a/n: preeeeetty emotional chapter ahead, guys! brace yourselves!

the more i write, the sadder i get. this story's gonna be really hard to let go of.

a-far-off-memory

Chapter XXXIX

Upon arriving, it took several minutes to coax Ven out of the car. Both Riku's and Zack's cars were in the driveway, meaning everyone else was already there, and that was the only reason they were actually able to get Ven to go inside.

Upon entering, they found Tifa waiting, looking anxious. Immediately, she held her arms out to Roxas, and he hugged her gently, knowing she was nervous. When she let go, she moved closer to Ven, arms hesitantly opening, only to freeze when he growled, "Don't you fucking dare touch me, Mom."

"Ven!" Roxas hissed, seeing Tifa's brown eyes fill with tears. "Was it necessary to say it like that?"

"No, Roxas, it's okay," their mother said quietly, her voice shaky. "I get it."

Ven let out a sigh, rubbing his face. "No, I'm...I'm sorry. Just...don't touch me." Clearing his throat, he turned his attention to Terra. Roxas could see the amount of self-control he was exerting as he said, "Mother, this is my boyfriend, Terra Blake. Ter, this is my mother, Tifa."

Terra good-naturedly held out a hand for her to shake, smiling awkwardly. "It's very nice to meet you, Ms. Tifa." He cleared his throat. "I almost expected you to be blonde, since all of your children are..."

She let out a delicate laugh, obviously still nervous and on-edge. "They all took after Cloud, with their blond hair and blue eyes." Pain flashed in her eyes momentarily as she said the name, but she immediately hid it and stood straighter. "Anyway, come in, Aerith and I just need to finish a few things and then supper will be ready."

They all shed their shoes and moved inside. Roxas poked his head inside the kitchen to wave to Aerith and Zack, and he gave his mother a reassuring smile as she slipped into the kitchen. She smiled in return, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

Zack strode over and pulled him into a hug, giving him a squeeze. "I'm proud of you for how you're acting, Roxas. Tifa told us that the two of you have really started to work things out," he murmured softly, flashing a grin.

Roxas shrugged. "I just want my family back, Zack. And staying angry at her isn't going to help anyone, so...I'm trying, and she's trying, and that's all that matters I guess." His voice dropped. "But it was like pulling teeth to get Ven here. Zack, I'm worried about how this dinner is gonna go. He's so...hostile towards her, and I just have a bad feeling."

The black-haired man sighed, running a hand through his hair. "We just have to hope for the best. Ven just needs to process this a little more, he'll eventually be less angry. He'll just have to take some baby steps."

"It's just so frustrating...I know he doesn't want to be as angry as he is, and I know how much he's missed her. He needs to grow up and move on...Dad wouldn't want us fighting. I'm still angry, don't get me wrong, but I'm being an adult and dealing with the problem..." he muttered, crossing his arms.

Axel poked his head in the kitchen. "Anyone need help with anything?" he questioned, obviously directing it at Aerith and Tifa.

The green-eyed woman let out an airy laugh. "You sure you're feeling up to it?"

He grinned, striding in and grabbing his personal apron Roxas had given him. "Aerith, I was going crazy not being able to cook for the past two and a half weeks. Let me help, pleeeease?"

Laughing again, she reached up to pat his cheek. "You know I can't say no to puppy dog faces, you cheater. You can get to work on dessert—you can make cherry cheesecake, right?"

He grinned, unfolding his apron. "That's like asking if the sun shines," he replied cheekily.

Aerith turned, brandishing a wooden spoon. "Don't get sassy with me, mister. I'll put you right back in that hospital," she teased.

Axel was about to retort as he moved to put his apron on, but a quiet curse escaped him instead when he started to lift his arms, face twisting into a wince.

"You idiot," Roxas grumbled, striding over and ripping the apron from his hands. "You're going to hurt yourself!" He slipped the strap around his boyfriend's neck, motioning for him to turn so he could tie it.

Axel smiled sheepishly once he turned back to Roxas. "Thanks, love. Forgot about my ribs for a minute there..."

Face softening, the blond pulled him down to peck his lips. "Be careful, dummy. I don't wanna have to spend more time away from you, I don't want you back in the hospital..."

Axel cupped his cheek, rubbing their noses together. "Don't worry, I have no intention of going back there for a while, well, other than seeing Dr. Leonhart for my checkup, that is..."

"Aren't they adorable?" Aerith whispered to Tifa as she nudged her.

The brown-eyed woman smiled softly, nodding. "It's nice to see such happiness..."

The kids came stampeding in then, all of them immediately grabbing at Roxas and Zack. "Come play outside with us!" Xion practically screeched, a wide grin on her face.

