My take on the events after the finale.

Title is borrowed from the the french version of Pocahontas' love theme 'If I never knew you' ... partly because it fits, partly because I just love the song :)

If I never knew you
I'd be safe but half as real
Never knowing I could feel
A love so strong and true

John Secada and Shanice - If I never knew you (Pocahontas OST)

Chapter One

She watches the pink stars rise up towards to pitch black surface of the Dome, eyes the darkness abate and make room for the almost blinding light and yet, she does not see anything. For all she knows dropping the egg into the sea could've had no effect at all – or the worst anyone could imagine.

Tears are still streaming down her face when she sinks onto the floor, knees drawn in so she could rest her head onto them. She tries wiping them away a few times but they just keep coming back, each time stronger than the ones before. She finally gives up on it after the fifth try. The dog tags are still firmly clutched in her left hand, branding themselves into her skin by the force of her fingers around them.

She doesn't care. Right now that's all she had of him and the pain her fingernails inflict on her palm reminds her, that he is real. It also makes her cry even harder, because if he's real, than all of this is and he's on the other side of town, getting executed for crimes he didn't commit. Honestly she wouldn't even care if he had done it. What matters to her is that him being executed means she isn't going to see him again.

It was just two weeks since she met him, less since she found out her husband wasn't coming back, still less since she found out he killed her husband. Despite all that, she is in love with him.

She lifts her head from her knees, opens her hand. She brings the dog tags to her lips, kissing them softly, whispering an I Love You against the deformed metal, before sliding them over her head. On her smaller frame they rest farther down her chest than when he is wearing them. He had asked her to hold onto them for him and that's what she will be doing. The tears are still flowing when she cuddles up to her knees again, sending some silent prayers up to anyone who might hear her – and more importantly be able to help her, help him.

The surface of the Dome doesn't clear and so she doesn't know how long she has been sitting there. The watch on her wrist forgotten, because really there are more important things to think about right now. It could've been minutes, hours, for all she cares even days but the one thing she is certain of is that it is too late for her to save the man she loves.
She knows, protecting the egg was more important than saving one life. She however had not planned on living without him and so she had come up with the one idea that would serve both purposes. Dumping the egg into the sea, saving hundreds of lives, sacrificing both of theirs. That was the only right thing to do. Monarch or not, she had earned the light back for Chester's Mill, now everything else is up to someone else. Preferably the three teenagers since they actually seemed to know what's going on.

Eventually she gets up, this time drying the tears that are still falling. She stops crying a minute later, finding happiness in the thought that she is going to see him again soon. Kicking her shoes off to the side, she grips the railing and taking a deep breath, climbs over it. She almost loses her footing once, making her tighten her grip and making her heart beat faster. Actually being that close to almost committing suicide, she feels, for the first time, fear. Of course she could swim, falling off that boat would not necessarily end in her drowning but that isn't what she wants. She's conscious enough to know, that she only had one shot. The moment she hits the water she had to dive deep down and stay there till the air has run out. There was no way she would jump again, if she rescues herself the first time.

The water is freakishly cold, she noticed that when a few drops seeped through her sneakers as she set foot onto the boat, and contaminated. With what exactly she isn't sure but does it really matter? It would probably kill her faster if she drank it rather than waiting to drown in it. But she wants to punish herself for causing him all this pain.

If she had not insisted on seeing Peter's grave, he would never have been upstairs but instead talking things out with her in the living room. He would've been there when the door bell had rung and probably would've been adamant about opening the door himself. She is pretty confident, that he, too, would not have expected Max to be on the other side of the door but, he is a little paranoid, and given recent events would have tried to protect her. She knows Max never had shot him, if he was dead, Max couldn't have him either.

If she had not gotten shot, he would not have been blamed for three murders and an attempted one.

She pushes her red locks out of her face, careful not to lose her stand again until she is ready to let go. She has no doubt about actually doing it, actually ending her life to be with him in the afterlife. And if, contrary to popular belief, the afterlife does not exist, she at least would not have to life in a world where he doesn't. She is however debating on whether or not there is a right time for letting go; would she know when she was ready or if she would never really be. If so, she would do it nonetheless.

Kissing her newly acquired necklace again, saying good-bye, she pushes it under her shirt. It may seem ridiculous given that she is about to kill herself, but the last ting she wants is to loose those dog tags. Not when she promised to hold onto them. Not when they are the last thing she has of him. Closing her eyes she slowly, one finger after the other, detaches her right hand from the railing.

"Julia! Don't!" She knows that voice and that all it takes for her to reclaim the railing under both of her hands. She opens her eyes, tears coming again and sends a Thank You to whoever heard her prayer.

"Barbie?"