Hey guys! 0u0 Man sorry I tend to work on a lot of things at once but I promise to update the others! I'm working on chapter 11 for one of my stories and my other one I can't update because well I have a friend helping me with that one 0o0 so yeah ugh fuck school is fucking coming to town 0n0 Oh well now we shall start story

=== BE THE GUY IN THE SHOWER

You are now the guy in the SHOWER and you just LOVE the feeling of the cool water touching your warm skin. You are still SLEEPY as fuck though. Oh my you almost forgot to introduce yourself! You quickly mutter an APOLOGY before introducing yourself to us. Your name is JOHN EGBERT and you live with your DAD in a two story house. You have many INTERESTS one being having a huge MANLY crush on NICOLAS CAGE in a somewhat HOMOSEXUAL WAY even though you aren't.

You would tell us all about all your other INTERESTS but you are going to be LATE for HIGH SCHOOL if you don't hurry the fuck up. You quickly turn off the shower and step out wrapping your towel around your torso as a girl does since you're not comfortable wrapping it around your waist for some odd reason.

You look at the clothes you had set out for yourself and your thinking this is why people call you a dork. I mean like come on who wears shorts in the middle of fucking winter what the fuck were you thinking! Just wait while you go get a pair of pants to instead.

You run out of the bathroom and into your ROOM getting a pair of pretty new jeans you had gotten. You then run back into the bathroom to change. Oh geez give me some privacy will ya!?

Go be someone else for now I'll only be a minute.

=== BE THE SQUIRREL LOOKING FOR A MATE

You are now the squirrel looking for a mate. The boy known as JOHN EGBERT told you to be someone else and you're not fucking sure if he meant it like this. Oh well let us be the squirrel. You look around for some ATTRACTIVE female squirrels so you can MATE already!

You climb up a tree and look around but alas you find no one since you're a LONELY MOTHERFUCKER. Every time MATING SEASON (A/N don't say anything I don't really know when the squirrels mating season is so I'm doing whatever xD) comes along you'd sit on your bed eating ICE CREAM while SOBBING to FORBIDDEN LOVE movies.

Oh but this year that's going to change!

Yeah!

Would you look at that John's finished changing.

=== BE JOHN AGAIN

You are now John again except this time you are fully clothed instead of being in a towel.

You are wearing a white T-shirt with this green slime on it that reminds you of that POGO RIDE you have in the front lawn of the house. You have long ago tried to even calm your hair which was unruly as ever but who gives a fuck.

Oh yeah you do.

You also have buck teeth and you despise them very much. You have thick rimmed glasses so you practically fucking scream dork and nerd. Unlike your BEST FRIEND who is named DAVE STRIDER. He screams cool and popular yet the two of you are great friends. You don't exactly know what he's wearing today but you sure do know that his hair looks. Nice and neat as always oh and he has these SHADES you gave him on and refuses to ever take them off!

You wonder why.

Enough of that you walk downstairs where your dad is cooking pancakes for himself while you get a bowl of cereal. He long learned his lesson that you don't always want pancakes for breakfast but he will cook you them every Tuesday and Thursday but luckily it was Monday.

You pour yourself a bowl of cheerios since there was nothing else than cheerios. You eat silently not in the mood for an awkward conversation with your father. You love him you do everything about him is great! But right now you are starting to miss him since he's always at work and is barely ever home now.

You just can't keep a conversation with him since it usually ends up with him just leaving and you on the verge of tears. Once you finish your cereal you decide that since you are in a pretty good mood you'd wash it instead of just leaving it there in the sink.

Once you finish washing it you grab your backpack and walk out the door into the crispy cold outside world. You didn't expect it to be this cold oh for fuck sake it's in the middle of November and you are just so fucking smart that you wear a short sleeved shirt and no jacket.

Yeah your one smart motherfucker!

You let out a sigh walking a bit slower than your usual pace just wanting to enjoy it here even though you're freezing. You pull out your phone and check PESTERCHUM an app you had gotten to pester your friends at random times even though you guys live in the same place now.

You see you all use to leave in very different places until you all hatched a plan to move to Texas and poof here you are now! You see that all of them are on except your friend ROSE LALONDE who is probably either already at school, reading a book, or making out with her girlfriend Kanaya.

Your money is on the latter.

