...Would you believe I actually forgot I had to update as well as write this? Well, I did.

Update two (finally). These ones have no warnings or anything like that. However, drabble number eighteen, "Love", was inspired by a work of nayru-kleinefee's. On her LJ- it's not posted here. It's one of the works in her "Mine" series; I can't remember the exact name. Well, enjoy!

11. 33%

"It's not my fault!" Naruto screeched, for possibly the tenth time that afternoon.

Kakashi winced.

"Iruka-sensei's tests are just hard! That's why I couldn't pass them! They were just- just- it wasn't fair!"

"Well, we all passed them! Baka Naruto!" Sakura yelled back. "If everybody but you passed them, then you just failed because- because you're an idiot! Right, Sasuke-kun?" She turned towards the Uchiha with a desperate look for approval, and, in Kakashi's opinion, was let down rather spectacularly.

"Hn. Considering how rarely Naruto even showed up to class, I'll say it's a miracle he passed what tests he did."

Naruto looked confused, like he wasn't sure if it was supposed to be an insult or a compliment, while Sakura's jaw dropped in amazement that the icy prodigy was actually saying something that could be considered nice about the last in their grade.

Shaking his head, Naruto turned to Kakashi, seeming to have had enough fooling with Sasuke's cryptic comments. "Ne, ne, Kaka-sensei, I bet even you wouldn't pass one of Iruka-sensei's tests!"

Hmm… such low confidence in me. I should do something to fix that. The team leader should be respected, after all.

Kakashi shrugged nonchalantly, turning another page in his book as his other two genins turned to face him expectantly. "Maa, Naruto, you do know that I graduated from the Academy, too? And my exam was less unorthodox than yours. I passed those same tests-"

"Not Iruka-sensei's!" he insisted stubbornly. "You didn't pass his! They're a billion times harder than any stupid tests you took!"

Sakura tapped her chin thoughtfully. "You know, I hate to admit it, but Naruto could have a point… I had some friends in other classes, and they said their tests were way easier than Iruka-sensei's. I never did manage to get a perfect score…"

"See, see!" Naruto cried, excited. "I told you so!"

"A few of the questions were somewhat challengingly," Sasuke admitted grudgingly, which was genius Uchiha speak for insanely-fucking-difficult.

"You should go talk to him, Kaka-sensei!" Naruto cried. "Make him make the tests easier!"

Kakashi's eye widened. Kakashi should what now? "Naruto, now, really-"

Sakura gave a fervent nod in agreement. "Yeah, actually, they weren't really fair. He would be so nitpicky on the essay answers."

"Yeah, he never even gave my pictures any credit at all!"

"Baka! A drawing of ramen deserves nothing!"

Under normal circumstances, such an argument would quickly deteriorate into a headache for Naruto, a sore fist for Sakura, and forgotten words. But it was just Kakashi's luck that they were headed to the mission's room to turn in a report- and, because Naruto insisted, whenever they turned in a report, it was to Iruka.

It came down to some horrifically inconvenient timing, Kakashi figured, as he led the way into the mission's room and Naruto jumped to the front of the pack without even giving him the chance to speak.

"Oiiii! Iruka-sensei!"

Kakashi winced again, rubbing his ears at the bellow. The far too energetic blond bounded forward to harass his beloved teacher, pushing older, larger shinobi out of the way without heed for the consequences of his actions. Kakashi received more than several glares and one, "Control your brat, Hatake…", and resolved that tomorrow, he was scheduling a solo training session for Naruto and himself at five am. Seven hours waiting by himself out in the cold winter air ought to teach him.

Iruka was still admonishing a sheepish Naruto for his behavior by the time the rest of Team Seven had reached him at Kakashi's more sedate (AKA sloth-like) pace, and seeing the two of his teachers together again seemed to have remembered Naruto of why he was so impatient to talk to Iruka in the first place.

"Iruka-sensei, we were just talking about how stupid and unfair your tests were! And Kaka-sensei said he wanted to talk to you about that, didn't you, Kaka-sensei!" The blond nudged Kakashi in the ribs, and Kakashi groaned inwardly when Iruka turned both surprised and expectant eyes up to his.

"Oh? Did you, Kakashi-sensei?" he asked, lacing his fingers together, and Kakashi decided to schedule Naruto's training for four am instead.

"Actually, I never said anything of the sort. I don't have any idea where Naruto got that idea," he stated coldly, and the blond looked positively betrayed.

"Hey! Kaka-sensei, don't you care that Iruka-sensei's all abusing his position and everything! You should- should- protect future generations from his tests, and stuff!" Naruto nodded earnestly, and Kakashi groaned again.

