Dead.

What does that exactly mean? When something is dead, it no longer lives, but what does it mean to be dead? Being dead? Being. The state, or quality of having existence.

Dead.

Having lost life.

No longer alive.

One who has died.

Lacking all animation, or excitement.

Doomed.

How do I fall into any of those categories? How can I possibly have lost my life? I'm here. Right now. I'm thinking. My mind is processing the things around me, here listen. Do you hear that? That's my heart. My heart is beating, I can hear it. And-And wait, listen listen.

"Woooo" That, that was me. It was me breathing. That means that my lungs- they fill with air and keep my body going. They keep me living.

Oh! Not to mention! This, This right here. What you're reading. They're my thoughts, so I have to be living right?

Why did he tell me that then? How could he have been so upset with me to just flat out lie to me? Call me dead? He thinks that I lost my life? That I just no longer exist?

I do! I do exist though! I can prove it. If you could watch me, I would show you. I'm sitting here, staring at these god forbidden hands of mine, just thinking. I need to prove this. Not for your sake, not for his sake, but solely for my sake. Here he is. Sleeping beside me. His eyes are dark and troubled. The way he moans and growls in his sleep could no way tell me that he's had a good night sleep any time recently.

I want to crawl next to him, embrace him in a warm touch and slowly bring color back to his face. I want to let my exhale fuel his next inhale, I want to turn his skin from thorns to soft rose pedals. I want him to know that it's okay. Everything is okay. You'll be fine. Someone loves you, and they really really want to protect you.

When I stare down at him in this state, I couldn't possibly have anger bubble in me in any way. Happiness escapes me through each blink I take. Slowly, its replaced with sorrow.

And Pity.

Coma. The supposed coma he first told me I had suffered from, how long ago was that?

Twenty years? That's what he told me, wasn't it? Was that the last time he ever had a peaceful sleep? Has he always looked this way because of back then?

I want to prove to you. I want you to know that he is wrong. I am not dead.

I am very much alive.

And while I am, I will accept nothing but happiness from this sunken face.

I'll touch his hand, gently.

...

It's cold.

And Sweaty.

...

But definitely cold.

...

...

I don't like it.

"Geez, I'm sorry Jean, I didn't intend on being this late- Well, late at all actually!" Armin had an apologetic look on his face as he pulled the chair out behind him and took a seat in a bit of a rush. "I know, I know, no excuses, I should've called, something or another, but really, I am sorry."

"Nah, it's cool." I commented. He wasn't even really that late. Maybe about ten, fifteen minutes, give or take. "Did you have trouble with your hair or something?" I joked.

Armin rolled his eyes as he twiddled with a small strand that dangled just below his collar bones. "You always have some kind of comment..." He mumbled under his breath.

I took a sip of the water that I had in front of me, the clanking of the ice cubes went unheard as our waitress popped her head out of nowhere to quickly confirm our orders.

"I see the person you were waiting on finally showed up." She smiled with a polite gesture. "Same as always for you, Armin?"

"Ah, well.. I might..." Armin pondered for a second and then sighed in defeat. "Yeah, same as always, actually."

She turned to me and while we were here supposedly having lunch together, I wasn't even really hungry. Skimming over the lunch specials that were displayed on the table in front of us, nothing seemed appetizing. "Er... Can I just have..some bread...? "I hesitated. I heard a chuckle come from Armin. "And... Actually, do you guys have any potatoes?"

"Bread and potatoes huh?" Armin laughed after the waitress had rushed back to deliver our orders. "What kind of lunch is that?"

"The first thing to pop in my head honestly." I responded. "And.. I don't know. That waitress made me think of Sasha a bit."

Armin smiled, casting his focus elsewhere. "Yeah.. Just a bit."

"Wonder how they're doing..." I absentmindedly mumbled. The conversation died after that, and it wasn't until after our food had arrived that another one would start.

"Huh.. Doesn't look that appetizing at all now that I have it.." I commented looking down at my meal.

"Well, yeah, it's what we lived off of for almost half our life." Armin laughed.

"Ah. Whatever... So what's this little meeting about anyway?" I asked, breaking off a piece of the bread and shoving it into my mouth.

"What, we can't just have lunch together, to have lunch together?"

"Not when you're involved."

"Ah, I guess that's true..." He sighed. "Well..." Armin began to struggle temporarily for the right thing to say. "I don't know how to say it, so I guess I should be blunt... I want you to stop using my machines, okay?"

The bread dropped from my hand, but I recovered from the surprising comment rather quickly. "Alright... I actually wasn't intending to go back..."

