okay first of all i took it down and reposted as i hadn't seen my friend Randi had used a line form the same song for an AU fic as well... so i decided to delete the song and change the title.. Sorry for that Randi... i really had overlooked that...
Okay when I told Sabrina that I wanted to write this she said yes please and was happy to hear the idea. So the story is dedicated to her, I hope you like it. Thank you for being the amazing friend and supporter and sounding board you are.
It is also dedicated to my amazing friend Aleisha who was getting sick last night so i hope this will be something nice to wake up to hun. hope it makes your day a little better and makes you smile.
along with these two it is for all my AW girls you ladies are amazing: Moni, Moni, Abby, Silvy, Ann, Jule, Talita and Chanel you ladies makes writing worth it and a lot more fun for sure.
and last it is for my amazing friend Steffi... who i am pretty sure i never seen happier over one of my stories. thank you for your continueing support in my writing...
Also notice it is an AU... (alternative universe)
I don't own The Good Wife or the song At the Beginning.
At The Beginning
We were strangers starting out on our journey No one told me I was going to find you
Never dreaming what we'd have to go through
Now here we are and I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you
Unexpected what you did to my heart
When I lost hope you were there to remind me
This is the start
She got up from the floor carefully supporting herself against the wall of the toilet stand she was in. Whoever had named this 'morning sickness' had surely never experienced it themselves. Because if they had, they would know this torture wasn't just happening in the morning. She flushed the toilet and rested against the wall until she felt steady enough on her legs to leave the stand.
She had hardly managed to open the door before she was met by a pair of worried but caring mocha brown eyes. She shook her head lightly to the question she saw in those eyes. One about if she was alright. She walked over, washed her hands and flushed her mouth before she finally took the glass of lemon soda Will held out to her. She had a week ago found out that the soda helped a little after throwing up like this. Will had soon picked up on her preference and had taken up bringing it to her if he could get away with it. Like if he could get away with leaving the library in a hurry after her, or if he was home when she was, and if she was dressed enough so he could enter her bathroom in the morning. She sipped the soda slowly, making sure her stomach would accept it.
"Can I get you anything else?" he asked hesitatingly. She shook her head. She didn't need anything else, well maybe a bed to lie down on a little. They had been studying in the library for an oral exam they had the next day when she had felt ill again and rushed out. She felt Will's hand on her shoulder guiding her out of the room again. A couple of girls giggled at the sight of them coming out of the women's bathroom together, and she just rolled her eyes as she let him guide her out of the hallway and outside in the bright spring sun, making her shield her eyes. He took her over to a bench in the shadows close by where she could sit down. The diamond on her finger sparkled in the sun, shining flickering in the light. She looked away from it. Peter had given it to her a month ago proposing the moment she told him she was pregnant, tears streaming down her cheeks. After she had considered it all and talked with her Dad about it, about her feelings for Peter, she had gone to him and said yes.
She glanced over at Will who took a seat beside her, his eyes focused on her hands, too. She shuddered lightly from the memory of his face as she told him about getting married to Peter. He had been the first to learn that she was pregnant and he had been shocked for her. His eyes had told her he was also sad for some reason as he had told her she should tell Peter. However telling him about the decision to marry Peter had been painful, almost cruel; he had looked like someone ran over his puppy with a truck more and more with each word she said. And yet it hadn't changed anything with how he acted around her, not really. He was still here being her best friend and caring for her, making sure she was alright even in the middle of the troubles her body was giving her. She absentmindedly played with the ring; it was too big, unhandy and neither Peter nor them together had the money it would have taken to buy it, especially not now when they expected a child. A child they would need to buy things for - and children's strollers, cribs and similar were far from cheap, not to forget that they needed to pay for an apartment in Chicago in a few months when she moved there with him. The last he should really have spent a fortune on was a diamond and she had told him just that when he gave her the ring but he had insisted. She sighed; she would have preferred far more that he had saved the money for their child or at least to pay for being here to help her through the troubles of being pregnant and studying for her last finales were giving her.
"Are you feeling any better?" Will asked her softly, pulling her back to earth and make her look over at him. She nodded slowly, it wasn't wrong, she did feel a bit better. Not a lot, she still felt queasy like she seemed to do every moment of the day for the last couple of weeks.
"A little... thank you..." She whispered and quickly looked away as she saw that unnerving glance in his eyes. One she had seen more than once ever since she first told him she was pregnant and even more after announcing her engagement to Peter. It was soft and tender and yet it made her nervous, even scared. She knew he was close to admitting something. Something unspoken between them, something that had lingered there since the first moment they met, something that had led to more than one stolen kiss, and a tear-soaked pillow of hers after having seen him going home with someone else, or another one of his girls leaving their shared place. A thing that had never been voiced and shouldn't be either as she had met Peter before they could go there. It was for the best, she knew that. In a few months she would be married to Peter and be having Peter's child, she couldn't dwell on whatever unspoken feelings still lingered between Will and her, and if he voiced them it would only make everything worse, more complicated, more confusing. It wouldn't help either of them.
And yet, when the next moment she felt him take the hand with the ring sparkling from her lap, a flutter of thousands of butterflies filled her stomach, and her breath caught in her throat, making it hard to keep breathing. He was stroking her palm softly, making her skin prickle and trickle under his fingers' movement.
"Alicia..." His voice was hoarse, deep and tender at the same time. And she felt the butterflies bask around even more, like they were creating a wind in her stomach, making it clench. Just his voice had made her cheeks heat and she was sure she was blushing already, letting her know she should pull her hand back and leave this moment and place, not giving him a chance to voice what she knew he wanted to say. And yet she couldn't, she was like paralyzed, unable to pull away or move at all.
"Alicia please look at me..." He whispered softly.
She was unable to move. His voice seemed like a siren call to her, making her do what he wanted. She slowly turned her head to look up at him, their eyes meeting and it sent a flood of shivers down her back. His eyes were telling her all the things she would have wished to hear from him at their first year, before she met Peter, before things got complicated, probably even in her second and the beginning of this year too, when she could still turn back, when she wasn't pregnant with another man's child and wearing a ring holding a promise to marry that man. And yet she felt some sort of happiness, as he lifted his other hand to her cheek caressing it softly.
"Alicia... I know you are gonna marry Peter..." He whispered softly, and broke eye-contact with her for a few seconds before looking back at her. She felt her eyes sting a little already, knowing what would come and the heartbreak she would make him suffer. She wished she wasn't paralyzed and could make him stop from voicing anything. And regret it when she left and broke his heart.
"Please listen to me... Alicia I need to say this... please... If I don't say it now... I will always regret it."
She gulped but nodded slowly, accepting that she couldn't change the path they were set on in life, that he needed to tell her these things as much as she longed and needed to hear them.
"Alicia I can't do it... I can't stand watching you marrying him... I know you think it is the right thing.. and maybe it is... maybe it is the right thing for him, for your child, maybe even partly for you because you don't want to risk becoming your mother. But Alicia it wouldn't be right at least not for the right reasons. I love you Alicia... I loved you since the moment I first saw you... I was a fool I didn't tell you sooner. I know that now. But I thought you deserved more, someone better. But I can't stand it, not anymore. I am so in love with you Alicia. I would raise the child you carry with you if you'd let me. Alicia I want to be the one marrying you, and I would spend the rest of my life making sure you were happy."
She felt tears slip down her cheeks. If only he had said all of this earlier, months ago, it would have worked, it would have made her happy and made her feel liberated. Now it could only lead them to pain.
"It's too late... please..." She whispered, still unable to look away from his eyes.
"Why is it too late? Alicia, look at me right now and tell me you don't feel anything for me, that I am only imagining things when I feel you lean into me, and read my love mirrored in your eyes. Tell me you don't share any of my feelings, tell me this doesn't feel right." With the last few words he reached forward and brushed his lips over hers, in a tender but persistent kiss, one that left her in no doubt of his desire and love for her. One that spoke of a hunger and longing built over three years of walking on the line between holding back and giving in; one she returned gladly, unable not to. His lips were coaxing a moan from her, making her loose her thoughts of resistance of holding back from him. She could feel him smile against her lips while his hand slid from her cheek down to the nape of her neck, fingers treading through her curls as he tilted her head up a little, getting a better access to her mouth. Their tongues met in a silent waltz, one that was as old as time, and the busy campus around them seemed to disappear, until reality seemed to catch up with them in the form of lack of oxygen, making them both pull back. Their breathing was labored and panting.
