I had this idea at like 2 AM. It's just silly, so don't take it too seriously. I wanted to write something humorous but sexy at the same time. It will only be 2 chapters long. Please read and enjoy!

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY EREN!"

A chorus of voices greeted him as he stepped into his pitch dark apartment. He'd nearly gone into cardiac arrest when his friends jumped out from behind the various furniture in his tiny living room. Eren Jaeger had turned 19 today and he'd nearly forgotten about his own birthday. It had been a long, hectic day at work and his mind had been preoccupied thinking about not screwing up the unnecessarily complicated coffee orders. Grande vanilla chai latte, half calf, no whip, two pumps of caramel flavor with fat free milk…and that was one of the shorter orders he'd encountered. Not to mention the clientele was either snotty teenagers with nothing better to do than hang out and leech free wi-fi or middle aged patrons in suits that went into a tizzy if you had to ask them to "please repeat that."

It was a temporary job of course, but Eren believed that if you were going to have a job you might as well attempt to do it right. He was only working there to pay the bills while he tried to get his degree in criminal justice. Ever since he was small he always enjoyed watching cop shows, movies and reading true crime stories. He was addicted to learning all there was to know about forensic science and getting into the head of a psychopath. He was fascinated by the process of investigating the crime scene, collecting evidence, hearing testimonies from witnesses, the whole nine yards. He wanted to be a part of that world, of the constant game of cat and mouse between the law and those that chose to break it.

His professors adored him and his eagerness to learn. He was easily the top student in all of his classes. He was very diligent in his studies, hitting the books every night even though most of his friends tried to talk him out of it. It wasn't that they wanted him to fail, but all work and no play makes you lose your damn mind after a while. His stepsister Mikasa was usually the one to force him to take a break, claiming that he was going to wear himself too thin if he continued to spend all his time studying and ignoring every other aspect of his life. She'd insisted on moving into the same apartment complex, in the same building, down the hall. She claimed that she had to be close enough to come running at a moment's notice should Eren need her. She insisted that he never ate enough or took care of his health and that she had to keep an eye on him or else he'd probably end up dead. She was probably right.

When he had come home that evening he'd expected to just heat up left over pizza, read a chapter or two for school, and collapse on the couch from exhaustion. That's why when he'd flicked on the lights and been greeted by the enthusiastic cheers of his friends he'd nearly jumped out of his skin. There was a sudden burst of confetti and streamers, and soon his entire apartment was covered in the colorful stuff.

"Happy 19th birthday Eren!" Armin shouted, his arms up in the air and a huge grin plastered across his face. He was wearing a blue party hat with green balloons printed on it, making him look quite childish but also quite endearing.

Everyone that really mattered to Eren was now in his tiny living room. Mikasa and her roommate Sasha; Armin, his childhood friend who lived just 10 minutes away; Jean, a kinda friend kinda rival from Eren's highschool days that had most likely been persuaded to come by Armin; Hanji, his mentor and tutor through most of his college years; and finally, the person that mattered the most, Levi, his kinda sorta dating kinda secret boyfriend that no one really suspected of being anything other than a good friend.

His heart skipped a beat when his green eyes met Levi's grey. The man always had that affect on him, ever since the day he'd first laid eyes on him. They'd met at the café he worked at, about a year ago. Levi had been new in town and was looking for the best place to get a halfway decent cup of coffee. Eren's workplace, The Jolly Bean, had been suggested to him by an acquaintance and so he'd decided to give it a try. Eren had blushed and sputtered like a schoolgirl when he took Levi's order, making him repeat it several times so that he made sure that he got it right. He'd ogled Levi like a piece of meat; that sleek raven hair, those handsome steel grey eyes, his lean and fit body, and his perfectly shaped ass (not that Eren had been staring at it or anything).

