YO! 'SUP GUYS :D ...Okay, I am AWARE that many other people have had the same idea as this like LeoInuyuka (MY LOVE :D) but-and I'm not shitting you here, I had my own bro as witness to this-I thought of this before I found out anybody else was thinking of it as well. So it is simply a case of great minds thinking alike ;)

And, as tribute to her awesomeness, I use the sort of same thing as she does at the end of each chapter but as more just amusing quotes with some connection to the chapter :D

EDIT: I've just read this chapter again whilst writing chapter 61 and dear lord, this thing has changed entirely. So, whilst it says slightly AU in the description, what I really mean is that I've jumped up and down on the canon several times and made a billion or so changes to everything.

***WARNING***

This fic does take an extremely dark turn and so if you're looking for pure crack and humour then you'll only really enjoy the first few chapters. For people who are looking for a slightly dark fic then I suggest that you take the first few chapters as my way of poking fun at some silly things that occur in the KHR universe (e.g. child geniuses) before it makes that turn for the worse I mentioned :)


Death: Noun 1. The action or fact of dying or being killed; the end of the life of a person or organism. 2. An instance of a person or an animal dying.

I stared blankly at the woman before me who was smiling way too much for someone who had just said 'this is the state you are in right now' and then showed me a dictionary with the definition of death in it.

...What the fuck?

I looked down at the dictionary again, half expecting the words to change. They didn't.

What the fuck?

Up at the smiling woman. Down at the dictionary. Up at woman. Down at dictionary. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up.

What the fuck?!

"Is something wrong?" the woman asked, still smiling brightly.

Well, of course there is! I just died according to you!

Breathing deeply, I didn't bother to answer the woman, wrapped up in my own thoughts. Okay, think back girl. Don't freak out, try and think back to why you are here and why the hell you are dead!

When did I die? Wednesday. Wednesday afternoon.

Where was I? On the high street.

How did I die?

That question made my memories come rushing back with such force I felt like I had been hit by a motorbike. Not a train or bus, a motorbike. Why a motorbike? Because they are badass. And even in death, your have to keep up appearances, right?

...Right?

As I mentioned earlier, I died on a Wednesday. Now I think about it, that is damn depressing. Half way through the school week, Wednesday is the day you cry 'Why me God?!' as you struggle through with your almost dead body, wanting to end it all.

I hated Wednesdays but not because of school since, I didn't go. Well, rarely went.

My school thought it was because of family issues, drugs and all that crap. It wasn't that at all. I was in all honestly a little messed up in the head. Not a disability but just this stupid screaming voice in my head wanting me to be rebellious and screw my chances of having a good life.

All my friends (also stupid truants just like me) said it was all because you only live once and my brain was telling me not to spend the beginning of it in a classroom and then an office somewhere. But it couldn't of been that since I always felt the guilt and regret that someone with a 'live everyday like its your last' shouldn't feel.

I wasn't an idiot. I got good grades when I actually went into school. I knew what I was doing was wrong. And yet, I still did it. Like an idiot.

The reason I hated Wednesdays was that my school had arranged for me to have therapy sessions on that day. And it was in those therapy sessions I not only had major guilt trips but had to constantly deny my family were the ones who had made me this way and that I didn't take drugs.

My family were great people. My mom was a no nonsense but loving woman, my dad a goofy lovable man and my elder brother a smart happy boy.

The fact I was constantly letting them down made me feel a hell of a lot guiltier.

And on Wednesday, the day I had these stupid therapy sessions, I died.


About an hour before I died I had been with my friends. "Hey, crazy chick!" One of them had called out to me from the swings we had been on all day, skipping school again. Being the only girl with this group of boys (I was one of those girls who made friends better with boys than I did girls but not because I was socially awkward at that crap, more because I didn't give two shits about people the same gender as me) I turned, withdrawing the cigarette from my mouth.

I said I didn't do drugs. Never said anything about smoking though.

"What?"

He snickered. "I said chick, not cross dressing girl!"

