CHAPTER EIGHT

Author's Note: Now that the "Previously Unaired Christmas" has aired (which I found to be lame on most parts. But enduring on a few (which makes me weep) parts. I have decided to write the episode into this story in the Christmas parts. Seriously don't know if I'm going to write sexy Santa whom robs the loft in this story (it was fun scenes for the show; but with how I'm actually writing Rachel in this story; I don't feel like that would fit in this story). So I really don't know if I'm going to have Rachel, Kurt and Santana working as elves at the mall – but I MAY do the window scene (but; I'm going to actually make the window scene truly fit "Away in A Manger"). (So for the Christmas feel of this story we will be covering "Swan Song", "Glee Actually" and "Previously Unaired Christmas").

"Swan Song" is taking place in the first – second week of December; "Glee Actually" will take place the third week of December – Christmas; and "Previously Unaired Christmas" takes place third week of December – right before Winter Break for the high school. (Three Christmas themed episodes taken place in one season is confusing. Thank God the newbies didn't show up UNTIL after Faberry graduated from McKinley).

The one thing that I have to rant about right now; is that they should have made Chord wear a wig. He had short hair in the 2012 season of the show. But; yet in the (I use this term very loosely right now) "Previously Unaired Christmas" they kept his hair style from the very start of this current season of the show. Way to go for the continuity folks over at 'Glee'. You managed to get Rachel in her horrible short leather skirt (as she was wearing those slutty outfits for all (expect the first two episodes of season four) – but you couldn't get Sam's hair correct?!

But the one continuity that the writers did get correct was Kitty's views on how she didn't feel like she deserved the role of the Virgin Mary – but that of Mary Magdalene. You could tell that she's thinking of her innocence being stolen when she was just eleven years old. (Granted the boy didn't rape her. But he did touch her without her consent). I like how they showed her true remorse so early on (seeing how this episode should have taken place early on in season four – and it wasn't revealed that she was molested until "Lights Out" at the end of the season). I'm just pleased that they kept the 'softer' Kitty for this flashback to 2012 – instead of making her the snarky bitch that they wrote in the beginning of season four.

Oh, and Becca deserved more verses of "Away In A Manger". I loved Naya and Lea's voices, and all – but Becca deserved to shine at the end. I mean the window scene didn't fit the song – while the manager scene did.

FALL AWAY

Artist: The Fray

NEW HAVEN

QUINN'S DORM ROOM

Quinn sighed as she held open her door; "Is this going to be a nasty habit of yours, Hummel?" She growled.

"Until you and Rachel make up." Kurt nodded tightly, "It is." He brushed passed the slightly taller blond. "Seriously Quinn, you need to at least change your sheets every couple of days." He sighed in annoyance at the sight of her unmade bed. "I'm not going to allow you to get sick in your own filth. Rachel would have my head if you got sick right now. Especially knowing full well that I come to see you."

"How is she?" Quinn asked instead of working herself up into anger. Anger that truly just exhausted her. Perhaps once Kurt tells her what he came here to tell her; he would go back to New York. Go back to Rachel.

Rachel shouldn't be in New York on her own.

"She misses you." Kurt said turning around to face his friend once more. "She's still stuck in this deep depression that you sent her in." His head tilted to the left; "This deep depression that she fully knows that you are in also."

Quinn closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Just go back to New York; Kurt – I don't need you here. I need you in New York protecting Rachel."

Kurt huffed.

Quinn's eyes flashed opened. "Protect Rachel. That's all that matters!" She flushed red.

"Why aren't you in New York protecting Rachel? Seeing how that's all you care about Quinn – why are you telling other people to protect her; when you can do it your damn self." Kurt was pleased to see the life in Quinn's eyes.

"I can't." Quinn whispered. "Not right now. I just can't. Not after everything that I put her though over the years. I'm still not worthy to personally protect Rachel." Her eyes lowered to meet her floor.

"I can't stand this damn room. Get your coat." Kurt forcefully said.

Quinn silently got her coat. She walked passed Kurt out to the hallway.

Kurt smirked as he shut the door behind him. He would change the bed sheets before leaving. They weren't that bad at all. Rachel's were much worse. His head tilted to the right as he followed Quinn down the hallway – he just had an idea. The girls would love him in the end.

Quinn slammed opened the door that led outside. She didn't brother waiting for Kurt to pass through the opening before she the door go. Once she was passed the door she let it go. She heard the satisfying 'Oof' from Kurt. What he deserved coming here uninvited once more. She took an deep breath of the chill of the late fall afternoon. She hadn't been outside much since the last time Kurt had visited. Granted; she had to walk to her classes from her dorm – but she never took the time to allow the fresh air to hit her. Not like today.

