This is my first fan fiction, and it is dedicated to my Granddad who had his birthday here today. He died on the 23rd of July 2013, after suffering from cancer since 2006. He always told me to be what I wanted to be and work hard. I love you Granddad with all my heart. Happy Birthday

Chapter One - My Lady of the Lake

Merlin's POV

"I'm Merlin, by the way," he said softly.

She shivered and wrapped her arms tighter around herself. "I'm Freya." Smiling, Merlin draped his jacket over her shoulders and the scene swirled again. "Freya," he whispered, the first time he had ever said her name...

"But you're upset," he pressed.

She continued denying it, trying to hide the dried tear tracks down her face. "Did you think I wasn't coming?" Merlin observed. Freya tried to smile.

"I scare most people away."

"I'm not most people."

Merlin gave out a shaky laugh at that. His dream self was right, he wasn't most people, and he would suffer for eternity with that knowledge. The scene swirled again faster and faster now, more memories presenting themselves.

Merlin persuading Freya he'd smuggle her out of Camelot. She tried to refuse, telling him how dangerous it is, with the warlock eagerly announcing he'd promised he'd look after her, so he'd come with her. Her smile as they talked about living by a lake, with a field and a couple of cows. Laughing and joking.

A happy Merlin was rambling on about supplies they'd need, holding Freya's shoulders as she smiled at him, encouraging him.

Merlin watched as they had their first kiss. Sweet and soft and innocent, Merlin had never felt like that towards anyone ever, not before or since his lady in the lake.

Arthur and the knights facing off the basted. Arthur stabbing it in the paw, Freya yelping as she staggered away. Merlin losing control as of anguish, causing a gargoyle to nearly fall on his beloved prince, Arthur moving just in time. Freya's green eyes locking with Merlin's cobalt blue, his heart beginning to crack for knew that this was the beginning of the end. Freya leaping into the sky with his luscious wings, where Merlin knew she would be going back to the hideout.

Racing into the tunnel where they first had their first kiss, where they confessed their love, where they were going to run away. Now Merlin was finding her dying.

Laying Freya to rest by the lake, and her last words

"You remembered…" Freya whispered smiling at the lake as Merlin shook as he held his true love in his arms.

He tried to grin. "Of course. I am… so sorry for what that sorcerer did to you."

"Merlin, you have nothing to be sorry for," she said softly.

"There must be something I can do, some way to save you!" he said desperately. Surely if he was the most powerful being to walk the earth, for once, just this one time, something should go his way. For once, Merlin should be able to save a loved one. He deserved it, didn't he?

She shook her head, despite the obvious effort it was costing her. "You've already saved me. You made me feel loved." Merlin's face began to tear up, as despite all he could do, he couldn't save his love, his Freya.

"I don't want you to go," he choked.

Freya just smiled. "One day, Merlin… I will repay you. I promise." She smiled, her eyes full of love, then her eyes closed, and her head dropped slightly. She was gone, his fallen angel. Merlin shook his head, breathing heavily, letting the tears fall that cascaded down his face.

"F-Freya…" he whispered. No answer. There will never be an answer, and for as long as knew Arthur, he had never felt so ill of him in that moment. With a choked gasp, he hugged her tightly, sobbing, not noticing that the rain had stopped around him. It seemed as if the whole world was in mourning.

He found a wooden boat, laid her in it, and covered her with flowers, the most beautiful of flowers, as she was the most beautiful person ever to be seen. As he watched it drift away from the shore, the heartbroken warlock raised one hand and whispered, "Astíre." The boat was pushed out, where it sailed gently away, when with a final tortured sob Merlin's eyes flashed gold once more and flames leapt from the wood, consuming the flowers and what had remained of his true love – his lady of the lake.

Merlin woke up, with tears streaking down his face. Every day, he relieved that moment, but none more so then today, for today, September 29th, was the day Freya died, 5 years this day.

Merlin let out a tortured sob, but quickly tried to stifle it. He had forgotten that they were on a hunting trip with the round table, as Arthur had been so stressed that Gwen quickly decided to send him away to relieve a bit of that tension. Merlin agreed with her, he just wished that wasn't on this day. He wanted to be in mourning, and couldn't do that with actual people there to see. Merlin looked around, but it seemed that not one of the knights, or indeed Arthur, had noticed anything was wrong.

