Doctor Who x Welcome to Night Vale crossover, requested by Spookyknight on tumblr

*Note* it's not a…full episode, per say. I'm not entirely caught up so I didn't want to accidentally mess with events that had already happened with the town.

The sky is dark. The moon is bright. The stars twinkle faintly, their light having traveled thousands of years to reach us, and are probably already dead, we just don't know it.

Welcome… to Night Vale.

Got a call from John Peters—you know, the farmer? He says that a mysterious big blue box just appeared on the edge of his property. He said that it came from nowhere, flickering in and out, in and out, while a grating, whistling sound filled the air. He said it was the sound of the fabric of reality splitting open and spitting out the box. So far, the box is just sitting there. He tried shouting at it but did not receive reply.

The Sherriff's Secret police have been dispatched to investigate. I called Carlos, but he and his team of scientists offered no explanation to the box's sudden appearance.

More details as the story unfolds.

Update on the blue box currently occupying a small patch of land on John Peter's farm.

It has been identified as a police box from the 1960s, the kind usually found on street corners in Britain. What it's doing in modern Night Vale is still a mystery. The Sherriff's Secret Police are trying to gain entrance to the box through the front door by picking the lock and banging on it with hammers. Their efforts, so far, have been in vain. But they want me to assure everyone that the box appears to be completely harmless and that there is no need for people to panic.

Yet.

Carlos was in the studio a few minutes ago when he received a call from one of the members of his team out near the box. I could not here what was being said, but whatever it was caused Carlos's perfectly chiseled jaw to drop. He left in quite a hurry.

And now: traffic.

Got another call from John Peters—you know, the farmer? He said he saw two people run out of the blue box when the Secret Police were shouting with Carlos and his scientists. He said they appeared to be human but he couldn't be too sure. The woman was short and blonde and the man was tall with great hair. Maybe even better than Carlos's.

Well. I have to disagree. Carlos's hair is perfect and it simply is not humanly possible to have better-than-perfect hair.

If you're listening, strange man, know this: your hair is not better than Carlos's. You only wish it was.

…

Intern Dana is here in the studio. She is showing me her phone screen—what are—oh. It appears Old Woman Josie updated her facebook status around the time that the blue box appeared. It says 'all of the angels just stopped what they were doing and looked to the west.'

…Well, that is certainly strange.

We're going to take a short break. In the meantime, listeners, please enjoy this word from our sponsors.

Welcome back, listeners. Old Woman Josie called during the break. She said that seconds after she posted the status, all the angels made unintelligible noises and disappeared into thin air. They have not yet returned.

"It was that box! It's evil!" she shouted into the phone before hanging up.

We're getting reports of two strangers walking through Night Vale that match the descriptions provided by John Peters—you know, the farmer? The man is wearing a brown suit, white Converse, and a long brown coat. The woman is wearing a pink shirt, denim jacket, and a pair of jeans. One person said that they sound British and acted like tourists. Another gushed for two full minutes about the man's hair and had the audacity to claim that it was, in fact, better than Carlos's. I recommended she see an optometrist.

The City Council has just sent word via messenger child, asking me to remind everyone that no one is allowed in the dog park. It says here, 'Just because two strange people were spotted going into the dog park does not make it any less off-limits.' They also asked me to stress that citizens are not to look at the hooded figures, not to approach them and, under no circumstances, should they initiate conversation with one of them.

Aaaand the child is still here. Staring at me. A-are you alright? D-do you, um, want some water or—hey! What do you think you're doing? Give it—no, don't write on that! Don't— *sigh*

Bad Wolf? What does that even—? And, of course, now he's wandered off.

…

This just in: the two strangers were spotted exiting the dog park accompanied by two of the hooded figures. The Sheriff's Secret Police are waiting to apprehend the strangers but do not want to risk angering the hooded figures, who have been known to spontaneously disintegrate those who do so. They're suggesting everyone steer clear of the group and to not look at the hooded figures, the pretty woman, or the man with the perfect hair—

Oh, this is getting out of hand! This man does not have perfect hair. His hair is utterly horrible and should be shaved off for even trying to compete with Carlos's.

