Chapter 13

xxx

There was something to be said about watching people when they didn't know you were watching.

It may not have been polite, but it also wasn't always the disaster that novels would have you believe.

After Mac had finished her dance with Will... Okay, it might have been two dances, but who was counting? No one other than her, that was certain.

Well, almost certain.

Anyway, after the two of them had finished dancing, they'd found Nancy and Charlie again and settled in for a chat.

Mac hadn't seen Nancy Skinner in years, and she'd always liked the woman, so she'd appreciated the chance to catch up. Then she'd insisted they mix with the room a little, ignoring Will's grumbles.

She'd promised him they'd start with the staff to pacify him.

First she'd found the guys, and congratulated them (but especially Neal) on their tuxes, even if she hadn't mentioned the clip-on bowties.

(Will had. The word 'amateurs' might have been used. More than once. Particularly as Don and Sloan chose that moment to join them.)

Mac had left when things started devolving into bickering, choosing instead to find Maggie and tell her that her dress was lovely.

She'd slowly made her way through the newsroom staff before stopping to talk to some of the other people from the network, and the other guests.

Somewhere along the way she'd lost Will, but she wasn't worried.

She knew he'd find her again eventually.

And if he didn't, she'd find him.

Eventually, she'd needed a break from the ballroom. Not just from the heat, but from the crowds. She'd just wanted a moment to herself.

Which was why she was standing on one of the (many) balconies that connected to the venue. She'd picked one of the ones that was a little further out of the way, curving around the corner of the ballroom so that she could watch the room without being directly visible herself.

Right now she was watching Jim and Neil make Maggie laugh.

It was enough to make Mac want to laugh herself.

She hadn't seen Maggie look that happy (that light) in months. Even if her hair still wasn't blonde (and maybe it never would be again), she no longer looked like the world was weighing her down.

Mac hoped her plan to bring the newsroom closer had contributed to that, even just a little.

Maybe it had.

And maybe...

Her reverie was broken by a voice behind her.

"I thought I'd find you out here."

She smiled, pleased to have been proven right. "Did you?" she asked, turning to greet him.

Will nodded. "I might have checked a few of the other balconies first though. Do you know how many there are?"

"I heard a dozen," Mac replied. She'd overheard it as she'd made her way out here. She wasn't sure it was true, but it sounded good.

Will seemed to accept the figure. "I didn't check that many."

"Good," she murmured, wondering why they were even talking about this.

Then he was standing beside her (still ridiculously handsome) watching the staff, and Mac decided she didn't care what they talked about.

"Spying?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Just watching."

For once, he didn't demand to know what the difference was, didn't pick the fight. "They look happy," he said eventually.

For some reason, Mac felt tears prick in the corners of her eyes. She blinked them back. "I was just thinking exactly the same thing."

"You know a lot of that's you," he told her.

Mac shook her head. She couldn't take all of the credit. Maybe some (maybe a little), but not all. "I think you helped too, and they did a lot."

"But you're the captain, Mac," Will told her, reaching out to brush his hand against hers. "You run the ship."

She shook her head again. "You run the ship. I'm first mate."

"Maybe we run the ship together?" Will asked softly.

She turned towards him then, saw how serious he was. "I can live with that," she told him.

"Either way," he told her. "You did good. They're good newsmen... newswomen... news-people?"

She laughed. "Yeah, they're good news-people."

"They really are having a good time," Will observed, watching as Maggie started playfully chasing Neal around Jim.

"Mmhm," Mac agreed.

"So why are you out here all by yourself then?" Will asked.

She glanced at him again . "I'm not by myself."

He rolled his eyes. "Before I came out here," he clarified.

Maybe I was waiting for you, Mac thought to herself. Maybe I was hoping you'd join me. But she said, "Just wanted to get some air."

"You'd tell me if something's wrong?" he asked tentatively.

She turned towards him fully then, smiling. "Nothing's wrong, Will," she assured him firmly. "I really just needed a bit of quiet."

"Okay."

"Honestly, this from the man who spends most parties holed up in his office," she grumbled.

Will looked offended. "When was the last time I did that?" he demanded.

