"You don't have to walk me home you know? I can still manage as much" Nagisa had insisted he'd go with him when they left the studio.

"Why do you say it like that Mako-chan? You could just say "thanks for being such a good friend" like a normal person would"

"Was that an impersonation of me? Please don't go into voice acting" Makoto said with a smile, he was really thankful for Nagisa being there, even if he didn't say it all the time.

"Whatever, I just want to make sure you don't get hit by a truck while you're all moping around... plus I need to use your bathroom"

"Why didn't you go at the studio?"

"BECAUSE... I forgot" Nagisa added with a chuckle and Makoto sighed but smiled anyway.

His apartment was still a mess, not that he expected it to have gotten magically clean while he was away but being away made him realize just how bad it was. He flopped on the bed as Nagisa used the toilet. He had put a kettle to make some tea, he at least still remembered how to be a good host even if he didn't remember how to pick a broom or wash his clothes.

He didn't feel like standing up though, he felt tired and stupid.

He closed his eyes and he just... tried not to think of all the things his brain was feeding him, but try as he may it was a fight he was doomed to lose. And so his backstabbing mind, proceeded to display the earlier events one by one for him to dissect and discover just another fantastic way in which he had fucked things up.

Soon he was not only remembering the way a third of the blood in his body decided to camp on his face, but how Haru had seen that, and how he had no other explanation for it than "Well you see Haru, you were… looking good"

And don't forget when you told him that he moving away felt like a break up Makoto! Adding the detail of how you cried for weeks was very needed yes, that's never an awkward thing to say to someone you haven't seen over a decade. But don't worry! It was only a chance you have been waiting for since you couldn't spot the backside of that train no more, which by the way is not weird at all, it's perfectly normal to never move on from a childhood friendship

"Makoto… Makoto!" Nagisa's voice brought him back to reality and just then did he notice the whistle of the kettle angrily demanding for attention.

Crap

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" He rose with a jump and ran to the small corner that signaled the kitchen. As he proceeded to pour the water and tried not think of how a god damn substance now reminded him Haruka , Nagisa came into view.

"Are you ok?" The unusual lack of excessive volume in his friends voice took him by surprise and the automatic "I'm fine" was suddenly stuck in his throat.

"I don't know" He frowned, his friend frowned and they both listened to sound of the tea bags bouncing in the water until Nagisa finally spoke.

"Nothing lasts forever Mako" the lack of chan made him grimace. "Not even identity crisis"

"You think I'm having an identity crisis?" That was something that took him aback; he was just coming out of a break up, and since when Nagisa spoke so seriously?

"Well I've never seen you like this, and no offense but she wasn't the love of your life or anything like that, and you never got like this after a break up, I think it's something else" His friend took his cup and looked around for a seat, since every surface was overflowing with things he settled to lean on the counter and gave Makoto a serious look. It was starting to freak him out.

"You're not like this Mako, no matter how ugly things get you always bounce back! You never feel discouraged and you never get this insecure! I think…" Nagisa bit his lip and Makoto could tell he was unsure of whether to continue or not so he nodded in encouragement

"I know you probably don't need more to think right now, but, I think you might have reached your limit" At seeing Makoto's confused faced he gestured to his head "You know your limit? When you have had it? When you can't just smile and be nice and pretend nothing is wrong? Pretend it's ok if no one ever gives you something back, I think you're doubting your whole approach on life and that's why you're… like this"

"I think you're overreacting a little" Nagisa sighed at that.

"Ok Mako-chan I won't say anything else, but you know, you can't always hide behind a smile"

"I'm not smiling right now Nagisa, I'm not pretending to be happy" He didn't really understand where Nagisa was coming from. He was telling him that there was something wrong with him because he wasn't his usual smiley self yet he was telling him not to smile?

"Yes, because you're with me" he gave a sad smile and it just felt completely wrong on Nagisa's face "Look, never mind Mako-chan! You must be tired, you should rest go go! Take a nap" And just like that he was back to his usual self, shooing him to the bed.

"But what.. you're still here! What? Nagisa!"

"Don't mind me mako-chan! Come on aren't you sleepy?"

"DID YOU PUT SOMETHING ON MY TEA AGAIN?"

"Come on Mako-chan! I wouldn't drug you… again!" He added with a devilish smirk "it was just a long day and I know you're dying for me to leave so you can brood about Haru-chan, and as your friend I can't allow you to do that so I won't go until you're snoring"

"that's not… "

"what? true?"

