Surprise! If you last read Chapter 29 say...nearly a YEAR ago, I suggest taking a look back at the last chapter, since this one picks up right where the last one left off.
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The Memory Casket
Chapter Thirty: Simple Instructions
Loki – or Kendrith as Eir thought she should really begin thinking of him now, not just addressing him as such – looked at the bottle in her hand for a long time. His face was drawn and his hands were shaking slightly. Eir closed the distance between them and placed her free hand over the one of his that held the kitchen knife, then guided it down to the stone counter where he released it. She turned down the heat on the sauce and led him over to the table, where they both sat.
"Deep breaths. It's all right. Just take a moment. You're going to be fine."
A couple of minutes later he nodded and looked back up at her, but he still appeared jittery and nervous. "You…you think he left this for me?" he asked, pointing at the bottle on the table between them. "I mean, you think he wanted me to…"
"I do. Pardit told me that he consented to it being given to you when you woke up, and she deliberately hid from me the fact that you were continuing to drink it from your own supply."
"She did tell me to try not to drink it more than once per day, after I told her about it."
Eir nodded. The picture was growing clearer still. The discomfort she'd observed in Pardit was guilt. Pardit knew Kendrith shouldn't have been using so much Tinna extract. But she had discussed that with Loki in advance, too, Eir believed. She had probably supplied the bottle, but with the standard legally-required markings for Alfheim, and Loki had changed it to something that better suited his purposes. Which were? she asked herself. It was hard to fathom that Loki would want his new future self to develop a dependence on Tinna extract. And Loki treasured a clear-thinking mind, eschewing even mild wines. Why would he want to cloud his mind, to render himself more pliable in this way? "I think Pardit and Landis agreed to provide this bottle at Loki's request. But I'm guessing they weren't entirely comfortable with it. Pardit, at least."
"I see," Kendrith said. A moment later the creases in his face cleared and he continued. "You asked what else he left. He left food and money, as I said. No clothing, which was rather annoying. Except for a vest which I suspect he simply forgot to remove. Landis and Pardit provided me with a couple of things to wear, and then on the third day Pardit took me shopping. Ah, let's see…the memory casket, of course. The bedding, the furniture…oh, kitchen supplies, just the basics, I've bought a few more things. A comb, a couple of little packages of soap and shampoo…I might be forgetting a few things, but that's all that comes to mind."
"Anything with any other instructions on it?"
Kendrith looked off into the distance. "Lather, rinse, repeat," he said, eyes coming back to hers.
Eir laughed. "On the shampoo?"
Kendrith nodded, smiling back. The smile promptly faded.
"What?"
"Ahh…I…nothing, really…"
"Kendrith? Please, tell me what you've thought of. It could be important. There's more going on here than any of us knows about. It affects you, and everyone who knew you, who knew Loki."
"I don't want to talk about them, I told-"
"I know. And we won't. We're here to talk about you."
After another hesitation, he nodded again. "There was a note."
"A note?" Images of the letters Loki had written to Thor and that she knew he'd written to the king and queen came to mind. "A letter?"
"Not a letter. Just a note. It said…"
"It's all right. You can tell me."
"I haven't told anyone."
"You can tell me. Unless it affects some other person's health, I won't tell anyone else if you wish it. I swear this to you."
"I trust you. Though apparently I trust anything that breathes, and even things that don't," he added with a heavy dose of biting sarcasm that was so familiar that Eir thought for an irrational split second that Loki might still be hiding in there, somewhere. "Wait here," he said, standing and leaving the kitchen again. He was back another minute later, holding out a single sheet of white paper to Eir; the paper looked the same as the ones the letters had been written on. The same as the one inside the memory casket, the second one addressed to Thor.
She took it. "Do not look back." Loki's handwriting. An eyebrow arched upward. "What does it mean to you?"
"I think…it's quite apparent, isn't it?" he asked, still standing as she sat. He went back over to the cooker then and turned the heat back up on the sauce with one hand as he resumed stirring with the other.
It is, she thought, watching Kendrith in profile as another clear picture emerged from the haze. It was clear. And heartbreaking. Kendrith had never chosen to reject his mother's love and affection and care, along with any relationship with his father and brother and everyone and everything else on Asgard or otherwise part of his past. Loki had chosen that for him. And Kendrith had obeyed, having little else to guide him in his new life. All aided by the persuasive powers of Tinna extract, she thought then, face tightening in a burst of anger toward Loki. She loved him, almost like her own child, but his cruel streak was undeniable, and when it showed itself he didn't seem to care who got hurt in the process. Even himself.
