Title: Exit Wounds
Author: Tainted Rose Wings
Warnings: OOCness, darkness, angst, character death, violence, drama, blood
Pairings: HarryXDean
Disclaimer: I neither own Harry Potter nor Supernatural. I don't own the song 'Exit Wounds' either. All claims go to their prospective owners.
Summary: They never thought it would end this way, betrayal and hurt circling them like a thick cloud. All he knew was that as he looked into moss green eyes, he still loved him even now and he just wanted him to stop crying.
Author's Note: Decided to do a one shot to help get the creative juices going. Plus The Script's "Exit Wound" was pretty good inspiration. I might add this scene into one of my current HPXSP fanfictions but I'm still debating that.
My hands are cold, my body's numb
I'm still in shock, what have you done?
My head is pounding, my vision's blurred
Your mouth is moving, I don't hear a word
It was all still a blur and I was having trouble processing everything. Dean…Suddenly, everything turned sharp and he was all I could think about. I'd met him a year ago when I'd escaped the constant watch of all my hero worshippers. I'd stumbled onto the secret world of Hunters and delved into it head first to escape. During one of those hunts I'd met him and after a rocky start when he found out I was a Wizard we'd become close. I took in a deep breath and the ragged, wet sound of me fighting for air broke through my thoughts. I'd been shot. Dean shot me. Memories rushed me and I remembered finding out Dean and his brother were in trouble. Then me rushing to find them before aparating to their location only to find myself in the middle of a fight. Dean whirled around and I remembered the look in his panicked eyes but i couldn't comprehend what was wrong. Everything was just happening to fast and I couldn't keep up. It was like time had slowed down but shock made it happen in a matter of seconds. I remembered…everything. My body felt numb and my hands were freezing cold as I made them cover the weeping wound. I stumbled as I took a step back, looking down as red began to stain everything. I tried to take another breath in but I made a strange gurgling sound and panic rose in me. I was drowning, drowning in my own blood. I must have fallen back at some point because suddenly through my blurry vision I could make out a sky. I could make out Dean and Sam's face hovering over me as I focused in on Dean's moving mouth but I just couldn't understand what you were saying. It reminded me over another time your mouth was moving but I didn't hear a word. Another time you had hurt me so bad I could have died.
And I hurt so bad, that I search my skin
For the entry point, where love went in
And ricocheted and bounced around
And left a hole when you walked out, yeah
I blinked as I looked at him. I couldn't really process what he was saying because I was hurting so bad. I couldn't believe what you were saying and I subconsciously raised my hand towards my chest. Almost as though I was looking for a wound from where I let love in only for it to cause damage. "I don't understand Dean."
I watched as you seemed to fight with yourself before your moss green eyes met mine and you took a deep breath. "We can't do this anymore. I can't keep acting like this is normal."
I felt myself jar at his words, hurt at his choice of words. If felt like he'd just shot me and the bullet had damaged everything before leaving a hole where my heart used to be. "I love you."
"I don't love you."
I looked at him and felt a single tear roll down my cheek as he looked at me before walking away from me. I felt myself hyperventilate as I stumbled back and tried to think. For the past year he'd been everything to me, had been the one light in this cold world and suddenly he'd ripped himself out of my life. My hands buried themselves in in my hair as I curled up into a ball, a small keening noise slipping past my lips as I tried to hold my sobs in. I'd fallen for him utterly and completely. I'd been shot with this painful feeling and now I was paying the price. I hadn't grown close to anyone in the six years I'd been in America and the one instance I let Dean Winchester with all his cocky charm and swaggering grin's in my world started coming apart around me. I took a deep shuddering breath as I fought for the tight control I'd had all the years before I met him. I fought back the memories of all those nights cuddled together, memories of whispered promises and soft kisses. I fought them till they were buried deep inside me along with all the other painful memories I couldn't face.
A part of me new he was scared, scared that he'd lose me like he'd lost Sam all those countless times. He was afraid that the one person he'd grown to…love? I shook my head and glared at the floor. It was his fear that tore us apart and it was his fear that hurt me but his fear was him. So I would respect his choice and stay away and hope I'd be able to ignore this painful ache in my chest.
It would only be a few days later that I'd get the call about the brothers. It would only be a few days that I'd rush to find them and it would only be in a few days when Dean Winchester would shoot me.
I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room
Can anybody help me with these exit wounds?
I don't know how much more love this heart can lose
And I'm dying, dying from these exit wounds
Wounds!