"Sor-Sor, Riku, Venny and Terra are, so you guys have to come too!" Kairi added.

"We're playing monkey in the middle!" Naminé finished excitedly.

Both Roxas and Zack shrugged and nodded, knowing they were both basically useless in the kitchen. Roxas gave Axel one more kiss before kissing both Tifa and Aerith's cheeks, allowing himself to be drug away by Naminé.

Dinner started out tame enough. The table was relatively quiet, since the kids had begged to eat outside, but an air of awkwardness hung over everyone.

Terra was the first to break the silence. Clearing his throat, he said, "Aerith, Tifa, this is great," as he motioned to his plate.

Both women smiled softly at him. "Don't thank me, Aerith did most of the work," Tifa told him with a laugh.

Roxas speared some pasta and popped it in his mouth before looking to Axel, who nodded imperceptibly to him. Taking a deep breath, he turned toward his mother. "So, Mom, Aerith, Zack...I thought that now would be a good time to let you all know that I'm moving in with Axel..."

This garnered very mixed reactions. Zack, Aerith, and Terra all smiled and congratulated them. Sora and Riku already knew, so they just grinned. But Tifa's face fell, only for a moment, and Roxas caught sight of it before she smiled.

Ven's reaction was the strongest of them all.

"What?" he exclaimed, eyes wide. He looked sort of pale, and Roxas' eyebrow furrowed in worry.

"I'm...moving in with Axel," he repeated, taking his boyfriend's hand. "He asked me to, and I said yes."

Ven took a deep breath before finally smiling, but Roxas could tell it was forced. "Wow, Rox...that's really great," he said lamely, scratching the back of his neck.

"When will you be moving in?" Zack questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"I was gonna start staying there immediately, actually, and start moving my stuff in throughout the week..." He met his mom's eyes again. "I know you wanted me to come and live here again, but I think this is what's best. I'll visit often though, I promise," he told her, making sure she believed him. He didn't want her to think he was the one running away this time...

"I believe you, baby. Of course it makes me sad, but really, I can't stop you. You're an adult now, and you can make your own decisions, besides..." Her brown eyes flitted over to her other son, and she offered him a tentative smile. "Ven's moving back in, right? And I have Naminé..."

Sensing the impending shit storm, both Riku and Sora stood, already done with their food. "We're uh, gonna go play with the kids," Sora said quickly before pulling Riku along with him to the back door.

"Uh, I don't think so," Ven nearly growled, glaring fiercely. "You must be joking if you think I'm coming back here!"

"Ventus, you can't stay at Zack and Aerith's forever, that would be rude to them. This is your home, baby," she tried reasoning, but he was having none of it.

"You're delusional! This stopped being my home the second you set foot back in it! Zack and Aerith don't mind having me there anyway, right?" His eyes moved to the couple in question, and they shared a nervous look.

Aerith swallowed hard. "Well, our home is open as long as you feel you need to stay, of course..."

"Aerith!" Tifa exclaimed, mouth falling open.

Zack sighed. "Tifa, we aren't going to kick him out and force him to come here. He's like a son to us, and we're going to treat him as such," he said tiredly, rubbing his face.

The brown-eyed woman crossed her arms adamantly. "He needs to give me a chance to make things up to him! Roxas is! He can't run away from this situation forever!"

"I'm just learning from your example, Mom!" Ven finally shouted, slamming his hands down on the table. "You see these, mom?!" He thrust his hands into her face, displaying the faded scars on his wrists. "These are your fucking fault, Mom! Don't try and make some lame-ass excuse about how much you were hurting, because we were hurting just as much and you made it so much worse! I'm done sitting here and listening to this bullshit! You think you can make everything perfect again just because you're back, but you can't! So stop trying!" He stood abruptly then, knocking his chair over in his anger, and promptly stormed out the door.

Everyone fell silent. And then Terra quietly stood, looking horribly awkward. "I'll...I'll go after him," he offered before following his boyfriend.

Roxas sighed and buried his face in his hands as his mother began to cry. He wanted to get up and try to comfort her maybe, but he was just so tired of trying to keep everyone else together. He was emotionally exhausted, and he just couldn't make himself go to her. Luckily Zack and Aerith did it for him, quietly murmuring to her, while Axel pulled him close and kissed his temple.

"Do you want to go home, love?" The question was just audible enough for Roxas alone to hear, and he slowly nodded. He didn't want to be around this, he couldn't handle it...