"You know," she began after a deep breath, "you keep insisting Loki is gone. And you're right. He is. He gave up any right he had to make decisions for himself – for you – when he had his memories taken from him and stored in a casket. You can make your own decisions, Kendrith. As you did with this bottle."
Kendrith glanced back at her. "I think you should go now," he said, looking up at the faint glow of the clock on the wall, then back at the pots on the cooker.
"All right," she said, standing, handing the paper to Kendrith. "I hope I haven't delayed your dinner too much. Thank you so much for agreeing to speak with me. I know it wasn't easy at times. It was helpful for me, and I hope in some way for you as well. I don't think you'll have any trouble without the extract, since it's already been a week, but if you do, if you experience anxiety that you can't control, let Heimdall know that you need me and I'll come right away. We can work on further relaxation techniques, and if that doesn't work, there are medications that don't come with the side effects of Tinna extract. And…I don't know if you want to hear this, but…I'm very glad I got to see you again."
He looked at the words on the paper – Eir wondered just how many times he'd done that since waking and finding that note – then worked up a smile. "I'll show you out."
Eir made her way out to the door, Kendrith right behind her, where they paused. "Enjoy your dinner. And again, I do apologize for interrupting its preparation."
"Quite all right, really. I…I don't get many visitors. Hardly any, actually. And even though you said some things I didn't enjoy hearing…this is my life, and no one else's. Definitely not his. I'm glad you came."
"If I have further questions or concerns…you won't object if I come again?"
He took a deep breath. "I need some time to think things through. But…if it's not about them…then yes, you can."
"Thank you. I greatly appreciate it," Eir said, cutting short what she'd been going to say at the sound of a knock. "I think you exaggerate about your lack of visitors, Kendrith," she said with a smile.
"Oh, well…no…ah, I should get that," he said, folding the note in line with its creases and pushing it into his pocket.
Eir watched curiously as he opened the door; his nervousness was palpable, but this was a different nervousness altogether, marked by smiles and awkwardness rather than frowns and discomfort.
"Good evening!" a woman's voice said, out of view from where Eir stood partly behind the opened door and partly behind Kendrith. "How's the cooking going? Is your kitchen a disaster yet?"
"Ah, no, no more disasters. I learned my lesson well, thank you. Come in."
"I brought des- dessert," she said, catching sight of Eir.
"Thank you. I'm sure it's going to be the best part of the meal. Elandra, this is Eir, a healer from Asgard. And Eir, this is Elandra, my friend from…well, from here."
"Sort of. My grandmother's here, and I'm staying with her for a while. Pleased to meet you, Eir. Is, ah, is everything all right? With Kendrith?" she asked, glancing at the bottle Eir held, already turned so that the writing could not be seen.
"Oh, yes. He's perfectly healthy. I simply wanted to discuss a few things with him. I think he's doing very well," she said, addressing the last to Kendrith, who smiled in return. "And I'm pleased to meet you as well, Elandra. I'm glad Kendrith has made friends here."
"Oh, he's tolerable, I suppose," Elandra said with an easy smile, bumping her shoulder into Kendrith's arm. Kendrith beamed down at her, a bit of familiar teasing mischief in his eyes, and it was immediately obvious to Eir that he felt more than friendship for her. She hadn't seen him look that way at a woman in a very long time. "Will you join us for dinner, Eir?"
"No, no, I must be on my way," Eir said, moving around to the doorway. "Kendrith, remember, if you ever need me for anything at all, you can speak to Heimdall. He'll hear you and contact me."
"Asgard's king said the same thing."
"And he meant it, too, of that I have no doubt. But if you call for me alone, then I alone will come."
Kendrith hesitated, but only for a brief moment, then nodded. It was good enough for Eir, who said her last farewells and left. Heimdall, she knew, would have been watching everything, per the agreement made for Kendrith's release. As soon as she reached the road, she merely looked up and the bifrost opened and drew her home.
"Did you know Kendrith has a girlfriend?" she asked as soon as she came to a stop in the observatory.
"He has a friend," Heimdall said in his deep voice. "And she is a girl," he added with a smile.
