Castiel did not know what he had expected married life to be like, only that he had thought he would spend more time with his husband than he had. Dean had left him to give orders to the army and Castiel had been ushered into a waiting carriage to ride with Adam, Dean's younger half-brother and his own brother Gabriel. The whole camp had been in disarray, being packed up and moved on.

He seemed to have already angered his husband. Castiel didn't know what he'd done but Dean seemed eager to be away from him. Castiel had hoped things would go well for the two of them, that they could both behave with dignity but already Dean's family had ridiculed him and his clothes. They had mocked his wedding outfit, even though it was beautiful and expensive. They had mocked him and his family's traditions.

Castiel had not said anything though. He had bitten his tongue and remained impassive, trying to be the dutiful husband he was supposed to be but he did not look forward to his future as part of Dean's family. He didn't think they either wanted or accepted him.

Anahita was brought to him before their ride could start and Castiel spent the journey with the cub asleep in his lap. He found her a pleasing distraction, brushing his fingers through her soft fur. Adam was enchanted by the idea of a tiger cub being given as a wedding present. Castiel was amazed to hear how much courtly life had changed since his family was driven away. Exotic and rare beasts had always been wedding presents when his family ruled the land.

Gabriel mentioned off-handily that he had had a beautiful silver wolf as his wedding gift. His face became set and his eyes stony when Adam asked where it was now.

"Dead within weeks, much like my marriage," he said coldly.

The rest of the ride proceeded in silence.

Castiel spent much of it watching Adam. He did not greatly resemble his brother, but when he turned his head or scowled, Castiel could see flashes of Dean in his features. He found it surprising that Dean elevated his half-brother to such a level, to bring him to his wedding as an honoured guest and let him ride in the carriage with his husband.

Adam was illegitimate. His birth, and John Winchester's acceptance of him, had been a scandal. It was one thing to have a child out of wedlock, but another thing to take him in and raise him with your heirs.

Still, it seemed Dean followed in his father's footsteps in that respect, still caring for his brother even after his father's death. Castiel dug his fingers into Anahita's fur, rubbing harder than before. If Dean thought Castiel would accept his bastards and raise them alongside their own children, then he was wrong. Courtly life might have changed, but the Angels had not and Castiel would not share his husband in that way.

Still, even though he feared that Dean might already have a mistress or children by someone else, Castiel found himself pleased that Dean had not rejected Adam out of hand. It spoke of a family bond that Dean would continue to protect his half-brother and Castiel believed strongly in family. If Dean did have illegitimate children then Castiel would not object to them being given titles or land. He only objected to raising them as if they were his own.

They travelled for the best part of the day, stopping only to eat a light lunch of cheese and bread with some of Gabriel's favourite rose flavoured water to quench their thirst. Castiel shared his portion with Anahita but the cub ate very little and Castiel determined she would have meat for her main meal. Everything was stilted. Adam was a stranger to them and Castiel was not so impolite as to discuss his fears in front of him. He also did not trust the boy not to run straight to Dean and tell him that Castiel thought he and his family were rude. Castiel did not want to begin his married life by making things worse than they already were.

The sun was setting by the time they trundled in to the hastily constructed camp, many miles from where they had started out that morning. The servants must have been working hard to set everything up, but still there was work going on. Castiel knew that in a few days there would be a battle a little west of their position but that was all he knew.

Dean greeted him, having travelled on ahead on horseback. He lifted Castiel down from the carriage with great care and Castiel could almost believe that Dean did care for him.

Castiel had travelled in his wedding outfit. He would not take it off until his husband undressed him but now it was covered in the mottled red and black fur of his tiger cub. Dean raised an eyebrow looking him over but didn't say anything on the matter.

"Our tent has already been erected," he said, although he did not sound terribly pleased. "It's getting late. We should retire."

"Yes," Castiel agreed.

The fear he had felt that morning dawned on him again. He had been able to push it away before. They had been travelling for so long that the prospect of the wedding night seemed far off but now it was here and Castiel could not ignore it any longer. He still had the oil Gabriel had given him and the dagger. He hoped he did not have need for the second item.