"Naruto, listen. I'm sure you're just exaggerating; his tests can't possibly be that difficult. If I cared to prove it, then I'm sure it wouldn't be very hard to get a perfect score. Can you just let it go already and-"

"Ah, excuse me, Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi glanced back down at the brightly smiling chuunin suspiciously. Iruka looked perfectly innocent, in a disturbing sort of way, and, perhaps someday, he would learn that that look meant he should just back down immediately.

"What exactly makes you think you could get a perfect score on one of my tests?"

Unfortunately, Kakashi hadn't yet learned that retreat was sometime the best option against willful little mischievous chuunins like Iruka.

He let out a derisive snort without hesitation. Was the man really saying what he thought he was? "With all due respect, Iruka-sensei, I don't think I'd have too much trouble with a few pre-genin questions."

Iruka's eyes narrowed. "Oh, really."

"Yes... really," Kakashi mocked in amusement, ignorant of any impending danger.

The teacher stood, planting his hands firmly on the table, meeting his eye with a firm glare. "Mmm. Care to put your money where your mouth is, Sensei?"

Kakashi stared in disbelief. Was this really happening? Can he really be so arrogant? "…Honestly, Iruka-sensei," he murmured, "do you really want to do this?"

"Just what are you implying, Kakashi-sensei?"

By now, everybody in the general vicinity had fallen silent and was staring at the growing altercation, and perhaps, if Kakashi had noticed the looks on some of their faces, he would've been warned that he should stop pushing Iruka now.

But he didn't.

"Simply that, you know, I'm a jounin. I won't have any problem a test for pre-genin- written by you or not. I wouldn't want you to wind up embarrassed after got a perfect score on one of your silly little tests."

If it hadn't already been dead silent, that comment would've done it.

Iruka's eyes grew even colder. "Is that so."

"Mmmhmm."

"Then you won't mind taking one of my tests to prove it."

Kakashi sighed heavily. "Is that really necessary?"

The look on Iruka's face more than answered his question.

The room stayed silent, waiting for Kakashi to either accept to turn down Iruka's challenge. And Kakashi had already realized there was no way for him to not take the test and preserve his pride.

Naruto's training session will be at three am, he decided, and I will always make extra sure to turn in the worst reports imaginable straight to Iruka.

The next morning found Kakashi sitting in Iruka's classroom at seven in the morning, pen in hand, slouching back against his seat as he waited for Iruka to give him his test. This would take ten minutes, tops, and then, he could go out for breakfast and wander about town for a bit before going to make sure Naruto was still waiting for him to show up at the training fields.

This appointment had been set with three understandings in place, all discussed last night after Iruka had gotten off his shift at the mission's desk.

1. If Kakashi gets a perfect score, then Iruka will not complain after having to correct his possibly or possibly not deplorable missions reports for the duration of one month. No, Iruka is not allowed to get someone else to do it.

2. If Kakashi does not get a perfect score, he will take all of Iruka's shifts at the mission's room for the duration of one month. Yes, that means he would correct his own damn reports.

3. If a student skips class, or walks in late, then there will be an automatic ten points deducted from the test. Yes, Kakashi, that means if you show up late, you automatically lose.

Iruka approached Kakashi silently, arms folded over his chest, eyes narrowed dangerously. "Well, Kakashi-sensei? Are you sure you still want to go through with this?"

Kakashi sighed heavily. "Just get it over with, Iruka-sensei."

The teacher shrugged innocently. "Just asking. And-" He whipped the pen out of Kakashi's hand, replacing it with a pencil, "no pens on my assignments. That would've been minus five. As a new student, I can't have expected you to know that- that's why you got the warning." He smiled sweetly again, then placed a small packet of paper before him and turned his back. "You've got fifty five minutes. Good luck."

Kakashi quirked an eyebrow at the retreating teacher's back, then just rolled his eye and started on the test.

1. In reports for D-rank missions, what does the third question on the form ask for?

Kakashi narrowed his eye. Was Iruka serious?

He moved on to the next question.

2. How are mission reports sorted- alphabetically by mission name, or alphabetically by mission leader?

…Next question.

3. In what situations may a report be written by one who is other than the mission leader?

Kakashi scanned on down the paper in quick succession, flipping it over and reading all twenty five questions with a growing sense of trepidation.

They were all about mission reports.

Every. Single. One.

Kakashi raised his eye to stare at Iruka in disbelief. Was he doing this just to spite him?

The teacher sat silently at his desk, marking up one of the assignments he was grading with a red pen, inherently focused on his task. When he became aware of the gaze resting on him, the teacher raised his head to look back at him. "Something wrong, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi continued to stare openly. Iruka just looked so deviously triumphant, happily innocent- that bastard.

That utter bastard!

When he managed a mute shake of his head, Iruka smiled at him and looked back down at his papers. "Then I suggest you get back to work. The clock's ticking."

With another livid glare in his direction, Kakashi turned back tot the test.