Where they're leaving, the scars you're keeping
Exit wounds
Where they're leaving, the scars you're keeping
I felt my body pitch forward as I went through the emergency room doors. Dean and Sam crying out as they went to catch me but I could barely feel their hands on my skin as I sagged into their hold. I could vaguely hear them calling for someone to help and I morbidly mused that there was one exit wound the doctors wouldn't be able to see. I wondered for a second if there was anyone to help me with that particular one before quickly shutting it down as pain rocked me, a moan passing my lips as the world went dark for a second and my mind replayed the events. I remembered Dean swinging around after hearing the crack of me aparrating into the room. I remember the panic and confusion in his eyes and I vaguely recall noticing that Sam was nowhere near him. I remember all the demons that were around and I remember that as the man I loved swung around there was a gun in his hand, a gun he'd instinctively pulled the trigger to. There was horror in his eyes as his met mine as the deed was already done. I remember the sudden pain and my magic lashing out at all the negative energy, wiping out the demons. I remember….a name. My name. Something that had sounded so foreign coming from a certain man's lips. Foreign yet sensual slipping past his tongue and yet now as it was screamed out…it sounded desperate and horrified. Ugly. I remembered a strangled sob breaking past my throat before a coughed up blood. I was the master of death, immortal. However, there was one who would always be master over my death…the person I loved. Unwittingly, mistakenly Dean had become the reason I could die. He had become the only person on earth who could kill the master of death.
Pain rocked me from the memory and I blinked as I looked up at white ceilings. My head dropped to the side as I looked for familiar faces. My eyes met moss green eyes and I momentarily realized that I didn't know how much more I could lose. I don't know how much more love I could lose. A small part of me knew, knew I was dying. Dying from the blood that spilled over the rolling bed onto the white hospital floors and dying from the broken heart I nursed. I could hear the doctors and nurses talking to each other in high pitched urgent voices. Suddenly my vision tunneled and I knew nothing more as I blacked out.
(OoO)
I looked down at my hands covered in blood, his blood. I shuddered and bit down sharply on my lip, my nose crinkling in disgust when the coppery taste of blood filled my mouth. I looked up when I felt a hand on my shoulder and suddenly I felt lost looking at my little brother. "Sammy…"
For once as though sensing the storm of emotions within me as I whispered my nickname for him he didn't correct me. He wasn't supposed to be able to die. He was the fucking Master of Death after all. I looked up and cursed…cursed fate, cursed God, cursed Michael…cursed Castiel. They wouldn't answer any calls and no plea went answered. Harry was dying and it was my fault. I let a soft sob through and with a wave of rage I punched the wall, crying out in pain and grief. I let myself fall to my knees, shrugging off Sam's comforting hand before leaning into his embrace hopelessly. I remembered my horror when I realized what I'd done without thinking and waves of pain rocked me. I'd fought so hard to keep him away so he would be safe, so he would live and here he was about to die…because of me. I vaguely remember when Sam had once suggested that their family was cursed to watch as everyone they loved died around them, because of them.
Rage, pain and guilt traveled through me like a hurricane and I knew, just knew that I would carry these scars. Carry the scars of hurting him and therefore hurting myself as well as carry the scars of this pain because I knew it would never heal. I could still remember how we first ended up together, how he'd brought me out of my dark place and showed me another way.
Marks of battle, they still feel raw
A million pieces of me, on the floor
I'm damaged goods, for all to see
Now who would ever wanna be with me?
I huffed lightly, wincing as memories slowly went through my thoughts of the constant fighting. Everything just felt so raw still, like everything only just happened yesterday. I startled slightly when a soft voice flitted through the air. "Dean? What are you doing up here?"
I looked back and there he was, electric green eyes flashing slightly in the moonlight as he looked at me curiously. However, his eyes were gentle underneath the curiosity and I instantly recognized it as concern. There was a slight tingling in the back of my head and I brushed it away. I looked back up at the sky from where I sat on his roof and sighed. He sat beside me and was quiet, waiting for me to be ready and he'd never know how much I appreciated it. I was so used to people, Sam in particular, being so persistent in trying to get the answers from me. "I can't…I don't know how to…pick up the pieces. I fucked up so bad…so many times. Cas and Sam…I just don't know what to do. There had always been a part of me that had hoped I'd…find something that would keep me going. "
There…it was out. The tight control I had tried to keep so that all those shattered pieces of me wouldn't fall was on the floor for him to see. He was quiet for a while and for a moment I thought I'd made a mistake and I let out a mirthless chuckle as I continued on, "I'm damaged goods…everyone knows it. Hell, Cas probably even knows it. It's no wonder I've lost everyone. Who would ever want to be with me?"
"I would." I froze for a moment, stunned by his immediate response. I looked at him and he stared right back, green eyes unusually bright. I felt something warm ignite and suddenly I knew that he was what I'd always been waiting for.
I've got all the baggage, drink the pills
Yeah, this is living but without the will
I'm backing out, I'm shutting down
You left a hole when you walked out, yeah
The baggage that I'd dropped the moment Harry had admitted in a roundabout way that he wanted to be with me suddenly reappeared. I ran a hand through my short hair, my hand instinctively went to my pocket and touched a pill bottle. I remember when I started taking them the day after I broke it off, depression pills to keep me calm. A part of me, the darker part, whispered for me to just take a handful and disappear into the comforting darkness of unconsciousness. There was a whole in my chest from when I backed out and shut down, telling the Wizard I didn't love him and that it was over. I knew it hurt him and as I walked away I left a whole in both our chests.
