Arboreal Studies as a Metaphor for Behavioral Analysis

I know doing tests on trees isn't a typical dating activity. Definitely not a desirable one. I may not be especially adept in social situations, but I know that much. That's why I suggested it.

Well, that, and I wasn't about to point up at the sky and scream.

Cecil said he fell in love as soon as he saw me. I can't even listen to him on the radio without blushing, when he talks about me. And he does. Frequently. I thought he was making fun of me at first, but it turns out he was serious.

It's just… too much. He obviously formed an image of me that is completely inaccurate. So I suggested doing some tests on the trees. Just to show him I'm NOT interesting or charming or amazing or anything he says I am. I am a scientist, not a… not a boyfriend or whatever he thought he wanted from me.

I tested the acidity of the bark, and took samples, and examined a number of different leaves, and took note of how far out the roots spread, based on where they emerged from the ground.

At first I did this in complete silence. Cecil followed closely, watching over my shoulder. And he didn't actually get in the way, though he could have. He just watched me.

"What do you see?" he finally asked quietly – reverently – as I was examining leaf pattern variations.

So I explained in the most technical terms I could about the shape of the lobes, the length of the stems, the minute structure of the cells (using a strong magnifying glass, since I didn't have a microscope available), the color and texture of each leaf, and how to tell where it had come from on the tree, and its approximate age, and signs of parasites and viruses and – well, there was one that didn't actually exist, I put that carefully into a sample bag, but it fell out repeatedly, so I gave up.

Through all that, Cecil listened attentively. At first he put up a decent show of pretending he was following along, but gradually his eyes began to glaze over and a crease formed in his forehead. When I finished, he nodded silently. After a minute he took a deep breath.

"Carlos?" he said quietly. "I have… a confession."

Here it comes, I thought. The end. Just as I thought. It took longer than I expected, but I knew it would happen, because…

Because it always does.

I nodded encouragingly to him, almost able to ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Well… I…" His voice dropped, and he eyed me nervously. "I don't… know quite as much about science as I might have claimed. I'm very interested! I just… it's a little… over my head." He looked down miserably.

"Oh." That wasn't quite what I was expecting, but it wasn't a surprise either.

"Could…" He swallowed nervously. "Would you… teach me?"

"Teach you? What?" My mouth was suddenly dry, and I had to clear my throat a couple of times.

"Well… about science? What you do? I mean… you know so much! I just want to know more about science. Your work. …You. I want to understand… all this. What you do." He waved vaguely at the tree.

I swear I almost forgot to breathe. Teach him. Teach him about science because he wanted to understand. Because of me.

It felt like soaring and crashing at the same time.

"Of course I will," I said, a prickle in my throat as I blinked a few times. "I'm – I'd… love to. If you're sure you really want to."

"I-I'm a quick learner, I promise. I'm not dumb. I'll… I want to. Very much."

I could practically feel a grin rising up through my whole body. "I know you aren't dumb, Cecil. I just didn't think… you were really all that interested."

His face fell a little. "I am."

"Ah, if I could ask something in return…"

"Of course! Anything! I'll do it! I'll give you – what do you want?"

I could have said anything then, I realized as I looked into his eyes. Anything, and this amazing, handsome, witty, charming man would have given it to me without question.

"I think I'm beginning to get used to… well, Night Vale. All its oddities and… just everything. But there are so many things I don't know; rules and customs and natural phenomena… You've lived here – what, all your life?"

He nodded so hard that even the fur on his pants shook.

"Would you… teach me?" I asked, feeling strangely shy. "Or at least answer questions when I have them?"

"Of course, Carlos! Any time you want!"

"I… I don't think I'll be quite as good a student as you will. I tend to be rather set in my ways. Sometimes. But… I'm willing to learn, Cecil, and if I'm going to continue to live here, I think it would be… highly beneficial to have someone like you to help me."

A huge grin split his face. "It would be an honor!"

I had to smile back. "Thank you," I said softly. And I thought it would be nice to spend more time with him. He was all over the place, and strange, and a bit like a schoolgirl with a crush, but… he was kind, and he WAS intelligent, and he cared. He did actually care.

So before I got out of the car at the end of the night, I leaned over and kissed him. Just once. Just lightly. It was soft and gentle and impossibly sweet. It caught him off-guard, which part of me was surprised at, but another part of me, smaller and beaten back too often, found meltingly, disarmingly attractive.

I slipped out of the car because that, just that moment, was too perfect to ruin. One of us would have said something, and it would have dimmed the brilliance of everything. So I had that to hold onto when I shut myself inside the stuffy, cluttered, empty lab again. I had a bit of work to finish, but I decided on a whim to leave it for the morning. After all, the biggest test of the night had been a huge – and surprising – success.