Esplin 469:

The host body… oh, how I loved this body. The strength, the passions, the pain. I loved the pain the most. Not my pain, mind you, but the host mind was in agony. Locked away in his own head. A weak, pathetic creature. He put on a brave face, but I could feel what he felt. He had lost hope… but he was still determined to kill me. Obsessed, really. It was amusing. Every morning he strained his feeble will against me, like a gnat trying to topple a mountain into the sea. Utterly pathetic. Admirable, much like the valiant efforts of the Andalites to stop us. We were a great ocean, and the Andalites were a crumbling sandbar, too stubborn to see the inevitable outcome of this glorious war. The glorious Yeerk Empire could not be stopped. Every month we pushed the Andalites a little farther back. Our triumph would be-

((Inevitable? Can't you come up with something more original?)) a voice whispered sarcastically.

Ah. Jacob. Dear Jacob…

((You've been quiet for too long. I had thought you might have forgotten. No matter. Shall we begin this little charade?)) I responded. The host mind raised his fists, and fell into a fighting stance. Not really, but that's the best way I can think of to describe his behavior. I flicked him back into the little corner of his own mind, like a dust mote, to curl in pain from my strike. The idiot thought he was getting stronger the longer he struggled. As if the brain was a muscle to be exercised. How barbarically primitive. Now I would have several hours before the host mind could become coherently lucid enough to be annoying. I sat at my computer terminal, and continued working. I was the best geneticist in the Empire. With my brilliance, we would be able to roll over the Andalites. The Hork-Bajir are excellent shock troopers, seven feet tall nearly all of it reptilian bladed muscle. With Yeerk's in control of such bodies they're unstoppable, able to fight Andalite's to a stand still in hand to hand combat. But the Hork-Bajir are few, and they breed slowly. The Taxxon's make horrible warriors, and poor hosts. The Gedds are nearly useless in combat, aside from support troops armed with dracon beams… we needed more warriors, and I was close to that goal… so close. After six years of research and computer modeling…

"Esplin 1894, where is my lunch?" I demanded. My Gedd assistant shambled into the room on its ungainly limbs, mutely delivering the processed meal. I dismissed the scientist. Esplin 1894 had promise, but was too meek to amount to anything. Raw intelligence was nothing without cunning. Without rank, Esplin 1894 would never be given work as vital to the empire as mine. Without ruthlesnness, Esplin 1894 could not gain rank… thus, I could use the scientist to fetch my meals… and organize my test data, but only I could do the real work.

I was frustratingly close, to finally tying it all together… then a claxon began to sound, and I stood from my workstation. A guard burst into my lab, "Andalites!" His beak clicked shut with an audible clack, and he readied his Dracon beam. I followed the warrior to the command center. I stared at the tactical screen on the wall. It was a small force. Scouts. Our shields were more than sufficient to withstand their weaponry while our Dracon cannon emplacement dealt with the lithe craft.

"They will be destroyed. Their weapons can't hope to pierce our shields." I started to turn back, to return to my lab, when I saw it. A hideous shifting mass was rising from the deck. Behind us. The guard didn't see. The taxxon technicians didn't see. It took me several long seconds to recognize it, as a tail blade emerged. Andalite!

"An-ghkst!" I gurgled. What was happening? Why had my voice failed? I tried again, but the keening alarm drowned out my half formed words. I was forming the words, why wasn't I making any noise? Had I been poisoned? I tried to move, to alert the guard. I twitched and swayed, bug-eyed. Then I felt a kernel of vicious satisfaction. It was primal, powerful, and human.

I heard laughter in my head. Wordless. Impossible! I reached out, and wrapped my hands around the pathetic, feeble human mind, and squeezed. Pain shot through me, even as I felt the human begin to cave beneath my strength. It was like trying to crush a thornbush. Entirely possible, but also very painful. I was stronger. I would win. I could feel the sudden, desperate strength of the human beginning to crumble beneath my implacable might. Then something slammed into the side of my head. As darkness took me, I heard, as if from across a great distance, "Shield disabled. Warning: Shield is down."

