Unfortunately, I don't own The Fosters yet.

Stef lay down on the couch and thought about how lonely her feet were. She and Lena had fallen into a habitual pattern over the years. After a long day, they would sit on their tacitly agreed upon positions: Lena sitting upright, feet on the coffee table with Stef sprawled out on the length of the couch, her legs resting on Lena's lap. They would discuss the day's events, a glass of wine in hand, and just relax. Unfortunately, this scenario would have difficulty occurring tonight considering half of the party was missing.

Getting Lena out the door had been no easy feat, but Stef had miraculously managed to do so after Lena had reminded her approximately seventy million times what her cell phone number was in case she or one of the kids needed her.

Stef figured she should probably be totally offended by this, considering she too was the parent of these children, but really how could she be? Her overprotective tendencies just showed how passionate she was as a mother and how much she cared for her family. It was sweet; unnecessary, but incredibly sweet.

Stef glanced at the clock. 9:30. That was late enough to go to bed, right? It was dark out, and she was exhausted from the day's events, hell, the week's events.

It had been a very long week filled with late night school projects (thanks to Brandon informing her at nine o'clock on Tuesday night that "by the way, my science fair project is due tomorrow") and dealing with uncooperative washing machine repairmen (props to Jesus for the classic "oh shoot, I forgot I had those gummy worms in the pocket of my shorts.") To put it simply, she was wiped.

There was really no reason for her to stay awake, she figured. Lena wasn't here, and Mariana had retreated to her own bedroom hours ago. Stef rubbed her temples, reviewing the night alone with the young girl.

She and Mariana had shared a medium pizza, an order of breadsticks, and virtually no words. Sure, she couldn't expect them all to be as outgoing and talkative as Jesus, but this was a whole other level of detached.

Mariana was making progress, she'd give her that. There was slight improvement from the time she had first arrived at the Fosters' house. For one thing, she had been sleeping in her own bedroom lately. For the first few months, she refused to leave Jesus' side, insisting that she sleep in his room despite their gentle prods for her to sleep in a room of her very own. Baby steps were being taken. Stef knew that it was going to take time, obviously this wasn't something that was going to be fixed overnight, but she worried that it wasn't enough.

That she wasn't enough.

Stef wasn't blind, and although Lena always tried to persuade her otherwise, she could see Mariana felt much more comfortable with Lena. That much was painfully obvious to her. She didn't blame Mariana. She tried not to blame herself. Lena had a slight advantage, being that she had a PhD in Child Psychology; she was literally trained to deal with these situations and form these connections, to build these relationships. She tried not to take it personally, she really did, but she couldn't help but feel some guilt.

She saw the way Mariana tensed up whenever she spied the gun on her hip. She saw the way she flinched whenever she spontaneously reached out to brush the dirt off of Jesus' face or run a hand through Mariana's hair. She couldn't help but feel a little bit responsible for her dissociated state. What was she doing wrong?

Stef sighed, putting a hand over her face and decided that she was much too fatigued to think about this right now, instead flipping the television on. She grabbed a blanket from the end of the couch and decided to make camp for night. Not only was she too tired to trudge all the way up the stairs, but she never slept well in her bed when Lena was gone. There was too much cold sheet, and it felt empty and lonely. It felt a little like her heart.

FOSTERS

She was out like a light in five minutes flat, happily submitting to the fatigue that quickly paralyzed her body. The sleep was deep and well-needed, the house was quiet, and there was nothing Stef was overly-anxious about. Needless to say she was perplexed when she found herself jolted awake not an hour after she had dozed off.

She had always been a fairly light sleeper, attributing this to her training on the police force. Her reflexes constantly had to be razor-sharp, and she had to be prepared to spring into action if called, no matter what time of day or night she was needed.

But the house was practically empty, and she wasn't even on duty. Outside was peaceful, no cloud in sight, so wind or thunder being the cause of her sudden awakening were out of the question.

She attempted to shrug off the strange occurrence, lying back down on the couch, adjusting to try and get comfortable again. She closed her eyes and nuzzled back into the throw pillow in an effort to regain the glorious peaceful slumber she so desired.

But her body had other ideas.

She felt a gnawing sense in her stomach that something was off. There was a mysteriously puzzling sensation seizing her. Something wasn't right, and she needed to take action against it, but she couldn't put her finger on what she was supposed to be doing.

Realizing this feeling was going to prevent her from her precious sleep, she sat up and rubbed her eyes, reluctantly abandoning the idea for now. She pushed herself off the sofa, deciding her best course of action would be to check on the only other occupied room at the moment.