You decide to pester your friend and half genetic sister JADE HARLEY but you are already being pestered by a familiar red text. You wait a couple minutes before opening his screen.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 5:30

TG: yo egderp

TG: jesus why did they make school so early

TG: why couldn't it be in the middle of the night

TG: then nobody would know if you're sleeping

TG: Egderp

TG" John

TG: Johnny

EB: Hi Dave!

TG: took you long enough jesus

EB: hehe sorry :B

TG: You better be

EB: I am

TG: good shit to hear

TG: now where the fuck are you

TG: I'm just looking for you

TG: like I'm a mother looking for her kidnapped child

TG: then asking police to help

TG: but they don't do shit

TG: then I get depressed because I lost my child

TG: my sweet sweet child

EB: Dave.

TG: Yes?

EB: You're rambling to yourself

TG: Oh wow shit I didn't notice

EB: Stop being sarcastic :B

TG: Nah

TG: now seriously where are you

EB: I'm just walking to school

TG: that doesn't tell me where you are Einstein

EB: geez why do you even want to know?

TG: because

EB: yeah that explains

EB: now I got to go

TG: no you fucking don't

EB: the fuck how do you know

TG: because I know where you are

EB: the shit does that mean

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 6:20

What the fuck was that about?

You shrug to yourself before continuing your slow paced walk to school tucking your phone safely into your back pocket. Then out of motherfucking nowhere a hand wraps around your waist the other to your mouth mufflingany noise you made. You then hear a low, voice whisper into your ear.

''Hey John''

That's it you bite the hand and remove the hand from your waist you then sprint for it. Well you did but alas you tripped like the fucking clumsy fool you are and fell face first into the ground. There we have it John the nerdy clumsy boy all in one.

You then hear laughter, wait a MOTHERFUCKING SECOND. You get up and turn around to find no other than Dave Strider, your best friend laughing his ass off. ''YOU SHIT EATING DICK!'' you yell at him before grabbing his backpack and running off to school with it.

=== BE THE GUY LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF

You have a name you know. Unless you want it to be 'THE GUY LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF' you know that's cool too. Anyway your real name is DAVE STRIDER and you live with your BRO in a SHITTY APARTMENT well not that shitty but shitty. You also have many INTERSTS but are too busy laughing your ass off to tell you them.

They way that your best bro John had reacted was just to funny and when he fell on his face just made it all the more worth it, even though he's probably mad at you now. After a few minutes of just sitting there laughing you get up dusting your pants off. You then run to school halfway there you see a familiar head of unruly hair walking.

You decide not to scare him again but instead just wrap your arms around his waist and hug him. ''WHO THE FUCK IS IT THIS TIME'' John yells turning around to look at you. ''Sup'' you say in a monotone voice which you know he's use too.

''What now''

''Aw can't I just hug my best bro''

''No only your wife''

I have a wife?''

You have a wife?

When the fuck did this happen. You look at John again who is now smiling at you with his bright blue eyes and fuck he's so ADORKABLE.

''Yes you do Dave''

''Oh well fuck her your my new wife''

John looks at you with a confused face before giggling. Ah that giggle so motherfucking cute and shit. You notice that John doesn't have a jacket…

What the fuck?

''No I'm the husband!'' John whines tugging at your jacket with his small hands you smirk before grabbing his hand. ''No no no John look at these hands so small and soft, and you have the uke eyes I have the seme eyes, oh and I'm also taller'' you explain to him watching him pout.

''Fuck you''

''How about later''

''Dave you're the weirdest person I could have ever met''

''Yeah well''

=== ALL OF A SUDDEN WHERE JOHN AGAIN

All of a sudden your John again and you guess you're now married?

Oh well you knew he was just playing around.

''Okay Dave now let me the fuck go'' you say trying to get his hand off your waist. You give up on that and instead duck and crawl away from his feet. You then get up picking up your backpack that you didn't even notice you dropped…

Huh.

You then begin to run to school noticing that you are about to be FUCKING LATE. Soon enough Dave is at your side raising his eyebrows at you but you just wave him off. You stop huffing and puffing when you reach your destination. You hadn't even noticed you had wasted so much time being a dork with Dave.

Ah what was going to be new today?

BLUH BLUH I'm stopping there. I might update this one tomorrow! 0u0 Have a nice night, morning, afternoon whatever time it is wherever you are. Hope you enjoyed it 0u0

GOODBYE MY FRIENDS.