Then I fell into darkness, that damned human clinging to me, dragging me deeper into the murky depths, still laughing. I could only wait, blind, as the human body recovered from the head trauma. I seethed. I had indulged the pathetic human, and this is how he repaid me? I could have crushed him, but instead I let him snivel and, and… oh, there would be vengeance. When I regained consciousness… I felt the first pangs of the hunger. I had neglected to feed. Panic began to worm through me.

Jacob Nyles:

I was free. I was crippled, but free. I stared up into the night sky, able to move my eyes for the first time in years. I couldn't move my legs or arms… but I could move my eyes. I could move my eyes! I don't remember when I finally fell asleep, pinned beneath the girder. I was dying. It was a good death, better to be free… and I had done this. After years of pain and torture, that arrogant slug… he hadn't guessed what my plan was. He hadn't looked beyond the first layers of emotion. I hadn't been trying to get stronger, I had been learning a new language. When the slug was in my head, my body responded to a different language, a different program. I was learning the controls. Every time the slug beat me down, I learned a little bit more. I had no plan, suicide was out… I slipped in and out consciousness…

((()))

"I found a survivor!" someone called out. I tried to push the dream away. They wouldn't be quiet, and let me sleep. "Inform the Sub-vissor." a different voice replied. Didn't they know I was free? I was leaving this nightmare… They couldn't stop me. Everything went empty again for a long time…

((()))

Someone pressed against the inside of my head. I woke slowly. My eyes fluttered open, and looked around. They moved. But I hadn't moved them.

"This host body will serve." My lips spoke. A presence flipped through my memories, sifting through them. "The host retained some of Esplin 469's direct memories, and has extensive memories of observing Esplin's work." I stood in my mind, and looked my newest oppressor in the eye.

((My name is Jacob Nyles.)) I whispered.

The presence paused for a moment, confused.

((I know. Why are you telling me?)) the parasite asked.

((My name is Jacob Nyles, and I will not be broken)) I swore.

((Listen, Jacob Nyles, I don't care who you are. This body, though, is mine now. I can tell how… sadistic… Esplin was. If you can remain civil, so will I.)) the parasite said. I considered this. It was tempting. But I had tasted freedom… and it was still on my tongue. I felt despair threatening to wash over me, but I kept my head above the waves.

The parasite moved me and spoke, but I was preoccupied. I barely caught what the slug was doing.

Esplin 1894:

I studied the human, Jacob's, memories. It was not pleasant. My Gedd host hadn't been anything like this. It had been a host for so long that it was mindless. But this new body… this new body was vibrantly alive! The colors! The quick and easy balance of this body, I could stand upright. I loved it. I loved it all. The hands and arms were stronger than my Gedd had ever been. I felt reborn. I also felt very self-conscious. I wasn't used to having an audience. I delved into Jacob's memories as infrequently as possible, mainly because almost every memory of note was filled with pain, caused by Esplin 469. I felt it as Jacob had felt it. Esplin 469 had been arrogant and cruel… which was an enormous understatement. I felt… as if my new body had been sullied by its previous occupant… graffiti left on the walls, as it were.

Regardless, Jacob did not test me as he had tested my predecessor. Instead, he simply watched me resentfully, which was unnerving at times… although this made it easier for me to focus on my work, using Esplin 469's knowledge to bridge the gaps in my own understanding of the project… but there were so many conflicting variables, so many factors that interfered… it was not until the third month of inhabiting Jacob that I discovered the breakthrough Esplin 469 had uncovered, several minutes before the Andalite attack. The immune system…

With that knowledge, I reset the parameters of the simulation, and waited for the results eagerly. The computer modeling showed that the procedure could work…

((You don't understand.)) Jacob told me sadly.

((Understand what?)) I asked, distracted by my discovery.

((Why you can't win. It's sad… even to me.)) the human confessed.

I paused the simulation, curious, ((Tell me.))

((When you look at the stars… what do you see?)) he asked. I glanced at the station's viewport, and saw the millions of pinpricks, the incandescent balls. Some had planets with species we could conquer, others were useless.

((You see no beauty. You see only resources to be exploited. The universe holds no wonder for you, only opportunity.)) Jacob told me. ((This is why you will lose. Look through my eyes.))

((I am.)) I reminded him.

