This wasn't the first time that Daryl found himself running for his life, certainly not the first time someone was chasing him. But being chased by a red and black horned monster with a double-bladed laser sword and magic powers: that was something new. Hell, at this point he would rather give in and engage in all the stupid drama between Rick and his hoe-ass wife.

The only thing that could make this worse would be if-

"Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, Jesus!"

Ah yes, the flat-chested woman was still following.

"Oh God, I don't wanna die!"

"Ain't news, man."

"You don't understand! Fetty Wap is gonna steal my shine! He's basically just a cooler, black me with actual street cred!"

"I don't give a fuck! Just keep running!"

The adrenaline must have been getting to Daryl, because out of the corner of his eye he saw a ghostly apparition of a black guy with dreads and expensive jeans. It sounded like he was yelling a number, over and over again.

But Daryl was in too much of a hurry for hallucinations. Darth Maul was gaining.

From above, Daryl heard a bloodcurdling roar and the unmistakable buzzing of the monster's double bladed laser sword thing. He dove out of the way just in time, and the monster landed in between Daryl and Justin, the creature's sword burying itself in the ground.

Daryl ran the opposite direction without a second thought. Screw the Carl look-alike, this stuff was realer than that time he had to rub shit on himself to escape that buffalo.

As Daryl bailed, Bieber stood, frozen in fear, as the horned creature slowly turned his piercing gaze on the "boy." Slowly he pulled his lightsaber from the ground with a sickening sizzle.

"I can sense your fear, and your lesbianism," rumbled the Dark Lord's apprentice.

Darth Maul raised his hand, and telekinetically lifted Bieber off his feet, floating him in the air as Bieber struggled to keep from wetting his pants.

"I can sense everything about you, even…oh shit, didn't expect that. You're a woman?"

"No! I'm a real boy!" yelled Justin.

"Hm. Well, why don't we just have a look?"

With that, Darth Maul proceeded to rip out Justin Bieber's vagina with his mind. Far away, millions cheered.

"See? I knew it."

Bieber's eyes flashed with pain. He couldn't feel, his eyesight was blurry, and all he could hear was the monkey in his brain smashing its cymbals together. Which, being worthy of note, was better sounding than most of his songs.

Then, through the noise, he heard a voice. And it sang, "seventeeeenthirtyeeight!"

His eyesight cleared, and before him appeared the ghost of Fetty Wap.

And Fetty Wap spoke unto him, "I'm like hey whats up hellooooo! Justin, it's time to go to Illuminati heaven."

Overcome with the spirit of his holiness, Justin reached out with a shaky hand, and with his finger touched Fetty Wap's dead eye. In a flash of light, Justin's soul detached from his body, manifesting as a ghostly imitation of Justin's now-limp body. Inexplicably, a ray of light shone down from the heavens like a final spotlight on the superstar. The ghost of Fetty Wap took Justin's arm, and together they rose up the beam and into the alien ship that had just appeared out of nowhere, its hull adorned with the Eye of Providence.

As they approached their home, Fetty exclaimed his greeting, often misinterpreted as a mating call, but in actuality was the common language among members of the master race:

"yeeeeeah baby!"

Justin joined in, "Baby, baby, baby, ooooooh!"

The doors on the bottom of the ship opened, just like the thousands of teenage girls' legs at the sound. As they disappeared into the pits from whence they came, their auto-tuned voices receded into oblivion.

Darth Maul watched as the ship flew away and disappeared. That was weird, he thought. Oh well, I've got people to kill.

Maul raised his hands again, and with his finishing move, tore Justin Bieber's head and spine out of his body in a gruesome display of Dark Side power and Mortal Kombat skills. With that done, Darth Maul looked around for something else to kill, but there was nothing. This made Darth Maul sad. But then he heard a roar in the distance. Thuds and crashes from not so far away. He quickly became happy again, and off he went, skipping through the forest with childlike joy, twirling Bieber's still connected skull-spine.