain started.

It was stifling, the pain. I couldn't speak. I struggled to keep my eyes open with every painful breath. In my hazy thoughts, I could only bring one word to my mind.

"Why?"

Who was that man? What did he want? But I wasn't filled with thoughts of why that man had done what he had done, or what would even happen to me, all I could think of was Len. My worries for him, my love for him. He was supposed to pick me up to start our new lives. But the dream life we had created together, that would just stay a dream now. And what would happen to the baby?

Why would he do this?

Then, almost like a slideshow, I saw all of the terrible things I had done in my meager life. What had I ever accomplished? Not only did my existence do nothing for the world, but I harmed everyone I touched. My poor fiancée left left at the altar, Rin, my dear angel, gone, running away with Len...

People like me, we aren't supposed to have happy endings.

Blood began to soak my dress; as unbearable the pain in my chest was, I hurt more thinking about how I had never gotten even the chance to turn my life around. I would die. And no one would cry. No one would care. I shivered. Why was it so cold? I'd never felt so weak before. I knew what was happening to me, but I wasn't afraid. I closed my teary eyes waiting for death to finally take me.

"Miku!"

Len. Oh dearest Len. I hadn't the strength left to smile for you. It brought me comfort that even in this state, I could still recognize his soft voice, like music to my ears. One part of me never wanted the love of my life to see me like this, while the other was just relieved that, if I had to die now, I wouldn't have to die alone, that I would spend my last moments with him.

"No…No!"

Quickening footsteps, they grew close.

And then, he was holding me tightly in his arms. My chest gasped in pain, but it was irrelevant compared to the happiness I felt. It felt so warm, so comforting to be in his arms. I wanted to speak, to cry out his name, but all of my energy and strength had already long disappeared. He started to speak to me, his voice quiet and gentle, but I had to strain myself just to hear it.

"My dear, lying cold."

I could feel the warmth on my face as he caressed a gloved hand on my cheek.

"I will spend all of my life for you as I swore on that day…."

His voice faded out, I wanted to sleep. It was time for me to sleep, but warm wet drops fell on my face, and they kept me strong enough to stay away from the cold darkness awaiting me.

"My Sins against God…"

He must have leaned in, and pressed his forehead against mine.

"All my acts of treachery should be paid by my death,"

He was so close I could feel his breath against my cheek as he spoke. What was he talking about? Acts of treachery? His death? I didn't understand. No matter, I struggled again and used the last reserves of my energy to open my eyes again; I wanted to see his face… at least last time. But all I could see was black.

"So I will die for you…"

Just what was going on? And with that, sudden warmth spread all over me, starting from my very core and making its way all the way down to my fingertips. The cold tendrils of darkness were quickly losing their grip on me. My vision came back, blurry at first, and then started to focus. New, unfamiliar strength filled my limbs, and I was finally able to lift my head.

But it wasn't Len that was sitting across from me, holding me close.

As my sight came into focus, the tie holding back Len's hair came loose, his golden locks falling to the side of his face.

This entire time..?

There she was. My Angel. My Rin. With tears glistening on her cheeks, but a glowing smile on her face. The colored light of the stain glass all coming together to create a heavenly glow.

"I believe, that's my fate."

And just like that, in a bright flash, before I could even blink, before the light even cleared, she was gone. Vanished.

And a single feather, blacker than charcoal floated into my cupped hands.

Come back to me..

All I could do was simply stare at it in a stupid silence. And then the realization sunk in. This couldn't be happening. No. No! This can't be happening! I looked frantically around me, calling out for Rin. But only empty echoes answered me. The church was as empty as I had found it. Tears began to well in my eyes.

Come back to me..

I grasped the feather tightly in my hands and brought it close to my heart.

Come back to me..!

I screamed, even shutting my eyes couldn't stop the tears. My heart was wrenching itself out until it was empty. So this was it? This was how the story ends? Rin never had left my side. Rin never had stopped protecting me after all. All she had done for me. Maybe I had been in love with her, from the moment we met, I was just too selfish and blind to see it. I was a careless person. I broke everything I touched. What would have happened if I had just accepted Rin as she-Oh, what did it matter? I've lost her. My angel. My everything. She was gone forever. Oh Rin… My dear Rin…!

Why'd you save me when you were my only reason to live?

I cried. More in that one night then anyone could have done in their entire life. All she left me was a feather. But they were wrong. It shouldn't have been black. Not for her. Not for Rin. Even when my eyes ran out of tears, my throat ran dry and my voice grew hoarse, and then left me all together, I kept on crying.

Eventually, a few townspeople found me half out of my mind. I wanted nothing more than for Death to take me back. I screamed at them to kill me and I criticized them for being faithful in such a Godless world.

And no matter how hard they tried, they couldn't wrench that feather from my hands.

I know this feeling can never reach you

Even so, if I keep loving you

I can take off this black dress someday

And become a pure white that embraces everything

I dedicate this white vow to you

Because I believe we'll meet again

As I my song came to an end, I wiped away fresh the tears from my face. It had been so long since I had last sung…well anything. It felt good.

"I miss you." I whispered, looking up to the sunken sky.

A light breeze pushed the hood from my head, and for once, I let the sun's last fleeting bit of light grace my face.

I knew there wasn't a way I could fully repay Rin for what she had done. At first, I refused to eat, to drink, I couldn't even sleep. Of course no one would believe my story, angels, magic, fate, but it became widespread nonetheless. People comforted me with empty words, and I listened to none of it. I was on the verge of death when a hooded man came to me. He believed me. And he told me with such earnesty that if I were to die, everything Rin did would be in vain. He gave me his cloak, and I hadn't seen him since. But his words stuck with me, because I could actually hear the regret and compassion in his voice.

So slowly, I began to pick myself back up.

I moved away from my small town. Yes, I had finally made my way past the borders of town, even if it was on my own. I don't know how long I even travelled for but I did manage to settle down, a small cottage further from town. Needless to say, I wasn't as social as I used to be.

But I guess I was wrong. I didn't lose everything. I'd seen so many sights during my travels, even the sunset here at the dock, is, or would've been breathtaking for me. But all of that didn't seem to matter because my mind was focused on other things. More important things. My hand gingerly touched my stomach, which bulged from my otherwise slim figure.

I wonder what it'll be like? Who knows what was in store for us?

And for the first time in long while, I smiled.

Hope you enjoyed the story! I may consider writing more of it in other characters points of view, but if not, this is now completed~! Please rate/review if you liked it! I means a lot to me! c: