A/N: Hey everybody. So, I got a lot of explaining to do here. I know it's been about a year since I last touched both this story and its accompanying story, Robbie's Diary, and I do sincerely apologize. I really don't know why I stopped so suddenly, other than, college got me in its grasps. Not an excuse though - my fault, and I take full responsibility. I endured a pretty rough first year of university, and my motivation for everything, including writing, pretty much dropped to a zero. It was mostly due to a social conflict I had with one of my friends, and it really hurt and got me questioning myself for everything. Seriously, I don't even know how I didn't fail first year, but here I still am.

The above was pretty much copy and paste from the author's note in the first chapter of the other story, but yeah, here's the revised chapter one of this.

So without further ado, here we go.

Cat's Diary

Monday, November 14, 2011

Dear Diary,

It's the beginning of another week at school, and let's just say, I can't wait for it to be over. You know how I've been saying for the past little while that I've just about had it with school in general? Well, so far, that's becoming truer by the day. All day today, I literally couldn't focus on anything except for the clocks on the walls of my classes. Consequently, I have absolutely no idea what new stuff got taught, nor do I know what new assignments were handed out. And to be brutally honest with you, I couldn't even care less at the moment. Because like I said, I am about as fed up with school as I could possibly be.

You're probably wondering why I'm so fed up by now, right? After all, despite ranting about it so many times this past while to you, diary, I never actually told you the underlying reason why I'm so annoyed. Well, you know how at school, just about everyone sees me as the effervescent naïve girl who seems to be too lost in a fantasy world for her own good? Yeah, that. I hate how people assume that to be my actual inner personality, and ignorantly just brush aside all other possibilities. I mean, I get that I give them more than enough reason to think of me that way. Regardless, I still hate how most of them just never bother to know me past what I appear to be to them at first, and just take me as so. It is both hilarious and annoying every time I catch them making snide remarks about me right in front of my face, thinking that I wouldn't understand what they're saying. In actuality, I can hang on to almost every single word that comes out of their mouths. But no, rather than even taking a moment to consider that I might actually have feelings, they expect me to just giggle along with them, taking their snide comments as innocent jokes or compliments. And so far, I'm telling you, I'm doing a great job with satisfying them. But that's just me being a good actress. I mean, I don't like to brag or anything, but even if I say so myself, I pull pretty convincing façades. I think my amount of tolerance is dropping though, because lately, every time someone tries to make a snide comment in front of my face, it gets harder and harder to maintain my false giggle routine. I tell you, one of these days, I'm gonna lose it if they keep it up. I really hate to lash out at people, but if they keep it up, I guarantee you it'll happen.

Now I know what you're thinking – if I hate being taken falsely, why do I keep putting on a façade for others? Good question actually, because I'm not too sure myself. Maybe it's just because I don't want others to think I'm bitchy? I mean, I don't usually give a shit about what others think of me, but I'm also a nice person who prefers to not call others out for their wrongdoings. I know I got more than enough reason to do so, but still. Who knows actually? Maybe I do have another reason why I put so much effort into making sure I maintain my façade. But whatever it might be (should it exist), I certainly can't think up off the top of my head. Oh well, if it does exist, I guess I'll realize soon enough.

To be honest, all that stuff should be the least of my worries today. You know that acting assignment I've been telling you about? Well, all of us are presenting tomorrow in class. And guess what? I'm not ready at all! I know I shouldn't say that, considering I've been practicing my lines for quite a while now, but I sure as hell don't feel ready. I mean, come on, could you honestly say you'd be ready if you had to act a romance scene in front of the class with one of your best friends? I know I should consider myself lucky, since a lot of people got paired up with someone they didn't even know, but this assignment is surely gonna make the friendship between Robbie and I really awkward. To give you an idea of how nervous I am for tomorrow, let's just say, I'm almost tempted to fail this assignment intentionally tomorrow by just saying that I'm not prepared. Almost. But despite constantly being called stupid, naïve, and irresponsible, I am a good student, so I will not take an F that easily. And if that doesn't convince me to just do the assignment properly, the fact that Robbie would be getting the same grade as me certainly does. Better that the assignment cause a bit of (more like a lot of) awkwardness between us for a while than have him mad at me for having to take an F.

Hopefully by now you understand that despite sounding like it, I am in no way over-exaggerating the effects this seemingly-innocent assignment might have on Robbie and I's friendship. In fact, if anything, I'm under-exaggerating the possibilities. Sure, they're still only possibilities, but the odds are heavily leaning towards the awkwardness side. It's not even as simple as the fact that we just happen to be a guy and girl who have an extremely close friendship, like what Tori and Andre have. I mean, of course, that's definitely a big portion of the reason, if not most of it. But there's another pretty key reason too, and it has to do with school (boy, am I getting tired of that word). Remember how I've said countless times for the past little while that the popular kids at school are extremely inconsiderate idiots? Yeah, they're the other reason why. See, around school, there's this popular rumor that Robbie and I are boyfriend and girlfriend. And unlike most rumors that disappear after a short while, this one's been around for some time now. It's not beginning to die down or get old either, nor does it seem like it's going to any time soon. If anything, the rumor is stronger than ever, and still growing. So many people are in on it that it isn't even funny. All the popular kids, and even most of the "middle-class" to unpopular kids help fuel it and cause it to keep thriving. The worst part is, guess what type of kids my group of "friends" at school consists of? You know, the gang that I always hang out with. Tori Vega, Andre Harris, Beck Oliver, and Jade West are among the most popular ones in Hollywood Arts. Not just popular for our grade either – out of the ENTIRE school. But unfortunately, that doesn't do either me or Robbie any favors. I mean, not to overly generalize or anything, but the trend with teenage popularity is usually the more popular someone is, the bigger of an inconsiderate fool they become. And in the case of these four, it has been the case indeed. On the outside, they (except for Jade) all seem sweet and kind (especially Tori), but if you plan to stick around with them long term, you'd better score yourself some popularity points of your own, or else endure the burden of being their psychological punching bag. Sounds harsh, I know. But that is unfortunately exactly what I feel like in this group, and I'm sure Robbie can at least somewhat relate.

No, I am not close with Jade either, so do not bring up the "Cat and Jade are best friends" bullshit. Seriously, I don't know who started that rumor, but it is the biggest lie I've ever heard. I may be a lot of things, but one thing I'm not is stupid. That means, there's no way in hell would I ever actually be friends with that bitch. The only reason people (sadly, even Jade herself) think that way is, like I said, I can pull pretty convincing facades. But just because I appear to hang out with her a lot, doesn't mean I'm actually enjoying it. To be honest with you, she scares me – a lot. And I would just ignore her, but I am actually kind of (more like very) scared as to what the consequences would be for me. Like, really, you don't earn the nickname Wicked Witch of the West at school for nothing. Trust me, I've seen some of the things Jade has done to her "friends" who try to hide from her, and let's just say, they've given me nightmares. Heck, even though I'm currently pretending to be a good little girl and be best friends with her at school, I'm still scared as to what she might end up doing to me if she gets angry (or should I say angrier than normal). And please don't ever tell her any of what I just told you, because I never want to find out what she'd do, okay?

But yeah, if you're ever wondering why I put up with so much of her crap, then there you have it in a nutshell. Now that I think about it, maybe she's also one of the reasons why I put up with the gang overall as well? Though I'm not sure that if I stopped talking to Tori, Jade would care so much…

Anyways, enough ranting (not really). Like I was saying, the fact that those four are among the most popular kids in the school makes it extremely difficult to endure the rumor of Robbie and I being boyfriend and girlfriend. You honestly have no idea how many times a day they bring it up, especially if the two of us are hanging out together "flirtatiously" according to them. It's not uncommon for us to hear it at least six times a school day, and that's just from those four. The number of times we hear it from everyone else at school? Countless. I mean, I reaaaaaaalllly try hard not to let it get to me, but I can't help it. And I'm sure that if you got teased every time you tried to hang out with your close friend who just happened to be your opposite gender, neither could you.

To make the situation even worse, you really have NO IDEA how much power someone has when they're among the most popular people at a school like Hollywood Arts. I know I've already said this a few paragraphs ago, but believe me, my talk about it doesn't do the situation any justice. At more academic schools, popularity usually doesn't matter too much, but at H.A. just about everything is based off of class divisions. It's kind of like socialism versus capitalism, if you will – rather than people being kind towards one another and helping each other out, the people at the top get sugar and spice and everything nice, while the people at the bottom get to suffer the burdens of being low on the hierarchy. And of course, the higher up people are, the more greedy they become (at least, a lot of the time in this case). And guess what? If you can find me a more perfect metaphor for modern capitalism and the republican government than Hollywood Arts, I'll be darned.

To give you a clear idea of what I'm talking about, take Tori for example. Now, let's be honest, no one at school – me included – is surprised that she's among-the-top popular, because even I gotta admit she's really talented and pretty and everything (I'm not lesbian of course). But just as she's way popular, she's also way overrated, just like the other three in the group I hang with. For starters, ever since Tori "Made it Shine" on her first performance that day less than a year ago, she's been getting all the attention in the world, and still is. Seriously, if you don't believe me, just come to my school and see for yourself – she literally is still riding on that one performance. Now, that's not to say, that's all she's popular for, because just from looking at her (again, I'm not lesbian or anything), anyone at my school can tell she's bound to be popular nonetheless. Plus, she's done a lot of other performances as well, so she's definitely gotten herself way up there. But even so, you should see how many people still talk about her first performance. And the fact that her locker is a permanent reminder of that day definitely helps her sustain it. Once or twice, I've even been desperate to break it for her or something, because of how much hatred it's earned from me. But I am not a mean person like her, so I will let her be for now.

Guess what though? Due to the fact that she, Andre, Beck, and Jade are way overrated, people literally worship every single thing they say out loud – including (and especially) when it's about me and Robbie. Can you get a clear idea of how painful it gets to cope with this day to day? They are the very catalysts of the whole us getting mocked process! Without them talking crap every day, I'm guessing both Robbie and I will hear AT LEAST 60% less crap from everyone else. But no, unfortunately, a socially powerless couple of students like Robbie and me can do nothing about it but cope. Not even Lane has any good ideas for us, and that's saying something. He's literally dedicated to our problem the most, because of how much we visit him for advice about it. But sadly, the situation has gotten far out of his or anyone else's control. Heck, I'll bet you even the Blabbermouth Siblings (that's what I call Tori, Andre, Beck, and Jade) couldn't stop if they wanted to, because to them, blabbing nonsense about us has literally become the equivalent of a drug addiction (or worse). Like I said earlier in this entry, I am currently at the peak of my tolerance, and anything at all can push me over the edge. I tell you, if it doesn't happen tomorrow or the next day, I'm gonna get an iced coffee to celebrate.

You know what the saddest part of this whole situation is though? The plan I have in mind to help put an end to the pains of all this. It's actually something that could and definitely would get me in trouble, but unfortunately, it's the only thing I can think of that's less stupid than something such as running away from home or cutting myself (I'm not suicidal anyways). I know you aren't gonna approve of it at all, because I wouldn't either, but I'm telling you anyways. Ready? Okay, recently, I've seriously been considering skipping school. I know, I know, not smart at all. But I figured that the only way to end being mocked for being with Robbie so much is to not be around him. And, well, if I just started hiding from him while at school, he'd constantly be searching for me, because I just know he wouldn't ever let anything that's even this painful get in the way of our friendship. That would probably only end up attracting more attention than usual if word gets out, which trust me, IT WILL. If the joke's already been pushed this far, trying to figure out why Robbie is so desperately searching around the school at the same time I'm not seen with him very often is not that hard.

Of course, if I was to skip school to avoid all this crap that also means I gotta figure out where I am to stay in the daytime. I mean, I obviously can't stay at home, because that'd be too easy of a place for others to search for me. Sure, there are only a few people (including Robbie) who actually know where I live, but I'm pretty sure that if they did begin searching for me, it'd draw attention from some of the kids at school who live near those select few. And the last thing I need happening is having a group of kids I don't even wanna talk to standing at my front door. I'm thinking maybe hanging out in some area of my community that's not commonly visited would work, but I'll see. I might be desperate and resorting to a stupid action, but I'm definitely not stupid enough to let it get way out of hand. Because like I said in the past, I am a good academic student, and my first priority is to finish high school with enough to get into university. Haven't decided on my majors yet, but I'm guessing either nursing or something else science related. Never was good at humanities in school, despite that I can usually understand people fairly well.

Now, I know an academic student who puts grades as their first priority doesn't usually skip school even for measures such as these. But let's be honest, as humans, we can all only take so much before we resort to less than ideal scenarios. How and when exactly I'm gonna attempt this, if at all, is undecided, but it's definitely something I'm still preparing for just in case. As for how long it is to last, and how I'm gonna bear the repercussions of this, I'm still not sure, but I'll figure something out. If nothing else, my parents don't even give a crap about me anyways, so that's already one less thing to worry about. Heck, they neglect me so much, that the last time I saw either one of them was literally two months ago. Yeah, that's right. Once, they even left me with next to no food and money for two weeks! During that time, let's just say, it's a very good thing that Robbie's parents like me, because otherwise, I would have starved to death. Thankfully, my parents have since not been that careless. But even so, half the time I'll still eat over either at Robbie's place, or seldomly, another friend's house, because the stuff my parents leave behind is hardly edible anyways. Like, for example, tonight, I ate at home, and all I had was some canned chicken soup and a few pieces of dried-up bread that hopefully wasn't past expiry date. So don't ask me how I'm gonna gain access to better food if I decide to skip school and avoid Robbie, because I haven't worked the details out to that point just yet. But I figure that from my part time job, I'll at the very least have enough money saved up to eat some fairly decent meals for a while. But then, like I said, if people come looking for me at my home address, then leaving the house would pretty much be the surefire way to get caught, so, I still got A LOT to think about.

