Chapter Ten
Reunification of the Soul
Then, the news hit that no one was ready for. Aizen had been captured, alive. Captain Gin Ichimaru had been undercover as his man for the last few years. When Aizen had left, things happened quickly and Gin made a move. Gin ended up with a gunshot wound to the shoulder for his efforts, but he'd captured Aizen alive, and that was what truly mattered.
Shinobu and Uryū were also instilled in the same safe house as Ichigo along with several of the others from Tia Hallibel's group. During that time, Shinobu had become quite close to Wonderweiss.
The Kurosaki family found life to be curiously quiet once their missing member was safely away in an unknown location. Their life went on like any normal life, but there was a huge gaping hole in it. And it yearned to be filled, but until their son and brother returned, there was nothing to be done. And the broken boy was far from put back together.
Grimmjow and Renji sat in the cafeteria. Rukia and Byakuya were up talking to one of Ichigo's selves and they were enjoying the peace together for the first time in a week of sitting for the young man in alterative shifts.
"So, you managed to come to terms with the fact you fell in love with him yet?" Renji asked suddenly.
Grimmjow choked on his food. "What?"
Renji grinned. "You're head over heels in love with him, idiot."
"I am not," he said. "He's my case, that's all."
"That's not all."
"Yes, it is, leave it Renji," he said, standing and leaving the red head shaking his head at him.
A week later, they were again having lunch and Renji looked morose. "What's going on?"
"I'm just bored of this gig. I want to be out in the open again, sunshine on my face!" he announced.
Grimmjow frowned. "Sunshine. That thing Ichigo says, rainfall sunshine. We never have been able to figure it out for sure. I still wonder about it and if we're right."
Renji rolled his eyes at his thick-headed friend. He reached up and tugged at his hair painfully. "Hey!" he exclaimed batting his hand away.
"Rainfall, dumbass," Renji said with an eye roll.
"What?" he asked, running a hand over his hair.
"Think about it! Or rather don't think so hard. Rainfall. Blue water, blue…like your hair, stupid. Sunshine, orange…like his hair. I am about ninety nine percent sure that Ichigo wants you to be together. In his cracked mind, it comes out Rainfall Sunshine. That's why he mutters about blue and orange all the time in his sleep. For some reason that amazingly smart mind of his works that way," Renji said, shoving a fork load of potatoes in his mouth.
Grimmjow sat stunned for a moment. Could it really be that simple?
Another week passed of the same routine and Renji and Grimmjow met for their lunch again. "You may be right," he admitted. "He was muttering in his sleep again last night about the blue rain, and the orange sun. I mean, nothing else really makes sense, does it?"
Renji nodded. "It would seem so, big blue."
"But…so he's felt that connection from the beginning?"
"You did save his life, you know. You're the one that rescued him. That's where the blue comes from. I bet in that dark room the only color he could see was the bright ass hair of yours. He connected blue with his salvation. And I think rainfall because he's sad. But he wants to be happy, hence the sunshine bit," he said shrugging.
Grimmjow arched a brow. "When did you get so philosophical?"
Renji snorted. "Zangetsu and I have been spending a lot of time together…" he answered with a grin. "I like the guy. I like all three, but then, they're all the same person anyway, so it doesn't matter, does it?"
Grimmjow stopped. He'd been thinking of them as different, distinct individuals. But that wasn't them at all. They were all Ichigo. Parts of the same whole. They were simply splinters of Ichigo made more vivid by their separation.
"Yeah, you're right. No reason to change anything once he becomes one person again. He'll have all their memories, and they are him…"
Another week passed and this time Renji was tired of messing with his blue haired friend. Every day, or night, he sat and mooned over the orange haired man. He'd stroke his hands; pet his hair from his face when he thought others weren't watching that knew him. He cared deeply for him. He'd talk kindly to all three personalities, and when he thought no one at all was looking, he could see the shine of unshed tears when he looked at his sleeping form tied down with the restraints.
Nope, Renji had enough. Grimmjow swaggered in and sat down with his food and sighed deeply.
"Dammit, man, tell him that you love him," Renji said.
"What?" he asked.
"You fucking moron. You love the boy. Just tell him, even if you tell him when he goes to sleep, I don't care. You worry constantly over him, you pet him and coo at him, you read to him, you put up with Shiro's shit like no one else, you love him. Now, grow some balls, man," Renji said, standing and striding off.
Grimmjow sat dumbfounded for a moment and then swallowed, and it seemed, along with the lump in his throat he swallowed his pride. Yeah, he did love him. From the moment he found him in that alley, he knew there was something more than police and victim, more than detective and case. No, so much more, a deep and living connection that he was remiss in seeing. He finished his lunch and found Ichigo napping. Renji was in the toilet. He leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to the young man's forehead and then whispered in his ear.
"Ichigo, I love you, and I want you to come home to me," he said softly and stood to go to his own rest until later that night.
Grimmjow was exhausted later that night when he returned. He read books and watched him sleep, like usual. This week had been hard. It had been a month now, and they found out earlier that Aizen was going to trial. The evidence was damning, and try as he might, his lawyers had found no way out of the situation for the man. They were still in the safe house, though. It was just too risky to move otherwise. There had been rumors about hits out on Grimmjow and Ichigo as well as Renji and Nel.
Tonight, he was almost dozing off when he heard a groan. He was up in an instant and in the seat next to the bed. They were still under suicide watch regulations, and he slept in wrist and ankle restraints at the insistence of Zangetsu and Tensa, for fear that Ichigo would take over when they slept. He pulled on the wrist restraint and gasped, his eyes flying wide and Grimmjow knew it wasn't one of the others.
"Grimm?" he asked, looking up with eyes brimming with tears.
"Ichigo, hello there, long time no see," he said softly, folding a hand into the restrained one.
