Reversible

'The symptoms of broken heart syndrome are treatable, and the condition usually reverses itself in about a week.'
– Mayo Clinic, Broken Heart Syndrome.

Do you feel it?

Your heart pulling on your brain?

Do you feel your heart twining your spinal cord around its fingers and pulling, tugging, cracking your skull? It takes control. It controls your thoughts. It makes you say things you'd give anything not to say, and to say again.

I feel it.

I have felt it.

There are many good men in the world – so many, in fact, that they make up for any number of bad men. I had one, and I lost him. I had another, and I've lost him too. I'd say I lost the second because of the first, for love of the first, but I didn't. I lost him because of me.

I've never considered myself a selfish person, but maybe I am. I took to sex like a duck to water, after all, to an act which had nothing to do with making life. It gave me life, though. It gave me joy, and maybe that's selfish. Maybe the best you can do is give out happiness, let others love you if they want to, let others love the people they choose to even if it breaks your heart. It will break your heart. It will.

I have felt it.

I feel it.

I have someone in my life who loves me in full and express knowledge of the fact that my heart has taken control of my brain. He knows what turns my head, and makes me look, and that I'd give anything not to look, and to look again. It is breaking my heart. It will crack my skull. It will.

I did not choose to love you, as you stand there and hate me, but I do.

Do you feel it?

Fin.