Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the original characters.

Special thanks to: Nancy for betaing (she's fabulous), Lotty and Loopy Lou for pre-reading (they're fantastic), Vanya for being my inspiration.

Visits With My Shrink

Chapter 1

Doctor Cullen meets me at the door and invites me in his office.

I sit in my chair, feeling comfortable as I'm so used to this already. He is going to ask me a ton of questions now.

Doctor Cullen surprises me today, by asking the question of my most frustrating memory. I have to tell him that story from my junior year.

"""""

Back then, Jasper lived with his sister Rosalie. Everyone knew the Hale twins. Gorgeous. Stunning. Flawless creatures. Always impeccably dressed, and they even smelled perfect. Blonde curls, blue eyes, long lashes, lean bodies - they had all you could dream of. Plus a wealthy family. Their parents lived in Europe and had left the twins with a comfortable condo all to themselves.

By the end of the first semester of our junior year, my best friend Emmett was already head over heels in love with Rosalie Hale. He was also the luckiest dude in the school then, because she had agreed to go on a date with him. And the rest is history, as they say. Rosalie and Emmett are happily married now and expecting their first child.

Jasper Hale? I hated his guts.

Sometimes, he would accompany Rosalie to a movie night with Emmett. Occasionally, I went with Emmett, too. It often happened the four of us were in the line for popcorn, or tickets, or whatever, and Jasper Hale did nothing but annoy the hell out of me. He was just too perfect; always cool and balanced, flashing his crooked grin and turning his head too quickly, never noticing how he actually dazzled me. He made me feel uncomfortable. And insignificant.

Little did I know of Jasper Hale.

In spite of his good looks, he never took a chance with a girl. And believe me, they wanted him. Craved him, if I have to be precise. How he could ignore all the attention was beyond me. My classmate Alice was regularly buying new clothes in the vain hope of catching his attention. New shoes every week, new hairstyle every month, all to no avail. Jasper Hale kept ignoring her and every other girl as well. He came across as an arrogant prick in my eyes.

On one of the rainy mornings of the second semester of that year, I approached Rosalie and bravely asked her what his problem with the girls was. "Why don't you ask him yourself, Edward," was her answer. "That's not my story to tell."

But I wasn't brave enough to approach him.

The end of the school year was coming close, and we had Prom to attend. Bella Swan, Alice's best friend, asked me to Prom, but said she wouldn't dance for anything on Earth. I agreed to be her date for the night, the non-dancing condition fitting perfectly to my taste. I was a good dancer, but hated the music they chose for school events.

Bella was a nice girl, and I'd always gotten along with her. When I picked her up that night, she wore a fancy blue dress and looked almost beautiful. I wondered if she expected me to kiss her at some point. I wasn't kissing her tonight, though. I was in a strange mood, and couldn't take my eyes off of Jasper Hale in a tux. Jasper never danced the entire night. I spent the evening in a corner, watching him, and was glad when the night finally ended.

One week later, the Hales threw a party.

We all got drunk. Alice and Bella giggled on the couch, raised their hands to attract our attention, and somewhat proudly announced they were "ready for some experimenting". Bella leaned to her left and placed a long, wet kiss on Alice's lips.

The sight of the two girls together like that disgusted me, and bile rose in my throat. I was dizzy, and ran to the bathroom down the corridor. I wasn't surprised to find it already occupied, the door locked, and I heard noises easily recognizable as a couple making out. Then I remembered seeing Mike and Jessica disappearing, so I could guess who was inside.

I didn't know if there was another bathroom. The place was huge, so I was sure there had to be at least one more. I went on a quest for a place to throw up, my dizziness getting stronger and very embarrassing. The next thing I knew, I bumped into somebody. And I mean some body. Muscular, toned, and warm under a white tee. Very warm. I couldn't dare lift my head up, knowing any kind of movement would make me sick. I opted on staying pressed to that torso, inhaling several times, deeply. My nostrils filled with an intoxicating aroma. The feeling against that cotton clad chest was comforting and somehow pleasurable. Suddenly, there was a swell in my jeans. I was aroused, and I was well aware it was a man's torso I was pressed against. I also knew it was Jasper's. Five seconds later, I was puking all over his white tee.

Warm fingers grabbed my wrist, and Jasper dragged me further down the corridor. I was trying to apologize, but couldn't come up with coherent words. I staggered until Jasper shushed me. "Just stop it. We're gonna go get cleaned up in my bathroom." We entered a bedroom, and Jasper closed the door behind us. Then locked it. Twice.

"Get in there. Now." Jasper pointed to a smaller door to our left, obviously leading to his bathroom. I couldn't help but obey the tone of his voice. I entered and he followed me, locking that door as well. "Strip." Again I obeyed and started unbuttoning my shirt.

To my dismay, he undressed before me. His white tee, piled on the floor, was followed by boots, jeans, and briefs. His eyes were fixating the bulge in my pants. "What are you doing?" I managed to ask.

"I'm doing something I should have done a long time ago. I'm offering you my ass, and you, Edward, are going to fuck me."

And then, I passed out.

When I woke up it was morning. I squeezed my eyes closed to avoid the offending sunlight, but it still burned my eyelids. My head felt like it was going to explode, while I tried to remember why I was lying in someone's bed, completely naked. Then I remembered. And felt stupid. I needed to apologize to Jasper and try to make it up to him. My dick swelled again at the very thought of how many ways there were to apologize to that particular person. I finally comprehended we were gay, he and I. Visions of our future together haunted my imagination.

The bathroom door opened with a sudden click. "Ah, you're awake." His voice was quiet."Your clothes are clean and dry." He approached me, clutching my clothes in his hands, and remained silent.

"Why are you fully dressed? Won't you come in bed, I have to make it up to you?" I felt incredibly brave.

"Edward, I don't think this is ever going to happen."

"But... I thought we were going to be together, Jas?"

"Don't call me that. Again, this is not going to happen, sorry. Look, I am really attracted to you, but I'm not gay. Last night, it was a bit different."

"Oh... a bit different. You make me imagine my cock disappearing into your hole, and now you're telling me that you're not gay. I see." I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I was actually shattered.

"That was yesterday. And tomorrow, Alice and I are flying to Europe and I will introduce her to my parents. She's my new girlfriend, they need to know her." With that, he shoved my clothes in my hands and turned abruptly.

He left the room. At the very last glimpse, I saw something glistening in the corner of his eye.