Despite having not followed any mission report guidelines in years, he did have a perfect memory, and back in his chuunin days, he knew those regulations like the back of his hand. The problem was, these rules were updated almost constantly, having undergone a particularly massive overhaul about three years ago- and Kakashi hadn't paid the slightest attention to any of them since.

Something that was proving to be a real problem right now.

For heaven's sake, the only question he could answer was the bonus.

In reports for S-rank missions, what does the first question on the form ask for?

Cruel, devious, sneaky bastard. Asking a trick question like that- S-rank missions didn't even have written reports; everything was dictated to the Hokage.

Unfortunately, that was the only bit of intelligent information he could write down on the test.

After two minutes spent fuming, three minutes spent glaring, and ten minutes spent writing down the results of total guesswork, Kakashi got to his feet, swept across the room to Iruka's desk, and slammed the test down. He teleported away with a poof, leaving Iruka alone.

The next morning, he was awoken bright and early for what was now his shift at the mission's desk. Iruka was pounding away at his door, and when Kakashi opened it, he found himself face to face with his test. The paper was riddled with numerous red xs, and at the top was written his score.

33%.

12. Dead Wrong

"And, did you hear? She actually hugged him! And he let her!"

"No way! Mr. Anti-social?"

"I know, I know!"

Iruka let out a heavy sigh and tried to tune out the gossiping. Honestly. Didn't they have anything better to do than spread nonsense about other people's lives?

One of the eager kunoichi continued despite his mental wishes for them not to. "She said they're meeting up again tomorrow. At, wait for it- Le Ciel."

"No way! That's the most romantic restaurant in town!"

"Exactly!"

The two gave little squeals of excitement, and Iruka resisted then urge to hold his hands over his ears. Oh, for god's sakes. Can't you go somewhere else to do this?

"I mean, of course Kakashi can pay for it- he's famous and everything! But that's a huge step in their relationship!"

…What?

Iruka jerked his head up to stare at the two women in disbelief. Did they just say…

"Matsumi's already picked out what she's going to wear and everything," one of the pair said conversationally as they left the mission's room. "He's picking her up at eight tonight- eek! I'm so excited!"

Iruka stared blankly after them.

Kakashi.

Another woman.

Kakashi. And. Another. Woman.

He sat stock still, body deciding how it wanted to feel about this. He could either be hurt, or he could be angry, or he could stay in shock like this. With the way it felt like his heart was throbbing painfully in his chest, it looked like his stupid body was trying to hurt, and that just wouldn't do at all. He was Iruka. He was known for his temper. He couldn't break down now, not when the situation so deserved his anger.

I. Am. Not. Going. To. Fucking. Cry.

His eyes felt traitorously wet.

I! Am! Not! Going! To! Cry!

And then, just like that, hurt was smothered away in favor of a raging jealously. Kakashi- another woman- Kakashi- another woman-

I am going to fucking kill that rotten bastard!

Kakashi jumped through the window into his and Iruka's apartment, an eager smile on his face and his arms open for a hug. "Ruka!" he called enthusiastically. "I'm home!" He pulled his mask down in preparation for a kiss, already licking his lips hopefully-

He didn't get a kiss. He got a punch.

Kakashi tumbled back against wall, eyes wide in disbelief as he slammed against the cupboards and fell to his knees. He blinked, looking up at the enraged Iruka who had appeared out of literally nowhere, and slowly reached up to feel the spot he'd been hit in shock.

Iruka was glaring down at him without the slightest appearance of regret. His fists were clenched, his eyes were narrow, his mouth was set in a firm, angry line, and he looked more than ready to hit again.

"R…Ruka?" he managed, and the chuunin's face twisted in fury.

"Don't you Ruka me!" Iruka grabbed him by the front of his vest and lifted the boneless copy-nin up to his feet, shaking him like a rag doll. "Don't you dare call me that!"

"I- Iruka, what-"

"I heard about you! You and- and her!" he spat the last word out, voice shaking with venom, and he dropped Kakashi back down and turned away. "I heard about what you… you and your… your little girlfriend did, so don't even try to deny it!"

My what? Iruka… "What are you-"

"I heard about you and Matsumi! Having fun taking her out to Le Ciel? You know, the place you never took me?! Just what the fuck does she have that I don't!"

Kakashi had literally no idea what was going on, but he had never seen Iruka this angry or hurt before. Not even at the infamous chuunin exams nominations had he looked like this. And it was clearly something he had done, but Kakashi couldn't think of what he was responsible for that would make Iruka like this. He and Matsumi were just friends. She was just a medic nin whose company he rather enjoyed, and he felt that it could always be nice to have a medic nin on his side to easier schmooze into letting him out of the hospital earlier or even treating him without admitting him. Iruka had no reason to be upset about that, right?

Well, he'd obviously been wrong in his assumptions, he thought, looking up with wide eyes as his lover's shoulders shook and his mouth trembled. The younger man's expression was torn and- and just so broken that it hurt something deep inside of Kakashi, and when he saw that his eyes were brimming with tears, it felt like someone was ripping his heart in two.

