It was a Friday night and Delly was working at the Mezza Coffee Shop in Tulsa, where she had been living for the past two years. Her thoughts drifted lazily around her tasks at hand; wiping tables, filling milk and cream thermoses, cleaning off the perennially sticky honey jar. How far she had come from the eternally smiling girl from West Virginia. Her younger brother was now on his own, studying to become an architect. He had relied on her a lot when he was younger, and she didn't resent it a bit. Niall was the one person who accepted her always, no matter what. He adored her, in fact. She had been protective of him, just the way Katniss had been protective of Prim.

Delly thought fondly of her friend, how much she had looked up to Katniss when they were kids. How strong Katniss was, keeping her family together when her mom couldn't. There was such a cost to Katniss though. She had to put up walls to protect herself and her sister. Delly knew about walls. She had put up walls of a different kind. People always liked Delly, because she was always smiling and willing to help. What they didn't realize was that smile was there as a sort of force field, to protect Delly from hurtful words and feelings she had battled with for as long as she could remember.

How many different words for fat could mean kids come up with, for crying out loud? Delly wondered if it was fun for them, making her cry about being plump. Her dad would just say, "Darlin' girl, it's just your baby fat," and hug her hard. Her mom, with her thick immigrant accent would say, "Delilah, have some more strudel, liebchen!" Little did they know that by denying there was a problem they made her feel slightly invisible. So she plastered on that smile and was extra good and helpful.

Still, it was a good life.

Her best friend was Peeta. Peeta understood about the smile. He had his own. He was hiding the bruises and scars from his mom's abuse for years. She saw it for what it was when they were just 8 years old. He made her promise never to tell anyone, lest his family become even more broken than it was. She kept his secret, and the secret about his love for Katniss. Secrets were safe with Delly, so good at being a friend. As they grew up, she treasured their friendship and sometimes, secretly, wished it were more. But she knew his heart was always on Katniss, and Delly could never deny what made Peeta's heart happy.

But Delly had a secret she never even told Peeta.

When she was ten, she saw a lovely teapot in the window of the local gift shop. Blue with bright yellow stars hand painted on it. It made her think of the old stories her mom would tell she her and Niall, and thought it would make a lovely present for her mother's birthday. The price tag was beyond her means, however. She'd never been great at saving money; someone always needed cheering up with a cookie or sweet, and Delly was only too willing to share. She thought about how she could get that teapot. She was helpful, after all. Maybe the storekeeper would let her help in exchange for it? Nervously, she went inside. No one else was around.

"May I help you?" asked Mr. Cray, peering down his nose at her, and staring just a bit too long. She asked about the trade. He thought about it. "Well, you look like a strong girl. How about you help me take some boxes to the basement?"

Delly agreed that she would come by after school for the next two weeks and help out. She was so eager to show that she could accomplish her goal that she never stopped to think about how odd Cray's request was. Didn't he have that boy, what was his name, Darius already working for him? She went home and told Niall about her "job". He thought it was great! Mom would love it!

The next day she showed up. Darius was just leaving and gave her an odd look, but she was used to that. He probably just thought she was some dumb, pudgy kid. Cray showed her the boxes. She picked one up. It was a little heavy, but she managed. As she put the box down in the room he had showed her, she realized he was right behind her. As she stood up, he put his hands around her and felt her budding breasts. She froze. She had absolutely no idea what he was doing! It felt wrong, but she didn't know why. She felt trapped and had no way to escape, so she just remained frozen, and her smile, her plastic, protective smile appeared on her face. It was as if she was watching from outside her body. The whole thing only lasted a minute before he backed away from her. She felt dizzy and unfocused. She didn't even realize she was smiling as she walked back upstairs and out the door. She was still smiling when she went home, but inside she was at war. How could she have been so stupid? Was she going to be in trouble? Did Darius know what was going on?

The next day at school she was in sort of a daze, and afterward, she wound up back at Cray's shop, as if her feet went by themselves, unattached to her body and mind. For the next two weeks she could not explain to herself why she kept going back, except that she needed that damn teapot. Her mind conveniently wiped out what happened in the basement. Darius never said anything to her, and no one asked why she was smiling so much. She had always smiled. She was always helpful. And when she gave her mother that teapot, her mother was so happy! Delly was happy too. Why were there tears coming from her eyes then? She stopped drinking tea then, and she never went back to that store. It went out of business and Cray moved away a few years later. Delly was glad. But every day, she had felt more and more invisible. She was so busy pleasing everyone else, and looking after Niall, that she had no idea who she really was.