((No, not with my eyes. Through my eyes.)) he explained cryptically. I was confused, there was a difference? He showed me a memory. It was from when he was free, after the Andalite attack. I saw the stars in the sky above. He was in terrible pain from the damage to his body, but it was a distant, remote thing. He shielded me from that part, so that I could see what he meant to show me. His eyes had moved under his direction, staring at the stars. They had been… beautiful. I began to see what he meant. It was trivial, unimportant. Beauty was far less useful than strength. If it was useless to us, then it wasn't important.

((That's where you're wrong…)) Jacob whispered, and I realized that in letting him show me the memory, he had been able to see my reaction to it.

((There is beauty everywhere. In everything.)) he told me heavily, and sighed. I shrugged, and went back to my joyless simulations, troubled. I felt Jacob crouch on my shoulder, to watch. I had expected to feel triumph from him, since he'd upset me. I expected him to glory in it as he had when he foiled Esplin 469, and ultimately killed him. Instead, I felt only sadness from him. The upsetting thing was that it wasn't for himself. He was sad for me. I had no use for pity, let alone from others. I focused on my work. This was what mattered, not the philosophical views of a host body.

I submitted the results to my supervisor, and within the week, the vissor authorized the procedure…

((So what exactly are you doing to me?)) Jacob asked, as the automated procedure progressed. I studied the medical sensor readouts. So far the test had proved positive. The body had integrated seamlessly with the organic implants… so far without rejection. The most important, of course, was the modifications to the adrenal glands, which now produced an additional substance. Kandrona. Among all of the trifling and incremental increases to the physical capabilities of the host, that was the single, pivotal advantage desired by my predecessor. Just as the Andalite's and their morphing technology was hobbled by the two hour limit, we were crippled by our three day cycle… but imagine, if we had no limit.

((If all goes well, then your body will be evaluated for combat effectiveness, not to mention functionality)) I told him, distracted by the reports.

He was silent for several long seconds, then spoke again to me, ((Will they… put someone else in my head?)) he asked, strangely apprehensive. I paused, and scrutinized my host's thoughts. After a moment, I discerned the problem. Jacob had not grown fond of my company, but he had adjusted to my thoughts and expressions. He had also grown somewhat complacent with me, in a way he had never been under Esplin 469's constant torture.

I was, for a moment, touched by the underlying sentiment. ((It's my body,)) I told him, in a strangely reassuring tone, ((and I'm important enough, at the moment, that they can't make me give it up if I don't want to))

Jacob bristled, but there was no heat… and although he didn't overtly say anything, I felt most of his apprehension fade.

As I predicted, Jacob showed no signs of rejection a full week after the procedure, and we moved on to the more… violent aspects of the evaluation.

((()))

The visser watched imperiously as I maneuvered through the test. I scaled the climbing wall quickly, and dropped over the other side. My muscles weren't as fatigued due to the increased oxygen content available to them. I danced through the rotating ropes and cables, using the enhanced hand-eye coordination to grab and twist. Then came the hard part. A Hork-bajir warrior stepped forward, and fell into a ready stance. I used Jacob's memories, falling into a similar stance, resting on the balls of my feet, ready. Jacob's awareness came, and stood behind me, figuratively, at my shoulder, scrutinizing my opponent through my eyes.

((He's overconfident… and he favors his right side)) Jacob commented to me. I was startled by his assistance.

((Pay attention! He's about to feint!)) Jacob warned me.

I listened, and took a step back, letting the feint fall flat. The Hork-bajir pounced forward, and I reflexively slapped the bladed arm aside,

((Duck. Block low left. Step back, block high right. Lunge forward, parry left)) Jacob rattled off at me, and I listened, a little bit of lag because it was not completely instinctive. We continued to fight. I moved the body, but I listened to Jacob. It was faster than trying to sift through his memories to find the correct response. It wasn't ideal, but I wasn't well acquainted with his memories of combat. I had mostly studied his observations of Esplin 493's work. This wasn't a game though. One host body would either be dead, or severely damaged before this ended.

((You're too slow.)) Jacob observed, frustration boiling over as I reeled back, bleeding from a shallow cut across my chest. I wasn't winded yet, but neither was the other yeerk, and I could see the cold satisfaction in those reptilian eyes.

