Hi guys! I started listening to Welcome to Night Vale recently and fell in love. And I needed to write a crossover fic like yesterday. Will include Episodes 1-28 of WTNV and probably up to Season 9 in SPN.
Picture is not mine, but belongs to 4amhauntings on tumblr.
So, here goes! I hope you like it in all its weirdness. :)
Everyone loves the feeling of someone playing with their hair.
Unless you're alone in your house at night with the doors and windows locked.
Welcome to Night Vale.
...
The Night Vale YMCA announced its One Year Anniversary today, and will be celebrating with free balloons and a pancake breakfast that will be running from eight A.M. to eleven A.M.
This is the very same YMCA that was never built close to twenty years ago, due to the fact that no one was willing to drive thirty miles to go to a YMCA in the middle of the desert wastelands.
However, I'm sure if you showed up, you would be so dehydrated from the scorching desert heat that you would be able to vividly hallucinate yourself holding a beautiful red balloon and eating a massive pile of chocolate-chip pancakes before passing out from sun exposure and being a tasty meal to circling overhead vultures.
Congratulations local YMCA! We are looking forward to another family-fun-filled year with you in Night Vale.
This just in.
A mysterious, bow-legged man and his apparent "younger brother" (I myself am already dubious of the pair, seeing that this quote "younger brother" end quote is a good head taller than this mysterious bow-legged man) have rolled into town today in a black, 1967 Chevrolet Impala, claiming that they were here to "see what was going on" in this "strange town".
Well.
Obviously these people have not heard that Night Vale already has its very own top-notch scientist Carlos who is already "seeing what is going on" in this "strange town".
The group apparently parked by Big Rico's Pizza, and the Mysterious Bow-Legged Man was quite unsettled by the fact that Big Rico's did not have burgers or even any item on the menu with wheat or wheat by-products.
He was also even more unsettled by the fact that, once inside, Big Rico's did not appear to have any windows...or a door.
The "younger brother" allegedly ordered a salad, laughing and shaming the Mysterious Bow-Legged Man for his junk food dependency.
However, this "younger brother" also became unsettled when he spotted Night Vale's signature bleeding mushrooms inside his salad, the "salad" really just being the single piece of limp lettuce and tomato slice taken from the middle of a hamburger as seen on the gourmet cooking show "Spongebob Squarepants". This salád was surrounded by at least a hundred bleeding portobello mushrooms served in the usual titanium vat.
The pair both left Big Rico's without another word by using the brick the waiter supplied to bust out of a window that had suddenly appeared. The Mysterious Bow-Legged man said something about "literally the weirdest thing he had ever experienced" before going back to his car and driving away.
More on this story as it develops.
...
Old Woman Josie called in earlier this morning to report that the angels living in her house were getting upset by these newcomers, the ones I mentioned earlier before in this broadcast, an update on Mysterious Bow-Legged Man, and "younger brother."
" I don't know why they came here if they are just going to break the hearts of my dearest angels." Old Woman Josie told the station earlier this morning, nearly in tears. " My youngest angel, Erika, has been pining after Dean for years now and I don't want him to tear his little heart out again and again."
Apparently, Erika (that is in fact what every angel goes by, as I've started before), encountered the Mysterious Bow-Legged man (who also goes by Dean, but let's face it, have you ever heard a more boring name, amiright listeners?) some time ago.
The angel, Erika, that is, helped MBLM change a flat back in oh-nine when he was passing through the area, and has had the hots for him since.
Some of the town gosspiers even say that the brothers came into this town to convince this angel, Erika, that is, to join them on the road.
How ridiculous is that?! How can they convince something that doesn't exist to join them on the road? Travellers these days just keep getting dumber and dumber, don't they? Honestly.
Wait just one minute, listeners. I've just been slid a note by our Intern Garth. (Thank you, Garth.)
Wow.
Oh, WOW.
I just can't believe he would have the nerve.
Ladies and gentlemen, Steve Carlsberg reportedly called my intern's desk and told him that not every angel goes by the title "Erika" and that, instead, have all kinds of names.
He says that the angel these brothers (who are not indeed named Mysterious Bow-Legged Man and "younger brother" but "Sam and Dean Winchester") are looking for is a seraph named Castiel who came into town a few weeks ago to seek refuse at Josie's after healing Sam of mental scars from when Sam dragged himself into the deepest pits of hell, opened by the collective rings of the four horsemen of the apocalypse, after being posessed by Lucifer for close to a month.