I glared at him, flicking away my cigarette. I had short hair, dyed black simply because I liked it that way and I rarely wore skirts. Part of me had always wondered whether it would have been better if I had just been born a boy in the first place with me having no girly habits in any way. "Do you want to get fucking punched?"

"Calm yourself, I was I only joking!" the boy (his name was Max, I remembered) reassured me with a grin. "You going to that therapy shit today?"

"Fuck that Suzzi!" someone else shouted. "If you do go they'll probably lock you up somewhere being as crazy as you are!"

I had flipped him off, laughter exploding around the group as I did so. "If anyone's going to get locked up, it's you," I sneered as I stood up from the swings. "I'll give them the hint whilst I'm there."

"Oooooh, I'm so scared!" Another guffaw of laughter. It wasn't easy to ignore them and, as I exited the park, I had found myself grinning as they yelled their goodbyes. It didn't take me long to get there and, having time to kill, I bought some food from the shop.

Munchies are the fucking shit by the way. Just saying.

It was as I was stuffing my face I saw a man exiting the therapist's building and smirked.

He probably thought that therapist was a nutcase too...

I was wrong though. I realised this as the man suddenly ran towards me ands swung his fist back.

This guy was a real nutcase.

To be truthful, I had been in my fair share of fights, winning most of them. But even with this experience, I would have never dodged that punch.

It smacked me hard in the face, more specifically the forehead. Someone screamed as I fell backwards, still confused about what the hell was happening and half thinking it was a dream. My head hit the floor with a sickening thud and then it all went black.

And that was that. My life had ended abruptly.

You read about this stuff, these tragic incidents where people are randomly attacked and felled in one punch. And, right now as I stand here wherever here is with the creepy smiley woman and remembering everything that had just happened to me, I should probably be self pitying myself.

Instead, I was frustrated at myself. Frustrated about how I had done nothing really good before dying. Frustrated about how I had never really changed my life around. Frustrated at how if I had just gone to school and stopped being this terrible person, I could be living right now.

"Susanne Alleson?" I looked up at the smiling woman and then down at the dictionary. Up. Down. Up. Dow-

Fuck, I really need to stop doing that.

Wait, how the hell does she know my name?

"I know many things about you!" she told me happily.

Oh? Like what?

"Fifteen years old, a tomboy and dead!"

...That is depressing you know?

"I apologize!" She told me cheerfully.

You don't sound very sorry...wait, are you reading my mind?

"Very much so!"

...What the fuck?!

Ah, I see the earlier pattern of my words has returned...

"Please refrain from such language!" she scolded me lightly as I began to stare at her. She looks...familiar...really familiar...

My head suddenly pulsed with pain and I scrunched my eyes up, a groan of pain escaping my lips. "Fucking nutcase..." I muttered in references to the guy who had punched me, opening my eyes to see the smiley woman now standing uncomfortably close to me. Oi. Ever heard of personal space?

She ignored me.

Well, at least I think she did since she is a mind reader...

"You did die from internal bleeding so I suppose it would be natural for you to acquire brain damage!"

...Does this chick even know how damaging the crap that comes out of her mouth is?

"I am only stating facts!"

Yeah, damaging fucking facts!

I've got brain damage now! Brain damage and I'm dead! Also, who the fuck are you? And if you tell me you are god, I will flip. Gods are meant to be sympathetic, all knowing and comforting people. Not smiley, oblivious and damaging people!

"I am not god."

Thank the lord then!

Wait...where the hell am I?

...Admittedly, I should have been probably wondering about that earlier. But I was kind of distracted by being told I'm dead, remembering my own death and then discovering I might have brain damage. But hang on, if I'm dead why would having brain damage matter?

Ugh, I don't understand this at all...

"Now, we must be getting along!" 'Smileatron' told me, clasping her hands together making me twitch at the noise.

Get the hell out of my face damn it! Then we'll talk!

"No time for that I'm afraid!" she clasped my hands and shook them, still exuberating happiness.

I could almost see the sparkles coming off her.

"It was really nice to meet you and I hope you like living my life as much as I do yours!"

