Juvia used to care about Gray. Really, she did. But as the years passed and slowly he warmed up to her – she felt herself growing cold. Juvia didn't know why. She loved her Gray-sama – right? She loved him with all of her heart… she had to. Otherwise these past two years would've been a waste. She would've wasted it doting on a boy who she wasn't in love with… but Juvia just couldn't do it anymore. Especially when he finally kissed her – it had been the definition of perfect. It was on her doorstep, polite, but just enough to leave her wanting more, but there was something off. He was a great kisser… but it left her with a hollow feeling in her stomach, and it made it hard to sleep that night. Now Juvia sat in the rain, on a bridge, staring out at the river's rippling surface.

For the first time since she joined Fairy Tail, Juvia didn't want to see the sunshine.

She had to love her Gray-sama though, right? Because if she didn't… if she didn't… Juvia shook her head roughly, standing up and placing her pale hands on the intricately carved stone railing.

"No… no… Juvia has to love Gray-sama… because if not… because… if not…" She trailed off, not being able to handle the next memory that flew into her head.

"B-Bisca-san?" Juvia asked hesitantly, walking up to the green-haired beauty as she sat staring at her husband, who was playing with Asuka, and a smile was pulling at the corner of her lips. The mage's violet eyes met sapphire ones and she grinned at the water mage.

"What is it, Juvia?" Bisca asked, leaning forward, exposing her large breasts even more. Alzack, even though they were married, blushed heavily and faced away quickly. Bisca suppressed a smirk and gave the young mage her full attention, who was staring shyly at the table.

"H-how do you know when you're in love?" She asked, still staring at the wood table. Bisca frowned and leaned back, setting her precious sniper rifle on the table gently, eyeing the blue-haired mage curiously.

"Are you asking because of Gray?" Bisca questioned. Juvia flushed a deep red, but didn't respond. Bisca took that as a good enough response, because she kept talking. "Well, you feel complete, as cliché as that sounds, it's true. You feel like you can be you around them – magic and all." She said, her violet eyes flicking towards Alzack for a moment. Juvia didn't fail to notice that and smiled, but felt a tad bit of jealously roll in her stomach.

"He kissed Juvia," She whispered suddenly, meeting the gun mage's eyes. Bisca whistled and tipped her chair back, balancing on the hind legs and crossing her arms across her chest.

"Well, 'bout damn time, if I do say so myself," Bisca said, grinning lightly at the water mage, who surprised her by shaking her head.

"N-no, Bisca-san, that's the thing," Juvia said nervously, fidgeting with her hands and staring at the dark wooden table, counting the grains. "I didn't feel anything."

Bisca let her chair fall forward with a gentle thump and she nodded. For some reason, the gun mage had been expecting this.

"Are you sure you were in love with him, or just in love with the idea of love?" She asked seriously, and for a second, Juvia's world seemed to flicker.

The bluenette shook her head vigorously, spraying water everywhere and making her limp curls fly.

"No, Bisca-san is wrong," She whispered. Juvia didn't sound very convincing, even to her own ears. "Juvia… Juvia loves Gray-sama. R-right?" She asked nobody in particular, feeling a heavy weight on her chest. "Juvia has to love Gray-sama, otherwise her world would be for nothing," She said, holding her hand out timidly, palm facing the sky, and watched as the rain fell onto her hand and ran in rivulets down her pale skin before dripping off onto the thick railing.

Otherwise this world Juvia's built up… it'll be for nothing. All the way since the day Juvia saw the sun – it'll be pointless, because Juvia's created an illusion.

Gray walked her to her doorstep, which was really the front door of Fairy Hills, and smiled shyly at Juvia. The date had been going picture perfect so far, but somehow it felt a little forced to Juvia.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow?" He asked, staring into her sapphire eyes. Juvia commanded herself to get lost in his deep blue eyes... but she just couldn't. She nodded and smiled at him, but that felt forced too. Hesitantly, Gray set a cold hand on her bare forearm and leaned forward, ducking his head so that his surprisingly warm lips just barely brushed against hers. She blushed and he quickly pulled back, smiling and running a pale hand through his raven hair.

He waved a quick goodbye to her and spun around, darting off somewhere, while Juvia was left with the nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach that this wasn't right.

"It was all…" Juvia looked up at the gray sky and let the clouds pour her emotions onto all of Magnolia. "… all an illusion," She whispered brokenly, thinking of how long it took just to get him to notice her. "Juvia built it all in her head… it wasn't real. The kiss was nothing. Juvia and Gray were never said in envy – not like Bisca and Alzack," Juvia murmured, looking back down at her outstretched hand, and something inside Juvia seemed to break as she uttered the next words.

"Juvia made every emotion up."

Suddenly the blue-haired mage fell to her knees and her pale hands grasped at the ornately carved railings in front of her. They were carved to resemble various things, and the one she was currently holding onto was a jagged, icy mountain.

Even the heartbroken Juvia couldn't help but smile at the irony.

She slowly looked past the carving and out onto the river, which was now getting pummeled by the heavy rain. Juvia glanced back up at the sky, which was turning a darker shade of gray, and the rain was beginning to feel more like razor blades.

How come it was raining so hard? Juvia doesn't feel angry. She doesn't feel sad. In fact… Juvia feels… nothing.

Juvia slowly lifted a hand to her face and felt the hot tears mixing with the cold rain.

"J-Juvia… is fine… she'll be…" Both of her hands rose to her face and she choked back a sob, placing both palms on her cheeks and peeking through her fingers. She didn't want to cry.

"Juvia will be… just fine…" A small sob ripped from the girl's throat, and for the first time in her life… Juvia started to cry with the rain.

"Juvia…" She whispered into her hands. Her shoulders shook heavily and she hung her head low as the rain started to pound a little harder. She let herself sob with the hail-like raindrops that threatened to bruise her body; she cried out all of her anger, frustration, sadness, relief… every emotion she had bottled up since the very beginning.

"Juvia isn't okay!"

Here; have a feel. I've had like negative sleep, and when I get no sleep I get into an "I'm going to make the world sob today" mode. Enjoy. Please leave me yummy reviews (nomnomnom). Thanks for reading, guiseee. Plus I wrote this while listening to Shattered by Trading Yesterday on repeat so, woot, feels ftw.