"Iruka!" he gasped, on his feet in an instant, reaching out to comfort him. But the chuunin slapped his hand down and took a step back like Kakashi's touch was poisonous, and the jounin knew right then and there that nothing would ever hurt more than having his lover look at him like that.

"Iruka… b-baby… please, tell me what I did wrong. please, just tell me, and I'll make it right again, ple-"

"No! You can't take this back, Kakashi! I trusted you. I… I loved you- and you took advantage of that. No, I don't care what you do or say- you can't take this back!"

Kakashi stared. A cold horror began to fill his veins at the shattered finality in Iruka's voice, and he realized then. Whatever it was he had done, however he had hurt Iruka- this was it. He had ruined it. He had ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him, and, worse, he had hurt Iruka.

Disgust and self-loathing began to fill him, along with a certain agony that came from knowing he would never be able hold the chuunin in his arms again. He would never be able to hear Iruka say I love you again. Never feel Iruka kiss him, hold him, comfort him, love him- it was all gone, all gone because of him-

"Did you even- did you ever even mean of it?" Iruka asked, and his voice was even more broken than before. It hurt, it physically HURT to hear that. "When you said you loved me- did you ever even mean-"

"Yes!" he gasped, reaching out to touch Iruka again. The man flinched away the moment Kakashi's hand made contact. "Yes, Iruka! I always meant it! I still do- I love you, Iruka. Please, don't do this. Please. I- I l-love you-"

"I'm not the one who went out and fucked someone else. You're the one who wrecked this. You're the one who… who…" Iruka shook his head and took a step back. "I can't do this. Kakashi… get your stuff, and get out."

What?

No… no, Iruka. Please don't mean that. Please don't…

When Kakashi couldn't do anything but stare, Iruka turned away, staring at the other wall, and his voice was shaking when he continued. "Don't ever speak to me again. Don't try and make this better, because you can't. If what we had was at all special to you, you wouldn't have thrown it all away for her."

No! Iruka! PLEASE!

But it was far too late for pleading.

With one last venomous glare over his shoulder, Iruka left, leaving the frozen copy nin in his kitchen, struggling to breathe through the feeling of his heart permanently and irrecoverably being torn in two.

Despite every fiber of his being screaming at him not to, Iruka found himself sitting in a table in the darkest corner of the restaurant that night, waiting to see if Kakashi would keep his date with Matsumi. Waiting to see if Kakashi even cared enough about him to feel guilty, or if Iruka breaking up with him would give Kakashi the green light to go all out with Matsumi.

It was a bad idea, he knew it was a bad idea, and he kept telling himself that he wasn't supposed to care about Kakashi anymore, so he shouldn't give a damn what he did.

And yet, Iruka was still sitting in the corner, waiting for Kakashi to show up.

His anger boiled over when, at 8:10, the cheating bastard jounin walked in with Matsumi. His ex-lover was wearing just his uniform while the woman was clad in a dress that revealed far too much cleavage, and Iruka glared so hard at her he was almost surprised she didn't turn around.

Kakashi's eye was downcast, his shoulders slumped, and Iruka knew him well enough by now to see that he was openly upset. Then again, I also thought that I knew him well enough to know that he would never cheat on me…

Iruka silenced that thought when pain and jealousy ripped through his torso again, and he watched furiously as the two were led to a table and sat down together. Matsumi almost immediately reached across to grab Kakashi's hand, and the jounin didn't resist. He looked far too depressed to do anything but just sit there until he died.

"Oh, sweetie," Matsumi purred, and Iruka wanted to jump across the restaurant and rip her vocal chords out right then and there, just so she could never make such a sound at Kakashi again. "What's wrong? You seem sad tonight."

"I…" Kakashi started, then stopped. He closed his eye, then pulled his hand away from Matsumi's and lowered his head. "…I'm really sorry," he began, and his voice cracked. "I'm really sorry, but we can't be friends anymore, Matsumi."

Iruka blinked.

The woman looked surprised, then confused, then hurt, then back to confused again. The emotions flickered across her face in quick succession while Kakashi's remained still and- and just broken, and Iruka wandered if it was wrong he felt guilty, and not the perverse, sadistic sense of pleasure he'd intended to feel. "I don't know why," the jounin began, "but Iruka doesn't like that we're friends. …It made him so upset. …I don't think it will change anything… at least not for me. But- but I have to try!" he insisted stubbornly, opening his eye again to bore into Matsumi's. "I have to! And… if that doesn't work… at least it will stop him from hurting."

Iruka stared in absolute disbelief.

Kakashi's confusion had not disappeared. He still honestly did not seem to understand why cheating on Iruka was wrong. But- well, he knew Kakahsi was beyond socially inept, but… surely, he understood enough to know that sleeping with someone else behind Iruka's back was wrong.