She gently jogged down the steps to the sidewalk below the front of her dorms. "I'm thinking of moving out of the dorms." She calmly spoke. She waited for Kurt to come to her side. Her hands comfortable in her jacket pocket.

"Oh." Kurt replied as he waited for Quinn to start walking once more. "You should be able too without too much hassle concerning dorm fees. Seeing how the fall quarter is over." He frowned. "Unless you all ready paid for your spring quarter."

Quinn sighed. "I did; but it won't be too much trouble getting the money back. As long as I let them know in the next month." She shrugged. "I'm just thinking is all."

"Don't you like living in the dorms? You know getting the full college experience and all?" Kurt looked at the side of Quinn's still face.

"I want my privacy." Quinn said. She took a step forward; feeling Kurt right beside her.

"Quinn …." Kurt began in a concerned warning voice.

"This has nothing to do with my current situation with Rachel, Kurt. I have been feeling like the dorms isn't the place for me since the beginning of the quarter. By; the time I started seriously thinking of moving out; I knew I had to wait till the end of term. Otherwise my mother would lose the money. This way at least I can get my mother's money back. I have talked this over with her a few weeks ago. She said that she'll help me with rent on an apartment."

Kurt nodded. "Okay than." He side eyed his friend. "Even if you don't inform me of you new address – I'll always find you."

Quinn allowed a smirk to play her lips for a moment. Then her lips thinned out. "I am not trying to hide from anyone; Kurt. I'll let you know my new address." She stopped; and turned to face him. "No matter what."

Kurt nodded. "Good." He smiled. "I'm sure that you and Rachel will be fine before you move out of your dorm. I'm sure Rach will have plans on getting you moved." His mind was filled with the lists that he just knew Rachel would make – over and over again. Written, and saved onto her computer's hard drive – not to mention disks; and CD roms. Also flash drives. "Is it too late to hide everything?"

Quinn laughed under her breath. "Nope." She sighed. "I have a feeling that Rach and I won't be fine by the time I'm ready to move." The only way for us to be better; is for me to go to New York and see her. But I just can't. Not now. Maybe not ever. I may lose Rachel forever over this.

"Just come to New York." Kurt's voice started her from her deep thoughts. "Just come and see Rachel. Take that step."

Quinn blinked into the boys compassionate eyes. "I-I can't." She whispered.

"We are friends now, right?" Rachel bit her lip as she looked slightly up into Quinn's hazel eyes.

Quinn couldn't speak.

A blush rose on Rachel's cheeks; than slowly the pink went into whiteness. "Of course we aren't. It was stupid of me to presume that we are. We aren't friends. We are kinda of friends. But; do we have to remain enemies?" She couldn't tear her eyes from the glassy hazy eyes in front of her. "I never once considered you as my enemy, Quinn." She takes a shaky breath. "I have always considered you my best friend. My better half. My rock. The reason why I am still holding it strong among these halls of this school. My tether." Tears had fallen freely down her cheeks as she spoke. "You are the reason why I don't beg my fathers to take me out of school – and just allow me to home school. You are the reason why I still can hold my head up as I keep getting knocked down. You are the reason why I still have my voice to sing. Instead of wallowing it tightly up inside me – and never allow it out."

Quinn just silently stared into Rachel's eyes as the words clung into the air of the room that they were in. Just the two of them. She opened herself fully to what Rachel was saying to her. She was finally allowing Rachel's truth to fill her – to wrap around her heart. She quickly shut down once more. She had to. In order to survive she had to be dead inside.

It was to protect Rachel. All that mattered was to protect Rachel.

Quinn moved passed the smaller brunette, walked to the door, and left Rachel's bedroom.

LIMA OHIO

ARTIE'S SECOND FLOOR BEDROOM

"What did your mother say when you told her about me?" Kitty's husky voice spoke up after an hour of silence.

"I didn't tell her anything." Marley sighed deeply from above her. Her hands stroked Kitty's cheek which was still resting on her lap. "I didn't have too. She knows that you are going through a rough time right now. She doesn't need to know the details – not unless you yourself are the one to confide in her."

Kitty's eyes furrowed as she took in this information.

"She'll wait forever if that what is what you want from her." Marley softly spoke. "She told me to tell you that our house is always opened to you. Even if it's three in the morning – if you feel that you need a safe place to be; you are welcomed." She felt the blonde stiffen – then relax.