Mac paused, realizing that it had been some time ago. Her smile grew. "You're right; you have been less reclusive lately."

"I could hardly help it," he grumbled. "The way you've been lately. On some sort of organization kick..."

"What's wrong with that?" Mac demanded. "Look how well it turned out!" she said gesturing to the laughing group in the ballroom.

Will turned back. "I guess the staff's been getting closer lately. All those types of things you like, suggest... potlucks, meeting at the bar for drinks..." He turned to stare at her.

Mac tried very hard not to fidget. "I happen to think it's good for the working environment if we actually enjoy each other's company in the newsroom."

"It was all for the newsroom," Will said slowly.

Mac wondered why they were back to this all of a sudden. She thought they'd already settled this. She swallowed and took a risk. "You know it wasn't, Will."

He held her gaze, and Mac felt her heart rate increase. "What else was it for?"

"Will..." she murmured, irritated by the slight waver in her voice. No one else would have even picked up on it, but Will noticed things. And all of his attention was focused on her. And it was like he was repeating this conversation deliberately, like he trying to... Like he was provoking... She shivered.

The bastard actually smirked. "Cold?"

"No," she whispered. She couldn't stand it if he suggested going back inside right now. She absolutely would not be able to stand it. And he was confusing her in his current mood, whatever the hell it was.

Instead of suggesting they head back inside where it was warmer, Will smiled at her slowly, and shrugged out of his jacket. She tilted her head in protest. "Oh, that's not..."

But he was already draping it over her shoulders, sliding his hands almost unbearably slowly down her arms to tuck it around her.

Mac shivered again, tilting her head up to face him

She could see the triumph in his eyes.

"You've been planning things?" he repeated.

Mac didn't see any point in denying it. She was fairly certain he didn't want her to. "Yes."

"Why?" he asked slowly.

Mac closed her eyes, her brain reminding her of Charlie's opinion. Maybe it was time to take the leap. To actually talk to him about what she... "I just... I wanted you to be happy," she whispered, so quietly she wasn't entirely sure he'd be able to hear her. "I didn't know if I could make you happy, or even happier, but still. I just wanted to do something... Sometimes you seem sad."

"So do you," Will murmured from behind her.

That observation surprised her. "Will?"

She felt him walk around to stand directly in front of her, his hands on her shoulders. She opened her eyes and found his boring into her intently. "You don't think I want to be happy? That I want you to be happy."

Mac had no idea how he'd gotten there. She shook her head violently. "No, I do. I just think things get complicated in that big brain of yours."

To her relief, that made him smile softly. "You're not so simple yourself, Dulcinea."

Mac frowned. After all, she'd spent most of her life being told she had the worst poker face in the world. Often by him. "I'm an open book."

"Yeah," Will agreed. "But you tell a story the person reading has to pay attention to each and every word to understand."

Her breath caught. "You never seemed to have much of a problem with that," she said, her voice low. He'd always understood her better than anyone else. Even if they sucked at actually communicating a lot of the time.

And anyway, she had to believe they were getting better.

Something his next words only confirmed. "I've always liked getting lost in a good book."

Mac swallowed, shifting forward. "Like those big mystery novels of yours?"

She watched a corner of his mouth, quirk up. "Except without the murder."

Mac was almost surprised he hadn't accused her of killing their relationship (metaphorically of course). And then she reminded herself that he wasn't doing that anymore, and the thought warmed her almost more than his jacket on her shoulders. "Hmm."

"Do things always have to be so complicated?" Will asked eventually, when she didn't speak.

She could only answer truthfully. "I really hope not."

He nodded. "Thank you for everything," he murmured, before kissing her on the temple.

"Will..." she whispered.

"I like spending time with you, Mackenzie," he told her. "I really like it."

"I just wanted to give you something," she replied desperately. "I wanted you to be less lonely. I wanted to show you, to try to make you see that... It's not just me, Billy. It's not. They all love you too. And you're good with them. You're good with Neal and Maggie and Sloan. Sloan who thinks you're a big brother... You know..." she swallowed. "Don't you?"

He reached out and grabbed her elbow again, squeezing tightly, his eyes telling her more than anything he could have said.