They stood, Roxas hanging on to Axel's arm like a lost child, before he let go to slowly make his way to where his mother sat, kneeling before her and taking her hands. His heart ached at the sight of the pain in her eyes, and he truly did feel bad for her. He'd never be okay with what she'd done, but he supposed he could kind of see why she'd done it. Running away is so much easier to do—she'd always been such a strong woman, and finally, she'd cracked. He didn't really think he could hold it against her anymore, not when she so clearly suffered just as much.

"Give him time, Ma," he said softly, rubbing her knuckles with his thumbs. "You know he loves you, we both do. And yeah, we're gonna be angry for a while. But...you're our mom, and...I know leaving wasn't easy for you. He'll realize that eventually, but for now...please don't try to rush him. He needs to heal too."

"Roxas is right," Zack murmured, stroking her long brown hair soothingly. "He'll come around on his own time, Tifa. You just need to be patient."

"And until he comes around, I promise you that we'll take good care of him," Aerith added, offering a soft smile.

Sniffling, Tifa tugged on her son's hands. Getting the message, he rose from his crouch to hug her instead, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

It wasn't going to be easy, but he knew that someday, their family would heal.

Roxas and Axel left after he packed a quick bag, leaving without Kairi after she'd begged to stay the night with Naminé, which of course led to Xion doing the same. Roxas, Zack and Aerith had been worried that Tifa was too upset to handle three little girls, but she'd assured them all she'd be fine. Before they left, Axel pulled her in for a hug and kissed her cheek.

"I can see you're a good mother, Tifa. Don't be too hard on yourself," he told her, offering a smile. That caused her to tear up, and then she was hugging him again, pulling her son in as well.

"You two hold on tight to each other, alright?" she whispered, kissing each of their cheeks. She let them go, placing a hand on her son's cheek and smiling tearfully. "I love you, baby boy. Visit often, okay?"

He nodded. "I love you too, and I will. I'll probably start picking up my stuff throughout the week..."

Her eyes tightened, but she continued to smile. "Alright, I'll help as much as I can."

They left then, finding Ven sitting on the front steps with his head in his hands. Terra was beside him, hugging him sideways, and Roxas met his eyes and found deep worry there.

Sighing, Roxas crouched in front of his younger brother. Tears were making a slow descent down his cheeks, and the older blond gently swiped them away with his thumbs.

"You gonna be okay, Venny?" he asked softly, running a hand through blond spikes not unlike his own.

A shuddering breath escaped him. "I just...I just lost it, Rox. I couldn't handle the way she was trying to pretend things were okay between us, she...she was crowding me, and I'm not ready for that." Another tear slipped down his cheek. "But fuck, I shouldn't have shoved my scars in her face like that. Yes, her leaving was the driving force behind them, but I was the one who picked up that razor instead of talking to you. I made those cuts, not her, and...I just shouldn't have done that to her. But I'm not ready to apologize right now, I don't wanna look at her again for a little while. I need to process this, I guess."

"We told her that. She understands, Ven," Roxas assured him, tone soothing. "Take all the time you need, bro. She's...she's not going anywhere this time. No one else is leaving ever again."

Biting his lip, Ven looked down. "But...you're leaving..."

Roxas' eyes met the saddened green eyes of his boyfriend, and he sighed again before looking back to his brother. "Ventus, I'm only moving in with Axel. I'm not leaving the city, I'll always be here whenever you need me, and we can hang out whenever you want. But I..." He swallowed back the acidic taste in his mouth as he forced himself to continue. "I need to do this for me, Ven. I love you and Naminé both so much, but...I basically had to be your parent for the past six months, and I wasn't ready for that. I'm not even twenty yet, Ven. I need to be selfish this time, because I've given up a lot of my life since Dad died. You understand, don't you?"

Slowly, Ven nodded. "I get it, Rox, and you totally deserve it. Fuck, you...you did everything to make sure Nami and I were happy and taken care of, and because of that, you never really took the time to care about yourself. So yeah, I understand, it's just...it's scary, that's all. And I know I'm the biggest hypocrite for thinking like that, since I left you guys for a month, but..." He shook his head, taking a deep breath. "Just don't...don't disappear, Roxas. Call me selfish, call me a hypocrite, but I don't want to lose any more of my family."

Blue eyes soft, Roxas pulled him in for a hug, gently cupping the back of his head and pressing it to his chest. "I promise I won't, Venny." His eyes flicked over to Terra, who'd remained silent. "You'll look after my brother, right? He's kind of a handful, Zack and Aerith will need the help." His tone was light, teasing, and he felt Ven shake with quiet laughter against his chest.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of this numbskull," the tall brunet promised with a genuine smile.

"Good." Roxas let go, kissing his brother's forehead before standing and taking Axel's hand. "I'll be just a phone call away, got it?"