Kitty stared up into Marley's open blue eyes. "Okay." She whimpered. She turned her head so she could bury it into the thin stomach of the brunette. The brunette whom was taking care of her. Whom was lending her strength when she was truly weak.

Kitty felt stronger; so she slowly lifted herself into a crossed legged sitting position. She still didn't feel strong enough not to have some part of Marley's skin on hers. "I wish that I could be as strong as Quinn." She said in a low voice. Her hazel eyes looking down at her lap. "Ever since I started at McKinley I have been dubbed as the next 'Quinn Fabray'. Not just with Sue Sylvester. But even Ms. Pillsbury sometimes and slips." She sighed deeply. "I know I look like an exact carbon copy of Quinn. It's quite eerie to be truthful." Her eyes drifted forward; "When I first saw a picture of Quinn in the newspaper; I was eleven; I knew that I had found my idol." Her eyes drifted back to her lap; as she swallowed around the lump in her throat. She had almost told Marley what happened to her when she was eleven; but she was no way ready to share that – not with someone whom truly may be her new friend. She didn't want to scare Marley away. She wouldn't bare if she lost Marley like she did her other friends.

"Kitty." Marley's hand gently covered the blonde's left hand. Kitty's eyes were glued to the hand; and she simply watched as the brunette's fingers intertwined with her own. She gently squeezed the other girl's hand tightly. "Whenever you are ready to tell me what ever has hurt you; I'm here for you. I'm not going anyway. I'm not ever leaving you."

Kitty paused in her squeezing the other girl's hand. A lone tear rolled down her right cheek. Licking her lips; she spoke once more. "I saw the fierce steel in Quinn's eyes in that photo. Her eyes were telling me that she could take on the world; and win. I shaped myself into that image. I found an cheer leading; similar to the one I currently have in my locker; of Quinn and taped it to my locker. Even back then I had the question; 'WWQFD'. I shaped my whole life around Quinn. Around Quinn's strength."

Marley pulled Kitty's hand up to her cheek; and she gently rubbed the back of the blonde's hand on her cheek.

"When I started McKinley; I heard right on my first day about Quinn's fall of hierarchy. How she gotten pregnant at sixteen; when she was the president of the celebrity club." Kitty's raw anger entered her voice. "I was so angry that anyone could tear down my idol so causal. That they took joy in falling stones on my idol; whom proved that she was a fellow human being; just like they were." She took a deep breath; "It took all my will power not beat them to the pulp when they gleefully told me about Quinn joining the Shanks the summer before her senior year. That she got a cheap ass tramp tattoo of Ryan Seacrest on her back."

Marley continued to rub Kitty's hand on her cheek. She knew the blonde needed to get this out. All in one go.

"They gleefully gloated that she was doing drugs also. 'Oh how the mighty had fallen.' they sang." Kitty glared up into Marley's eyes; before quickly bowing her head once more. "How dare they judge her?!"

When Kitty didn't speak after a minute; Marley felt safe to speak once more. "They had no right to judge her. No one has a right to judge another person."

Kitty stiffened. "I am as guilty as they are. I judged you. I judged your mother. I judged everyone." Her eyes lifted. "I'm so sorry Marley." She whispered as tears fell from her eyes. "I'm so so sorry." She whispered.

"You are forgiven." Marley gently pulled Kitty forward; so she could slip her arms around the shaking blonde's back. She pulled Kitty tightly into her; as she allowed the short blonde to fall apart.

NEW HAVEN

YALE – EAST COURT AREA TO THE LEFT OF QUINN'S DORM

"I'm sorry that I'm still in this sad state." Quinn wrapped her hands around the warm Starbucks coffee cup in her hand. "You would think the last three years of high school would have me in a better, and stronger state. I mean getting pregnant; getting kicked out of my home. Finding out my parents have an conditional love for me. Being kicked out another home in a matter of a months time. Moving into Puck's home; and then moving in Mercedes in a matter of weeks. Giving my da-" Quinn licked her lips; and took a shaky breath. "Giving my daughter away. Finding out my mother kicked my father out. Moving back home. Then finding out that my mother was going to give my father another chance; almost moving out of my mom's. Then finding out my father cheated on my mom. Watching my mother go through a divorce."

Kurt silently watched as his blonde friend quickly went down the list of every major change her life had gone through in three years.