It didn't help that Levi had started coming to the café every single day of the week to order the same thing; a plain coffee with two creamers and three packets of sugar substitute. It had become so routine that Eren began preparing the drink in advance, eagerly waiting for 4 o'clock to roll around. Levi would always come waltzing in right at 4, sit in the corner table that Eren always made sure was empty, and pay for his drink with cash, making sure to leave a generous tip. It took Eren quite a while before he got up the courage to speak to the older male outside of taking his order. There first conversation had been about Levi being a regular customer, and how he always requested that he make his coffee, because he was the only one competent enough to get it right.

Eren couldn't exactly recall the exact moment that they'd finally gotten together, only that it had been a huge surprise for the brunette. He vaguely remembered Levi saying something about him not being a complete idiot, and that he enjoyed their little talks over coffee. Eren wasn't sure how that conversation had ended in the confirmation of mutual attraction, but it had nonetheless.

Back in the present, everyone was staring at him, waiting for his reaction to their little surprise. He blinked a couple of times before rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly and responding.

"Wow! You guys really got me! When did you manage to sneak in here?"

Mikasa was the one to answer, which wasn't surprising. "Armin and the others told me about their idea for a surprise party so I let them in with the spare key you gave me…hope you don't mind."

Eren smiled at his stepsister gently. "Of course not! You guys are awesome!"

Sasha came running up to him with what looked like a birthday cake in hand, nearly tripping over her own feet in the process. Luckily she caught herself and carefully balanced the plate so that the cake didn't tip over. She sighed in relief when both she and the pastry came out unscathed.

"Woah! Er…sorry Eren. Almost sent your cake flying, haha. Anyway, Mikasa and Armin told me you love chocolate cake, so I baked you one with extra chocolately frosting!" Her face broke out into a huge grin as she presented to cake to Eren. It looked like a standard cake, except on the top it had "Hppy 19 Bthdy Eren" written in green icing on the top. The sloppy cursive was barely legible. She let out a nervous laugh when Eren studied the misspellings.

"Oh! Uh, sorry about the abbreviations! I found out after I baked the cake that it was too small to write everything on and I ran out of eggs and it was like midnight so I hope you don't mind!"

Eren couldn't help but smile. "Not at all. I'm sure it tastes just as good without all the letters!"

Everyone laughed, except for Levi, who just rolled his eyes.

I swear she's almost a bigger idiot than Hanji.

As if on cue, Hanji interrupted their little moment by interjecting, "before we eat, let's have Eren open his presents! He's gonna love what I got him!" She shoved a box wrapped messily in purple gift wrap with a green ribbon into Eren's arms. Eren blinked down at the gift. He hadn't expected to get any presents, but he should have known that his friends would never let him down.

"Um…thanks Hanji!" He held the present, shaking it slightly and hearing a faint rattling come from inside.

"Well, go on, open it!" Hanji's eyes were practically sparkling with excitement. Eren nodded and gently unwrapped the gift, careful not to make too much of mess with the torn paper. Underneath was colorful box that said Jr. Detective's Kit: Now you can catch the bad guys like they do on tv! It showed a picture of a magnifying glass, a cheesy looking pair of plastic handcuffs, a tiny roll of caution tape and some tweezers.

Eren was at a loss for words.

"I…this is….um…."

Jean snorted, interrupting Eren's attempt at praising the gift. "What the hell, Hanji? Eren isn't five! What part of that messed up brain of yours thought it was good idea to buy him that?"

Hanji just ignored the insults, and didn't seem to notice the others in the room exchanging confused glances. "You love forensic science, right? Well here you go! This will help you get started!" The giant grin on her face was almost infectious, and Eren smiled in appreciation.

"It's great Hanji, thanks."

Hanji kept smiling, causing Jean to roll his eyes in exasperation and stand up from his previous spot on the recliner. "Whatever. I'm going to grab a beer. Anyone else want one?"

Eren shot Jean a confused look, as if he'd suddenly sprouted two heads. "Beer? I don't have any beer," he stated, brows knitting together in confusion.

Jean waved his hand in a dismissive gesture, "yeah well, you do now. I brought over a case. Happy Birthday and shit." He continued on his way to the kitchen and rummaged in the fridge until he found the case of beverages. Eren just rolled his eyes in annoyance. Jean was always less than enthusiastic about these kinds of get togethers, usually only coming if there was a promise of alcohol or women.

