Title: Bebe

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"Roma, Veneziano says he wants us to come over and see his and Germany's new baby~!"

"Shuddafugup," I mumble, curling under the sheets and shoving my head under the pillow. There is no way in hell I'm getting up now. It's far too early. The sun is actually shining. Stupid asshole.

"Aaw, c'mon, Roma, it's gonna be so cute~!"

"Don' fuckin' care. Babies are stupid."

Spain gives a horrified gasp. "But Roma, babies are so cuuuute! I remember when you were a baby- well, not a baby, but a little kid, and you were so cute~!"

I lift my head off of the bed to glare at Spain, feeling a stupid blush settle over my cheeks. "Sh-shut up, I was not cute!"

"Sure you were~!" he insists. "And you're cute now too, so get up so that you can look even cuter while holding the baby!"

I duck my head back under the pillows. "Oh hell no, I'm not holding the damn thing! What if I break it?"

He leans down and begins placing kisses on all of my exposed skin, because he knows I'll make him stop eventually. "You won't break it. You're not that bad with kids."

"You don't even know, stupid," I mutter as he places a kiss on my shoulder. I lift up and arm and wave it through the air around him. "Stop fucking kissing me!"

He leans down to kiss me on the back of my neck, grinning against my skin. I shiver at the feeling of his warm breath, not having realized I wasn't nearly as warm as I could be.

"I'll stop kissing you if you get up!" he says cheerfully, kissing behind my ear. I sit up, glaring at him, then wrap the blankets around my shoulders, yawning loudly.

"I don't wanna gooooo," I whine.

"I'll carry you to the kitchen if you don't walk, mi corazon,"

"You wouldn't," I hiss.

"I will~!" he says cheerfully. "Oh, too slow, looks like I'll have to carry you!" He leans forward to grab me, but I duck his arms, managing to fall off the bed in the process.

"D-don't even try it- Get away, stupid fucker!" I hop to my feet, then throw the blankets at him and run from the room while he's blinded.

"That was below the belt!" he calls cheerily after me.

AYE**LUV**YOU

A couple hours later, Spain and I are stationed in Feliciano's living room. The potato bastard is sitting with us while Feli fusses around in the kitchen. Spain is sitting next to me, holding the baby (it's a girl) and cooing affectionately at it. It just keeps giving him this look like, "Ugh, get the fuck outta my face bitch," and I'm starting to get embarrassed for my stupid boyfriend.

Feli finally comes in, sitting on the armrest of Germany's chair like some sort of dumbass.

"She's so cute, Vene!" Spain says happily. "What's her name again?"

"Well, we haven't decided, but I was thinking Stella's kind of cute!"

"Or Kamilla," Germany says, looking with vague potato fondness at the baby.

"Those are both really cute!" Spain says. "Oh, look at her, she thinks I'm a stupid head!"

"You're not a stupid head, you're a dumbass," I correct instinctively.

"Yeah, but she says I'm a stupid head," he tells me. "Just look at her. Look at her eyes. They say that I'm a stupid head."

I look into her eyes, which are brown and totally not impressed. "She thinks you're a glorified asshat." I tell him knowledgeably.

He pouts. "Well, if you know her so well, why don't you hold her?"

I scoot to the other side of the couch. "Uh-uh, no way, I am not holding her."

"Awww, come on, fratello, she wants her zio to hold her!"

I shake my head. "No, no, no. I'm not holding her."

And then Spain leans forward and casually plops her into my arms. Instantly, I freeze, not wanting to move and accidentally kill her or something. I can feel everyone in the room watching me, waiting to see what will happen, and it's super uncomfortable. I mean, if I break the baby, I don't want to break her with everyone watching!

"...You can loosen up a bit, you know," Spain says after a while. "You don't have to be so..." He waves his arms randomly through the air, then leans over and makes me cradle my arms around her more.

"You have to support her neck!" Feli chimes in. "She's just a little baby, she can't hold it up yet."

"And don't hold her so far down your lap," Germany instructs bossily. "Bring her closer to your body."

"There, look, you're almost doing it!" Spain says happily once I've done all the things they advised.

"Sh-shut up, asshole," I mutter, feeling my face turn red.

"Don't swear by the baby, Roma, or else the first word she's ever going to learn will be something like 'fuckwit' and then she'll just go around calling everyone fuckwit, and-"

"Fine, fine, I won't swear around her!" I glare at him, then jump violently as I feel something on my arm. It's the baby, grabbing at my shirtsleeve and pulling it into her mouth.

"Aaaw, look at her, she's eating you!" Feli says, giggling.

"Hey, stop that!" I tell the baby. "Don't eat my shirt, that was expensive!" Well, not expensive. Ten bucks or so, but still.

She ignores me, focusing purely on my shirt, her brown eyes wide and innocent. She goos a bit, and then shoves a whole baby fistful of my shirt into her mouth, getting it soaked through with baby spit before pulling it out and gooing again.

"She's meditating," Feliciano said in an awed whisper.

"Wh-what the fu- shi- um... crap? What do you mean she's meditating?"

"Babies have deep thoughts, Roma. She's telling you all about it. She's probably remembering the womb or something," Spain says, like he knows what he's talking about.

"Yeah right, she's not fu- frickin' meditating. She probably doesn't even remember the womb! You guys are fuck- frickin' wierd."

"She likes you," Germany says. "Maybe you should name her. Feliciano and I can't decide on anything."

I look up, startled. "What?! Oh hell no, you're not shoving this naming business onto me! Name your kid your own da- darn self!"

Spain chuckles, and I turn to glare at him. "What?" I ask sulkily.

"It's funny to see you try to censor yourself~"

I feel my face go red, and I stammer out, "Sh-shut up, stupid. If I weren't holding an innocent child I'd kill you."

"Okay, well, how about this," Feli says, changing the subject. "What if you think of a name for her and then we'll put it in our name list?"

I shrug, feeling vaguely honored. After all, this is the name the little baby will be stuck with for the rest of her life, and I might be able to choose it?

"Um... uuuum... um... C-Clarissa?" I half-ask.

There's a small silence in which I practically sweat all the water out of my body, and then Feliciano claps his hands together excitedly and says, "I like it! There's so much room for nicknames! Like Clare, or Clary, or Issa, or Izzy, or... well, I think that might be all. But I like it!"

"Can her middle name be Kamilla?" Germany asks, because apparently they've both already fucking decided that that's what her name will be.

"Whoa whoa, hold up, you can't just name her Clarissa!" I say. "You said you would put it on the list!"

Feli shrugs. "Yeah, but the list is just Stella and Kamilla, and we both like Clarissa."

"How do you even know that? You didn't even talk about it!"

"We just know," said Feli, which is somehow the gayest thing I've ever heard, like he thinks that they can read each other's minds or something. Oh my god, can they? Aaaaaagh, no, that's weird!

"Well... okay, if you're sure you wanna just... name her Clarissa..."

"We are," says Feliciano firmly.

"Gooo..." goes the baby.

A/N Soooooo... Drabbles. I like them now. Yep. Spamano. That's it.

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