He had such nice eyes.

She shut her own, needing a minute. It was one thing to say you were going to take a risk, another to be right in the middle of it. She was going to see it through – she needed to see it through – but she was still shaking a little.

To her surprise, it was Will who broke the silence first. "Hey Mac?"

"Yeah?" she whispered, opening her eyes.

He paused. "This little plan of yours, to..."

"Help you make friends?" she suggested, trying to find a little levity.

She could tell Will appreciated it, even as he pretended to look annoyed. "Hey!"

So she softened her statement. "Create a community then."

He nodded his agreement. "Did you ever see yourself as part of it?"

She frowned, not really understanding the question. "Of course. I'm your EP."

"Of course," Will agreed, deflating a little.

"And I thought we just decided we were both leading this little ship," she added, trying to work her way towards what needed to be said.

He nodded warily.

And Mac knew she'd have to push just a little farther. "I like to think I'm your friend."

"You know you are," he whispered softly.

Mac smiled. She hadn't known, not until very recently. And she was still getting used to how wonderful that was. "I like to think that I belong."

He just watched her.

She swallowed, knowing they were approaching the point of no return. "Will?"

"Yeah?" he whispered.

"I think I'm pretty central." She was. She had to be. They both did. She'd wanted to put him at the centre, but they were both there now. They both...

"Yeah," he breathed again.

Mac looked up at him, gathering her courage. "I'm the mastermind."

That made him smirk again. Then his expression turned serious. "And so you can take it away?"

She shook her head violently, resisting the urge to hit him for even thinking it. "I would never do that."

He turned solemn. "I know."

"Even if I could," she assured him.

"You could." He didn't sound defeated, just matter of fact.

Still, Mac didn't like it. "I don't think so."

"You would if you left," Will suggested tentatively.

She frowned, displeased. Was that what he thought? Was that what he was worried about? After they'd survived so much? After all the ratings hits, and Genoa, and Maggie and... Like hell was she going anywhere! "Why would I leave now, after all that's happened?"

Will grabbed both of her hands. "How central are you?"

The answer she desperately wanted to give clogged in her throat. So she answered with another question. "How central do you want me to be?"

But Will refused to be pushed into a corner. "How central do you want to be?"

Mac hesitated, her guilt surfacing before she could help it. "I don't know if that's my decision or..."

Luckily, Will cut off that line of thinking. "No! Forget all the crap. Cards on the table. How central do you want to be, Mackenzie?"

She wasn't sure why she had to go first, but maybe one of them had to. And maybe, maybe he would never be able to start it. Maybe that was half the problem. Which just left her. "You know the answer to that."

"Mac..." He sounded almost pained.

She watched him carefully, her eyes narrowing when she saw his doubt. She'd always assumed that she couldn't have been more obvious if she'd tried. How could he not... "You do, don't you?"

"You said you'd moved on," he whispered.

She stared at him, too shocked to be irritated. "When?"

"When you were dating Wade," he mumbled.

Mac decided that one advantage to overwhelming shock was that it made it difficult to be terrified. "That was years ago!" she all but yelled.

Will glanced down, trying to defend himself. "All the more reason to..."

But Mac was having none of it. He wasn't getting out of it that easily. "And you were dating anything and everything in a skirt! And Nina Howard!"

His head shot up and she saw fire in his eyes. Good.

"Yes!" he snapped. "Because I was trying to move on. And then you didn't answer my message..."

She continued to stare. "I didn't get it! And then you wouldn't tell me what it said!" She'd found out later, but not from him. And she really wasn't sure what that had to do with anything at this point.

"I know!" Will practically growled.

"God Will!" she snapped.

"How central do you want to be, Mackenzie?" he practically roared at her, remembering to keep his voice down (at least a little) at the last second.

"As central as you'll let me!" she heaved back at him. The shock of the admission froze her in place the second the words were out of her mouth. She'd always expected to have to take the first step, but she'd also expected to be able to work up to it, and not just toss the words out in an argument. Maybe she should have known better.

Will was similarly stunned. "What?" he said eventually.