Merlin quickly wiped away the tear tracks, before walking over to the fire and restarting it, to help warm up their breakfast. Sniffing slightly, as he had a runny nose from all the crying, he silently handed out the knights breakfast to the said hungry persons.

"Mmm, this porridge is good. Maybe I can have some more Merlin?" Merlin silently made his way over to Gwaine, giving him a huge dollop of porridge before moving back towards the fire to put it out.

"Yes Gwaine, I agree with you, I should like some more as well". The knights started to laugh, as each served themselves a huge second helping, so there was none for Merlin. But he didn't mind, it wasn't as if he felt hungry as all he would eat today was strawberries.

'That's not a strawberry!' Freya laughed as Merlin handed her a rose, a blood red rose. 'It's the colour of a strawberry'".

Merlin smiled, lost in his memories. It was a while before he realised that Arthur was yelling at him.

"Merlin. Merlin. MERLIN!" Merlin looked over to the pompous prat, and as he started going off about what a complete idiot Merlin was, he wondered if he ever lost any sleep on the Bastet. Then he decided he didn't care. After a few moments, Merlin realised all the knights were staring at him, for it seemed that the esteemed dollop head had finished talking and was waiting angrily for a reply.

"Yes sire, I will pack all the bags up and ready the horses. But first I will just go and wash these dishes." The knights looked at him in astonishment, but Merlin didn't care. He just wanted to get back to Camelot as soon as possible. As he made his way over to the edge of the clearing, collecting all the dirty pans and setting off to washing them in the stream, he missed the knights' conversation.

Arthurs POV

"Why can't that idiot ever do anything that he is told. He clearly wasn't listening to a single thing I said."

"Sire haven't you noticed that Merlin seemed a little bit... well a little bit off today?" Leon asked, and frowning Arthur began to think back, but not until he heard the other knights contributions.

"We all ate the breakfast and he didn't even complain"

"When you asked for thirds, sire, he didn't even call you fat!"

"When princess had given a very flattering speech on what a person Merlin was, he didn't even give a retort back!" Arthur winced. That was Gwaine of course; the nickname was a big giveaway. I mean, thought Arthur, princess isn't a very manly name is it. And Arthur thought he certainly was manly.

"Arthur are you okay? You looked like there was something wrong with you."

"I was thinking, and yes I do think there is something wrong with Merlin, he was behaving like a girl."

"So that's why your face looked funny! Princess here was thinking and we all know how that that must off been!" Gwaine said, grinning wickedly at Arthur with all the knights joining in with laughing at the King.

"Thank you Gwaine, with that lovely input there, because as we all know, you're too busy being drunken then actual making decisions!" Arthur shot back. Gwaine never appeared at the council meetings as it was, well boring, or as Gwaine put it 'sitting with a bunch of pigs getting nowhere in their lives with nothing better to do, unlike him, because there was a lovely girl at the rising sun and... .' Arthur stopped that thought, as he didn't want to think of Gwaine... Dammit! There he went again!

The clearing went quiet, and Arthur looked around before noticing that Merlin had entered the clearing, and was now busy putting the equipment away. And now that the knights had pointed it out, Arthur realised that there was something wrong with Merlin. He was slouching, avoiding contact with any of the knights, who Arthur knew that Merlin considered close friends. He hadn't even noticed that the clearing had gone quiet and his eyes were red as if...

"Merlin you haven't been a girl and actually been crying have you?" Arthur cursed himself for not stopping the words before they came out of his mouth, as Merlin winced, then replied

"Of course not, but as we all know, you have the emotional rang of a pig. Eat, sleep and snort all day long as you get fatter and fatter." The knights let out a half hearted laugh, but Arthur knew they all realised that Merlin's heart simply wasn't in it.

"Is something wrong Merlin? You seem not yourself" asked Elyan as they all started to pack their saddle bags.

"I'm fine" said Merlin adding "Really" as all the knights looked at him disbelievingly, including Arthur. "I'm thinking we should go, as I don't know about you, but I actually have things to do in Camelot and do not have time to laze about getting stuck in the middle of nowhere!" He climbed upon his horse, as looking around, Arthur realised that they were all packed up and ready to go.