But this wasn't the cliche 'he left me, and I realized that I want only him, so I'm leaving you, Matsumi'. This was… was different.

He felt the urge pulse through him to rush across the room and comfort the jounin, because he was clearly so upset, but Iruka curled his hands around his chair and stayed put as he turned his attention to Matsumi.

"Kakashi, c-come on, you're not making any sense. Who's Iruka? And, r-really, if this is all your stupid idea of a joke, it's not that funny."

Kakashi frowned slightly. "Iruka's my… or… was my boyfriend. I don't know if he is anymore."

Matsumi stared.

"You're what?!"

Iruka gasped at the explosion, looking from Matsumi to the surprised in Copy-nin in disbelief. What was going on? This was not what he had imagined- not in the slightest.

Matsumi opened and shut her mouth like a suffocating goldfish, features dominated by shock. "You're- gay?! And- and you have a boyfriend?!" she shrieked, and the beginnings of one very horrible feeling stirred in Iruka's gut- the absolutely, so, so horrible feeling that this was all some kind of terrible misunderstanding. "But then- what are- I thought that's what we were- how can you be- I thought you were my boyfriend!"

Kakashi's eye widened. "What?" he asked, tilting his head to the side in confusion. "No. Why would you think that?"

While Matsumi floundered for something to say, anything at all intelligent to gasp out, Iruka wondered if sinking into the ground and never being seen again was an option.

Oh, no.

It all made sense now. Kakashi's stubborn refusal to admit he'd done anything wrong, how confused he was, back when Iruka threw him out earlier today- how hurt he seemed now- of course he was; his lover just unfairly screamed at and broke up with him for absolutely no reason at all.

He was such an idiot.

Matsumi apparently had thought they were dating, and told her gossiping friends the same- but Kakashi had clearly thought otherwise. And, well, Iruka wanted to, but it was a bit irrational to blame Matsumi (entirely, anyway) for this- the signals she'd been sending all evening had made it very clear to him that this was a romantic couple, not two friends. Holding his hand, standing entirely in his personal space, calling him sweetie, and Kakashi, bless him, was so experience-less with dating, he had probably thought her just an overly affectionate friend.

When Kakashi dropped his head into his hands anxiously and shook it, shoulders beginning to tremble again, and said, "Look, Matsumi, I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, but please. Me spending time with you obviously bothers Iruka, and I don't know how I did it, but I've hurt him enough," Iruka couldn't take it anymore. He was up on his feet and crossing over to his distraught lover in an instant. The jounin saw him coming and froze, eye going wide, and it looked like he was trying to think of something to say, but Iruka didn't allow him to.

"God, love… I am so sorry." He folded the unresisting man into a hug, smiling faintly at how Kakashi's head drooped hesitantly onto his shoulder almost immediately. "I'm really sorry, Kakashi. I should've just talked to you first."

"I…Iruka?"

Kakashi's voice was shaking and uncertain and confused, and Iruka hugged the befuddled, hurt man tighter and nodded. Kakashi continued, voice trembling even more. "I s-swear, I was just here to tell Matsumi that we couldn't be friends anymore, because, because you said- that's all I was doing, Iruka-"

"Oh, shush, you wonderful idiot. Shh."

Kakashi obediently fell silent, and Iruka squeezed him again. "I'm sorry, love. …I love you, always." He gave him another squeeze for reassurance before turning to face Matsumi, one protective arm tight around Kakashi's shoulders, and he put his best, sweetest, warmest smile on his face as he looked at her. "I'm Iruka," he announced, as if there had ever been any doubt about that. "Kakashi's boyfriend."

Matsumi blanched. She stared blankly, and Kakashi sat limp and confused in Iruka's warm embrace while the woman looked between the two of them in disbelief. "Y-you… and him…"

Iruka nodded back, and she stammered incoherently for a couple of moments before finally managing, "But I thought- thought-"

"That you and he were a couple. Right," he finished, smile still firmly in place. "Well, you see, Matsumi, only one person gets to call Kakashi his boyfriend. And that's not you. So, you were wrong about that. Dead wrong."

13. Running Away

Kakashi ran away from commitment.

He could be called a typical man, always running for the hills whenever anything got too serious, but, really, the copy nin was far more dramatic than that. He didn't wait for something to get serious- he didn't even wait for something to develop the potential to become serious. The very moment that he sensed something could possibly become something painful- that was too late. He didn't let himself get into situations when something could eventually become serious.

He could do without human contact, without human comfort. Kakashi was selfish, and would perhaps like to be close to someone- because it was honestly so lonely, to fight and serve for people he would never be anything but an icon to, to watch others find love and be happy when he was nothing but a tool.

But everyone he ever dared to get close to… they died.

And he didn't want to experience that pain again.

Not ever.

