Author's Note

So I've only ever published a short story on this site, and this is my first crossover. I love Fullmetal Alchemist, and I've been a Harry Potter fan for twelve years. I'll try to update this every week or two, because high-school's starting. Oh, and flames will be used to torch Umbridge, because Mustang's gone missing, so he can't do it. Hope you enjoy!

Chapter One

It was a Monday afternoon, and Harry had just gotten out of on of the worst Potions classes ever. Snape hd tormented him mercilessly, not to mention Malfoy ruining his brew by flicking in lacewing flies when Harry's back was turned.

"What do we have after lunch, Hermione?" Ron yawned, displaying a full set of perfect teeth.

"History of Magic," the bushy haired witch responded quickly. It was only the second month of school, but, being Hermione, she had memorized the schedule by the third day.

Upon entering the Great Hall, the Golden Trio were met with a rather strange sight. A the staff table sat two new, well, they must be teachers, if they were eating up there. That, or important visitors.

Judging by the shocked looks the ret of the students mulling in had etched into their faces, nobody had heard even a trace of a rumor about any guests. And neither the book list nor Dumbledore at the beginning of the year feast had even whispered about any new classes or staff.

A rather small, blonde, girlish boy was perched on a seat, appearing to be both annoyed and amused. He wore a very odd robe as well; almost muggle-ish, bright red, with a black jacket underneath. But it was the other, though, that stopped Harry, Ron, and Hermione in their tracks. They had no idea what gender the other person was, because he or she was wearing a suit of armor, not unlike the ones that lined the halls of Hogwarts. The armor towered over all of the teachers surrounding it, minus Hagrid, of course.

'Honestly,' Harry thought, 'who would want to wear such bulky apparel?'

As the torrent of students came to a halt, Dumbledore rose to his feet, and raised his hands to silence the chatter coming from the four house tables.

"I know that most of you have noticed the new addition to our staff. Would you please give a warm welcome to Professor Edward Elric," Dumbledore gestured to the blonde, who lazily waved a gloved hand, "and Professor Alphonse Elric." One large, black leather clad hand connected to a metal covered arm gave the same sweeping motion, but more politely.

Random bursts of applause, mainly from girls whispering "oh my gosh, Professor Edward's so cute!"

Dumbledore continued speaking when the last claps faded. "They will be teaching Alchemy Class, for fifth, sixth, and seventh years. I do hope you will treat him with the same respect as for any teacher, despite their young age. That is all, tuck in." He sat back down as platters of food appeared on the tables.

As the babble started up again, Harry turned to Hermione. "Er, what's alchemy? I mean, I know Dumbledore worked on alchemy with Nicholas Flamel. And Flamel made the Philosopher's Stone, so could the stone and alchemy be connected?"

Hermione looked perplexed. "I'm not sure, Harry. I mean, it isn't like we'll be making a Philosopher's Stone; how could those two teach us that? As for alchemy, you can bet that I'll find out before we have class!"

"The one with the braid, Edward, is definitely younger. Could Alphonse Elric be his much-older brother, or even his dad?" Ron hypothesized, interjecting his idea, spraying little bits of chicken leg across the table at Harry.

"Yeah," Seamus chimed in, forgetting his anger at Harry for the time being. "Wonder how the shrimp is going to help out in class. Probably just pass out papers, stuff like that."

Dean nodded fervently, secretly happy that his friends were speaking to one another again. "The guy looks like he's eight. I bet alchemy's really hard, if Dumbledore is only allowing fifth years and up to learn it."

"Do you really think that alchemy'll be that bad? Gran'll kill me if I fail a class and in our O.W.L year at that." Neville worried.

Hermione's face became a horrified mask. "Oh no! I have to get to the library!"

She bolted from the Gryffindor table, not even bothering to apologize to Dennis Creevy when she nearly barreled him over as he got up to go talk to his older sibling, Collin.

"I'm not sure about Edward being just an assistant, though. Professor Dumbledore did introduce him as a real Professor, Seamus." Neville acted as though Hermione hadn't almost murdered a second-year.

"Sure, Neville. Maybe he's a genius from another planet!" Dean mocked, acting like a bumbling idiot: tongue sticking out, eyes unfocused, and speaking funny.

"Finnigan, Weasley, Thomas, Potter, Longbottom, good, you're all together." Mcgonagall startled them. Dean quit acting stupid, and Neville chocked on a piece of a peppermint humbug.

With a flick of her wand, McGonagall had cleared Neville's throat.

"Please try not to die on me, Mr. Longbottom, too much paperwork. As I was saying, here are your new class schedules. Oh, and Mr. Weasley, would you please pass this one off to Miss Granger? She seems to have left lunch early." Professor McGonagall handed each boy a page of parchment, handing an extra one to Ron, for Hermione. Then she continued walking down her house table, delivering the revised schedules to the eldest Gryffindors.

Harry scanned Monday's classes.

"Yes!" He yelled, "We have Alchemy class right after lunch!"

Ron punched the air in celebration. "No History of Magic today!"

"We'll get to see if the pipsqueak is actually able to do alchemy. I wager a galleon he can't." Seamus said confidently.

"Same here," Dean agreed.

Ron looked awkward. Harry knew he didn't have a galleon to waste on a whim.

"I think that he'll be a full teacher, and I'm willing to bet a galleon on it." Voiced Neville on his opinion.

Suddenly something dawned on Harry. "Guys, who wants to tell Hermione that she has twenty minutes to memorize everything about alchemy?" The be-speckled boy brought up cautiously.

Instantly the other four fifth years groaned.

"You should, Harry. You're one of her best friends, with all the subtlety that Ron lacks." Neville piped up. There was much nodding from Seamus and Dean, and mutters from said ginger.

"Fine, but you guys are going with me, as backup." Harry relented.

At the library, Hermione was poring over a mountain of dusty, faded tomes, many different sizes and color, sucking on the end of her plait, twisting one strand of hair that had escaped in her left hand.

"How's the search going, Hermione?" Harry began, with much prodding and poking from his 'backup', who were now huddled behind him.

"Not well, so what do you want, Harry?" She asked irritably, grasping another book, flipping through the pages before deeming it worthless and exchanging it for another.

"Well, we got new schedules after you left, because of alchemy class. Actually, speaking of Alchemy class, it starts in ten minutes, please don't kill the messenger!"

Ron gingerly slid the parchment across the table to her.

Hermione slammed the book shut, fire in her eyes, then slammed it into Harry's skull, leaving a dent.

"Hermy-chop! Now, WHAT?!"

Madame Pince shot Hermione the evil-eye for daring to shout in her library, before continuing her muggle novel. Harry thought it looked suspiciously like a romance story. 'Why are there so many different shades of grey?'

Ron grabbed Hermione's arm, and the boys quietly dragged her out of the library, lest they run afoul with Madame Pince again. There was a tale going around saying that if you so much as bent the corner of a library book, she set Filch on you.

That's the first chapter, not very long. I swear the next will be longer. Oh, and anyone who can guess what I took Hermy chop from gets a virtual cookie!