((You want to win, right?)) Jacob asked urgently.

((Yes)) I answered, obviously.

((Then let me fight)) Jacob urged.

((What?)) I snapped.

((Let me fight him. You may not have much stake in this, but I'm the one who's life is on the line here))

I considered it. The Hork-bajir eyed me warily. I'd been motionless for several seconds. He thought it was a trap.

((Very well)) I agreed. I let go. I was still in his head, seeing everything, hearing everything, but I returned motor control to him. He instantly shifted his stance slightly.

The Hork-bajir brandished his forearm blades, and Jacob snarled bestially. Then he attacked. I realized now just how half-cocked I had been fighting. There had been a split second pause between each movement when I had fought. There was no hesitation now. Jacob flowed from one movement to the next, a fierce joy burning in his chest. I felt what he felt. It was… confusing. I stood as his shadow, and for a moment, I was Jacob. I was wrapped up in his mind, like we were alternating threads in a piece of fabric. I saw how he saw, felt what he felt… for that moment, I was happy. Then I slipped, and fell free, no longer synchronized with my host's mind.

Wary of breaking Jacob's concentration, but wanting to feel that joy again, I lightly touched his awareness, trying to get a better feel for his thoughts. After initial resistance, like a spiderweb, I passed into Jacob's awareness, and froze.

It was a dance. I stood on Jacob's shoulder, and saw from his point of view once more. This conflict of flesh was much more to him. He was compelled, by his own values, to create beauty, even in this violent exchange. So he danced with his bladed adversary.

The Hork-bajir retreated slowly, no longer as aggressive, or as self-assured. Jacob danced in close, and got a hold of one of the warrior's arms, an impressive feat considering that the arm had sharp blades on it, and broke it. My fellow controller howled in pain, and I watched as the Hork-bajir was toppled, and Jacob came to a stop, crouched a safe distance away, should the test continue… but after a glance, I saw that the controller chose to submit, rather than risk losing its valuable host, and being relegated to a gedd or taxxon for its failure.

((Excellent work)) I said, and moved to retake motor control. For a split second, nothing happened, and that terrified me. Then I was back in control. I chalked it up as inexperience. Jacob retreated into his corner, and basked in the still fresh experience of freedom. A very emotional, non-logical creature. Next was the weapons proficiency. The target range held multiple holographic targets, and a set of hand Dracon beams was clipped into the nearby wall rack. I pulled one out, and checked the charge. I could feel Jacob looking over my shoulder, but ignored him. I aimed the Dracon beam, and prepared to start the trial.

"My name is Jacob Nyles, and I am free."

If I had a jaw, it would have dropped right then. What? Then I realized that I was moving, and it wasn't because of me. A second Dracon beam appeared in my other hand, and I heard the whine as it powered up.

"Esplin 1894, what are you doing?" the human Visser demanded, "only one Dracon beam is required for the demonstration."

My wrist snapped up, and a scarlet beam shot out, smashing the Visser into the bulkhead behind him. I tried to regain control, slamming against an opaque wall. I couldn't access Jacob's thoughts, his motor control… nothing!

((Jacob!)) I screamed, ((Stop!))

((No))

I could see and hear… and that was all! I was a prisoner in my own host! Jacob was running down a corridor now. He shot several startled controllers that we passed. It wasn't until I saw the engine room that I realized his plan. He did something out of sight, but I could hear a Dracon beam in a cascading critical overload. He slung one of his Dracon beams out under the main power conduit that connected the power core to the rest of the ship, and sprinted away. There was an explosion behind us, but he hardly slowed. The lights dimmed, then went to emergency back ups, and the gravity failed. Jacob pulled himself along the corridor wall with one hand, the other holding the Dracon beam up to aim, ready to fire at anything in his way.