"And Haru-chan?! Really?"

"That still surprises you? Really?" Ugh, he wasn't winning this. He should just accept Nagisa's weird way of helping him and give in like he always did, why did he still bother putting up a fight?

"Ok fine… thanks" He headed to his bed defeated as Nagisa tried to vacate a chair to make himself comfortable.

"And no fake snores Mako-chan! I can tell the difference"

"That's kinda creepy Nagisa"

"Rei does it all the time to try and get away from sex"

"I DON'T WANNA KNOW ABOUT THAT!"

He must have fallen been asleep in no time because the next thing he knew he was coming back from a dreamless state lured by the smell of something utterly delicious… and were those munching sounds?

"Good morning Mako-chan!" Nagisa said in between giant pizza bites, seemingly unaware that it was dark out.

"What time is it?" He must have slept too long.

"Late, but here grab a piece of pizza now or regret it later" Makoto eyed the already empty container and the half eaten one and hurried before the tyrannosaur rex in his living room proceeded to devour it… container and all.

But doing so he noticed there were something slightly out of place and that was… there was nothing out of place.

"YOU CLEANED MY ROOM?" Maybe his reaction was a bit exaggerated but so was the notion of Nagisa cleaning

"I just couldn't stand it anymore, even I have a limit… by the way it's ok to say thanks Mako-chan" The blond continued eating as if it wasn't a big deal.

"Buy you don't clean"

"I do for Mako-chan!" And with a wink and a bright smile Makoto felt his vision blur a little.

"Nagisa…"

"Plus now you owe me one" of course… he should have guessed Nagisa wouldn't do something like cleaning a mess of titanic proportions just out of the goodness of his heart.

"You have something in mind" He could have fought more but he had already fought Nagisa too much that day and his room looking inhabitable again was worth paying a price.

"Come to the shoot next week"

not any price though.

"We discussed this" Makoto brought his hand to his temple, please, he knew he always caved to Nagisa, he didn't want to cave to this.

"No we didn't! you just said no, it's not a discussion until you say yes!"

"Nagisa! That's not how it works! And why does this mean so much to you?"

"Because it means a lot to you! So no arguing"

Makoto groaned and flopped back to his bed.

A week sure goes by pretty fast when you are wishing for time to freeze and never move again.

And so before he knew it Makoto found himself leaning against the studio wall again, dreading that any second now Haru would walk through the door and make him reverse millions of years of evolution just to experience the struggle of a caveman trying to use speech for the first time.

had gotten there early; Makoto didn't mind, at least he had some time to prepare himself. He didn't feel like having an audience at the moment he got to see Haru.

The strange thing was that for how anxious he was about seeing his old friend his mind wasn't replaying their last encounter but it kept going back to his little chat with Nagisa from the previous week. Before the blond bastard had proceeded to sentence him to death, he had said some pretty confusing things. Neither had brought up the subject again. In fact Nagisa seemed to be downright pretending everything was completely normal.

But what if the blond demon was right? What if he really was having an identity crisis? What was even the solution to that? It's not like one can change their personality, don't people always tell you to be yourself? Being nice to people wasn't an approach to life for him, it was what came naturally. Doing things for his own benefit without measuring their effect to others was not something he could do, never. He wouldn't even know how not to be nice. Sure he wasn't being his usual nice self now, but that was part of the reason why he felt bad, because he felt off, everything felt off.

"Hi there!" A cheerful feminine voice made him jump. People seemed to catch him off guard far too often lately.

"He-Hello" A beautiful red-haired lady was smiling to him and when his brain cells finally made the connection whatever calm he had managed to collect went flying out the window, she was the woman who was with Haru before.

"My name is Kou Matsuoka; you are Makoto-san right?" The girl offered a hand and it took him a minute to understand what she wanted.

"Um Yes" He accepted the unusual greeting and was a bit surprised by the girl's strong grip; it didn't fit her petite form at all.

"Sorry, I deal with foreigners a lot so it's an acquired habit haha" She laughed and there was something soothing about it, which was good because her energetic demeanor put him a little on edge. "Anyway I'm Haru's manager I hear you're a childhood friend of his! It's so good that you could make it to the shoot again! I'm sure Haru will be pleased to see you again! He felt bad about having to leave early the other time" He wasn't sure if it was the rush of words or their meaning what made his pulse go erratic but he couldn't help a surprised yelp

"He-he did?"