Mac took a breath and finally decided to just jump. Anyway, it wasn't like she could feel worse about this if it didn't work out, if he still hated her, if... She shook her head and ploughed on. McHales were never cowards, after all. "I've never moved on, Will," she said, her voice hoarse with emotion. "Not really. Maybe I tried, because I thought... I figured it was hopeless, or healthier, or whatever. But..."

She swallowed, before continuing. "I've been in love with you forever. And I know that I... That... I know..." Mac tried to explain, tried to articulate all the thoughts in her head, the words flying around her brain. But they wouldn't come out. She shook her head in frustration, but it didn't help. Her frustration seemed to cut off any ability for speech, but she needed to tell him. This was the closest they'd been in months to finally... She couldn't lose...

Practically growling in frustration at her own deficiencies, Mackenzie flew across the balcony towards him and used her mouth for a different purpose, stretching up and kissing him. It'd been weeks, maybe months coming. She'd been contemplating throwing herself at him for weeks. She couldn't hold herself back a second longer.

It was obvious that his initial reaction was shock.

Luckily his second was to grab her hips and pull her roughly against him.

Mackenzie moaned in relief. She felt his jacket slide off her shoulders to the ground, but couldn't have cared less. She ignored the fact that she still couldn't form a coherent idea in her brain, closing her eyes and losing herself in the feel of him.

Sometimes words were overrated anyway.

She took her time in exploring him (who knew when she'd get another chance), feeling his hands tighten with every sweep of her tongue.

She half-hoped he'd leave bruises.

Or maybe just never let go.

Except that she felt him drag himself away from her after a minute or so. Too soon. Way too soon. She whimpered before she could stop herself. Back. She wanted him back. (Everything was so clear when he was against her.)

But he wouldn't come. To her frustration, Will's hands on her waist were holding her firmly at arm's length.

She dropped her hands from where they'd been buried in his hair.

The pain of feeling Will physically push her away from him ripped through her with an all-consuming ache as terrible as she'd always known it would be. The cool night air hitting her felt like a slap after the warmth of his body against hers. For a moment, Mackenzie wasn't even sure she was breathing. She felt broken. This was why she'd never dared take the risk before. Damn him and his handsome, tempting, tuxedo-wearing self.

Then Mackenzie steeled herself, gathering together the pieces of her potentially shattered heart. She wasn't ready to give up yet. This time, she was going to fight. This time, she was going to try, to talk. She raised her eyes from her toes and met his.

What she saw there knocked the breath from her lungs, and most of the pain went with it.

The expression in his eyes was… He hadn't looked at her like that in years. Maybe he'd never looked at her like that.

His eyes were wide and surprised. But not angry and definitely not rejecting.

If anything they were...

Longing.

And now that her eyes were open, Mackenzie could see that Will wasn't actually that far away. Still touching. And while he was holding her at arm's length, his grip was still tight. She couldn't push closer, but she was also suddenly certain that she wouldn't have been able to pull away either.

He wouldn't let her leave. He didn't want her to go.

She forced the panic down, swallowing bravely. She didn't take her eyes off of his, reaching a hand back up to play with the hair at the back of his neck.

She saw the relief ripple through him. "You're central," he rasped out after a moment, his breath blowing hot against her cheek. "You're right in the goddamn middle, Mackenzie."

And then Mac didn't mind so much that he'd practically wrenched his lips from hers only moments before. Her eyes filled with tears and she bit her lip to stifle a sob.

His hands moved up to her shoulders, gripped them tight, almost shaking her. The desperation in his fingertips sent her heart galloping in her chest. "I mean it," he whispered harshly. "I want... it's always been you. I forget to be lonely when you're... I want you near me. I want you close. I just... But I can't... I need you close to me and not close to... anyone else..."

That was when Mac finally lost sight of his eyes burning through her; her tears overflowed, blurring her vision. She buried her face against his neck, nodding furiously. She felt both his hands slip down her shoulders to her back and wrapped one of her own around his waist, the other reaching up to cradle his neck. "Billy... Yes." she gasped, running her lips across his pulse point when the god damn words still wouldn't come.

She felt his quick intake of breath against her chest before his arms tightened around her. And for one wonderful second of clarity, before her insecurities could rush in and take over, Mac felt like everything might be alright.