Merlin's POV

"... and then I spat the ale in the face and he..." Merlin tuned Gwaine out, as from the sound of it, it was just another tavern story, and there were a lot of those. He looked down towards the ground, where a few minutes later, (after Merlin's eyes had glowed molten gold) found a big red patch of beautiful...

"Strawberries! Well who would off known? Aren't they out of season? Merlin cursed Percival, for obvious reasons. He had forgotten that as Percival had lived in a village in the forest, he would obviously gone berry picking and would know all about the strawberry season.

For the first time that day, Merlin cracked a small smile as he climbed of his horse to the strawberries. He picked the big ones, where he quickly hid them in his jacket before procuring them for everybody else.

As they set off again, Merlin contentedly (well as contentedly as he could be) sat there munching before picking up on the current conversation.

"So, Elyan who was your first kiss?" Asked Leon, who feeling a little bit peeved that he wasn't with Catherine de Berge, decided to find out his fellow knights love lives.

"It was Mary, you know from the kitchens? We both got drunk when we were twelve and I kissed her." Elyan smiled wistfully at the memory. Percival laughed then when Elyan asked who his first kiss was managed to get out.

"A girl from my village called Jade. But we got caught by her pa and we banned from seeing each other. She then got married to a tanner. Poor bloke, as she drove him crackers!" Leon started laughing, but reputedly stopped when Arthur enquired

"So Leon who was yours?"

Leon stopped smiling and turned rather pale. Merlin paused in his memory of Freya laughing, as he wanted to know what reaction Arthur would have when he found out.

"It was umm" Leon stuttered, and then said the name quietly. He began to edge his horse so he had Percival to protect him when Arthur lost control.

"What was that Leon? I didn't quite catch that!" Elyan laughed, as he knew full well who it was and was delighted at how the second in command would soon get into trouble.

"It was Gwen" Leon whispered. A stunned silence by Arthur followed then... "How dare you kiss the future queen of Camelot!" Arthur then proceeded to try and catch Leon, and mockingly gave him a noogie for the answer. Merlin gave a small smile, and then it quickly faded as the next question came.

"Don't laugh Merlin, as we all know that Leon here has got further in his love life then you!" Merlin's head whipped round as he glared at Arthur. Arthur faltered as he received the full death glare, combined with a good imitation of Gaius' eyebrow. But he pushed on anyway.

"Well what was that for?"

"How dare you Arthur Pendragon! You know nothing about me and my life." Merlin shouted, his eyes glistening with tears as he saw Freya in his mind, reaching for him, love and happiness in her eyes. "How dare you." Merlin whispered brokenly.

The knights were taken aback by Merlin's behaviour but at Percival quiet voice saying "I think we should leave it, if Merlin wants us to know, he will tell us in his own time" and quickly changed the subject to how ugly the others were. They were all wondering how Merlin had a beloved. And they realised that they didn't truly know about the manservant. And this fact shocked them.

Merlin didn't join in their banter and he didn't laugh and chat. He was silent, and in mourning for the rest of their journey.

When they finally reached Camelot, it was in the evening, and before Arthur could reprimand him, Merlin quickly slide of his saddle and led his horse Kilo to the stables. He practically ran to Gaius' chambers, where he quickly wrote a note saying they were back, and he was going out to collect some 'herbs'.

He went up to his chambers and collected a black neckerchief, which he promptly put on before heading back out. He went to the passage where he had led Freya to and with a spell, put 5 strawberries on the shrine there and sat down, shoulders shuddering as he finally realised his pent up tears that had been building up over the course of the day.

Later that night, Merlin re-entered the castle, and stood for a moment in the courtyard. This was where the death blow was dealt, and he stood silently, head bowed before heading back to his chambers. He lit a candle, and for the rest of the night, engrossed himself with Freya, honouring her memory.

Merlin knew that the next day, everyone will be harassing him for his slip up, and he knew that he will have to make up a half truth. He knew, but for just a moment, one moment, he could pretend, for one precious blissful moment, that he was with his lady of the lake.
And he was happy.

Phew, my first fan fiction! I hope you enjoyed this, and please leave a review as constructive criticism is welcome. I have been debating with myself as to whether I should continue and reveal some of Merlin's secrets or if I should just leave it there. Please it's up to you guys as I am unsure.

Did any of you get the references to Doctor Who and Pride and Prejudiced by any chance?