Would you get a load of this guy. Saying that angels have names other than Erika.
Who does Steve Carlsberg think he is. I most definitely will be filing a report for re-education for this particular citizen. Angels have names. Pfft.
Now, an annoucement from the Night Vale traffic department.
Commuters.
If you see a 1967 Chevrolet Impala on the roads, please. Do not shoot at it, throw grenades and/or any other explosives at it, or form a pitchfork and torch weilding mob around it.
The sheriff's secret police assure you that this is not the same, driverless vehicle that rolled across town around two years ago, cursing several people into singing "Eye of the Tiger" and doing jumping jacks for hours straight before fainting from exhaustion.
I repeat. This is not the same vehicle. You are safe. Relatively. But are you?
Yes. Relatively.
The brothers were reported to have 'swaggered' up to Old Woman Josie's angel sanctuary earlier this morning, knocking on the door and insisting that some man named "Castiel" 'come out and have a chat'.
Mysterious Bow-Legged Man and "younger brother" waited for close to five minutes, but no 'Castiel' was produced. The brothers were also distracted by our lovely citizen and possible runner-up for mayor Hiram McDaniels, who was out for a Sunday drive.
Apparently, his five dragon heads greatly disturbed them. Quite unfortunate that even in 2013 we still have incidents of creaturism like this today.
On a side note, Mayor Pamela Winchell would like to remind you that tommorow is national Night Valians Against Creaturism Day, where we celebrate our diverse population of around two hundred human beings, seven hooded figures, one faceless old woman and one five-headed dragon. Come join the festivies! Five citizens will be chosen for Hiram's annual feeding. What an honor!
And now, for the weather.
...
This just in. Old Woman Josie called the station to tell us that there was an imposter living in her home.
The "angel" is not really an angel angel but an "angel angel", which of course there is a very large difference. This "angel angel" is really named Castiel, and has in fact been stowing away at Old Woman Josie's for the past couple of days.
Old Woman Josie claims she noticed something might be odd because this "Castiel" was in fact not ten feet tall, did not have thousands of eyes, did not have a bright black halo, did not have wings or was not wearing the traditional heavenly robes, and instead was wearing a tan trechcoat and blue tie.
He is not to be confused with the Man in the Tan Jacket. A Jacket is much shorter than a trenchcoat, listeners. Remember this. It may save your life one day.
Anyway, Castiel willingly left with Tall-Man-with-Lady-Hair and Mysterious Sharp-Jawbone-Man shortly after he was discovered as being an imposter.
"He kept asking me what the lights above the Arby's were and why Night Vale's bumblebees are close to ten times the size of 'regular' bees." Old Woman Josie told our Night Vale Community radio just moments ago.
"I told him I do not have those answers, that as an angel he should know them in the first place." (Old Woman Josie sounded angry at this point..) "I can't believe I fell for that old 'I'm really an angel' garbage."
The three of them left this morning, tearing down the road at approximately 75.9 miles per hours and blasting "Highway to Hell' on the old muscle car's speaker system. At least Ken-Doll-Man and Plaid-Donning-Jolly-Green-Giant were able to retrieve their friend and no longer plague our city with their ignorant creaturism and blatant disrespect for Night Vale cuisine.
In Other News, a gigantic snail can be seen slowly moving across the intersection on Avenida Bizarro and Pi Street, he is approximately one-hundred and fiffy feet tall with a shell that seems to be a 'mirror into the universe', featuring the Milky Way galaxy as well as the Orion Belt.
The Galaxy Snail has apparently moved since this morning, and has started consuming trees bordering the Whispering Forest, leaving behind a slimy bright pink trail that is quickiy corroding everything in its path including the neighborhood stray dog Mr. Barksly, and has melted the ground into a trench at least thirty feet deep and growing. Commuters must divert to the other side of town.
But I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.
We may never see Mysterious Bow-Legged Man, "younger brother" or Castiel the "angel angel" again. But that's just part of life, isn't it? The pure uncertainty of everything. We might never see the three of them again. Or, we might attened MBLM and Castiel's wedding. We may never know where the winds of fate will blow us.
And with the notion of Life's uncertainty fresh in your mind, I leave you this quote.
Life is like a feather on summer breeze. Invisible and probably not real for all intensive purposes unless you want to tango with the sheriff's secret police.
Goodnight, Night Vale.
Goodnight.