And then, when the insecurities did start threatening the edges of her brain (because they always did, because how could anything actually be this good), and they reminding her that she'd already fucked this up, that she didn't deserve him, that he'd never truly forgive her, and that she really was no good at this, she felt him tip her chin up to meet his.

And he was kissing her.

Not like before. Not because she'd surprised him.

But deliberately, and definitely desperately.

Mac stretched up onto the very tips of her toes and tangled her hand in his hair as she fought back with her lips. Fought for him, for the desire, the need, the love. Fought for what she wanted and fought against everything telling her it shouldn't be hers. Fought the media, the doubts in his head, and the insecurities in her own.

A surge of joy ran through her when she realized she wasn't the only one fighting.

Will was meeting her; the fight was coming from both sides.

God, she'd always loved fighting with him.

She could feel it in the way his teeth nipped at her bottom lip, in the way his hand tangled in her hair, in the way the other pressed into the small of her back until she couldn't possibly get any closer.

And she gave in to the fight.

When Will finally pulled back, his eyes wide, Mackenzie could see the shock in them now, plainly visible for all that he was usually better at schooling his expressions. She was sure his eyes were nothing to hers; the way her head was spinning, they'd probably tell him anything he wanted to know.

But she couldn't bring herself to care about that. All she could concentrate on at the moment was breathing in and out she tried to breathe normally. She thought she caught a ghost of a grin before pressure on the small of her back propelled her back towards him. Curling easily into his chest, Mac bit her lip, trying not to grin too foolishly when she felt his chin drop against the top of her head.

She tilted her head up to brush her lips against his neck, pleased when it resulted in a stifled gasp and an answering kiss against her temple.

That was when she stopped trying to contain her smile.

"Right in the centre," he muttered. "Without you it all feels fucking pointless anyway."

She tilted her head up. "Without you it's not our show."

He smiled at her. And right then, right that second, Mac realized how much she'd missed his smile. The real one. The one that was just for her. "Billy..."

"Hm?" he asked, still smiling as he twirled a lock of her hair that had come loose around one of his fingers.

She felt the tears pricking in the corner of her eyes again and shook her head. She'd never find the words anyway.

His smile widened slightly and he stepped back slightly, taking her hand. "Come on. They'll miss us at the party soon."

She frowned in surprise. "We're going back to the party?"

He smiled again, and her heart leapt.

"Aren't you the one who's always advocating that I go to these things?" he murmured. "I thought we would," he added when she didn't answer. "For now."

For now. Mac decided she liked the sound of that. "And later?"

Will pretended to consider the request. "I guess we'll have to figure something else out, won't we?"

She smiled. "Guess we will."

He threaded a hand in one of hers to lead her back inside. "Okay then."

Mac found she had a suggestion. "My father gave me a bottle of twenty year old single malt scotch last Christmas. It's still in my cupboard, waiting to be opened."

He turned back. "I've got a few bottles of that Burgundy you like. Vintages from the last few years."

Her favourite. Her quick intake of breath hissed in her throat. The last few years? What? How long had he been buying them? Had he ever stopped? Had he secretly been hoping they'd be able to fix this all along? She swallowed, and tried to keep things light. "Bottles? Just how drunk are you trying to get me, Billy?"

"Says the woman who mentioned an unopened bottle of scotch," he reminded her.

Mac blinked. "I wasn't suggesting we drink it all at once."

His eyes laughed. "Neither was I."

"Why?"she whispered. Why did he have the wine? Why had he kept buying it? Why hadn't he said anything?

Will went with the joke. "Well, alcohol poisoning for a start..."

"Will..."Mac warned.

His eyes turned serious. "It seemed like a good thing to have on hand."

She bit her lip. "My favourite wine?"

"Yeah," he breathed.

The burst of joy welled up inside of her again. She was so happy right now, she could hardly bear it. She needed to get herself under control Particularly if they had to go back to the stupid party. "Oh."

"I couldn't stop buying it," he admitted desperately.

Mac just held his eyes for a moment. "I've missed you," she whispered eventually, deciding that getting herself under control could wait. Right now she needed to explain. "I've missed you so much, Billy. Even when things were better, when I had you again. At least sometimes. We were spending all that time together. All that time, and I just wanted more."