Call it natural instincts, call it mother's intuition, or call it a dumb-luck coincidence, but the moment Stef reached the top of the stairs, she knew she had made the right choice by getting up. She could hear faint sobs coming from inside Mariana's bedroom, and she quickly walked the short distance to her room.

She was about to rip open the door, her first impulse to immediately confront the problem, to try and fix is as soon as possible. Mariana's quiet cries send throbbing anguish into Stef's heart, and she didn't know how much more she could take. However, she somehow refrained from acting rash, telling herself that hasty actions could very well do more harm than good in this fragile situation.

"Mariana?" she practically whispered, gently knocking on the door. The other side of the door went silent; the quiet sobs replaced by the deafening sounds of nothing. The soft whimpers substituted for a shaky inhalation, the girl no doubt trying to contain herself. "Mariana, can I come in?" she asked permission, trying not to seem overpowering or scary, letting her have some control in her delicate state.

There was a barely audible sniffle in reply, and Stef wasn't quite sure how to interpret it. "Is that a yes?" she asked in confirmation.

"Yes," came a mousy response, and Stef wasted no time in entering once permitted.

"Hey," Stef said softly, cautiously walking over to her bed and kneeling beside it so she could be at eye-level, but not too close to the frightened girl. "What's the matter, love?" she lightly prodded.

"Nothing," Mariana replied, looking down and picking at a loose thread on her blanket.

"Well then why are you crying?" Stef questioned, her voice calm and nonthreatening. "Was it a nightmare?"

Mariana shook her head. "I can't sleep," she said plainly.

"Why's that? Aren't you tired?" Stef inquired, starting to panic a bit at the lack of progress this conversation was making, afraid they would just keep going in circles.

She got no immediate response this time, Mariana barely paying attention to what she had said. Instead, her eyes were glassy and glazed, her lip quivering ever so slightly and her hands shaking. A tear fell from her eye, and she quickly rubbed it away with a clenched fist.

Stef's heart was threatening to break in two, and she could barely restrain herself from gathering the young girl in her arms. "Baby, please talk to me," she practically pleaded.

"I'm selfish," she said, her voice filled with guilt and regret.

"You're not selfish," Stef shook her head, trying hard to firmly convince her of this. "Why would you say that you are?"

"Because I am," she said harshly through gritted teeth, almost angrily. Her crying was harder now, racking her entire body, tears streaking down her cheeks.

"You aren't," Stef repeated, her head still shaking. "What would make you say that? Who told you that?" she asked, wanting at this moment nothing more that to strangle whoever had put that thought into her mind.

For the first time Mariana looked her straight into her eyes. She had never felt so conflicted, so confused. It was hard to remember that she couldn't trust anyone when someone's eyes looked so honest.

"I can't tell you," she said unyieldingly, her tone tinged with regret, her eyes sad and cheeks stained.

"Yes, sweetheart, you can," Stef nodded encouragingly, not being able to hold herself back from gently taking one of the young girl's hands into her own.

"I let them take my mommy away and then she didn't want us," Mariana whispered, her throat sore from tears, her voice more pain-filled than Stef had ever heard before. "I loved her, I promise I did, but she didn't love me back," she said. And her face crumbled, giving a whole new meaning to the word 'broken.' She cried harder than she ever knew was possible, the weeping forcing her to take loud breaths. The inhalations were desperate gasps for air; the exhalations more like howls of guilt, of sadness, of confusion.

Stef didn't care anymore. Her careful thinking went to hell, and she acted solely on instinct. She climbed onto the bed, and gathered the girl so that she was sitting on her lap. She wrapped her arms around her and held her close, and was met with only slight resistance. Because those were her instincts coming out. To push people away, keep them safely at bay so that it didn't hurt so badly when they were ripped away. She felt Mariana gently shove her torso in a half-hearted attempt to squirm away from the embrace, but Stef held steadfast.

"Let go, baby," she whispered into her hair. She felt the body relax in her arms, the tension leaving her body. She allowed her to grip onto her shirt like it was the only thing keeping her from drowning.

And she let her cry.

She rubbed her back with one hand as she slowly rocked back and forth, stroking her hair with the other. She murmured soothing words, but avoided saying things like "hush" or "don't cry." Because she shouldn't be silenced. She was entitled to this pain, and she was allowed to act on it, to have a reaction. She shouldn't be shamed or quieted for the behavior. She should be encouraged to be this open, to be shown that it was okay to break down and feel vulnerable and exposed.

