A Sirius/Remus oneshot, there is a little sexual content but only a very small amount. This is quite a tragic oneshot so be prepared and I apologize for any feel damage!
It's my first HP fic so be nice haha! Enjoy it guys and gals!
I watched as the man I loved fell through the veil of darkness. Sirius, my dear sweet Sirius. I grasped Harry in my arms as I tried to control my own heartbreak, I wanted to rush after him, try to save him but he was gone. Gone.
I unwillingly thought back to those warm Summer nights by the lake as we embraced, away from prying eyes, just the two of us. His shaggy dark hair framing his sweet face as I leaned in, our first kiss. I was gentle with him as I knew not the extent of his feelings but the returned kiss burned through me like hot lead. I had pulled back in surprise to find a hurt look in the boy's eyes.
"Did I do something wrong?" Uncertainty clouded his usually confident tone.
"No, I was just surprised." I replied bashfully.
"Surprised about what Sirius?" He asked, looking up through his lashes at me.
"That you actually kissed me, I thought…" I trailed off, colour flooding my cheeks.
"That I didn't feel the same right?" Sirius caught my chin between his index finger and thumb.
"Yeah…" I admitted weakly.
"Don't be silly," He muttered before kissing me softly on the lips, "I've always liked you Moony." He pulled me down until we were lying side by side, our noses touching.
"I've always liked you too, Padfoot." I giggled softly as he rubbed his nose against mine.
"We're both Canines in a way so it works right?" He asked, his toothy grin making my stomach flip excitedly.
"That we are." I sigh softly, it was our fifth year and we had recently been to the Shrieking Shack together, even as the animal that I am I felt fondness towards my friends and adoration towards my dear Sirius.
We heard the bell strike two and sighed, we knew we needed to get back and sleep for the next day but neither of us moved, we stayed wrapped in each other's arms until the sun rose, risking detention for being out of bed. Those nights were the best, just talking and being with each other, kissing and holding each other. I never wanted those nights to end. Sirius made me feel human again, like I could actually forgive myself for being what I am. He made me feel loved.
I remember when I accused him of betraying the Potters, I turned my back on the one person I had ever loved, not believing his pleas of innocence. How foolish I was.
"Remus please," He begged as I thrust my wand towards him, "I'm innocent, you have to believe me!" Tears had formed in the pits of his beautiful grey eyes. It broke my heart rejecting him so, I tore it to shreds and stomped on it.
"No. You told Voldemort of Lily and James' whereabouts, you may as well have used the killing curse on them yourself!" My voice had cracked and tears were forming in my own eyes as I watched the man before me crumble. My lack of faith had shattered his will just as I had shattered my own heart.
"Of all people Remus, I thought you would believe me," He paused and looked straight into my eyes, "I will go to Azkaban, for you I will suffer, because if you don't believe me then who will?" Sirius left the house immediately and he was "found" by the Ministry the next morning. Black was in Azkaban, Voldemort was dead, the wizarding world was free again but I could not join in the celebrations. No, not when I had betrayed my Sirius, not when I had repelled any sanctum to my love. I sold him out just as I thought he had sold out the Potters. I hated myself, every fibre of my being repelled me and what made things worse was that I was wrong.
"The map never lies Harry." I remember growling at the boy before I poured over it the whole night, searching for Peter's name on the map. If it was true and Peter was alive then I could have been wrong. Sirius could indeed be innocent! I almost gave up looking at 6am but then I saw him, in the boy's dormitory, next to Ronald Weasly. I had to think for a moment but it struck me, the boy had a pet rat and Pettigrew's Animagus was just that, a rat!
It wasn't long before I could test this theory as I knew Harry and his friends would attend Buckbeak's execution, as I had expected Pettigrew followed the trio down and I knew. I hurried down to the shrieking shack for the chance to meet with Sirius and repent.
"Sirius," I called as I passed through the damp tunnel, "I know you're here, come out." My voice echoed around the entryway, I received no response.
"Sirius, I know the truth, I'm sorry." I collapsed to my knees and tried not to sob as I truly realised my folly, I had destroyed the one bond that I held dear. The only person that had ever truly understood my pain had been cast aside like an old toy. I was deeply shamed.
"Moony, I'm glad you came." My head shot up as I saw him, in his ragged glory, staring down at me with a mixture of ruefulness and affection.