Armin was the next one to give him a gift. It was wrapped in bright blue wrapping paper with a red bow on top and it was fairly heavy in his hands when Eren took it from him.

"Thanks, Armin." His friend smiled and nodded and Eren peeled back the paper, revealing a book that he quickly recognized as the next entry in the highly acclaimed fantasy series So You Think You're a Wizard: Part Two, Magic Missles and You. Eren's face instantly lit up.

"Wow, thanks Armin! I've been looking forward to this since last year!"

Jean chimed in as he strode back into the living room, beer in hand, "Psh, fucking nerds. How do you ever expect to get laid when you read shit like that?"

Eren's ears turned bright red at the statement, and Armin just let out a nervous laugh.

"Oh? And when's the last time you had relations with someone who wasn't inebriated, Jean?" Levi retorted, causing the others to snicker and Jean to spit out the mouthful of beer in his mouth.

"S-shut up! That only happened once! Once! And I apologized to her afterwards. I can get chicks into bed without getting them drunk, thank you very much!"

Mikasa rolled her eyes. She didn't much like the topic of sex, having never really had any relationships outside of her friendship with Eren and Armin. She quickly changed the subject, handing Eren an envelope with his name written in fancy cursive.

"Here. This is for you, Eren. Happy Birthday."

Eren took the envelope from his stepsister, eying it suspiciously. "Mikasa, if this is another card full of money…"

She cut him off mid sentence, "Just open it." Eren gave her an offended look before carefully tearing open the envelope, shaking it to free its contents. A small photograph fell out, and Eren studied it for a while. It was a picture of him, Armin and Mikasa at the beach last year. It had been their first trip to the ocean, and all of them were smiling in the photo, genuine smiles, not just the kind you faked for the camera. Mikasa was wearing a straw hat, sunglasses that were too big for her face, and a blue and white striped one piece with a red cover up skirt. She was modest, even in intense heat, and had refused to take the cover up off the entire time. Armin was wearing a snorkel and goggles and a pair of blue swim trunks with starfish printed on them along with a pair of bright orange flippers. He'd gotten quite a few giggles from the other beach goers at his attire, but Eren had quickly shut them up with a death glare.

Eren was wearing a pair of dark green swim trunks and his cherished necklace that he'd received from his father as a child. It had been a day full of memories that the trio would cherish for the rest of their lives. The smell of the ocean, the taste of the snow cones, the feeling of warm sand between his toes, and the cries of seagulls all came rushing back to him. He smiled and pulled Mikasa into a hug.

"Thanks, Mikasa, this is the best gift ever." She smiled and hugged him back before picking up the discarded envelope from the floor and handing it back to him. "That wasn't all."

Eren shook the envelope again, bewildered when a $100 bill fell out, along with a gift card to his local supermarket. He shot her a look of annoyance.

"Damn it, Mikasa, I told you, you don't need to give me any money. You barely make enough to afford your own place even with Sasha paying half the rent. I can't take this."

Mikasa looked at the floor, dejected. She knew that Eren would react like this, but she just couldn't help being a mother hen to the boy. He was just so clueless and ignorant about the world, and she felt that it was her duty to protect and provide for him. Sasha, sensing her roommate's discomfort, chimed in, "Oh, Eren, don't worry, I chipped in half. It isn't as if Mikasa is giving you her last dime, so just take it! I insist!" Her reassuring smile did little to make him feel better, but he sighed and accepted the money begrudgingly.

Everyone's heads then turned expectantly towards Levi, the only one who hadn't presented Eren with a gift. He just glared back at them, his eyes narrowed in annoyance.

"What? My presence here is gift enough," he remarked, his expression returning back to its normal apathetic state.

Mikasa shot him a death glare. She had never liked the vertically challenged male and couldn't for the life of her see why Eren had decided to become his friend. He was sarcastic, abrasive, and all around unpleasant.

"So, you came to Eren's party without a gift? How rude," she spoke, not trying to hide her disdain.

