Hello? Anyone still reading this? Just posting a small chapter to get myself into the flow. And as a warning, this is possibly the shortest chapter I've ever posted on a multi-chapter fic. I've been pretty lax with updates to all my in-progress stories lately but I felt a need to return to this story. I don't like to play favourites, but this is in my top five of all my stories/one-shots. (Don't tell my other stories)

Wrote this pretty quickly without a reread so forgive the mistakes!

They sat in awkward silence for moments, Shepard unable to look at Kaidan and Kaidan unable to look anywhere else. He was still at a loss at what an appropriate reaction was to finding out the woman you loved had forgotten about you and was pregnant with your child. It seemed like a script to a terrible Blasto movie. Maybe one where Blasto loved an Asari and didn't leave her behind to go on his next 'top secret mission'.

He laughed dryly at his own musings, startling Shepard.

"What's so funny?" she asked crossly, seeing nothing amusing in their situation.

Kaidan shook his head. "Sorry, nothing really. It's just, it seems unreal." He gestured at her stomach. "This should be the happiest day of my life." And the reality of it hit him then. Isabelle didn't love him, didn't even know who the hell he was. He hated the tears that welled in his eyes, tried to blink them away, turning from Shepard so she wouldn't see.

Shepard wasn't sure what to do. He was right in so many ways. If she was the woman she'd been right before she'd fallen from the sky, then she would be rejoicing. But she wasn't, and she couldn't summon an emotion she wasn't even sure she still felt. Couldn't make herself love him because he needed her to. And she could see it was hurting him. So she placed her hand hesitantly on his shoulder, trying to give him comfort.

"Kaidan, I don't know what to say." And she didn't. There were no words that could make this better.

"There's nothing you can say," Kaidan said bitterly. "It's not your fault you can't remember me." There was almost an accusation in his words, Kaidan unable hide his resentment at her amnesia.

"No, it's not." She said a little defiantly. "I never asked to be the one to make the decisions. I never asked to forget everything, to forget you." She felt her ire rise at the angry set of Kaidan's shoulders. This was something she remembered well, the passive hostility he'd displayed towards her when they were on Mars.

Kaidan flinched, wondering how it had come to anger so quickly. It was probably his fault, always his fault when Shepard felt vulnerable enough to lash out. He sighed, his shoulders dropping. "I'm sorry, Shepard. I didn't come here to fight."

"Neither did I," she sighed. Why did this have to be so hard? She'd thought of what she'd say when she was finally reunited with Kaidan again. She'd practiced the words dammit. So she tried to think of what she'd intended on starting with. "Kaidan, I came here for the sole purpose of finding you. I know I don't remember everything, that I can't promise I ever will, but I want what's right for our children. I want you in my life, even if it can't be romantically right now."

She waited patiently for his reply, not sure how he would take the olive branch she was holding out to him. It wasn't what he wanted, she could see it in the downturn of his lips. But it was all she felt comfortable offering right now. No matter the crazy pounding of her heart at the sight of him, the sharp stab of hormone-driven lust she felt at his closeness, and no matter the ache she felt at hurting something as simple and important as his feelings. She needed time to make the right decision. Right for her and their children. She knew Kaidan in her life was the right choice, no matter the consequences or complications.

"Children? As in, more than one?" Kaidan's voice was choked, his eyes widening at her almost imperceptible nod.

Shepard wasn't ready for the sudden sob that tore itself out of Kaidan's mouth, or the tears that slid down his cheeks. She felt frozen with indecision as she watched him fall apart in front of him.

Kaidan wasn't ready to hear the news that Shepard was carrying more than one child. And it seemed like the final straw. It made the entire thing so much better and so terribly painful at the same time. Even if Shepard didn't want to marry him, he would have more than one child with her. One more tangible thread that tied them together. One more little girl or boy with her eyes or smile or bright, red hair. He was surprised at the sudden grief that tore through him as the dream he'd built up for them crumbled before his eyes. She didn't love him, and he wasn't sure there was a chance that she could fall for him a third time. The second time had felt like a miracle and he'd always feared that if they hadn't been in such a dire situation she might have seen that she could do so much better than him. She'd assured him with soft words, with languid kisses and gentle affection that it could never be the case. That she would always choose him.

He'd comforted himself with that thought, fallen asleep with her reassurance's ringing in his ears during their months apart. He wasn't sure he was strong enough to suffer another separation, that he wouldn't turn into a possessive, unbearable person if she ever moved on. Could he be the better man for their children? He was afraid he couldn't. And it hurt, to see her joy at the sight of Tali, Garrus, and even Joker. And then to be faced with her awkward regard, to see her torn between uneasiness and relief at his survival, when all he could feel was joyful exuberance. Isabelle was alive, but he couldn't hold her in his arms, couldn't kiss her, or even go near her without her tensing. So the tears came, and he hated himself for his weakness, for letting Shepard see him like this. He was a mess and he didn't ignore the urge to run, to escape Shepard's panicked expression.

Isabelle watched Kaidan get up abruptly and leave. She wanted to call out to him, but the words died before they could escape her lips. It pained her to see his confusion and his grief. She'd wanted to comfort him, hold him, kiss the mouth she'd once known so well, just to lift the burden he'd placed on himself. She wanted to make everything better, it was in her nature, to care so deeply. And she had a feeling that the urge was a thousand times stronger when it came to Kaidan Alenko, if what she was currently feeling was anything to go by. She wanted to see the smile that she'd recalled in several dreams, a smile that always faded slightly when she woke up, just as every memory seemed to drift slightly out of reach.

She felt tears prick at her eyes and she blinked them away angrily. No, this entire situation wasn't her fault, but she couldn't help but feel responsible, another character flaw maybe. She needed to find Kaidan and make this right. To fix the broken expression on his face that matched the tearing ache in her chest.

I know it's a short update, but to be honest, I was just happy that I was finally writing something for this story that I still love so much. I just want to make it clear that Shepard still loves Kaidan, but the feeling is lost in the memories that she can't remember, hidden under the other emotions that are creating a hormonal mess. :p