"Sirius!" I bellowed before leaping up into his arms and embracing him tightly, "I am so sorry, I should have believed you; I was grieving over the loss of my friends." I weep softly into his torn jacket as he holds me. It had been twelve years since we had last touched but it felt like yesterday. We cradled each other in the same way as we did that first night by the lake and my heart burst with happiness.
"I understand, I was hurt and even hated you for a while but I understand now." Sirius stroked my hair and kissed my cheek before asking, "How did you find out?"
I sniffed before looking into his grey eyes, they had changed, no longer was he the free soul with a mischievous streak, he was a broken man. "I saw Pettigrew on the map and I just knew you couldn't have done it, I think I had always known." I sigh and smile slightly, his dark curls still held a certain charm as dirty as they were.
"I'm glad that you finally believed me," He said softly stroking my stubble dusted cheek, "I just wish we could have been together one last time before Azkaban…" He trailed off, we had drawn closer now, noses almost touching before we heard shouting from a distance.
"I need to go, I need to catch Pettigrew." Sirius was suddenly standing above me, a frantic look in his eyes. He was a damaged man and I could have tried to prevent it, but I hadn't. I was cruel and heartless and I was almost inhuman.
I nodded and called after him to say something but he had gone, the sweet black dog that had helped me through Hell and back was gone.
We didn't have a private moment alone after that until just before we went to the Ministry to help Harry, I regret that sorely but Voldemort had other plans than to aid our love life. I had also been with Tonks for too long to lie to her if I were to go meet Sirius, I was married and committed, no matter how much my heart broke.
"Sirius," I catch him in his room, just buttoning up a shirt over his muscular stomach, "Be careful out there okay?" I almost plead.
"Of course I will, I always am right?" He winks at me, his eyes are softer now, and he is less of the crazed convict and more himself again. I smiled slowly as I remember the boy I loved and how he has grown.
"You never are Sirius let's not play dumb." I walk towards him and stop a few feet away.
"I know but there's so much at risk today, we have to help Harry, even if it means this is our last goodbye." Sirius replied sternly, his grey eyes like polished marble.
"Sirius, don't talk like that, please just be careful." I beg, my fists clenching at my sides.
"Moony, I'm just being realistic, there's a battle to be fought and not everyone always comes back." His mouth is set in a grim line and I know his decision is final. He will fight until the very last breath for Harry, as I would too.
"Padfoot, if this could be our last goodbye would you make it memorable for me?" I ask slyly, grinning a little at him.
"Oh and how would I be able to make it memorable?" Sirius smirked and cocked his head.
"I think you'd know, Padfoot." I purred as we came closer.
"Oh Moony, you're making me blush." He growled as our noses came into contact, just a centre meter more…
"You sure you want this?" He asked hoarsely as his lips were close enough to mine I could feel his breath.
"Yes, a hundred times yes." I breathed, forgetting Tonks and the upcoming battle, all I wanted was Sirius.
"Okay." Was all he said before brushing his lips on mine, I responded by grasping his wild hair in my one hand while pulling his hips into mine with the other.
We had always kissed and cuddled but nothing compared to the passion we shared now. I kicked the door shut before his hands grasped my buttocks. My body was on fire, his warm tongue invaded my mouth with such vigour I thought I should melt any second. I responded heartily before biting his bottom lip, coming up for air.
"Oh Sirius it's been too long, I have missed you." I pant, desire filling my entire being.
"I have missed you too Remus, I have sorely missed you." He whispers in my ear before nibbling it softly. I groan and begin to hoist his legs around my waist and he growls seductively nibbling his way down to my collarbone, his tongue-
"Sirius, Remus where are you? We're about to leave!" I heard Tonks shout up the stairs and reality crashed back down upon me. We were about to face the Dark Lord to rescue Harry, we may not come back from this battle, or worse only one of us would. How right I was.
I cough and clear my throat, "We're just discussing tactics we're coming!" I sigh as I pull Sirius off of me and straighten my tie.
"Well, should we return to this when we get back?" Sirius asked, his eyes glimmering with happiness and desire.
"I very much hope so." I smile and turn, not looking back at him before we leave. A mistake I regret, I wish I had looked into those joy filled eyes one last time. Just one last time.
Now he is gone, no body, no hope for his return and I am left broken and hollow to live, wondering how things could have been so different. If I had just believed him that night fourteen years ago, things could have been... so different. So different.
A.N thanks for reading guys please review! I'd love to hear your thoughts! E~