Eir shook her head, enjoying the moment of levity while it lasted. She would love to have asked Heimdall what else he knew about Elandra, and Loki's new life on Alfheim, but Heimdall kept strictly to his own form of confidentiality. And much better, she thought, to simply ask Kendrith himself, now that she'd secured permission to visit him again.
"Would I be wrong to assume that you require my services again?" Heimdall asked.
"You would not," Eir said, turning back to the matter at hand, and glancing down at the metal container she held.
"Would you like to leave that here?"
"I think I'd like to take it with me. The same spot, Heimdall?"
Heimdall nodded and slid his sword back into its slot, starting up the bifrost again.
If Pardit had intentionally omitted an enormous bottle of Tinna extract from her story…what else had she omitted?
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"Your Majesty," Auda and the other apprentice healer assigned to Thor's care, Fadi, said in unison when they caught sight of the queen entering the corridor.
"Good evening. I'm running late, I hope Thor's not too hungry?" she asked when she reached them, outside Thor's door, a covered tray in her hands.
"Oh, I'm sorry," Auda said. "Not too hungry, no, but he's sleeping."
"Already?" She was late for supper, but it was still rather early for bedtime.
"He was having a difficult time. And the day was trying. He took a medication to help him sleep."
"Is he worse already?" she asked in fear.
"No, I don't believe he was worse. He was simply tired. He gets hardly a moment's peace."
"All right," Frigga said with a frustrated nod. She'd wanted to speak with him rather urgently, but if he'd needed the rest, then it would have to wait until tomorrow. She put on a chagrined smile. "It seems in fact neither of my boys will let me take care of them. You're changing shifts now?"
"We are, soon. Auda was just filling me in on the day," Fadi said. "I'll be taking the night shift. Eir has not yet returned from Alfheim."
Frigga's eyebrows went up at that; she could only assume it was good news, that it meant Eir was finding answers. Eir would get answers on Alfheim, and Frigga would get answers on Asgard, from right behind this door. Together they would gain what was needed to save Thor and Loki both. They had to. "Then Auda, I would like to go over with you a list of foods to avoid serving Thor."
"Of course, Your Majesty."
Auda took the tray and the two women headed to the office at the end of the corridor. It was a small thing, what Frigga was doing, but it was something, and it would keep her going until tomorrow.
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This time Pardit herself opened the door. "Eir," she said in tense greeting.
"Good evening. I imagine I'm making a habit of interrupting dinner preparation, but I'm afraid I have a few more questions."
"I do have office hours, you…" Pardit fell silent once she saw the bottle Eir now held up between them.
"I see you recognize this. Do you recognize this?" Eir asked, holding the bottle higher, label turned toward Pardit.
Pardit read quickly – there was little there to read – before looking up sharply at Eir. "I assume you got this from…Kendrith, you said he chose to name himself? But this is not the label that was on it when I gave it to Loki. Yes, I gave it- We gave it to him. You didn't ask about that."
Eir held her tongue – with difficulty – for snide remarks would do no one any good, certainly neither Thor nor Loki…nor Kendrith. "What label was on it then?" she asked, keeping her tone professional.
"It had a list of warnings and other information. Compoundist, manner of preparation, emergency information in case of overdose. All standard. I would never dispense a drug like Tinna extract, or any medication, without it. Nor would any compoundist sell it to a healer without it."
"And yet this is how I found it. Pardit…I want to believe you. I want to believe that you're a responsible healer who cares deeply about the welfare of her patients. But you aren't making it easy."
Pardit looked away, and the two women stood there in silence just outside her door. "You don't understand," she said.
"Then help me to do so. I have two patients affected by all this. One of them is struggling, and one of them is suffering greatly."
The silence lasted even longer this time. "I can't talk to you here," she began, continuing before Eir could respond. "But if we could go to Asgard…"
"We can go right now."
Pardit nodded, looking uncertain right up to the moment she said, "Wait here," and hurried into her house, closing the door behind her.
"Watch her," Eir said softly. She thought Heimdall probably was watching their conversation and would watch Pardit now regardless, but she felt she should request it just in case, fearing the worst – that Pardit was so unwilling to reveal her secrets that she would flee. Just a couple of minutes later, though, Pardit re-emerged, a banana-yellow full-length wrap now over her violet dress, with directions to a secluded area several minutes' walk away that they would reach separately, from two different directions.
Eir left first, to Pardit's "thank you for stopping by," casting glances around her as she went, hoping they weren't obvious. She passed only a few people and received a few looks herself, though none particularly lingered, as far as she could tell. Subterfuge and secret liaisons were rather far outside her usual experience.