Castiel turned quickly, taking Anahita from Gabriel's waiting arms and then he followed his husband across the camp, heading for their marriage bed.

When they reached the tent, Dean lifted the flap for Castiel and let him enter on ahead of him. Castiel glanced around, noting with a sinking feeling in his stomach that there was no partition or place he could hide himself away for a few minutes to prepare as Gabriel had suggested. He could not exactly lie down and finger himself open in front of Dean. The room was sparse. There was a hastily constructed bed but very little in the way of anything else. Certainly nowhere for Castiel to be private.

Castiel placed Anahita on the floor and turned to face his husband.

Despite himself, he was shaking.

"I am ready," he said, forcing himself to believe those words.

Dean did not look convinced but he crossed the room to him. He reached out and touched the silk at Castiel's shoulder before he grabbed a handful of it, dragging it down, baring Castiel's chest to the cool air inside the tent. Castiel trembled all the harder.

"Be gentle," he whispered, not certain if he was demanding or begging.

Dean blinked at him, surprised.

"I wouldn't hurt you," he said slowly.

Castiel nodded but he did not feel convinced. Everything felt wrong, forced and horrible. Dean had mocked him before, why wouldn't he mock Castiel's fear now? Castiel could not prepare himself, could not protect himself. Even if he had understood that eventually his marriage would mean being bedded, he was not ready for the actuality of the fact. Castiel's chest felt tight and he found it hard to breath. He hoped that Dean would simply take him quickly and let it end before Castiel had time to register things fully.

There was a scuffling noise and then Anahita was yowling. It was an angry sound, pitiful coming from a cub so young and Castiel felt as if she was crying for him, voicing his fear. She had climbed on to the bed and was standing in the middle of it, her small body shielding them from being able to use it.

"Anahita, off," he said softly.

This could not be postponed. It could not be prevented.

"No," Dean said, his hand moving to cup Castiel's cheek, turning the boy to face him. "We do not have to do this."

"Stop it!" Castiel said angrily, pushing Dean's hand away. "Stop pretending to be kind. Stop smiling at me, stop gentling me. You have already humiliated me once today. Do not do it again now!"

He did not want to leave the tent until he had done his duty. He did not want Dean to laugh at him, to humiliate him with tales of his frigid Angel husband who was frightened of his touch.

"This is wrong. We both know this is wrong," Dean hissed. "We might be married, Castiel, but that does not mean we have to force ourselves. I will not hurt you. I made your brother a promise that I would show you kindness and respect. Taking you now, when you do not want it, would be breaking my vow."

He leaned in then and kissed Castiel with surprising tenderness.

"When you say you are ready and you truly mean it, we will consummate this marriage. Anything before then would be an abomination."

Castiel stared at Dean and he felt his heart skip a beat.

He believed Dean. He believed that Dean would wait for him.

He knew he had failed in his duty, that he had failed in the one thing he was supposed to do which was let Dean bed him. They could not conceive an heir while Castiel remained a virgin. Castiel should be braver, should accept his fate but he was grateful to Dean for giving him this time and this choice.

"Then what do we do tonight? And what about when they ask tomorrow morning?" he asked, remembering that they would need to show their wedding sheets, the proof that Castiel had been a virgin. It would be a disgrace to both of them if they could not produce them.

Dean scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Tomorrow, we lie and if anyone asks to see the sheets, I'll cut my arm and we can pretend it's your blood. That should keep tongues from wagging."

"And tonight?"

"I will sleep on the floor if you would like me to," Dean offered.

"No," Castiel said quickly, reaching out to take his hand. "I would like you to sleep beside me. We must grow used to sharing each other's bed."

He smiled at Dean and Dean smiled back.

It was surprisingly easy to talk to him, Castiel found. He did not know what he'd expected of Dean, he had not had time to form any opinion of him but he had not expected him to care so much for Castiel's wellbeing. Castiel did not fear to sleep in the same bed as him. In fact, he looked forward to falling asleep and waking up in his husband's arms.

Dean was right. Castiel would feel ready eventually. They had known each other hardly more than a day. Patience and time would see them right, even if they were unlikely bedfellows.

Castiel only worried that they would not have the time they needed, not with the battle brewing.