"I'm sorry," Mariana suddenly said, practically jumping out of Stef's embrace. She had calmed considerably, regaining her rational thoughts, and with them, her walls. She knew she should be sorry, though she didn't exactly know why.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, babe," Stef resolved, firmness and tenderness equally apparent.

Mariana paused, not knowing what to do with this unexpected reaction. She shook her head. "I'm sorry," she muttered again. She wished it didn't have to be this way-she liked being with Stef-but she knew it had to be so. She had made a tragic mistake, and she had to punish herself for it. She had to be alone.

"Have I ever lied to you?" Stef asked, the sudden distance killing her. She frantically tried to stop Mariana from taking the two steps back after the one step forward they had just achieved.

Mariana slowly shook her head, unconsciously inching away from the older woman sitting on her bed.

"That's right, because I'm a woman of my word. And I assure you that you have done nothing to warrant an apology. I wouldn't lie to you, and if you had done something wrong, I would tell you. Does that make sense?"

Mariana nodded, still uncertain of the whole situation. This was a lot to take in, and she was still torn on what she should do. All she knew for sure was that she had felt better than she had in a long time with Stef, and that a little part of her regretted ever leaving her embrace.

Stef looked at the confused child, seeing in her eyes that deep down, she was still longing for a connection, but that she was much too afraid to initiate anything. "Come here," Stef said welcomingly, lifting her arms slightly. Relief flooded Mariana's face as she eagerly returned to the security of the blonde, once again submitting to being held.

It dawned on Stef why this was all happening tonight. Jesus had always acted as a distraction. He had always protected her from letting these thoughts consume her. Each day the feelings went unaddressed, they became stronger. It had all built up. Right now she didn't have her lifeline, her safety net, the only person she could trust anymore. The demons were reaching the forefront of her mind and demanding to be felt and dealt with.

Stef didn't know how long they sat there, and honestly, she didn't really care. They could stay there until she was eighty for all she cared, just as long as Mariana felt safe.

"I still don't think I can sleep," Mariana said, her voice muffled as her face was still buried in Stef's shirt.

"Luckily we don't have to sleep. We can watch a movie if you want. Would you like that? I could make popcorn and everything," Stef suggested casually. She wanted Mariana to know that just because she let herself get emotional, she wasn't going to treat her any differently.

"But it's late. Wouldn't Mama get mad?" she asked. She had a point; Lena wasn't a big fan of the kids staying up late.

"Who says she has to know?" Stef asked mysteriously. "And I think she'd make an exception for tonight, yes?"

"Okay," Mariana said, the corner of her mouth lifting ever so slightly.

"Okay," Stef nodded in finality. "What are we watching?"

Mariana shrugged in response.

"No ideas? All right then, I'll pick. Beauty and the Beast it is."

"I've never seen it," Mariana said.

"What?!" Stef exclaimed dramatically, her mouth dropping and eyes widening in an over exaggeration. "Well then you need to scoot your little self downstairs and prepare yourself for the world's greatest Disney princess movie," Stef informed her. "Go put it in the CD player while I make the popcorn," she instructed.

Mariana giggled.

"What? This is not a laughing matter, this is extraordinarily serious business."

"You don't put movies in a CD player. That's what DVD players are for," she notified Stef.

"Well excuse me," Stef said, mock-offended. She rolled her eyes.

"I forgive you. That's what happens when you're old," Mariana shrugged.

"You know what?" Stef laughed, a bit taken aback by the daring insult coming from the still timid girl. "That's enough out of you, Miss Thing. And for that, I'm going to sing along to the entire movie," she threatened.

"Oh no," Mariana's eyes widened.

"Oh yes!" she shouted dramatically. "Now go put the thingy in the whatever-you-call-it so we can get this party started," she ordered.

Mariana obeyed and practically skipped down the stairs, Stef following close behind.

They only got through about a quarter of the popcorn and two and a half songs before sleep won both of them over, Mariana asleep on Stef's lap. Stef's arm lay draped across her protectively, shielding her from her haunting past, and guiding her to a future full of love.

Okay guys! That's the end for this particular story! But don't worry, there's an extremely high chance that I'll be back with stories similar to this one in the near future!

Thank you so much for your support throughout this story. I honestly can't believe the amazing responses I have gotten. You all have warmed my heart time and time again, and I cannot thank you enough. I hope this chapter met your expectations and was an end that did this story justice! I'd love to hear your final thoughts! Again, thank you so much, and I hope to see you next time!

And once again, much love to justliziam for continuously being my incredible beta and letting me bounce ideas off of her 24/7.