And Life is a road and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road now and forever
A Wonderful journey
"Alicia..." He whispered softly again, like a hot breath against her cheek.
"Will..." She wasn't sure what else to say. Her brain couldn't seem to form a comprehensible thought, at least none that consisted of not letting him take her back to their apartment and kiss her over and over again, preferably with a lot less clothes between them and bodies pressed together. But she knew they couldn't do that... she had to stop this... she was to marry Peter and have his child. And yet no kiss with Peter had ever felt as liberating as this one, as thrilling and exciting and good. Like it had her toes curling from the pleasure.
His breath was still hot on her face, making her desire more of his kisses, more of all he offered.
"Marry me..." He whispered against her mouth as he brushed another kiss over her lips, one that begged her to say yes, begged her to abandon carefully her planned life with Peter, the safety and protection that would give her and follow Will into the unknown, take a chance on him, trust that he meant his words and he would never leave her like she had always feared. Feared that they would get together and he would soon after cheat because he found someone more appealing than her.
For the few minutes the kiss lasted she wasn't sure she could do it, that she could really trust him, but as he pulled back and their eyes met she had her answer. She loved him, she couldn't remember a time she didn't love him. He had been there every second from the moment she found out she was pregnant to now, even knowing it was another man's child, knowing she would marry that man. Why should he change if she followed her heart? Will, the man that had been her first love and she now hoped would be her last, would remain the same, after all how could he not? She smiled through the tears as she managed to nod slowly, before he kissed her again. Explaining it all to Peter, how he would still be a part of their child's life, how they would still raise their baby together, just not as a couple, wouldn't be easy, but the thought of Will's strong and steady arms around her every day and night would make it worth it.
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there whenthe storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
16 years later
She rubbed her back lightly, feeling a little stiff already. Being in court in heels wasn't the easiest thing when 5 months pregnant with twins, especially when you were 40 years old. She regretted once more like she did everyday not listening to her husband's advice and go for flats instead of her usual pumps, something she promised to do every day, and the next morning she still went for the heels and cursing them later in the day. Also more than once she had wondered if they had been crazy to decide to try for another child now this late in the reasonable child bearing age. But as the other two became teenagers they had decided it was indeed time to try for that third child they had talked about more than once through the years. And now in a steady firm both named partners and things having slowed down it had seemed fitting maybe except their age, but these days you could have children late so why not? So they had decided to go for it, but who could have guessed she would end up pregnant with not only one but two. Because that had certainly not been a part of the plan.
Alicia was happy though. Getting awarded a 40 millions' settlement in court didn't happen every day, so she felt extremely happy as she left the court room with their newest junior associate Cary Agos. The younger man offered to drive when he noticed how she was yielding in light pain. An offer Alicia accepted, knowing she should choose her fights carefully. So she handed him the keys so he could take them both back to the office. They were proud as they got into the building and took the elevator up to the 28th floor. Cary thanked her for letting him be second chair on her case, he had been surprised when she offered him the chance; a newbie like him getting a chance to sit in on seniors didn't happen often, and she smiled and told him to go out and celebrate tonight, something like this deserved it. As she walked through the hallways on the way to her office she caught sight of the names and she smiled like she always did. Getting rid of Stern had been the right move. The best move actually and one they should have done long before. He had given them all a chance once and they were grateful for that but he was spending more money and causing more troubles for them than he was bringing in. And loosing Diane Lockhart as their fourth partner two years ago had been hard enough, as she had normally kept the calm between the two men and without Diane there had been nothing there, as Stern was as much against Alicia herself as her husband.
We were strangers on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you
Alicia smiled at Julie, her assistant, as she got closer. The young woman was holding a hand up, waving at her and making her stop while holding a hand over the phone she had been on. She passed Alicia a few papers.
"Also Senator Lockhart called. She hoped you and Mr. Gardner would have dinner with her next weekend," Julie whispered and Alicia smiled and nodded.
"Thank you Julie... I will call her back... Is my husband in?" she asked. Only seeing the nod from the other woman, she smiled back, left her to her phone call and went to the other office, where she could see him sitting at his desk going over paper work. With one knock she entered the office, while he looked up and smiled at the sight of her. He got up from the chair and walked to meet her. Something he did in the middle of his office. He kissed her softly, while his hand found her protruding baby-bump.