Eir reached the clearing behind the abandoned shop first, but Pardit arrived before she could worry again that the other woman had deceived her.
"I don't know everything," Pardit said when she stood before Eir.
"Then tell me what you know."
Pardit nodded. Eir called for Heimdall.
/
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When Eir finally returned and entered her office, to Frigga's surprise Pardit Drakel was with her. Has she agreed to help Thor? Does she know how to after all? Does she know it's Thor who has Loki's memories? She couldn't ask any of these things in front of Pardit.
"Your Majesty, good evening. Is everything all right? Has the patient had a setback?" Eir asked.
She doesn't know it's Thor. "No. The patient is sleeping. I was waiting to speak with you about something."
"May I speak with Pardit first, my queen? She has kindly agreed to clarify some aspects of Loki's treatment."
"Yes, of course," Frigga said immediately. Thor was asleep. What she needed to speak with Eir about could wait. She stepped over to the chair she'd been sitting in before, waiting for Eir, and sat back down. Pardit, however, did not move, and Eir was glancing between the two. "I will hear what you have to say as well, Pardit." She thought she could stay civil with the woman now, now that she no longer believed Landis and Pardit were their only potential sources of useful information.
"I cannot do that, Your Majesty. I will speak with Eir because she was Loki's healer. I will speak with no one else."
"Eir is Loki's healer. Not 'was.' And I am Loki's mother. 'Am,' not 'was.'"
"Whichever verb is used, at the time I dealt with him Loki was an adult and fully capable of making his own decisions. I cannot break my oath of confidentiality even to his mother."
"Pardit, consider this," Eir put in before Frigga's intension to remain civil went up in smoke. "Loki committed a crime, did he not? I'm not certain of the law on Alfheim, but on Asgard, what Loki did to that bottle of Tinna extract, removing most of the label information including the warnings and then providing it to someone else in that form" – she glanced at Frigga, who understood that Eir was explaining this for her benefit, though she didn't understand what this news meant – "would be a transgression of law. Admittedly, it's a gray area, since the crime was committed against himself, in a sense."
Pardit looked down, her jaw moving but not her mouth. "Yes," she said after a tense moment. "Although a gray area in this case, yes, what he did would be illegal on Alfheim, too."
"Then we are here, in part, to investigate a crime, and determine if other crimes were perpetrated as well."
"I did not commit any crimes," Pardit insisted, an angry edge to her voice. "What we do, Landis and I, is completely legal. We're very careful about that."
"Is it legal on Alfheim to give an entire compoundist's bottle of a drug like Tinna extract to a patient? Knowing that that patient would in turn leave it to someone with no knowledge of it whatsoever, regardless of what was or wasn't on the label? Kendrith didn't know it came from you. But you knew he was taking it regularly. And you didn't take the opportunity to explain that you had provided it, or to say anything at all to him about it except suggest he try not to take it more than once per day. Which suggests to me that you and Loki had an agreement that was unethical at best, and illegal at worst. You knew he was at high risk of forming a dependence."
"I didn't know that he removed most of the label!" Pardit shouted. Her hand had gone up to cover her face, and when she removed it there were tears in her eyes. This shout wasn't spoken in anger, or even defensiveness, Frigga thought. Loki had apparently manipulated Pardit, too. She was frustrated. Exasperated. Frigga understood those feelings. Loki, much as she loved him, at times left her feeling that way, too.
"Pardit," Frigga said, "sit. Asgard has no intention of bringing you before a magistrate." Of course, though she might be feeling empathy for Pardit at the moment, if she were an Asgardian citizen instead of Ljosalf, Frigga would absolutely see this matter brought to a magistrate. But then, what Pardit and Landis did wasn't legal in the first place on Asgard. "We merely want answers. The truth. All of it. For Loki's sake, and for…the other man who has his memories now."
"Prince Thor, you mean?"
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This chapter has been written for...well, nearly a year, since that's when the last one was released, and as many of you know, I don't release a chapter until the one after it is completed. Ch. 31 has been almostfinished for a long time (finished now, of course); it's just gotten very hard to find the time "around the edges" to work on this one. I would look at this chapter and get confused, thinking I had already released it, just because it's been written for so long. Anyway, there you have it, an update at long last. Hope you enjoyed it. :-)