"You weren't..? Really?" I nodded and a sign of relief went over him. "Oh thank goodness... I know.. I know I've said it before, a million times, but I did really mean it when I thanked you for helping me so far with this project.. I realized the last time that... Well... It wasn't fair for me to have done that to you. I... I used your acceptance of death-"

"Acceptance of death? What're you-"

"Don't play dumb with me Jean. You've been nothing but an empty vessel since you've retired out of the military. I took advantage of that. I saw this empty vessel and replaced it with my old thoughts about you. You were unbreakable, unbeatable, and completely impossible to defeat..." Armin sighed as he let his emotions pour out of him. "I messed with your psyche, Jean. I could've really messed you up mentally. And... Recently.. When I look at you.. I just...feel nothing but regret over this entire project..."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I'm worried! Look at you! You're.. You're obsessed! I can't believe I dangled the illusion of seeing Marco again in front of you and watched as it destroyed you. I know he was always on your mind, I know he was why you fought. He was the only reason that you were so invincible through it all, but when it was all over, he destroyed you...And.. I gave him the ability to.."

"That's not fair Armin." I countered, anger fueling my defense. "You can't sit there and throw that at me when you don't even understand."

" I don't understand?! I don't know what it's like to lose someone?"

"NO! You don't! You don't understand. You had Eren all the way until the end. You had Mikasa all the way through. You still have her! The one time you almost lost Eren, he got to come back! Marco never got to come back! No one even got to witness his death, no one even knew how scared he might've been, or how brave he was standing face to face with his death, nothing was honored to him in anyway!" I took in a breath, trying to calm down.

"Jean...We all lost people we loved.. You can't say Eren wasn't just as special to me as he was to you..."

"Why are you using it then?" I quickly asked. Armin blinked at me, confused. "What are you on those machines for so long each night when everyone's gone? Who are you talking to then?"

Armin looked downward. "...Anyone..." He breathed. "Anyone I never got the chance to say goodbye to.. All of our commanders.. Our squads.. Our team members... I know it was wrong.. But I even said goodbye to that trio...The cadet versions of them anyway."

The anger escaped me as I listened to his confession. "That's all I wanted it to be.." He continued. "I wanted it to be a way for people to have a second chance at what their last words would be.. I didn't want them to forget that person ever died..."

"Then.. What was it? What was the deciding factor with me? Why am I getting cut off?"

"Because..." Armin's blue eyes locked with mine as his posture stiffened. "I.. Heard you talking to yourself.. When you weren't hooked up, I mean."

My breath caught, and my eyes widened. As soon as those words came out of his mouth, the exact presence I had been successfully ignoring appeared right in front of me. Right next to Armin. For two seconds I had automatically assumed that the body walking past me was just a waitress.

But why would I be that lucky?

"Armin's gotten a lot prettier since I last remembered..."

"No..." I breathed.

"Jean.. Please, I heard you. I didn't want to say anything, but I don't like how it's made you."

"Also. I was thinking pretty hard the other night.. I'm sure you didn't mean what you said. Even if you did, I don't believe you. I just think you should know.. That between the two of us, you're more dead than I am." Marco suggested rubbing the back of his neck.

"Look at me. Jean, please. I know you don't want to admit it, but Marco isn't here anymore."

"Marco..."

"Yes Marco.. He's dead, Jean." Armin coaxed.

Marco blinked, turning towards Armin. "Did you tell him that? I've been in a coma all this time and you guys think it's funny to pretend like I'm dead?"

"Marco please." I begged. His presence threw me into such a frenzy. Armin was already calling me out on being crazy, I couldn't have him here to prove him right, could I?

"Please what? Oh! And if you think I'm dead, then how would I be able to do this?" I watched him as he reached for Armin's fork, pulling the food off of it, he held it in a defensive manner.

"Jean?" Armin's voice panicked. In one of the quickest moments of my life, I watched as Marco plunged the fork towards Armin's hand, but before I could even register what happened, the blond's voice broke through first. "Jean what the hell are you doing?" The next thing I registered was a firm press against my shoulder, and a tight grip on my wrist. I blinked. The grip Armin had on my wrist would only take a slightly tighter movement to break it, and with his palm pressed against my opposing shoulder, I was at arm's length of defending myself.

My fingers twitched, and a clanking noise sounded shortly afterward. Looking down, my skin crawled in coldness as I stared at the fork that had once been in Marco's hand, now flung onto the table.

"A-Armin..." I stuttered, looking next to him at Marco staring proudly at what he had done.

"Jean! Don't look at me like that! I had to show you! And him! I can still pick things up, and I can still cause pain if I really wanted to."

"Armin, please... Take me back to your place, please."

Armin's grip quickly released, his combat skills completely vanishing with the look of worry that was now plastered on his face. "Jean, what's going o-"

I cut him off as I chucked a random amount of money on the table and grabbed him by the wrist, dragging him out of there, leaving that crippled image of Marco I had behind me.

A/N: Hello! I hope this chapter makes up for how rushed the last one was. And I hope it might be confusing some of you because I think my favorite thing about writinf FanFics are how confused people get with each update, until everything all comes together in a nice exciting chapter of madness. But this is not that chapter. c: Anyway, Review if you'd like, keeps me motivated and such, but don't feel pressured to.