"Yes! and that was my fault! He didn't want to do the other job, he doesn't like running around but I pushed so don't be mad at him ok? It's just that with Haru you have to mark a rhythm otherwise he'd just jump into a pool and try to get him out then! Such a troublesome client!"

Makoto gave a nervous chuckle at that, but couldn't help to feel a great sense of relief at knowing that all the time that passed had not managed to take change Haru that much. Him being a model had been enough of a surprise to make him seem like a complete different person, someone who wouldn't want to hang out with an average guy like Makoto. But old Haru wasn't so intimidating no. He let that thought give him a renewed confidence.

"I could have more clients, most managers do! But Haru amounts for eight of them!" The girl kept on rambling, she seemed like she had had a stressful week and was in some dire need of venting, even to a complete stranger, or maybe she was always like that. She went on until…

"So you're talking behind my back again? … Gou" Oh crap Makoto's heart recognized the voice before his brain did and it was doing weird things in his chest. But all he could see was the girl turning around furious.

"Don't you dare mispronounce my name right now Haru! I swear I'll book you for all week and I'll even say yes to that talk show invitation!" at that Haru turned his head to the side and the corner of Makoto's lips turned upwards without permission. Yes… Haru hadn't changed.

"Just.. talk to your friend Makoto-san here before they call you for makeup I'm going to find something to drink" She turned towards Makoto and excused herself with a charming smile. To think she just had the scariest angry face a second ago. She was a scary lady.

The little exchange had made him forget his situation for a second but when he turned his sight from Kou to Haru again reality hit him like a brick. The blue eyed boy was already watching him, and not with his trademark "I don't care about anything" look but he seemed to be… angry?

Suddenly Makoto's worries came rushing back

"You're back" His tone of voice didn't show any sign of well… anything but how should he know? Was his presence bothering Haru? The thought almost sent him into panic.

"Yeah… Nagisa insisted and It's hard to say no to that" bum! Wrong answer! Haru was frowning at that.

"I see… did Kou say anything to you?"

"About you? She was complaining a little haha" There, he was searching for the back of his head once again.

"I see… don't listen to her she's crazy" And just like that Haru was smirking, he was about to tell him that wasn't a nice thing to say when Haru added a "I'm glad you're here though" turning his head to the side.

And it was all he needed for his body to be filled with air; ever expanding air slowly filling everything inside and lifting him up, chasing every other feeling away.

"ah you are?" what was this? What has this feeling of floating? His voice sounded sedated even to himself but he couldn't care, he was flying.

"Yeah, aren't you?" Haru's tone sent him rushing down though.

"Yeah of course! I'm… glad" Yes, he was.

They just stared at each other. Was the silence supposed to be awkward? Was he being a creep? He couldn't tell anymore, he felt… at ease somehow and the feeling felt familiar, like a de ja vu.

"Mako-chan! Haru-chan!" Nagisa's voice broke them from their silent exchange, Haru snapping his head towards the blond.

"Don't add chan to my name"

"Such hostility!" Nagisa's words and his tone didn't match at all, he sounded extremely amused.

"So say Haru-chan they are ready for your makeup! But Gou-chan said you aren't doing anything else later so why don't we all go for drinks later! We can get to know each other and you and Mako-chan can catch up!" Makoto looked at his friend horrified, this wasn't happening, what… he didn't even know how to feel about it, first Nagisa interrupted them and now he was inviting himself along but… he was also giving him an excuse to see Haru outside the studio, they could talk in a more laid back environment and catch up and…

"Why should I go with you?" Ok maybe he was being too hopeful.

"Oh what a meanie! Well at least go with Mako-chan he's lonely!"

"NAGISA!" that's it, the blond just outdid himself.

"Oh look Rei-chan needs me bah-bye!" And like that the freaking traitor sprang away, he actually sprang.

"I'm so sorry Haru, don't mind Nagisa he just has no boundaries and says whatever the hell he wants really" he was about to start bowing, he couldn't even look Haru in the eye now.

"It's ok, as long as he doesn't tag along"

What? Did Haru? Did Haru just … ? He could feel himself levitating again.

"R-really?"

Haru just shrugged and looked to the side.

Was that an earthquake in his chest?

Then the dolphin boy walked away to the make up station, not without a last glance and a "see you later then"