Well it was terrible meeting you and-what the hell are you on about; living my life? Enjoying it?

None of those things make any sense to me!

"Goodbye Susanne Alleson!"

Wait, where the hell do you think you're going?! You still need to explain what the hell is going on here!

In my slight panic, I moved to grab her only to have my eyes burnt by bright light.

The sight of some random guy dressed in some blue dress thing with a medical mask over his mouth then greeted me.

'Sup. Now, where the fuck am I?

Instead of saying something that sounded remotely near that, it came out as 'unwhargab huggea prrrraah'

The guy gave me a look that said 'the fuck is that even meant to sound like' and passed me over to someone else who rubbed me with a towel. It was then I noticed I was covered in blood or at least something that looked like it.

...Holy shit, what the hell happened? Did I kill someone or something?

But, if it was that nutcase I shall feel no remorse.

I then noticed another thing.

Why is everyone a...giant?

Now, as I mentioned earlier, I'm not an idiot. Well, I am but not grade wise. So, when saw my own chubby fingers as I lifted my hand up to do something (I hadn't thought it through to be honest), I figured out I was no longer a fifteen years old.

I was a baby. A fucking self-aware baby.

As I tried to get my head around this new revelation-I am a self aware baby. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!- I was passed to yet another person who, upon seeing her face, made me freeze.

She was beautiful.

Not like a model was with makeup on and a figure to die for but just...beautiful. She in all honesty looked like a goddess with honey colored hair and soft grey eyes that looked at me only with love. "My daughter..."

...Wait, what. Did she just say 'my daughter'? Does this mean I am a goddess's daughter? And goddess's speak Japanese?

What the hell is going on? And where the hell am I? Japan?

A man then made his way over to my goddess mother and he draped an arm round her shoulder, giving them an affectionate squeeze. "She's got your nose," he whispered, one of his hands then reaching over to touch my head.

I glared at him. The hell do you think you are doing?!

"Your brother's feistiness too Hatsumi!" the man with blue eyes and dark brown hair laughed, 'Hatsumi' smiling.

"Naoki, I sincerely hope not. Ryo and Kohiro are more than enough on their own..."

Naoki (who I guess is my new dad) shuddered a little before bending down and giving his partner a kiss.

Oh, please, I am not for this whole sappy crap.

They were thankfully interrupted by a loud yell. "EEEEXXXXTTTTWWWEEEEMMMEEE!"

...And now I am deaf. Things are going so damn well aren't they?

There was a flash of silver followed by a man with the same colour for his hair and honey coloured eyes. With one look I could tell he was related to my mother, both having the same heart shaped faces. "Sorry, I took my eyes off him for a second and he ran off!" the man apologized sheepishly, Naoki groaning.

"Kohiro..."

Hatsumi continued to smile brightly. "It can't be helped now Naoki. Anyway, Ryo probably couldn't wait to meet his new sister so why shouldn't we let him see her? Kohiro-oni-kun, would you put Ryo on the bed for me?"

So he's her brother and my uncle...

Kohiro lifted up a small boy who had a plaster over his nose and a grin on his face. "EXTWEME!" he repeated in his childish voice. The boy couldn't have been any older than two, perhaps even younger, and he literally gave of a shock wave of energy to everyone around him.

A hyper brother? Ohh boy...

"Ryo," my mum began softly. "This is your new sister."

'Ryo' looked at me, his eyes seeming to burn with excitement. "EXTWEME sister?"

"Yes," and it was her next words that sent me into shock more than anything else had done today. "Your extreme new sister, Sasagawa Kyoko."

...Not even a million words can describe how screwed I, the tomboy through and through, is now after having become the most girly girl in the whole of Katekyo Hitman Reborn. The girl I despise with all my heart. The girl that I had seen when I had died who was super cheerful. The girl I was now forced to live as.

...THAT FUCKING SPARKLY BITCH!

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And as the wheels of fate turn against us, remember this : It's destiny my love. Destiny and a chicken.


I FINISHED :D A big pain to do on the iPad but worth it in a way :)


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