I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room
Can anybody help me with these exit wounds?
I don't know how much more love this heart can lose
And I'm dying, dying from these exit wounds
Wounds!
Where they're leaving, the scars you're keeping
Exit wounds
Where they're leaving, the scars you're keeping
I couldn't differentiate between what already happened and what was happening. Feeling myself fall through the emergency doors again before I was suddenly in a blinding white room with people hovering over me. I felt myself struggle before I was suddenly back with Dean trying to understand why he was doing this to us. I heard my plea voiced dimly, heard myself call up to the heaven's and beg for them to heal me and heal these exit wounds. I could feel my soul slowly seeping out of my body as the blood continued to flow. I was dying, dying from these wounds that wouldn't close. I let out a strangled sob, blood speckling the corners of my mouth. I could hear soft murmurs before everything was quiet, I was left in silence at least other than my labored wet breaths.
I was startled from my zoning as someone slipped their hand into mine. I opened my eyes and met watery moss green ones, even now as my heart fought to continue beating it fluttered at the sight of him. The tingling at the back of my mind started again and I welcomed it, feeling the warmth it flow through me. He sobbed and it broke my heart a little, I could feel him clinging to the wounds seeing me like this was making in him. I knew that where they were leaving he would keep the scars of the exit wounds. "D…e…an."
He flinched at the sound of the harsh wet breath I took when I fought to get his name out. He brought my hand up to his lips and brushed them against my knuckles much like he used to when we were together but this time instead of the gentle love there was despair in the gesture. "L…ove…yo…u."
I could feel him breaking as I said the words I'd been dying to tell him since he walked away. He laid his forehead against mine and let out a watery chuckle as he whispered back, "I love you too…so much."
I felt a tears roll down my cheeks and I shuddered becoming more and more numb as my soul slipped farther from my body. I was a little shocked when he kissed me hard, his fingers entwined with the hairs at the nape of my neck. I kissed him back just as hard, wishing this wasn't happening.
Lose your clothes and show your scars that's who you are
When the doctors let me in I fought to not turn around. There was blood everywhere and still even now he bled onto the floor. The doctors already made it known that there was nothing they could do. The wound wouldn't close and the blood wouldn't stop. They said it was a miracle he was still alive, sheer willpower kept him breathing. I looked over his body, he'd lost his clothes at some point in the surgery and for the first time I had a clear view of his scars. It was like he was laid bare for the world to see and now I understood just who he was. These scars were who he was. The sound of him struggling to breath made everything so raw, the wet sound of blood in his lungs made me wince and I just wanted it to stop. I slipped my hand into his and he seemed to start but it was such a faint weak movement I couldn't be sure. It was so strange, seeing him so weak and pale. All my memories of him were of the air of confidence and grace of a predator, a master of death yet here he was broken and bleeding…because of me. As he met my eyes I could see the look of longing and love in them and I felt warmth swarm me, I welcomed it feeling his pain like it was mine. I couldn't hold it any longer and a sob escaped me but I scrambled to hold on to the pain, the wounds that it was causing. "D…e…an"
I flinched, hating how he struggled to talk and flecks of blood scattered over his mouth and chin. Instinctively, I brought his hand up to my lips and gently kissed his knuckles but despair coated the usually loving gesture. It was my little way of assuring him that I was here and I was listening. "L…ove…yo…u."
I felt my world crash around me as he spoke those words, remembering the last time he said them and he'd walked away from him. For a moment I was stuck between completely losing it and trying to keep my strong front up. I pressed my forehead against his and let out a watery chuckle, unable to control the few tears that escaped I said softly, "I love you too…so much."
I felt him shudder, finally realizing that he was far too cold. I looked up and around to see if there was a doctor around but there was only Sam, standing off to the side and swallowing uncontrollably as he tried to control his tears. I looked back down and noticed Harry was crying but no sound escaped him save for his labored breathes but even that was becoming softer and softer. Without thinking I intertwined my fingers with the hairs at the nape of his neck and kissed him. I kissed him as hard as I could and poured all of my feelings into it, fear and love driving me. I felt as he kissed back just as hungry, just as scared and loving. I felt a gust of air against my cheek as he huffed out during the kiss and suddenly he stopped. I pulled back sharply and looked at him, a soft noise coming from the back of my throat as I panicked. He wasn't breathing and he wasn't moving. "Harry?"
I watched his face for a moment but there was nothing. "…Harry?!"
I heard the hysteria just starting to enter my voice as I said his name again loudly, shaking his shoulder lightly. "No! Harry! Wake up! Nooo!"
I felt arms wrap around me and pull me away from the cold body that no longer held the man I loved. It was too late…my world was gone. He couldn't be saved. Nobody had been able to help him with his exit wounds and no one would ever be able to save me from mine.