Reaching up to wipe at his tears, Ven nodded. Zack and Aerith came out the door then, offering Ven and Terra smiles.

"C'mon, kids, time to go. Are you coming over or going home, Terra?" asked Zack.

"Come over please," Ven whispered, leaning into his boyfriend again.

Terra smiled. "Guess I'm coming over. I can take a cab home later or something since I left my car at home..."

Aerith waved a hand dismissively. "Don't be silly, one of us will drive you," she told him, smiling gently. "You're welcome to stay, of course, if you'd like."

The tall brunet chuckled. "We'll figure it out."

Roxas turned to Zack and Aerith. "I'll probably be over tomorrow to pick up my stuff, is that alright?" he questioned.

"Of course," the Fairs replied at the same time.

They split off then, and Roxas found himself excited to be heading toward what was going to be his new home. He was excited to live with Axel—it finally felt like maybe everything would be okay, after being messed up and crazy for so long.

He felt a hand rest over his on the gear shift and smiled, glancing at Axel out of the corner of his eye. Even though he was still a little beaten up, he still managed to take Roxas' breath away with one look, one smile.

"I really love you, Axel," he said earnestly, biting his lip to hold back dumb tears. It had been a rough month and a half, and the relief that was slowly hitting him was making him emotional.

"I really love you too. I..." They stopped at a red light, and Roxas took the opportunity to meet his boyfriend's eyes, surprised to find tears in them.

"Ax?" he questioned softly, reaching out to stroke his cheek.

"For a long time after mom died, I wasn't okay. I was unhappy, and honestly...I just wanted to die. With the way my father treated me, nothing felt okay anymore. But I went through the motions for Kai, because if I was gone then she'd have no one to look after her." The light turned green, so Roxas was forced to turn his attention back to the road, but still he listened. "I found myself wishing I had someone to, I don't know, shoulder my burden? I just, I wanted what Sora and Riku had. I was really jealous of them, even though I was happy that they were so happy. I just wanted to find someone to love who would love me, but then the years kept passing with no luck, and I'd started to accept that maybe I just wasn't meant to find anyone. And then, suddenly...there you were, all feisty and just so...vibrant. You made me feel things I'd never felt before, and so I knew I needed to get to know you no matter what. But I was scared, too, because I didn't want to be vulnerable in front of you in case you turned out to be another dud, which is why I acted like such an ass. You seemed to hate me so much for it, and I'd started to lose hope, but then you picked up your sister that day and suddenly, I had an opening. And now here we are, and I don't have to go through the motions of being happy anymore because I am happy. You make me so happy, Rox, and I'm so lucky to have you in my life...you understand me like no one else ever has..."

Luckily, Roxas was pulling into the parking lot of the apartment complex at that moment, because he'd started to cry and couldn't exactly see very well. Unhooking his seatbelt, he slung himself over to Axel's side, hovering over him and being sure not to hurt him as he crushed their lips together in one of the fiercest, most passionate kisses they'd ever shared. Hearing how bad of a place Axel had been in made him realize just how much they actually saved each other...

"You are so important to me," he whispered, cupping the redhead's cheeks. "Fuck, Ax, I can't think of too many people who would've put up with me the way you have these past few months. You're...you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I shut down when we moved here—I stopped being me. But you make me feel like myself again, like...I feel like I don't have to worry about anything when I'm with you. You make me just forget about all the shit that's happened in the past eight months, and I'm so grateful for that. And I'm glad that I could help you, too, because you're just...you're so caring, more caring than you'd like most people to know I think. You have a heart of gold, Ax, and you deserve to be happy too."

Chuckling tearfully, Axel pressed their foreheads together, seemingly ignoring the tears that had started to fall down his cheeks. "I think we both deserve a little happiness," he murmured, kissing the tip of the blond's nose before pressing their lips together once more, softer this time.

A moment later, Roxas pulled away with a gentle smile. "Come on, let's go inside and cuddle for the rest of the night," he said softly, kissing the two tattoos on his boyfriend's cheeks.

The redhead grinned. "I am totally okay with that suggestion," he replied with a wink, causing Roxas to laugh as they got out of the car and headed inside, holding hands the entire way.

a/n: so many feelings in this chapter, talk about an emotional rollercoaster

in case you guys didn't notice, i added another chapter to the parenting oneshot collection! this one focuses on the strife family before cloud's death so, yes, cloud's in it! make sure you check it out!

getting very close to the end, my friends. it's been a wild 10 months so far, eh? i'm glad so many people have been enjoying this story, it really makes me feel so good, because all i ever wanted was to write something that touched the hearts of others c:

see you all at the next update! still gotta tie together some loose ends, so the story isn't over yet!

afom out~