"I had divorced myself from my father the second he kicked me out of the house. I couldn't believe that he would kick his pregnant daughter out into the streets – with whatever she could gather in a thirty minute time limit. Beth was just beginning to grow inside me. I was all ready under the stress of trying desperately to keep the pregnancy from parents – but also to keep lying to Finn about cheating on him with Puck. That Beth was really Puck's and not his." Quinn's hazel eyes blazed as she stare across the side walk at the snow. "He didn't give a fuck if I lost her. That being thrown out of my parents home; and realizing how much my father truly hated me – I could have had a miscarriage." She tried desperately to blink back the hot tears that threatened to fall. "I could have lost my beloved baby."

Kurt scooted closer; and wrapped his arms around the shaking Quinn. "Oh Honey; I never realized it was that bad."

Quinn let the cup go; as she lifted her hands up to cling to Kurt's arms around her. She leaned her face into the crook of the boy's shoulder blade; as she broke down.

Kurt felt warm hot tears roll down his neck; and underneath his collar. He just held the blonde as tightly as he could. It felt like forever before Quinn got herself back under control. His eyes had kept watch for any unwanted guest; luckily no one had stumbled upon them. He was relieved because he knew Quinn hated breaking down in public. He knew that Quinn hated breaking down. Period.

"Thank you." Quinn softly said as she pulled away from the young man.

"Anytime." Kurt squeezed her shoulder as he pulled away from her. He remained sitting close to her. In case she needed him once more. But; he removed his body from hers. He felt that she couldn't handle any part of him touching her right at that moment.

"I joined the Shanks the summer before my final year of high school; I did drugs." Quinn said this in a mono tone. "I went crazy thinking that I deserved to have Beth back in my life. I tried to steal her away from Shelby; are rightful and legal mother. I finally realized that I was …." she still wasn't brave enough to say it aloud.

Kurt looked hard at the bowed head of Quinn Fabray. So that's what this is all about.

"If it hadn't been Rachel telling me to stop. Then I would have stolen Beth. I would be on the run with my beautiful sweet and innocent daughter right now. I would be destroying my daughter's life right now." Quinn breathed in a chocking breath. "Just the way my father did mine. I gave Beth up to keep Russell away from her. I knew that all I had to do was give up my unwed-lock baby up for adoption; than Russell would never use her against me."

"Rachel saved Beth's life. Yet again." Quinn swallowed. "She saved Beth's life when she allowed Shelby into her life. Even through Shelby turned her back from her. She still allowed her birth mother into her life. I just knew that when Shelby came to me wishing she could adopt a baby – because she just knew that she had no place in Rachel's life – not with Rachel being sixteen; and almost grown. I just knew that Shelby loved Rachel – even though she couldn't be the mother that she wanted to be to her own daughter. I knew Shelby; although single; would be the perfect woman to mother my child. Plus I knew Shelby was strong enough to keep Russell away from Beth; if he had decided to go after Beth." Quinn breathed deeply; "I knew that down the road Shelby and Rachel would find their way back together. That they find the mother and daughter relationship that they both craved for. I knew that Rachel would be an excellent older sister to my daughter."

"Why didn't you tell Rachel that you allowed Shelby to adopt Beth right away?" Kurt couldn't keep the question from slipping out.

"I didn't want Rachel to feel obligated to being around Shelby for Beth's shake. I didn't want Beth to have any sense of tension in her young life." Quinn answered as she stared out into the sunset. "I was planning on telling her. My mom knew the truth. Santana and Brittany knew. Santana was angry, and a total bitch back then; especially towards Rachel. But even Santana would never have told Rachel. I was afraid that Brittany might. Accidentally of course. I just kept putting it off. I aimed to be a better person in Junior year. To treat Rachel better. But; I was still too damn selfish. I had this crazy idea that if I could work off all the baby weight; and get back my head position on the Cheerios then I could put the pregnancy behind me." She barked out a harsh laugh; "We all know how that turned out. The moment I informed Sue about Santana's boob job; I tossed my hat fully back in the bitch pit. With pleasure. I was much harder on Rachel than ever before."

"Rachel understood." Kurt gently said.

As the sun set behind the huge oak tree fifty feet across from her; "She always understood." Quinn breathed out.

LIMA, OHIO

ARTIE'S SECOND FLOOR BEDROOM

"When I finally met my idol last month; I was nonplussed. There was Quinn Fabray standing straight, and tall in front of us." Kitty spoke once more as she clung to the Kleenex in her hand. "Here was the person whom I strive to be like. I admired her more …." Kitty shook her head; "No; I loved her even more after I heard about all the difficulties that she had run into. How she could manage to find the strength to overcome everything that hit her – and hit her hard. She managed to remain standing straight and tall." She swallowed. "Now I have disappointed her."