I know, all this would probably get me into legal trouble if the police got involved. But bearing that thought in mind, does this give you an idea of how desperate I really am to get out of the current situation I'm in? I mean, trust me, out of the past sixteen years (almost seventeen) I've lived on this earth, I've never, and I mean NEVER thought about doing anything like this before, Because if the fact that it wasn't right didn't deter me, the possible repercussions certainly did. But sadly, it seems that as of now, this is the quickest and only way to get rid of some of my problems, so it's still something to consider.

I would just transfer schools, but unfortunately, my parents need to be involved for that. And they would never agree to transfer me, because guess who's idea it was in the first place to send me to a performing arts high school? Really don't ask me why, because I'm sure you can figure that out. I mean, okay, I'm not a bad singer or actress, but I have no passion for either one besides maybe treating them as casual hobbies. My parents on the other hand, decided that after seeing me perform a few years ago at Dad's employer's Christmas party in junior high school, I somehow NEEDED to become a celebrity star when I'm older. They say that it's "really good" for my character, and a fun opportunity in life. Plus, not everyone can have the opportunity, so I should be "honored" to be blessed with such "talent" and accept it. Well, I mean, even though I do love getting attention, I'm afraid my main passion is still contained by academics, not performing arts. A lot of people think that because of my seemingly-naïve outer character, it's impossible for me to be academically smart, but I say that they gotta get their heads out of their asses. Between Robbie and me, both of us pretty much get straight As in our classes, such as math, science, history, and English. So, I don't know where they've been all this time, but wherever it is, they gotta come back to reality.

Anyways, yeah, transferring schools is pretty much out of the question then, and so skipping seems like the only effective solution at the time. I know I could possibly get suspended or even expelled, but honestly, so long as any other high school in L.A. would pick me up, I'd love to be kicked out. Heck, every other high school in the city is more academic than Hollywood Arts, that's definitely not a question. Again, not to generalize or stereotype, because I hate it as much as you do, but performing arts schools generally have a rather elaborate social division/classification system created by popular kids, and low academics as a result of ranking studying as "uncool." I mean, there are other performing arts schools in L.A., that's not a question. In the city with the world-famous Hollywood district, there's bound to be. But that's just it – even though Hollywood Arts shines the most brightly out of all of them for training future famous celebrities (because at least 1/3 of them claimed to have graduated from there), it sucks dick at academics more than every other school in the city. Can you imagine how hard it is to get into academic university from this school then? Like, seriously, academic faculties hate Hollywood Arts students. And the thing is, I don't really blame them, because I would too. Maybe in some of the other academically lacking high schools, if you had some skill such as acting, scriptwriting, sports, or singing, you could get in on a special scholarship, but Hollywood Arts sucks too much for that even. Don't even ask me how I'm gonna manage college, because I have no idea. But one thing you can count on is this: I will NOT go to Julliard like my parents are forcing me to. After spending my whole high school career with these sons of bitches at my school, there is no way I'm gonna spend my whole college career with them too. And I know my parents said they refuse to pay for anything else but Julliard, but just you wait, I'll find a way somehow. A proper academic student never allows something like this to get in her way. I will do it even if I have to take six classes while working two part time jobs to pay school fees, and I mean every single word of that.

Okay, back to the main point. Like I said, I will definitely give the "plan" more serious thought than I currently have. I don't have much going on anyways (besides the acting assignment tomorrow), so I can probably give you a straight answer as to whether or not the plan ever becomes a "go" sometime soon – next week if not this one. To be brutally honest with you, now that I've actually already thought about it a little, it really is more trouble than it's worth, and I just might not do it. But hey, who knows? If I do, I'll be sure to keep you updated on what's going on every day and all. Oh, and don't worry, I'll be careful as I possibly can be with this, and make sure I know all consequences of my actions. Like I said, I may be making a dumb decision, but that doesn't mean it has to be dumbly pulled off per say.

I'm just gonna leave that last thought there for now, because my main concern tonight really shouldn't be that just yet. It's right now 10:14 p.m., and I still have not practiced my lines for tomorrow's acting assignment one more time just yet, so I think I'm gonna go ahead and do that in a minute. To give you an idea of how much time I've wasted so far, it was approximately 8:20 p.m. when I started writing this entry, so nearly 2 hours already. I guess though, if I want to be a good student like I kept saying I was, I must still behave like one. So without any further ado, I'm just gonna leave everything right here, and practice a few more times before I call it a night. Well, goodnight then, diary! Oh, and don't worry, I'll put you in a safer place than under my pillow.

Cat.

A/N: Sorry guys, that I really haven't got the second chapter to you yet. But I assure you, I'll get it to you very soon.