He stepped closer until he was practically touching her. "Come over for a drink later?"

She nodded. She had no intention of letting him get more than five feet away for the rest of the night. "When we feel like leaving."

She saw the few remaining hints of anxiety drain from his face, and found herself vaguely annoyed that he still felt anxious. She could understand it though. After what had happened last time, she could understand that he might need reassurance. She had no problem giving it. She knew she'd probably need it herself.

"Good," Will murmured.

"We'll do scotch another night," she promised.

He smiled. "Yeah."

As they walked back into the ballroom together (after retrieving Will's jacket from the ground), Mac couldn't help noticing with considerable satisfaction, that his hair was more than a little mussed.

Take that Tanya Taylor-Treadwell, she thought triumphantly.

xxx

A couple hours later found Mac curled up on the corner of his couch with a truly sensational glass of wine in one hand.

She'd originally been pleased when Will had dropped down next to her on the other end.

Then she'd realized, Will's couch was big. And that he was too far away.

So she'd been spending the last ten minutes trying to surreptitiously slide closer.

Something that Will was not exactly helping with.

In fact, he obviously found her subtle attempts to get close to him amusing. All the while managing to sit there looking all calm and in control, while she felt like any second now she'd start vibrating. Mac huffed in annoyance.

"Something wrong?" he asked lightly.

She felt like growling at him. Instead she shook her head and tried to explain sensibly that really, given that she'd only just gotten over the terror of telling him how she felt about him and what she wanted (and he'd reciprocated), that she didn't think it was unreasonable for her to want to be closer to him. They probably needed to talk, and there were so many things that were easier to say when she was pressed up against him. Unfortunately, she couldn't seem to form coherent sentences in her mind to explain any of that; instead, she got distracted and ended up admitting her own shortcomings. "I know I'm not always the best at communicating. I've been trying to be better. I swear I have. I want to talk to you, Billy. I swear I do..."

He reached over and grabbed her hand.

Mac swallowed and tired again. "It's just... The words... they won't..." She swallowed. "I feel like they're just swirling around my head driving me crazy, things I should say. But I can't make them come out. I can't find them. I want to, but I can't."

Will watched her for a moment; Mac wondered what he'd make of her. To her utter shock, he reached a gentle arm around her waist and pulled her tight against him.

Mackenzie dropped her head against his shoulder and sighed in relief. Maybe it wasn't just that being pressed up against him made the words easier so much as it made them unnecessary.

"Better?" he asked softly.

She nodded against his shoulder and wrapped her free arm around him. "Much."

Then she grinned softly. The whirling had stopped. She knew it would start again soon. But for just a moment, everything seemed simple. She angled her head to press a kiss to his chest, before trailing her lips up to his now open collar.

She felt his breathing catch and grinned wickedly. Payback could be a beautiful thing. "Something wrong?" she practically taunted, throwing his words back at him. That would teach him to tease her.

This time he all but dragged her into his lap.

Mac smiled triumphantly, sliding one leg over his until she was straddling his thighs. She felt one of his hands drop to her hips where her dress was bunching up. Then she tipped her glass back and drained it, knowing he was watching her throat.

She stretched up and placed her glass on the end table on the other side of him. Then she grabbed the glass from the hand not on her hip and put it beside hers. When she lowered herself back into his lap she was unsurprised to see his eyes glued to the neckline of her dress.

"Will," she whispered.

His eyes flicked up to find hers immediately.

Mac smiled and decided to give in to a fantasy. She reached up and untied his bowtie, leaving it open, draped around his neck.

"What do you think of the wine?" he asked, his eyes fluttering shut as she started running her fingers through his hair.

"You know I love it," she whispered, running one of her thumbs over his lip.

Will opened his eyes to watch her for a moment.

Mac was just about to ask him what he was thinking when he reached a hand up into her hair and kissed her.

Thoroughly.

And then she couldn't get close enough all over again.

And the right words finally came.

"Oh, I love you. God, I love you," she whispered as he trailed his lips down her throat.

