Castiel

It all started with a teddy bear.

Dean had begged, pleaded for his mother to buy him the brown bear with the long beige coat and blue necktie that had been sitting in the window of the toyshop since he could remember. Ever since he had laid his small, seven-year-old eyes upon the stuffed animal, something had moved him right down to his core and he knew he had to have the toy. His mother hadn't felt the same. For every time they walked past the toyshop she would shake her head and tell Dean that he couldn't have it because she didn't have the money, or because they were in a rush and didn't have time, or because Dean hadn't done his chores or because they weren't there to buy toys that day. There was always some reason why the small boy was pulled away from the window he always pressed his face against, empty-handed and disappointed that he still could not claim the bear as his own and afraid that it might be too late the next time and the bear would be gone.

When he sat in his room at home, and looked around at the two action figures, the legos strewn across the floor, the firetruck and the pair of walkie-talkies he had been given for Christmas, he felt like something was missing. Like his room wasn't complete without that teddy bear in the window sitting next to him; and the strangest thing, was that he didn't know why. He couldn't understand why he wanted it so badly or why his mother could not see his desperation. Something about that bear with it's glassy ocean blue eyes and straight features struck a cord in the little boys heart, and the longer he did not have those ocean blue eyes within reach the more he began to feel a deep-seeded sadness that no little boy should have to feel.

Then one day, when the sky was grey and the wind was blowing fiercely Dean's mother stumbled through the front door carrying a large bag in her hands. She had to use her weight to lean on the door and shut it against the gale, and the noise caused Dean to hear her return and run out of his room down the stairs to greet her. His little feet went as fast as they could go to greet his mother, who was now kicking off her shoes and hanging her bag up on the coat tree. Dean wound around the corner and down the hallway where he caught sight of his mother who was walking in. "Mummy!" he called happily, closing in on her, encircling her legs with his arms and burying his head in her stomach in an excited hug.

"Hello Dean." She smiled down at the small child who was clinging to her.

Dean looked up at his mother and smiled back at her, then pulled away and looked at the bag in her hands. Usually his mother came home with food but he could tell from the size and shape or the bag that it's contents were not edible. "What's in the bag, Mummy?" he asked curiously, standing on his tippy-toes to try and get a peek inside the bag.

His mother bent down and patted Dean's head fondly. "Well, I got some extra money from work recently, and I know that there's a certain toy you've been asking for, for a very long time. You've done all your chores this week, so I think you deserve a reward."

Realisation hit Dean and his face broke out into a huge grin that glowed with elation as his mother reached into the bag and pulled out the teddy with the ocean-blue eyes. She put the teddy in Dean's outstretched hands and watched and he squeezed the bear for all it was worth. "Thank you, Mummy!" He squeaked.

"What are you going to call him?" Dean's mother asked, putting a hand on his shoulder and looking down at the bear.

Dean looked down at the bear and thought for a few seconds. Secretly he always knew what name he was going to give the bear, it had come to him when he had first seen it, like somebody had planted it in his mind. It was the only possible name the bear could have. "Castiel," Dean said softly, holding the bear up to eye level.

His mother raised an eyebrow. "That's an unusual name, where did you hear it?"

"I didn't hear it," Dean said. "But I know that's his name."

The older woman shook her head and stood back up. Kids said the strangest things sometimes. "Well, I have to go and give Sam a bath now so you have fun with Castiel."

Dean nodded and watched his Mother walk down the hall and disappear up the stairs to go and fetch his baby brother for his bath. He glanced down at Castiel and smiled, hugging him to his chest and made his own way upstairs back to his room. When he got there he sat down on his bed and put Castiel in front of him. He ran his fingers over the blue necktie and the coat, and over the soft shaggy velvet-like fur. Castiel felt perfect in his hands, like he was always meant to be in them. I say he, because Dean thought of Castiel as a boy, it seemed to fit better that way. Dean yawned and rubbed his bright green eyes with his small, pudgy fists. He pulled Castiel up to his chest and curled up on his pillow, snuggling the bear to him happily. He couldn't have had a better day.

Dean was now sixteen, and he had long since grown out of his toys. He had thrown away his legos and his firetruck, and he had given his action figures to Sam who still seemed to get some use out of them (although Dean still liked to tease him about being too old for them). He had kept his walkie-talkies, because as he had found out they could be quite useful. He couldn't bring himself to get rid of Castiel; his mother had passed away not long after she had given him to Dean, and the thought of throwing him away or giving him to someone else didn't even bear thinking about (pun intended). Of course he was too old to have a teddy bear lying around in his room, so he had stored Castiel away in his closet, away from judging eyes and dirty hands.