I was being abducted. He shot two more guards, and floated into the central hanger. Bug fighters were resting in their cradles, ready to go at a moment's notice. He climbed into one, and began powering it up. His hands were clumsy on the controls, designed for Taxxons, who had dozens of pincers to manipulate the multitude of buttons and switches. He managed pretty well though, and hovered in front of the sealed hanger doors. He painstakingly turned the fighter, and reached over, double clicking the joystick from the weapons position. Dracon beams shot out, turning the unshielded fighters into slag. He torched all of the other fighters, then sealed the exterior hatch. Small arms fire rang on the hull before he brought the shields up. Stupid! Never show weakness to the host! All of this was my fault. I would be executed.

"Relax. I don't plan on getting captured," Jacob muttered. He fired on the hanger door, and it exploded, blown out by the pressure of the hanger. The Bug fighter shot out of the station's hanger, and towards deep space. Moments later, we transitioned into Z-space. Jacob slumped at the controls, and started laughing. It was the release of stress. Then he sat in the gunner's chair, designed for Hork-bajir, and considered me. It was a rattling experience. I had never been a prisoner before.

"Looks different from the other side, huh?" Jacob said. There was no inflection, and I couldn't read his emotions or thoughts. I didn't respond.

"What, now you don't want to talk?" he demanded.

((I have nothing to say to you.)) I sneered.

"Oh, come on, if our roles were reversed you would have done the same. I was born free, and I plan on dying free."

((I can survive indefinitely in you. I will never leave.)) I taunted.

"I can live with that. You'll just be my shoulder demon… unless the implant fails…" He laughed, giddy.

Panic was starting to creep through my calm, ((They'll hunt you down!)) I yelled.

Jacob stared off into the middle distance, and then I felt a window open in the wall. I crept up to it, and saw through the opening. Jacob was watching me from the other side.

((I have only Esplin to compare you to, but you've been… civil, to me. Or, at least as civil as a body snatching parasite can be.)) Jacob mused. I could see pieces of his thoughts, his emotions, but I wasn't getting the whole picture, just fragmented shadows.

((You think you can torture me for information?)) I demanded.

((I will never torture another creature.)) Jacob growled, red waves of anger pouring through the window, before he could reign his temper in. The window widened, and I fell into his side of the wall. I saw the thoughts he'd hidden from me in the final weeks. I felt his budding hope, his dreams of escape. He'd watched everything I did, learning.

I had never felt joy. True, I had felt satisfaction, pleasure… but never joy. Jacob shared that with me, whether he knew it or not, and then it was gone again. I was sitting outside his wall, like a wretch in the cold… and I loathed him. He said he would never torture anything, but he had lied. He tortured me with joy, giving me enough to know what it was to feel complete… and then abruptly taking it away again.

((()))

"So, any suggestions for avoiding our imminent death?" Jacob asked rhetorically, staring at the control panel of the bug fighter, flipping through Esplin 469 memories. A few of them did contain pertinent bits of information relating to z-space navigation and astrogation.

I remained silent. I had nothing to say to him. He could kill us, I acknowledged, but he couldn't make me help him.

Jacob Nyles:

Great, my little passenger wasn't speaking to me. I didn't need its help, but I didn't feel too confident that my calculations, conducted using my pseudo-memories from Esplin 469, were flawless. We should arrive back into realspace in one piece, but… I sighed. The initial rush of freedom had worn thin, letting my various aches and pains poke through. I healed faster than normal, yes, but I was no Wolverine, I couldn't heal the deep laceration across my chest in a matter of seconds. It would take days… just fewer days than before my augmentation.

"So, got any stories to pass the time?" I asked the empty air, popping a few of those disgusting ration pellets the yeerks stocked their ships with. I didn't even notice at first when the ship reverted to realspace. I did notice when something hit us, slamming me face first into a bulkhead, "Shit!"

I scrambled to the flight station, once again wishing that Taxxons (the preferred pilot species of choice) used chairs. The screens alerted me to the presence of… things on the sensors. I couldn't read galard (the basic language yeerks used to keep all of their different host species able to maintain communication) well enough to know what the computer was frantically trying to tell me, and Esplin 469 hadn't really spoken it much, preferring to use English instead, being a snotty prick to everyone else because he had a human host.

I did know that the fading green outline around the bugfighter meant my shields were not in great shape. I threw the ship into a lazy corkscrew, dodging a few of the projectiles, but not all. The green line was blue now, whatever the hell that meant.