A second later she felt Will's hands on her face, holding her slightly away from him. She almost frowned until she heard his voice.

"Say it again," he ordered hoarsely.

Mackenzie opened her eyes to meet his, wide and staring back into hers.

The words were surprisingly easy to repeat. She dropped her forehead against his. Sitting where she was, things were suddenly clear, even if her voice did quiver a little. "I love you, Billy. It may have taken me a while to figure it out, but once I did... I've been in love with you for years."

"Kenz..." he whispered.

And suddenly Mac felt the need to explain again. Or at least try to. "I just wanted you to be happy. That's why I... I wanted to do something for you. To try and help. I thought if you realized how much everyone really liked you... I swear the plan didn't start out selfish Will. I swear I wasn't trying to trying to make you fall back in love with me. Not at first, at least..." She trailed off, not entirely sure if he'd even followed any of that. She wasn't even sure why she'd said it. It had suddenly just seemed crucial that he know.

Surprisingly, Will nodded. So maybe he had understood, or at least understood enough.

"And now?" he asked.

Mac scanned his eyes. Then she smiled slowly. "Now I'm going after what I want."

He smiled, reaching a hand up to finally untie the knot most of her hair was still tied in (though Mac was sure enough of it had fallen out to make it look interesting). "Hmm."

"Yeah," she whispered, running a hand along his chest.

"I can't fall back in love with you, you know," he said conversationally as he ran a hand through her now untied hair, untangling it.

Even sitting pressed up against his chest, his words were a shock of cold to her system. "Right," she muttered, glancing down. It would have been too much to expect, she supposed, that he would feel exactly the same way. Not after everything. But maybe...

Will continued on in the same easy tone as if she hadn't said anything. "Because that would imply I'd ever fallen out of love with you in the first place."

And then her eyes were on his again. She should have been angrier at him for teasing about that, she should have been furious. But the obvious sincerity in his voice made that impossible. "Will..."

And he was looking at her the way he had been on the balcony. Mac was sure that her emotions might eventually get the better of her. But she was determined to hold out a little while yet, at least until he'd finished speaking. "I've gotten used to having you around most of the time, Mac. You didn't take that into account when you crafted this little plan of yours. That I'd get you back, even a little. And I did. And then as you kept going, I got you a little more. And then a little more. And I just... It was nice. So goddamn nice. And I realized it wasn't enough. It was never enough."

He took a deep breath. "I got so sick of the rest of it. I'm so sick of all the crap that came before being everything. I got so sick of being mad at you, and feeling like I should be mad at you. Because I'm not mad at you. I just want to be around you. I want to be with you. I want more. I know that's not particularly romantic, but...I... I..."

He trailed off when she let out a sob. Turned out she wasn't going to be able to keep a hold of her emotions for even another second. "You... You... You idiot!" She gasped out, hitting him in the chest and ignoring that he looked taken aback by her outburst. "That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me."

She saw the shock on his face for a half a second before his arms were around her and he'd crushed her to him. "Really?" he whispered.

She laughed through her tears, and nodded. "Yes."

She felt his head drop onto her shoulder. "Really?"

She laughed. "Oh yes, Billy."

She felt his arms tighten around her even more. "Love you, Mackenzie," he whispered against her ear.

And then Mac couldn't speak. She turned into him and kissed him. "Okay," she whispered against his lips.

He drew back to stare at her. "Okay?"

She nodded. "To all of it."

She watched his eyes darken. "Mackenzie..."

"I want to be with you too, Will," she whispered. "I can't do halfway anymore. I'm in. I'm in if you are. God, even if you're not, I'm probably still in, because..."

Then, before she could continue, Will was kissing her again.

Which was something Mackenzie didn't think she'd ever be able to get enough of.

She was all talked out anyway, and the only thought her brain could summon up was more.

As she decided to use her fingers to make sure his hair was in complete and utter disarray, she felt one his hands reach up to find the zipper on her dress.

She smiled.

And not just because for the first time in a long time, the whirling in her brain had slowed, her constant questions replaced with certainty.

xxx

The end

A/N: And there it is. I hope you liked it, because it was fun to write. And as always, thank you to those who have reviewed.