The surefire way of protecting himself from that was just not to get close to anyone ever again. And that wasn't all so hard to do, really.

Iruka avoided commitment as well, but for different reasons than Kakashi. He didn't go running when someone tried to be his friend, he didn't flee to spare himself from future hurt when someone offered him a helpful hand and a kind smile. It wasn't friendship of any kind that he feared, but a relationship, specifically, feelings that went beyond platonic care for someone- that, he avoided.

He could blame Mizuki entirely, he supposed. Before that incident, Iruka's easy to earn trust had been his fault- he was almost too trusting to be a shinobi.

And, after Mizuki…

Trusting was bad, and dangerous.

Besides, how could he trust anyone, when he couldn't even trust his best friend?

Relationships required trust, by necessity. And so, he simply did not have relationships.

Kakashi and Iruka both ran away from commitment. And then, they met each other.

Kakashi was a wily ANBU operative with near suicidal tendencies. Relationships required trust, but trust required time, and Iruka always figured there wouldn't be enough time for Kakashi to start wondering why he wasn't being trusted- he was sure to die within the month, going out with a kunai to the heart or a jutsu taking his head off and fading away silently far from home, as was the way of the ANBU.

And Kakashi- well, Iruka was bad-tempered, a prude, a chuunin who refused to put up with his crazy ANBU quirks when they caused him pain and wouldn't let him sleep when he was home, but injured, and would force him to the hospital instead. Kakashi was lazy, half addicted to poorly written porn, unable to give a damn about things like birthdays and anniversaries and more prone to just rolling over in bed when Iruka only wanted to eat breakfast with him.

Kakashi didn't seem himself getting close to what appeared to be nothing more than an endlessly annoying chuunin for it to hurt if he died.

And, by the time it was too late, and Iruka trusted and Kakashi cared, running away from each other would've hurt more than risking betrayal and loss by staying with each other.

14. Judgement

The whole village judged Iruka after Mizuki's betrayal.

He'd been Mizuki's best friends for years. How had he not noticed that Mizuki was a traitor? Some chuunin, they'd mutter, walking past the school or the mission's room during the day, desk ninja, paper-pusher.

And then, there was the fact that Naruto- pre-genin brat, Kyuubi container, who'd failed his graduation exam four times in a row and consistently scored the worst in his class, had beaten Mizuki with nothing more than a few scrapes and bruises.

And Iruka?

Iruka had received a giant shuriken to the back, and Mizuki had won. Iruka had nearly been paralyzed, and then outclassed by his own student.

Iruka was fully aware how the rest of the village looked at him for what had happened. And what he didn't need was Sandaime explaining the situation to him, how Mizuki had lied to him and become his friend, and Iruka couldn't have been expected to know, and Naruto had only won where Iruka had failed because he had so much dammed Chakra, and Iruka had gotten hurt protecting Naruto; if it had been just him and Mizuki, then he surely would've won…

He didn't need any of that.

He didn't need an explanation… he just…

Iruka needed Kakashi then more than anything. Because Kakashi didn't judge, and that was all he needed.

15. Seeking Solace

Iruka hummed softly to the man in his arms, rocking the lost ANBU back and forth like a young child, trying to take the pain he could never understand and the horror he would never feel and hold it as his own burden- to protect Kakashi from ever feeling it again.

He would never know just what Kakashi did on those missions, those bad A-ranks and even worse S-ranks, that left him like this. That left him seeking comfort, and affection-starved, shaking from inside and intrinsically insecure and broken. That left his hands wandering if they could do anything but kill, his body, anything but hurt- Iruka would never know what Kakashi did or saw that left him like this.

And that was fine with him.

He would take Kakashi into his arms, humming to the man, cleaning what injuries there were and washing away all vestiges of blood. And when Kakashi was finally limp, boneless, but clean, they would sit together, and Iruka would hum the lullaby his mother once had, rocking the jounin back and forth and hoping he could instill some sense of peace in the man.

And, if not that, then at least Kakashi could feel loved.

That was all he could ask.

16. Excuses

"Maa, there was an old lady struggling to cross the street, and I couldn't leave the dear obaa-sama alone there. I had to offer my assistance, but then, she took me to her home, ensuring me with traps of milk and cookies for my services, and I couldn't just say no!"

"Liar!" Naruto and Sakura chorused together, and Sasuke rolled his eyes in aggravation that was due far more to Kakashi than his teammates.

...

"A black cat crossed my path, and I was forced to take a different route. I encountered several children who were struggling to practice throwing kunai and I felt so terribly bad for them; I had no choice but to stay and help, and by the time I finished with them, it was noon! I rushed here as soon as I could, but, alas-"

"Idiot!" Naruto screamed, trying to dump the ramen that had long since gone cold all over Kakashi's head. When Kakashi dodged, and Naruto wept for the woes of wasted ramen, Sakura punched them both.