After he had first got the bear he had taken it everywhere with him. When he left the house, Castiel left with him. When he went to the toilet, Castiel came. When he went to dinner, Castiel sat on the table beside him. It was silly, he now thought, that he had felt like he couldn't leave Castiel alone because it would have been unfair on the bear. Like by some inane miracle the bear could actually feel loneliness. Yes, it was all quite ridiculous now, but then a childs mind did tend to make strange beliefs, and even though Dean now didn't feel the need to take the bear with him wherever he went he still retained some of that childlike connection to the inanimate object since he could not part with it. He would, of course, never admit to this, it was far too embarrassing.

Dean was now engrossed by his schooling life, which he despised with ever fibre of his being. He often said the only reason he attended was because his father forced him to go and finish his education. If it were up to him, he would have dropped out some time ago. It was often to his aggravation that he was compared to Sam, who held the exact opposite view to him; his little bother loved school and did quite well in it too, and as a consequence Dean was told to be more enthusiastic like him. This just caused an intense sense of frustration within him, and made him wish that everybody could leave him alone. That, or that he could find somebody who really understood him. By nature Dean was a lone wolf, he tended to stay by himself and mind his own business. He was a flirt, and did like to chat up the ladies, and he also found himself periodically checking up on Sam like a silent guardian which the younger brother knew about and somewhat despised; but other than that he mostly found himself roaming the streets alone, kicking rocks and flipping his cappo lighter open and closed aimlessly. He chose for it to be this way so he didn't resent it, but he did often wish he had a friend or friends that shared things in common with him to break up the monotonous alone time. One thing that carried on from his childhood was the formation of strange beliefs that nobody had necessarily thrust upon him or introduced him to, but that he had gathered himself. Like the belief he held when he was little that his bear could feel loneliness, he had later formed the belief that it was useless making friends or getting into long term relationships in general because something would always tear them apart. He found it a waste of time putting effort into something that was, according to him, pre-destined to fail at some point. So, he simply abstained from long-term relationships under that view, which is what resulted in his loner status.

It was an average day, he had just gotten back from school and had trudged his way up to his room. It had been a fairly standard state of affairs, homework for English, Physical Education and Health and Human Development classes. All of which he planned on ignoring completely. He threw the door of his room open and tossed his bag on the ground next to his bed, knowing he wouldn't touch it again until the next morning. He looked around at the desk and laptop that sat on it, the Batman figurine that sat on his shelf and the various posters of scantily clad women, his favourite 80's rock and metal bands such as Metallica and ACDC and a few horror movies. His room wasn't much to look at, but it was good enough for him.

He briefly thought back to the way his room had looked in his childhood, how much it had changed since then and yet how little it had changed at all. His nostalgia had brought back the memory of his teddy bear that he used to carry around with him. Out of curiosity and a sudden burst of sentimentality he walked over to his closet and began to rummage through it until he found what he was looking for and pulled out the teddy bear he had locked away for so long. It was still in fairly good condition considering it's many travels, and it still had its blue tie and beige coat fully in tact. He took Castiel and sat down on his bed, placing the bear in front of him. He was just as he remembered – slightly scruffy, soft as anything and adorned with huge ocean blue eyes. Dean smiled. If he had to choose, he would have said Castiel was his most treasured possession, as embarrassing as it might have been it was a fact he couldn't deny.

Suddenly nature called for him and Dean felt the need to visit the bathroom. He hopped off his bed and headed to the toilet out in the hall, leaving Castiel on the bed.

It wasn't until some time later that he returned from the toilet, zipping up his fly and securing his belt buckle as he entered the room; meaning he had his head down until he got to his bed, where he looked up and jumped in fright at the sight of a boy about his age with messy brown hair and blue eyes who was wearing a blue necktie and beige trench coat and sitting on his bed in the exact place he had left Castiel. Dean's first instinct was to assume that this must have been one of Sam's friends who had somehow found his way into his room and settled himself in without permission; most likely playing hide and seek or something.

"Hey, who are you and what are you doing in my room? If you're playing hide and seek with Sam go find somewhere else to hide!" Dean looked down at the ground and then scanned the bed and his desk, but he couldn't see Castiel anywhere. "And what have you done with the bear, that was a very important – uh, present for my cousin Sarah…"

The boy on the bed tilted his head to the side questioningly and then looked down at his hands which he turned over several times seeming to be mesmerized by them. Dean watched confused and slightly disturbed as the boy silently studied himself, before said boy finally turned back to him. "Dean?" the boy asked and then touched his throat is surprise, almost as if he had never spoken to somebody else or heard his own voice before.

"Yeah, that's me, Sam's older brother," Dean affirmed, still under the assumption that this boy must have been Sam's friend.

