"The best part of my ten-year tour in Afghanistan was when I was beheading Nazis with my enchanted sword." Dean Thomas said as he downed another shot of Firewhiskey.

"Uh, Dean, there aren't any Nazis in Afghanistan, and you were there for only a year."

"That's what you think..."

A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far Far Away...

The sound of gunfire in an enclosed space was near-deafening.

"Alright everybody, this is a stick-up. Bring me food, medical supplies, and any magazines you might have lying around!" A wizened old man who looked a bit like a monkey who was wearing a mishmash of attire from several eras that was holding an assault rifle yelled.

Two minutes later, the man was gone as well as several crates of food and a large pile of medical supplies and five magazines. The instant the man was gone, the head of the Court Martial that the Doctor, Jamie, and Zoe had found themselves in put on a pair of glasses.

"Despite what you think you may have seen, we were not robbed by a wizard. In fact, he was never here. And, can someone please get that man another kilt?!"

"Did something just happen?" Jamie asked as he looked down upon noticing that there was a healthier than normal breeze around his privates.

"Salazar Slytherin with a machete and a machine gun." the Doctor replied as he pulled a spare kilt out of his pocket.

Elsewhere:

"I got us some food and medical supplies, and another issue of National Geographic." Slytherin said as he set his bounty down next to a young man who bore a striking resemblance to him.

"Thank you father." the young man said as he picked up the well thumbed through magazine. "By the way, I've got us some more swords to enchant. With all the valuable items that the wizards from the future keep giving us for them, you'd think they'd forgotten how or something..."

"Tell the War Chief that I've found the main Wiz-" a man in some bushes about a half kilometer away said.

POP!

POP! POP!

POP!POP!POP!POP!POP!POP!POP!

"...And, they're..."

POP!

"What was I doing again?"

POP!

"Oh, yeah...My souffle!"

In the Stocade:

"Hey! You're that Highlander whasshisname that I ran into after that battle up near Culloden, oh, right! Jim!"

"My name's Jamie not..."

"Funny, I don't remember seeing you at Hogwarts. Nevermind, you're probably one of those home-schooled hedge wizards."

"I'm not a..."

"Do you think you can get us out of here Jim? I'd be gone already, but I quit trying for my Apparition License after I failed the test five times."

"Those were the days, cruising around in a stolen ambulance with my girl Minnie at my side and my best mate Salazar guarding my six. Then, some bloke who called himself The Doctor had to come and ruin it all..."

"You're drunk Dean."