*huff*

And now: the weather.

Listeners, Intern Dana just informed me that the two strangers from the blue box have barged into the building and are demanding to know the location of the radio announcer currently on air.

Oh, well, this should be interesting.

Wait.

I'm the only announcer currently on air.

-door bursts open-

"What did you say about my hair?"

Oh my God! Listeners, they're in the studio! I repeat: the two strangers are in the studio! With me! And this one's angry!

"What do you mean my hair is horrible? I'll have you know that Time Lords do not have horrible hair! My hair happens to be rather fantastic this time around, thank you very much. I mean, it's still not ginger, which is upsetting, but at least it's better than before when it was all shorn, don't you think so, Rose? And at least it's actually got a bit of life to it, unlike yours! Did you have a disagreement with a pair of scissors or something?"

I-I—well, there's no need to be rude!

"You started it! Insulting my hair like that before you'd even seen it. Honestly, this whole town is just rubbish. People have been stalking us with their cellphones, and there's those sinister people in black suit, plus you've got a group of Angeliki hanging out in a car lot! And let's not forget those men that were hitting my ship with sledgehammers!"

"Um, Doctor? Don't we have to be somewhere?"

"What? Oh. Right. We'll just be going now. Have a nice day…and see a barber if you get the chance. Come on, Rose."

"…You realize that now I'm goin' to hafta spend all evenin' listenin' to him fussin' over his hair and insulting species with bad hair?"

Um. I'm sorry?

"Yeah. Thanks, mate."

-door slams shut-

…

Well… that… was… I'm not even sure…um, how to feel about that…

*clears throat* But for your information, sir, I happen to like my hair this way. And your hair is still not better than Carlos's.

…

Dana just informed me that the two strangers and the hooded figures have left the building, heading in the direction of John Peter's farm. Oh and now here comes a member of the Secret Police. We'll be right back.

Listeners, I am pleased to report the departure of the blue box and its two strange occupants. John Peters—you know, the farmer?—called to inform me that he watched them walk right past the Secret Police and the scientists up to the box with the hooded figures. The girl pulled out a seemingly ordinary key, unlocked the box, and ushered the figures in. He did not get a good look at the inside, but he said there did not seem to be any way that the four of them could fit inside it.

Before following, however, the man locked eyes with Carlos and apparently said, "Carlos, I take it?" Then he pushed open the door went inside, which is surprising given the size of the box.

There was the sound again. The grating, whistling sound of reality splitting open, and pulling the box back to whence it came. Fading in and out, in and out, in and out, until it disappeared, leaving behind only a large square patch of flattened grass as a sign it was ever there, which the scientists converged on moments later.

The Secret Police are offering no explanation as to why the strangers came in their box or why they absconded with two of our hooded figures, nor do they know if the figures will ever be returned. But Old Woman Josie has updated her Facebook, announcing the sudden return of her angels! Though they won't tell her why, exactly, they left, she is just glad they've come back. I'm very happy for you, Josie.

Things, it seems, are going back to normal here in Night Vale. We may never know why the strangers and their blue box visited us, or why they took two of our hooded figures, or how they were able to actually converse with the hooded figures in the first place. Though they entered the dog park, caused Old Woman Josie's angels to disappear, and left behind a string of graffiti across town—all saying BAD WOLF in big letters—at least they did not cause mass panic, open swirling vortexes of doom, demolish buildings, or drop dead animals on us, right? You should always keep an optimistic outlook on life.

And with that, it's time for me to say farewell for this evening. Stay tuned next for an hour of white noise, followed by the sound of kittens playing. Good night, Night Vale. Good Night.

Probably my first and last dabble into WTNV fiction. I might write a companion fic from Rose and the Doctor's POV. Maybe. I'll think about it.

Review!