The boy seemed to regain his composure from whatever it was he was feeling and spoke again, this time more confidently. "Dean, it's me! It's Castiel!"

Dean rolled his eyes in frustration. Whatever game this guy was playing was not funny at all. "Alright, wise-guy. If Sam put you up to this go tell him his ass is mine after you're out of here and get out of my freaking room."

"No really," the boy insisted, "I'm Castiel, just look at me."

There was a pause but Dean gave in. he looked the boy up and down. He was wearing the same outfit as the bear, and he did have the same messy brown hair as Castiel's fur. Dean glanced up and met the boys gaze, and then it hit him like a ton of bricks. He would have known those ocean blue eyes anywhere, on a bear or on a boy alike. His own eyes widened and he leaned closer. "It really is you! But how? This isn't possible…"

Castiel's face lit up in happiness at finally being recognised. "I don't know how, but I'm just happy you believe me."

Dean sat down on his bed opposite Castiel and crossed his legs. He reached out a hand and touched the boys face; his skin was soft like velvet, like it had not been touched before. Dean moved his hand up to feel Castiel's hair, again softer than any hair Dean had ever touched before. He ran his hand over the fabric of Castiel's coat and tie. One noticeable difference between the boy and the bear was that underneath the coat and tie the boy had a white shirt and black pants and shoes on, whereas the bear had nothing, not that Dean really cared.

Castiel, finding all of this very new and strange, decided to copy Dean's actions and touched Dean's face as he did his own. Dean's chin was rough with stubble but still fairly smooth; his hair was bristly but soft somehow, and crunchy at the fringe where it had been gelled up. His jacket was old and worn, making it thin but warm to the touch. Unlike Dean, Castiel already knew the feel of Dean well from years of being pressed against him; he was grateful for that, because where everything else had changed he still had something familiar to hold onto. Secretly, he had always yearned to be able to reach back and hold Dean like he had been held for so long - now it seemed his wish was coming true.

Dean took back his hand. "This is so unreal…" The words were murmured in awe.

Castiel uncrossed his legs and moved closer to Dean, wrapping his arms around the boy and nuzzling his head to Dean's chest. Dean, surprised at the action, temporarily froze at the unexpected contact but then loosened up when he remembered that this was essentially his bear hugging him. It was hard to believe that even as he said it in his head. Slowly, he put his arms around Castiel and leaned his head on the boys shoulder. The action felt very natural, like he was always supposed to have Castiel practically sitting in his lap, clinging to him like a lost child. Kind of reminiscent to the feeling he had gotten when he first saw the bear in the window and he knew he had to have it. It was just right, and it was just the way it should be.

After a few minutes Castiel pulled back and grinned at him. Now that the bear could talk, he could finally say the one thing he had been dying to communicate to his owner since he had been handed over by his mother. "I love you, Dean!"

Dean couldn't help the adoring smile that spread over his features. Castiel was so innocent and pure. "I lo-"

"Who are you talking to?" Sam poked his head into Dean's room, cutting off Dean's response to Castiel and drawing his attention away. An amused smirk played on Sam's lips when he caught sight of his brother. "The bear? Really?"

Dean frowned in confusion. "Huh?" He turned back to Castiel to find that he now had the stuffed animal back in his arms and the boy had vanished. Dean whipped his head around but Castiel had really disappeared.

Sam giggled at his brother's strange behaviour. "You okay, man? Well, anyway I'm going to make some dinner and I just wanted to know if you wanted any."

Dean turned back to Sam, still disillusioned and shook his head. "Nah, I'm okay…"

Sam shrugged and continued down the hall, wondering if his brother had been smoking weed inconspicuously without his knowledge.

Meanwhile, Dean looked back down at the bear and scowled. He must have been going crazy. As if his bear could really turn into a human being. In an inexplicable surge of anger Dean stood up and walked back over to his wardrobe, and shoved the bear back in violently. He couldn't believe he let himself daydream such stupid things it was ridiculous. And so Castiel ended up back where he started until he was found yet again.

It wasn't until ten years later that Dean found Castiel again. Now twenty-six, Dean had finished school, moved out of the family home and was renting an apartment. He had packed all his belongings into two suitcases and then thrown them in the back of his Impala without much thought. The last few years of his schooling life hadn't changed much from the previous ones, he still tended to spend most of his time alone and that was what he had grown accustomed to. Now, however, he fund himself in a whole new walk of life, free of the tribulations of the education system and the social agony that seemed to always be coupled with it. He was more than eager to leave home, although his mind still stayed with Sammy, who he assured he would visit regularly to make sure he was still in one piece, and so he had rushed out as soon as the opportunity arose.