Marley blinked. "How?"

"I'm not strong. I'm weak." Kitty stared hard at the Kleenex in her hands. "I'm broken."

"That's what makes you the strongest." Marley replied. She scooted closer to the blonde. "It's the hard times that makes a person the strongest. It's the hard times that makes a person realize that they have to fight hard to remain standing. That life is worth fighting for."

Kitty felt Marley's breath on the left side of her face. She just listened to what the brunette had to say.

"When your life is going smoothly it's easy to forget that you need to use your strength. When there isn't a bump in the road – then you forget to watch out for one. You get to relax. You believe that nothing can touch you." Marley spoke. "Until one day your life is turned up side down." Marley hummed under her breath; "It could be something as little as stubbing your toe. Or it could be your father walking out on you."

Kitty blinked.

"It can be when people publicly make fun of your mother for gaining so much weight that she resembles a whale."

Kitty chocked out a sob on this note.

Marley tucked her right hand under the blonde's jaw. Staring into fragile hazel eyes. "You get to decide if other people are allowed to break you. You get to decide to either fight hateful, and hurtful words with your own. You get to decide to hold onto the anger, and hate them. You get to decide to just let it all go. You get to decide to just move on, and live your own life; the way you want to live it. It's your life. You have the right to live your own life." Her fingers gently brushed aside the tears that were falling.

"I can't be like you." Kitty whispered. "I can't let the hurt go. I cling too it. It's all I have. If I don't hold it close to me; then I would just waste away."

"You don't have to hold the bundle alone." Marley gently said.

"I have no one." Kitty's eyes lowered to meet Marley's hand. "I learned that real good."

"You counted on the wrong people." Marley softly said. "Not everyone is going to let you down."

Kitty emotionally pulled away. She couldn't trust that she wouldn't loose Marley and Artie. Granted she just started to truly open up to them just the previous day. She had emotionally grown closer to these two souls faster; then she had ever done in the past. Artie and Marley were much closer to her then even her parents ever were. She just couldn't loose them. She just knew that if she told them what happened to her when she was eleven; then they would turn away from her. If she told them how her own family didn't truly love her from day one – then they would come to realize that she truly didn't deserve love. She couldn't bare to be alone once more.

Now that she had a small taste of what being loved felt like. She wanted to hold onto it. She would do anything to keep it. That meant not allowing them to find out the truth about her. She couldn't afford to risk it.

Marley felt Kitty emotionally pull away from her. "Just know that I'll always be here whenever you are ready to lean on me." She bowed her forehead to rest against Kitty's; "I'll be your strength when you finally run out of your own."

END CHAPTER EIGHT

Author's Note: I had some serious writers block in the beginning of this chapter. Right when I got to the Lima part – I just couldn't figure out where I wanted Kitty to be in this point of the story. I knew that I wasn't ready for her to say anything about the molestation to Marley.

Well; during the writers block – I got a new job. So for the past two and half weeks; I have been learning my new job. Well my muse has returned; and I finally figured out that I wanted this chapter to be an Quinn centric chapter. I didn't want the entire chapter with just Quinn and Kurt – I know that I could have added Rachel in the mix – but I wanted to have Quinn and Kurt have long conversions throughout this chapter – I wanted to get into some of Kitty's emotional state also – so I thought about how Quinn Fabray is Kitty's idol. So for the Quinn centric chapter – and too push Kitty's own story line on ward – I had Kitty reveal her feelings on starting at McKinley; and hearing others tearing down Quinn.

Also; seeing how the 'Glee' creators are pretty much writing the newbies OUT of season 6 – and pretty much won't be going into any background stories for the rest of season 5 – I feel that the newbies are fair gain now. That we don't have to stick to cannon about their home lives. (Sides quite frankly we didn't get much cannon on most of the 'Glee' cast home lives. Expect for Quinn, Rachel, Kurt, Finn, Marley, Will, Sue, Puck, Jake and Santana. I'm talking about actually having their parents show up on the show).

What's this that I'm hearing that Kevin McHale is going to be written off of the show after season five? Why is this going to happen? I mean I know season 6 is all going to be in New York. Umm …. Artie got into film school in New York. So why are they even THINKING about writing Kevin off the show? Of course why write anyone off the show. They could just move the newbies to New York.