"What…where…" he muttered, looking around.
"We're in a safe house for now. And you're restrained to keep you from hurting yourself," he said softly.
Ichigo nodded. "I'm…I'm…I can't go away…" he whispered urgently. "They…they're gone…"
"Shiro, Tensa and Zangetsu are gone?" Grimmjow said softly.
"I'm scared…" he said, his breath quickening. "Wh-what do I do without them…"
Grimmjow smiled softly. "You don't need them anymore, that's why they're gone."
"They left me," he said, eyes wide.
Grimmjow shook his head. "They didn't leave you. They're right here," he said, poking him in the chest.
"I don't…I don't understand…" he said his voice broken and pleading.
"Ichigo, they were just pieces of you. They returned, and now you're whole again," he said, gripping the hand tightly.
His eyes went wide. "I don't want to be whole! I remember…" he said, looking horrified. "I remember what they did to me…how they touched me, and hurt me…and I can't…I can't…"
"You can," Grimmjow said firmly.
"How do you know?" he asked, frantic. "You don't really know me, I was broken already when we met…"
"Because I knew Zangetsu. And I knew Tensa. And I knew Shiro. And they were you. Everything about them is inside you. Zangetsu's haughty ideas, and philosophy, Tensa's no nonsense attitude and love of learning and reading, Shiro's fighting ability, and passion and drive. Those things are all still there, Ichigo, because no matter what you think, they came from you, and they've gone back to you," Grimmjow said, reaching up and putting a hand on the pale cheek.
His skin was nearly translucent from being indoors and under these artificial lights. All trace of the once golden tan he had was gone. His orange hair was lank and laid around his face in a longish flop. The blue pajamas were bright in the dim light. Grimmjow smiled and unbuckled his ankles, then each of his hands and then took both of those thin hands and pulled him to stand up.
"Come with me," he said softly, and led him carefully out of the room, past the inside guard and the outside guard. Down the hall and to the right, second door to the left. He opened it and they entered a beautiful twilight garden.
Ichigo blinked and looked around. "Night blooming flowers, all of them," Grimmjow explained. "They only open when the sun goes away. Sometimes when it's raining, too."
He held tight to the younger man's hand and led him down the trails, naming all the flowers with the accuracy of a true botanist. He explained to him all about where they were from, how often they bloomed and how long they lived. Finally, they ended in a circular area with a bench overlooking a koi pond with underwater lighting that gave it an eerie glow in the moonlight. They sat for a long time watching the fish. It was well after four am and Grimmjow smiled and turned to him.
"Ichigo, I have to tell you something," he said, and the man with the hollow eyes turned and looked at him. "I fell in love with Zangetsu. And Tensa. And Shiro. And you. That means, Ichigo, I have totally and completely fallen in love with every bit of you. I've never been so scared as when you were taken from right under me. Twice. And I was so useless. And my heart beat a steady rhythm of pain while we searched for you. And I never want anyone else in my life."
Ichigo swallowed thickly and started to cry immediately. Grimmjow pulled him close and held on tightly. "I told you I loved you earlier, and tonight you woke up with them a part of you again. I think…I think they were waiting for me to come to my goddamned senses. I've loved you since the day I looked into your eyes, when I found you and you stole my heart."
The tears didn't stop, but he didn't care. He rocked him back and forth. "I will love you forever."
"How?" he whispered brokenly and it made Grimmjow's heart stutter and nearly stop.
"How? Just like this."
"But…but…I don't know that I can…ever…be ready to be with you. Like you would want…I can't even think of…of being with a person…without feeling their hands all over me and I'm sick about it…how could I be anything to you if I can't even be touched?" he gasped, grabbing hold even tighter to the firm body beside him.
"It doesn't matter. Love is love, sex isn't love. I want you to understand that. I would love to show you what true love feels like, and one day, when you're ready, show you what it feels like to make love with someone you cherish more than your own life. Because that's you for me. And it took me a long time to figure it out." He reached out and tipped his chin up to look into his eyes. "I want that emptiness to go away, and I want to see the spark, and believe me, I saw it in Shiro's eyes, so I know you have it."
Ichigo blinked. Could this be real? He hadn't thought it could be. He closed his eyes and allowed the cascading memories to wash over him, taking over his mind, heart, and soul and he held tightly to the man before him. He was older, maybe too much older, but it didn't matter. He could help him, he didn't care about what they'd done to him, how dirty they'd made him, he didn't care. He was the first thing he thought of and the last as well, and no matter how he looked at it he always wanted to be with him. It was crazy, stupid and all sorts of things but he wanted this.
Of course ya do, Ichi-baby, came a voice in his mind. You love him. I always did what you desired, at the heart of it all. When I propositioned him, when I told him those dirty things, that was your hidden and burning desires coming out and being thrust full force at the person you wanted more than anything.
And I want nothing more than to be happy, came Tensa's voice. I know the reality of our pain, Ichigo. I know the harsh facts that this will be hard. Every day will be hard. But it is so much harder without someone there that you can love and who will love you through all the tears and all the fear and will cuddle you through a nightmare.
And you have to let him. More than anything, let him in, let him help us. We're together now, one whole, but there are so many cracks yet to be filled…and his love and affection are what will fill them, Zangetsu advised him.
He smiled through his tears and nodded. "The rainfall…" he whispered, reaching up and running hands through his beautiful blue hair and then touching the tears at the corners of his eyes. "I saw you cry, and I saw this, and it was beautiful and heartbreaking like the rainfall at night. And I just wanted sunshine," he said softly, touching his own hair. "Isn't that stupid that that's the best my messed-up mind could come up with?"
Grimmjow smiled and held him all the tighter. "Not at all, I think rainfall sunshine is quite beautiful."