Now he almost finished unpacking his belongings in his new home, of which there were considerably few. It was a staple that Dean liked to leave as little a mark as possible wherever he trod; so, he never had many possessions and this had carried through right from his childhood when he only had a few sparse toys on his floor. It was a kind of lucky dip as he plunged his hand into his suitcase and pulled out each item, having no clue what might come next. In a way it was kind of exciting, like these were things he had just bought. That probably had something to do with the new apartment though.

He had been unpacking for the last hour and was already nearly finished. His suitcases were nearly empty and his apartment looked somewhat bare yet fully furnished at the same time. He had already set up his bed and the big furniture; it was just a matter of putting the little stuff away, which he had almost completed. As he reached his hand into one of his suitcases for the umpteenth time, his felt his hand close around something soft and furry. He knew instantly what it was and chuckled when he laid his eyes on the bear. Still, after all these years, Castiel hadn't changed one bit, he only wished he could have said the same thing for himself. Life was so much easier back when Castiel had first come into his life. He still wondered about that strange hallucination he had about Castiel turning into a boy, but he knew that it wasn't real. It had never happened again since that day. Dean thought he must have been very tired to be dreaming things up like that.

He wasn't exactly sure where to put Castiel right now, so he placed him on the bed and decided he would wait until later to find him a permanent spot. He turned around and pulled out the Batman figurine that used to sit on his desk and placed it on the shelf he had put up next to his bed.

"Hello, Dean."

Dean grabbed the Batman figurine and swivelled around, holding the superhero like a defensive weapon. A man with scruffy brown hair, blue eyes, a beige trench coat and a blue necktie sat on his bed, staring at him levelly. Dean stared back at him and lowered the figurine slowly. "Cas? Is that you?"

A small nostalgic smile pulled up the left side of Castiel's mouth and he nodded once. "Yes, it's me."

Dean dropped the figurine. "I thought you were an hallucination. You are a hallucination. You're not here."

"Oh, I'm very much here," Castiel assured. His blue eyes twinkled with amusement. "I disappeared last time because Sam startled me, and then you put me away in the closet."

The now fully-grown man that was Dean Winchester didn't move. "Why are you older now?"

"I grow as you grow," Castiel explained. "Dean, I'm not just a bear."

"I can see that," Dean retorted, gesturing at Castiel's human form.

"No you don't understand." Castiel shook his head. "I'm your guardian angel."

"My guardian angel," Dean repeated. "Yeah right, you don't even have any wings."

"You know you don't have to have wings to be an angel," Castiel informed.

"This can't be happening," Dean said, putting his hands on either side of his head and turning around. "You're not real, I'm loosing it."

"It's true, why do you think you were so attracted to me when you saw me in the window of the toyshop? It's because a child can sense when their guardian angel is near," Castiel continued.

Dean turned back around. "So you were always meant for me? Did you even want to be with me?"

Castiel stood up. "Of course, the angel is as much drawn to the child as the child is to the angel."

"I'm not a child anymore, though, so why are you still here?" Dean asked. It was true that he has needed Castiel when he was younger, and the way Castiel talked acknowledged that, but it didn't explain why he had never left.

There was a pause and Castiel looked down and meshed his hands together. "…I never stopped being drawn to you. I didn't want to leave."

Dean's bravado faded away. He gazed upon the shy, anxious man in front of him and knew that he couldn't tell him to leave, not when he had showed him so much love for so long. Even if it was hard to fathom how this could all possibly be real and not some sort of convoluted dream. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Castiel, burying his face in the crook of his neck like he had the last time they had embraced. "It's okay, Cas. You can stay."

"Really?" Castiel asked, glancing to the side at the back of Dean's head since his face was beyond his peripheral vision.

Dean retracted his head slightly but didn't remove his arms from around Castiel. "Of course, and for the record I love you too, man. I never got to tell you last time."

A smile broke out over Castiel's face and he threw his arms around Dean's neck and pulled him in to a warm kiss. Dean didn't fight back or resist because he was enjoying receiving it as much as Castiel was enjoying giving it. Like the first time his mother had handed Castiel over, Dean was filled with a surplus of elation and excitation.

Castiel was back in his arms again, and this time Dean was never letting him go.

~The End~

Hey guys, hope you liked this fic. You know my inspiration for this was kind of weird. I was playing the Sims 3 and one of my families had a baby so I bought a teddy bear, and in the game you can name the teddy bear and I named it Castiel. Then it spawned this whole idea of Dean having a teddy bear named Castiel, and things just kind of expanded from there.

This story isn't supposed to follow canon and is basically an AU where Dean has a fairly normal life. I also acknowledge that I made Cas a bit OOC but I had to for the purposes of this fic.

Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed reading!

Until next time!

Amber***