"How are my girls feeling today?" he asked as he pulled back, making Alicia roll her eyes in light mock. It was a standing joke between them, how he kept insisting it would be two more girls, and she kept telling him there was no way of knowing.
"And yes my dear, I meant both you my amazing wife, and our children," he added seeing her eye-roll.
"And like always, dear husband of mine, I will tell you we still don't know the gender. But they are good, though my feet are hurting again..." She admitted, and his eyes grew tender right away.
"Do you want a foot-rub for lunch?" he offered while he started to guide her over to the couch as she nodded.
"Why are you so sure they will be girls by the way?" she asked him, something she normally couldn't get an answer to, as he would always just shrug his shoulders and say it was just a feeling, but she hoped her hurting feet would make him take pity on her for once.
He looked at her and smiled for a second.
"Because it is my destiny to be surrounded my astonishing gorgeous women carrying the Gardner name." Alicia raised an eyebrow at him in question, his cheesy line picking her interest in the truth.
"Too much?" he asked and she nodded, while she took a seat on the couch and moved so he could take her feet into his lap, something he did, and took her shoes off as he started to massage the sole of her left foot.
"I just feel it will be girls, Alicia... I can't explain it, but I think it will be two more girls. Maybe because of how amazing we did with Grace. I am not sure... maybe it will be a boy and a girl... would be a perfect team then. Two boys and two girls. All as amazing and wonderful as their mother..." He teased her, while she moaned loudly because he had found a particular tender spot.
There were a knock on the door and Julie entered, looking scared and nervous.
"What is wrong Julie?" Will asked as Alicia turned to look at her too.
"I think there is something you need to see... on television..." She added. Will was already getting up, holding a hand out for Alicia. She grasped it, letting him pull her up and following Julie and him into her own office where they had a TV with the news already rolling. For a few seconds they just stared at the flashing cameras and the dark haired man making his way through a crowd of people and into a black car. Headlines rolling over the screen.
Alicia's eyes widened in shock as she took in what they said and what was going on. Her hand clenched Will's even tighter, as she looked over at him. His eyes were already meeting hers.
"I am going to get both Zach and Grace and bring them over here, so we can both take them back home later..." He offered and she nodded. They truly needed to get both kids, the next days, or rather months, maybe even longer, wouldn't be easy for them, especially not for Zach. Zach who would see pictures and videos of his dad accused of sleeping with hookers, of corruption, getting charged and on trial. Alicia shuddered from the thought alone. Her poor son, what he would have to go through. Through she had married Will 15 years earlier Peter had always been a huge part in Zach's life, and Zach adored his Dad and was his spitting image. He would be terribly hurt seeing this. Never in her life had she been happier for how good Will was with the boy. Even though he wasn't his Dad, he had a bond with him and they shared things, she knew it would be needed even more over the next few months. Even more because Zach had never gotten along that well with his step mother or his parental half siblings. Will squeezed her hand and started to leave and Alicia glanced at her watch. She guessed a meeting with David Lee might be in order, so she could find out what she needed to do to protect her son the best from what would be happening the following months. It would be a hard time, a challenging one. She was sure she would probably get more than one phone call from some reporter asking her stuff like if she was happy she hadn't married Peter Florrick by now. How her son was dealing, how she was dealing, if she was happy not to be the scorned wife. It wouldn't be fun, but she would have Will. Will who had been by her side from the moment she risked the safe future for the unknown. Something she had never regretted choosing. After all how could you ever regret choosing to be with your soul-mate, because that was what he was. She knew that now. Her partner in everything from work to life and love. She smiled as she felt a strange flutter in her stomach at the same time. One she felt for the first time with the twins carried. It seemed like the two new additions to the Gardner family agreed with her line of thought. She placed a hand on top of her stomach and felt the flutter once more. Making her smile even more. She would have to remember to tell Will about it later.
I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
I know that my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart
And Life is a road and I want to keep going I'll be there when the world stops turning
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road now and forever
A Wonderful journey
I'll be there whenthe storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
So please let me know your thoughts...
Hint there might be an extra chapter of this... i had a little soon to be birthday birdy ask for it...