Levi shot her a look that would have sent lesser (wo)men fleeing with their tail between their legs. "I don't recall asking for your opinion, princess." Mikasa bristled, clenching her fists at her sides and returning the nasty look with one just as scathing.

Eren immediately butted in, wanting to break up the fight before it became physical. He really didn't need the two beating each other's brains in. He had enough of a mess to clean up with the confetti and beer cans everywhere.

"Stop it! Mikasa, it's fine. Levi's already given me my gift," he lied, trying to diffuse the situation. Mikasa raised an eyebrow at him, but he shot her a look that said drop it, and she remained silent.

After an awkward few seconds, Jean crushed his (fourth or fifth) beer can in his fist and threw it at the wastebasket, missing by a few inches but not bothering to pick it up. "Yeah, yeah, now that the sappy shit's over, can we please have some cake? I'm wasting away over here."

Sasha shot him a glare. "That's up to Eren," she turned to the brunette and smiled warmly, "Eren, do you want to eat your cake now?"

Eren' stomach rumbled in response, and Sasha giggled. "I'll take that as a yes. Ok, but first you gotta blow out the candles!"

Eren groaned in response. "Sasha, please. I'm not three years old, I don't need candles."

Hanji tutted, "Oh Eren, you're never too old for candles! Fire is fun, don't you know?" she was bouncing up and down a little as she spoke, her glasses slightly askew. It was clear that Jean wasn't the only one hitting the booze.

Sasha had already started placing the multicolored wax sticks into the cake, carefully counting them until she had 19. She lit a match and ignited the candles, and Eren could feel the heat coming from them as he sat down in front of the delectable dessert like a child. Once all 19 candles had been lit the others (except for Levi, who wouldn't be caught dead even humming along) joined in a chorus to sing the dreaded "Happy Birthday" song, causing Eren's cheeks to flush red in embarrassment. Jean was completely smashed by now, and it showed in his horrible off key tone that sounded much like a cat in heat.

Once the awful cacophony ended Eren resigned himself to the humiliating act of blowing out the candles to please his guests. The candles went out, leaving faint wisps of smoke above the cake, their wax dripping down their sides, nearly touching the frosting. Everyone clapped as if it was some amazing feat, and Eren just rolled his eyes, but he couldn't help but smile at his friend's infectious cheerfulness.

Sasha cut the cake into equal pieces and placed one on a plate for Eren, who wasted no time in digging in. The cake was soft and moist, and the frosting was almost tooth achingly sweet. The double chocolate combination was absolutely mouthwatering, and in no time he finished his last bite.

"That was great, Sasha! You're an excellent baker!"

She blushed a little and waved her hand in a dismissive gesture. "Oh, it was no problem Eren! I'm so glad you liked it!"

Everyone was quiet then, stuffing their faces with cake. Even Levi joined in, careful not to pick a piece that had gotten wax or Eren's spit on it. Jean was having a hard time getting his fork to his mouth, and finally gave up on etiquette altogether as he picked up the slice in his hand and shoved it greedily into his mouth. Levi looked on in disgust, cringing at the smear of frosting on the man's hands and face, and the crumbs littering his end of the table. He suddenly lost his appetite and threw away the other half of his slice.

"Itb sho good Sasha!" he exclaimed, mouth full of cake, crumbs flying as he spoke. Eren laughed and hoped that someone was going to take a picture because the stupid look on Jean's face was priceless.

After everyone had finished eating their fill of the dessert, they retired to the living room, stomach's full and eyes drooping. Jean had finally passed out in the recliner, a small line of drool dribbling down his chin. Hanji seemed to be the only one with energy to spare.

"Come on, everyone! It's time for party games! How about charades, oh! Or trivia, or twister! Or we could have a water balloon fight!"

Armin groaned in response form his spot on the couch. "Ugh, I had too much cake. I can barely move, let alone play those games."

Hanji frowned for a moment before her eyes lit up. "Oh! I have a game that doesn't require much physical effort and is entertaining for all!"

Eren looked at her inquisitively. "And what would that be?"

Barely able to contain her excitement, Hanji shouted, "truth or dare!"