...

"Well, Genma was drunk, and I was helping him home last night, and Raidou, he got the wrong idea- I ended up being arrested for sexual harassment, and charges weren't dropped until a few minutes ago, when Genma got over his hangover. You see, Raidou thought I was going to ride Genma, and-"

"Gah, Kaka-sensei! Stop sharing!" Sakura screamed, horrified at the kind of talk he seemed to find appropriate.

...

"Teaching tone deaf orphans to sing-"

"Shut up!"

...

"You see, I was walking along, and then I found the cutest dolphin in need of assistance. You see, he had dropped his books, and he just looked so adorably, absolutely befuddled, and I couldn't leave him on by his lonesome! I helped him up and gathered his things, but then he absolutely insisted on paying me back for my assistance, and now, we have a date for ramen later-"

"Stop lying!" Naruto and Sakura howled up at their unrepentant sensei, who shook his head appeasingly and held up his hands in a placating manner.

"But I tell the truth! Nothing but the truth!"

Across town, Iruka sneezed, almost dropped his books again, and wondered if someone was talking about him.

17. Vengeance

"Kakashi?"

The jounin grunted into the pillow, his body cool beneath the sheets, and Iruka wrapped his arm more securely around him. He hesitated, unsure if he wanted to bring this up now, when the topic was surely so tender and raw, but…

"Kakashi… you said, to Sasuke…"

Sure enough, Kakashi stiffened at his now ex-student's name, but Iruka kept on, holding him a little tighter for reassurance but continuing on with the question.

"You said that vengeance wasn't worth it. And I'm not saying that you're wrong, but… after everyone that you've lost… how is it that you- that you can say that? …How is it that Sasuke and you turned out so different, yet started out so much the same?"

Kakashi grunted again. "You've lost people, too," he said gruffly, clearly a deflection rather than an answer. "You don't need to ask me."

Iruka chuckled uncomfortably. "Yes, Kakashi, but I could hardly get revenge for my parents' deaths. Back then, we all thought Kyuubi was just a force of nature… what was I supposed to do, hunt down Mother Nature herself?" His attempt to soften the situation fell flat, and he bit his lip, then curled his arm around Kakashi tighter and sighed. "Look, I'm sorry. You don't have to answer if you don't want to. …I was just curious…"

Kakashi paused, and Iruka resolved to just stay quiet and not ask him again. It was a sensitive subject, he knew, and now, of all times, Kakashi didn't need him bringing up any hard topics and making this more difficult for him than he already was. The man was already hurting enough.

Thus, Iruka was surprised when, a few long moments later, the jounin reached up to join hands with Iruka and cleared his throat. "I never wanted revenge… for two reasons. The first, is because I already had it. Those responsible for… for what happened to Obito and Rin, I killed during the mission. I didn't have a choice. My sensei… as you said, it was Kyuubi, nature- I couldn't exactly want or get revenge for that. And the other… I blamed myself, for what happened to them. Obito, Rin, and my father… I blamed myself. I can't exactly get revenge against myself."

Iruka heard the unspoken present tense, that he did still blame himself, and did nothing more than squeeze his hand comfortingly, encouraging him to go on. Kakashi knew his opinion on the matter, and repeating it now would likely only spur an argument, and that was something Iruka didn't want to happen. He stayed quiet instead, letting Kakashi talk.

"However, the principle of the thing- it's the same. What it comes down to is… is whether the people left alive are more important to you than those who left you behind. If you can live again, even with them gone. …Just because I ended up as a practically suicidal ANBU just waiting for the mission that would do him in, and Sasuke… Sasuke, as a revenge-obsessed missing nin…" His voice cracked on the last two words, and the pale hand around Iruka's squeezed tighter. "It's the same thing. …And I hoped that having people who cared about him would be enough, for Sasuke. But he's just t-too… he was just too fucking stubborn to realize t-that…" Kakashi shuddered, and Iruka held him even tighter, wishing he could make him just forget about Sasuke's recent betrayal, understand that it was not his fault.

"…It was enough for me," Kakashi finished, in a tremulous whisper. He turned in Iruka's arms to bury his face into his chest, a head of silver cradled beneath his chin. "You were enough for me." A grey eye hesitantly wandered up to his face as Kakashi leaned back slightly so he could look at the chuunin. "…Thank you for saving me from what Sasuke became."

Kakashi initiated the kiss, and Iruka let him take what he needed, rough and demanding to gentle and submissive, but he could only think that there was one difference, between Kakashi and Sasuke.

Kakashi had wanted to be saved.

Sasuke didn't.

18. Love

Iruka would never tell anyone this- and nobody would ever believe him, anyway- but Kakashi liked kisses more than sex.

That wasn't to say Kakashi didn't enjoy sex- oh, quite the opposite. He wasn't the sex fiend he was rumored to be, but he didn't read porn constantly for nothing- the man was insatiable.