Her dad died when she was 16, and her mom was sad, but she carried on. Mama's therapy was cooking. Delly's therapy was eating. Niall's was studying. They all got along, and had many happy times together. It was still a good life. Delly had lots of friends – who didn't like Delly? Peeta was still her "bestie". She told him about all her crushes, like the huge one she had on Gale Hawthorne. He was a basketball star, good looking, strong for his family, and good friends with Katniss. He didn't even know Delly was alive. When they were seniors, Thom asked her to the prom as, "Just friends." She had secretly hoped for her first real kiss, not the ones she had made Peeta practice with her. But when she got it it, she had a funny feeling; a feeling about something she didn't want to remember. Something she hated about herself. She told herself that he really couldn't like her. She was so fat. She wasn't strong. She wasn't all that smart. She wasn't really good at anything.

She wasn't sure what she really wanted to do when it came time for college. Peeta and Katniss went to Ohio State. Thom joined the army. She stayed at the local community college. It turned out to be a good thing to be home when her mom found out she had breast cancer. Delly took her mom to the hospital and doctor's appointments and chemo and radiation, smiling and being helpful. Inside she was scared to death. Her mom gave a good fight, but lost in the end. Delly was really sad and not smiling.

As she was cleaning up her mom's things, she started to pack away the teapot from all those birthdays ago, and it accidentally fell out of her hands and broke. She started crying and she couldn't stop. Niall was worried about her. Her friends were worried about her. She could not shake the feeling that somehow she had let her mom down. She started to see a therapist that Peeta had recommended. They focused on her grief over her parents. He suggested that she try weight watchers and more exercise. She knew that was the right thing to do, but she couldn't make herself do it. Somehow, if she lost that weight, the world might see that she really wasn't smiling, helpful Delly, but something rotten and dark. She just couldn't really remember what the dark part was. She just wanted to stay numb.

When Niall started college, Delly knew it was time for a change. She had no idea what she needed, but she knew she couldn't find it in West Virginia. She applied to a two year college outside of Cincinnati for early childhood education. That was helpful. She liked little kids. Everything was going along great until she ran into Leevy, who had gone to high school with her. Leevy was studying psychology. They were eating dinner together and catching up on old times, when Leevy asked her if she had heard about Darius. Delly listened as she told her that Darius had hung himself. He had left a note explaining that he had been sexually abused by Cray when he was a teenager, and never told anyone. The note said that there may have been more kids like him, and he couldn't live with the guilt of not saying anything. He had been in and out of mental hospitals. He had even tried to cut off his own tongue. Delly realized she was shaking. She couldn't seem to say anything. She could barely hear Leevy. She couldn't really breathe. Everything started to go black...

She woke up in the hospital emergency room. Panic attack, that's what the doctor said. But suddenly, Delly remembered everything. She withdrew from college the next day. She felt so raw and exposed. Like Hester Prynne, Delly felt as if she was wearing a big letter A for Abused. She had to leave Cincinnati. She had to run, get away. The next year was a blur.

But somehow, she wound up in Tulsa.

Slowly, so slowly, Delly realized that the plastic force field smile hadn't really protected her, it had isolated her. No one knew who she really was, including herself. She had no idea what she really liked or didn't like. She knew she had friends, but who could she trust with these terrible memories? The one thing she did know was she didn't want to wind up like Darius. She did not want to torture herself to death.

So she got a small job at Mezza, and she lived very simply. She went to the library. She read all sorts of self-help books. She went to art galleries. One Sunday she found herself at a church with one of her co-workers, Annie. Annie had been through a lot herself. She had lost the love of her life to a motorcycle accident, and had nearly lost her mind after that. She said this church was different: it wasn't about sin and redemption, it was about a loving community helping each other find truth and meaning in life. The building the church was in housed support groups of all kinds. Delly found one for survivors of abuse.

The group was mainly women, facilitated by a man named Cinna. They didn't do group therapy work all the time. Sometimes the group explored religious traditions. Sometimes they talked about feminism. Sometimes then did art together. Cinna had them all read a book called "The Artist's Way." Delly went to the group faithfully for two years. She also went to her own therapist when things got especially tough. She still loved her sweets, but tried not to use them to stop feeling. She wasn't smiling quite as much, but when she did, it was genuine. When she cried, the group supported her. She supported them.

Finally, Delly realized she had come to a place in her life where she felt like life wasn't all good, but it was real.

She found out she was really good at making pies. She loved doing yoga. She did lose some weight, but found out it was okay to be fat. She even realized she liked it. She felt powerful. She felt whole.

One day she woke up and realized that she felt great. She decided she wanted to do something to remind herself of where she had come, Something on the outside to remind her of the work she had done for herself on the inside. She went into a local tattoo shop. She was looking at a tattoo of Frieda Khalo, thinking how it might look on her arm. She looked up. Who was behind the counter? Gale Hawthorne. Her jaw nearly hit the counter as she recognized him, still with those smoldering eyes.

He smiled at her. "Delly?"

Wait, what? Gale Hawthorne knows who I am?

"Hi Gale, " she said.

She was smiling at him. For real.