((It means we're going to die)) Esplin 1894 answered softly.

"You picked a great time to start talking to me," I snapped, tapping in a course change, wishing I had six dozen appendages to manipulate the controls, designed for Taxxons.

((You brought us out of Z-space in the middle of an asteroid field)) my passenger told me.

"So I guess you are afraid of dying," I taunted, stress making my words sharper than I intended.

((I'm not afraid of it, but that doesn't mean I want to))

"How do I redirect power from weapons to the shields?" I asked.

((You want to live?)) Esplin 1894 asked quietly.

"I'd rather enjoy my freedom, yes,"

((Then let me do it)) it said simply, an echo to my request that had alerted me to my power. I paused for a moment. It had trusted me to win the fight. If I let Esplin take control, I might not be able to regain it. I wasn't quite sure how I'd seized it in the first place… also, if I let Esplin take over, I wouldn't know what it was doing to the controls. It might send a distress signal, lower the shields, blow us up… any number of things.

Another asteroid slammed into the weakening aft shield, almost collapsing it.

((You're running out of time)) Esplin said tightly.

"I… I can't," I said heavily.

((Then we die here)) the yeerk said in despair.

I frowned. "Can you do it with my left arm?"

((… yes…))

I, well, it's hard to explain. I relaxed my left arm, but in my head, sort of, and then, suddenly, someone else was moving it… a very strange experience. I tapped the controls, half crippled, with my right arm, maneuvering the craft was even harder now. Occasionally our arms got in each other's way.

((Look to your left more, I can't see what I'm doing)) Esplin hissed in annoyance, and I glanced to my left.

((Weapon energy re-routed, but it will only buy us a few minutes against asteroids in a field this thick)) Esplin told me grimly.

The line around the ship was yellow now, and very thick.

I pointed at a weird yellow triangle near the top of the screen, "What's this?" I asked. My left hand brushed my right hand aside, and tapped the symbol. An explosion of galard and images filled a secondary screen nearby.

((It's a planet…)) Esplin told me, distracted.

"Can we land there?" I asked.

((It's within the field… no doubt a sister planet broke up nearby, or perhaps several moons—))

"Skip the astronomy lesson, can we make it?" I demanded.

((Yes)) Esplin said tersely.

"O-kay then," I grumbled, and sent us towards the planet. I actually dodged some of the larger asteroids along the way.

Another rock slammed the ship, and the cockpit lights flickered, red status updates screamed across the screens.

((Port engine is crippled, as is our Z-space capability))

"English, please," I snarled, fighting the controls.

((We're crashing))

"Great, thank you, that's great news," I muttered.

((We're crashing right now. I can land us.)) Esplin tried again.

"I can too," I said stubbornly, angling the ship to enter the thin atmosphere, reversing thrust on our last engine, trying to slow us down.

((You're acting like a child)) Esplin complained.

Esplin 1894:

Pride. I was going to die for some insignificant monkey's pride. That rankled me. I tried to reassert control, but it was more of a displacement activity, a habit. Jacob didn't even notice my attempts. He corrected our descent too steeply, and I winced. This was going to hurt. Jacob overcorrected his earlier descent, and we sawed wildly to the left. It was like riding a see-saw. We were wiggling back and fourth, piloted by a moron.

Jacob picked up on that last part, and mentally snarled something at me. I drummed my fingers in the back of his head, and waited.

((()))

I was right. The crash hurt.

((()))

I watched one of Jacob's dreams, a rather strange, and disjointed affair, concerning a girl he'd dated during his high school years. Eventually, the pictures began to fade, and light returned to his eyes.

((()))

((It is about time you woke up)) I complained.

Jacob mumbled something uncomplimentary, and started taking stock. I silently catalogued as well. It was a depressingly short list.

Jacob Nyles:

I had a dracon beam, which was half depleted; enough of those terrible ration pellets to last me several months; enough water for a week, longer if I could find a way to power the recycling system.

((Emergency power is still operational, roughly 5%)) Esplin told me, surprised.

I groaned, and held my head. A migraine was starting to form.

((You have a concussion)) Esplin informed me.

"Really? You think?" I tried not to vomit. I failed.