…Even when he started to get too sore to sit down.

But, kisses… those drove Kakashi wild.

Part of it was every time Kakashi pulled down his mask for Iruka and met his lips with a kiss, it was a sign that Kakashi was trusting like he never had before. Iruka knew how happy it made Kakashi, that he had finally found someone to trust so deeply, someone he didn't have to hide behind his walls around, that he could just be open and himself without fear of being judged or reprimanded for not being the perfect shinobi he was supposed to be.

That was part of it, yes…

But what really nudged kisses up and past sex was what they meant to him.

Kakashi was a hardened ANBU operative with over ten years in the service. He also was quite attractive. Iruka hadn't been particularly surprised to find out that a good portion of Kakashi's missions, when not assassinations, were seduction ones.

He didn't want to know how many people Kakashi had slept with for information. He also didn't want to know how many times he'd been captured and taken advantage of on missions; he knew it had happened, most nins strong enough to capture an ANBU weren't squeamish about what methods they used to make their prisoners talk. Rape was unfortunately common among the elite shinobi, and even if Iruka had never experienced it himself, he knew that.

Kakashi knew that sex didn't mean love. Before Iruka, sex had always meant a mission to him; a mission gone wrong, or right, depending on the circumstances. And missions weren't something that represented love to him.

But, kisses…

Seduction missions rarely included kisses. The quick, hardly intimate fucks, just to get close to the client- kisses weren't often included in that. And, Iruka had read the reports- the sexual abuse that occurred far too often on missions went wrong was rough, fast, and painful. No kisses were involved in that.

And that was why Kakashi liked kisses even more than sex. Not because sex held bad memories for him.

Because kisses meant love.

19. Tears

Iruka loved it when Kakashi cried.

No, he wasn't a sadist. Let him explain.

Obito's eye often cried for Kakashi. Whenever he was sad, or unhappy, or hurt, Obito's eye would start up the waterworks, and sometimes, Kakashi would rub at it in embarrassment and mutter damn crybaby… But Kakashi's eye would stay mysteriously dry. It was as if his long dead teammate cared more about his suffering than Kakashi himself.

That wasn't what Iruka enjoyed. He hated it when Obito cried.

But, when Kakashi cried… it was entirely different.

Kakashi cried when he was happy, only happy, only so unbelievably happy that it made Iruka's heart swell to see him smile so. He cried when Iruka said I love you for the first time, he cried the night after Sasuke finally returned home, he cried when Naruto was finally anointed Hokage and the entire village was in celebration.

And Kakashi would often get embarrassed then, too, but Iruka would hold his hand down from wiping at the stubborn droplets and instead stare, fascinated.

Oh, how he loved it when Kakashi was so happy.

(Not that this had anything to do with it, but he also often got great sex out of the deal whenever Kakashi was like that. But that had absolutely nothing to do with it.)

20. My Inspiration

Jiraiya's works were strictly lesbian and the odd heterosexual pairings. There was none of the gay. Why? Because it was no secret that Jiraiya was the biggest pervert in the universe, and his books were a manifestation of that- and he wasn't attracted to men.

But, when Kakashi came begging, he decided he could step out of his comfort zone for his biggest fan. Kakashi would just be the owner of the limited edition, only-one-copy-in-existence Icha Icha Yaoi.

…

Iruka hadn't been very confident when he found out that Kakashi's birthday present for him was a book.

He was even less confident when he found out that Kakashi wanted to read him the book aloud.

"Pleaaaaase!" Kakashi begged pitifully, the surprisingly plain book clasped between his hands as he stuck out his lower lip in a pout, lone eye going wide and dewy in the most pathetic puppy dog face Iruka had ever seen. "Oh, please, Iruka! I know you'll love it!"

"Kakashi…"

"Pretty, pretty please!"

"Kakashi, look-"

"Pretty, pretty please!"

Iruka decided to give in before Kakashi's impersonation of a three year old got any more scary. "Oh, all right!" he grumbled. "But, I swear to god, if you're going to just read porn to me…"

"Oh, Sensei, but you know you love that." Kakashi beamed with the victory before bouncing over to sit next to him, opening up the book eagerly. Iruka caught sight of a handwritten note on the first page and grabbed at it when Kakashi tried to turn past it, wanting to read it for himself.

"My biggest fan," he read aloud, worming out of Kakashi's reach, "For your faithful following of my series ever since the very first installment was published, I give you a birthday present for your lover boy. I hope you don't mind that I'll be using the dashing hero saving the pretty teacher scenario for my next novel- you guys serve as a great inspiration. P.S.- don't tell Iruka that I'm making him the blushing bride. I'd like to keep my manhood intact, thanks."

…

Needless to say, Jiraiya's novel based off of a female Iruka never got published, and Kakashi was too sore to walk for a week.